The Cart Before The Ponies
Additional contributions by MixMassBasher
Dear Miss Cheerilee,
How often has real physics ever played a part in our show? You should be teaching them "real" physics.
Master of cartoon physics,
Pinkie Pie
Dear Pinkie Pie,
If we used "real" physics, I highly doubt any of us, you most of all, would be here right now.
Is that what you really want?
-Cheerilee
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
Why couldn't you be here to start the event with you being the princess of friendship with benefits and all?
Signed,
Miss Cheerileeder
Dear Miss Cheerileeder,
Blame my stupidass mentor. This time Princess Celestia wanted me to go and help to with the friendship summit between the dragons. What the actual fuck!
Signed,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. I can pull off that cheerleader outfit better.
Dear Dinky,
Don't join the derby this year my little muffin. Let your brother Clumsy Hooves do it. Nopony knows your brother and I are related yet.... Cause there may be a certain stir crazed white unicorn who may be after you as I won 1st place for creativity in the Applewood Derby not too long ago...
I just don't know what went wrong...
Queen of the Derpy Derby,
Derpy/Ditzy Doo/Bright Eyes/Muffins....
Dammit Hasbro!!!
Dear Rarity,
See you in last place you overgrown marshmallow!!! I'm We're taking first place for sure!!!
The Fast and The Furious,
Rainbow Dash & Scootaloo
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Remember The Running of the Leaves? We tied for last that time. I highly doubt you'll win this time. And I'll We're be winning with the most traditional cart.
Applejack & Apple Bloom
Dear Applejack,
While I can agree to the notion of the need to uphold tradition... Get with the times!! It's all about the now, the wow and the pow!!!
I'll We'll be win for sure with my our magnificent cart.
Rarity & Sweetie Belle
Dear CMC,
My advice would be to just switch with each other just before the derby started. I'd doubt your sisters would notice at all with them being wrapped up in their own disillusion of glory. Problem solved and the competition will be equal and fair for each and every pony.
Your Friend,
Starlight Glimmer
Dear Starlight,
Are you kidding? Fair? This is cart racing. It's not about fair. It's about whipping out the red shells on the last quarter of the last lap.
-CMC
THE FOAL FREE PRESS
CRAZY CART RACE CRASHED!!!
The recent Applewood Derby has had seen better days.... The race started out without a problem before the inevitable collision between three carts. Carts were overturned and broken beyond repair, many foals were injured and there were a lot of disgruntled fans on the race being delayed. The reason? Well, you can thank three ponies for that... whom shall remain unnamed despite our better judgement and also the improper mapping of the race itself. Seriously why in Tartarus is the roads crisscrossed? Well... at least this crash wasn't caused by Pokemare Go players this time... What's with that anyway? Everypony knows Ponymon Tamers is the best!
-Guilbloom, Terrierbelle, and Renaloo
Those celestia-damn blue shells crashed our carts!!!
-Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Rarity
They. Are! Not! Your!! CARTS!!!
-CMC
Dear Rainbow Dash,
It's go cart racing not bumper cars. Are you trying to get somepony killed?
Annoyed,
Miss Cheerileeder
Dear Spectators,
What the hell was that? We rehearsed this. It's Giddyup DERPY racers, not derby racers! This is going to be my brand!
Sincerely,
Derpy Hooves
Dear "Derpy",
Not according to Hasbro. Stick to baking goods.
Of the muffin variety.
Sincerely,
Derby Race Spectators
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There was plenty of room for a Wacky Races joke in this chapter.
7510634 While I try to bring in older references, I think I can speak for both myself and Mix when I say that's waaaay before our time, lol.
"GO! GO! GO!" The background ponies screamed as the carts past by.
"Can't we go any faster?!" Apple Bloom screamed.
"Faster? Don't be silly. This is perfect!" Applejack exclaimed.
Apple Bloom groaned in exasperation.
Suddenly piano can be heard...
Apple Bloom started singing...
It's at this point that Scootaloo started singing as well...
Now, Sweetie Belle was singing the last verse...
CRASH!!!!
7510637 True True
Damn right!
I have a PhD in cartoon physics.
She was taking advantage of those benefits. Poor Ember and Grackles, they will never be the same.
She has a very good point.
Bob-Bon knows your pain my wall-eyed sweetling.
A wiser and better friend than canon Twilight.
Nah. It's about firing off the green shells behind you one Lap 1 and dodging them for the rest of the race.
Early in the race the road took them to the edge of a cliff, I'm surprised no-one fell off the embankment.
Where the living HELL do unicorn horns go when they put on helmets?
Trixie was right about wheels all along, did anyone doubt this?
7510637 The older references are always the best, though.
Also, 28 Horrible Review and Terrible Zombies Ponies is next. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with that, as I absolutely HATED that episode with a burning passion.
Keep up the good work!
Huh. Dinky being kept out of the race to protect her from marshmallow vengeance? I like it.
Also, I'm going to have to add Marshmallow Vengeance to my list of potential band names.
I still don't get why Cheerileader gets more sexy art than greasemonkey Applejack and Rarity.
7510795 Seriously. The amount of Cheerileader art I had to sift through was astounding.
What, no followup about Rarity blocking the track with her swan wings? I'm sure Cheerileeder would have a few choice words about THAT as well?
Dear Cheerilee,
Don't blame us for that pileup at the intersection, it was inevitable if one cart got too far ahead of the pack. And if that's against the rules, we'll have to blast you with rainbows, unfortunately we can't spend another two-parter dealing with a pony obsessed with equality. If we see you handing out participation trophies, your ass is grass!
-Mane 6
7510634 Applejack : "Let's see, there's zebras, griffins, donkeys, Saddle Arabians, unicorns.... Oh, you mean the OTHER kind of wacky races."
7510683 no no no ponymon savers is better
A reference to the fic, Inner Glory?
That... actually makes a lot of sense.
Was that a Turnabout Storm reference? I've been waiting for one.
Every time I see Trixie with any of the CMC, I think of something really, really bad.
Also, I love that jab at how the mares constantly state what they want over and over again. Sheesh, we get it!
I am not sure that the "be" should be there. Also, you may want to hyphenate or put an em dash between "I'll We'll" and "my our" depending on whether Rarity is being all inclusive(hyphen) or correcting herself(em dash).
Either "baking" or "baked goods".
My dearest Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle,
I know you would have loved the Apple Wood Derby. Remember the last time you went go kart racing? You enjoyed it so much that you commissioned Garfunkel and Oates to write a song about it. However they had already written one similar to the one you wanted.
Did you ever get a refund?
Signed your loyal slave and your professional Georgia O'Keeffe flower arranger,
Neko Majin C.
~KBO.
7510795 As Cheerilee being in a cheerleader outfit is the last thing you will ever expect.
I didn't think they'd have to worry about anyone playing Ponymon Go because so many have gotten bored with it and stopped playing it. Honestly, I'm not surprised; it was more of a fad than a revolutionary game.
7510933 Now that would be interesting.
7510808 I'm more surprised that there weren't that many fanfics that spawned from Cheerleader as well.
7511117 This chapter would come out the day I started rewatching Savers... And yes, Savers is better then Tamers, but top 2 easily.
ha it's funny cuz... wait a second...
SOYOU'RETHEFU-
7512255
Losing 20% of the playerbase in 4 weeks vs. losing 70% of the playerbase in 4 days (the average for a free to play game) is an outstanding success when it comes to mobile games.
You had a lot of fun with this episode, I can tell.
Considering the track they used, it's a wonder Cheerilee needed to bother with 'Reginald the Sly'.
The only element that truly qualifies as Wacky Racing would be the wings on that swan cart. Everything else screamed mememememeeee!!!
And seriously? How nopony needed to be hauled to the emergency room is mindboggling.
That pic with AA!Trixie just made me realize that so far in the series, she's been mostly right in her judgment of wheels. A wheel going out in this show is never anything short of an absolute catastrophe.