Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Rainbow Rocks
Dear Princess Celestia,
Hey, one of these books that survived the destruction of Golden Oaks was glowing and vibrating. I think your preferred former student is trying to text you. Should we go see what she wants?
Cordially,
Princess Twilight
Dear Princess Twilight,
Why are you writing me? I really don't care what you do anymore. That's why I made you a Princess and gave you a "kingdom".
Besides, even if I gave a fuck what Sunset was up to over there, the portal won't open for another year. Unless you want Luna to speed up the moon, which could fuck up like, everything here.
Reluctantly,
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
Actually, this book of yours contains some kind of magic. I'm pretty sure I could hardwire it to the mirror and open the portal whenever we wanted.
Twilight,
Do whatever the fuck you want. It's bad enough that I have to care about that stupid portal every two years, so why would I want to care about it sooner than that? Whatever you're thinking about doing, leave me out of it, and for My sake, hide any bodies.
-Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Twilight,
So, things have been weird since that whole she-demon thing. The student body resents me for what I did back during the fall formal. My few friends keep reminding me of what I did during the fall formal. So, my day-to-day pretty much consists of, "Sunset, remember when you used to be a bitch?"
So we got three new girls at school, and I was assigned to show them around. They got a little defensive when I asked about their pearl necklaces. They acted a lot like me when I first... Oh shit.
So that's when I dug out my texting book to get some help. Before we know it, you come tumbling out of the portal.
Sirens? Are you sure they're not something else? Like evil seaponies? Then they hypnotized everyone with their singing. Yep, sirens. Evil seapony sirens.
I'm really surprised that screaming "Friendship is magic!" didn't activate your rainbow rape lasers. Did you check the batteries?
So instead of making you take the most intellectual bed in history, Pinkie called for a sleepover. I'm amazed how fast you convinced everyone that a naked pillow fight would be fun. I do think it was rather rude of Rainbow to just sleep in Pinkie's bed like that. Last I checked, you don't take the host's bed.
So I come down to raid the fridge, because I've been trying very hard to study friendship and that's what friends do; eat all your food and then go to the spare bedroom with the whip cream.
It turns out Equestria's newest princess can't write counter-spells. Huh. Who else did Celestia pass up before she chose you as her prized pupil? Your singing is pretty terrible too. Tell you what, I think I just need to start singing in your place, how about that?
Another thing - the band is called The Rainbooms. How do they know what a rainboom even is in this world?
So the battle of the bands began, and we had to hide our magic until the finals. I still don't know why we didn't try the magic from this world. Want to know what kind of magic we have here? One is called a Colt Single Action revolver, and it comes with six spells. You just point it at the problem you need to solve and pull the trigger. Simple as that.
Did Trixie even plan on getting to the finals? Because, she kinda performed the same song as she did in round 1. Don't you need different songs?
In order to win this battle, clearly we were going to need the greatest and best song in the world. We would have been pretty much out of luck, but luckily right at that moment, Vinyl rolls up with Optimus Bass. That still wasn't enough, because they revealed their siren forms and were all like "shoo shoo be doo motherfuckers". So I took off my jacket. The cold never bothered me anyway. Now it was time for this Sunset to really shimmer!
Oh, so we're just gonna let them run off? We aren't gonna violate them with offer them the magic of friendship? Did I get off lucky or something? I love how their on-key singing was also attached to their evil magic.
I'm glad I got in the band, and could play in Fluttershy's song. To be honest, it was better than most of Rainbow's "look at me I'm an attention whore" songs.
Shame you couldn't stay longer. I was hoping we could make out. But you probably do that with the pony versions of your friends already. Let me tell you, it's much better as a human.
Sincerely,
Sunset Shimmer
Dear Applejack and Rainbow Dash,
No more sleepovers until you learn to respect my personal property.
That means not whacking the game console when you're losing, Rainbow.
Sincerely,
Pinkie Pie
Dear Pinkie Pie,
Sorry about that. I have to convince Applejack to not be a fucking camping bitch.
-Rainbow
Dear Rainbow Dash,
It's a legitimate strategy.
Get good.
-AJ
Dear Trixie,
Not a bad song. If not for the fate of the world, you totally should have won.
Just a word of advice, if you're going to sing a song called "Tricks Up My Sleeve", maybe you should have gone with something other than a sleeveless dress.
- The Rainbooms
Dear Blueberry Pie,
Needs more cowbell.
- Derpy
Dear Flash,
Don't feel so bad. Doesn't matter how much you practice, you're not gonna be the next Dave Mustang. Sorry, someone had to say it.
-Twilight
Dear Twilight,
Yeah, sorry about getting angry with you and everything. It was the sirens.
Their singing caused quite the shipwreck.
-Flash
PACO'S TACOS
APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENTLast Name: Dusk First Name: Sonata
Position Applying For: Taco Mascot Wage Desired: 2 Tacos / hr, for realzies
You had me at the job application. XD
Awww, no letters to/from Vinyl and/or Octavia?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Could you have Twilight and Sunset be penpals? And what about Maud?
Campers. The worst kind of gamers you'll ever meet. And it's not just in Call of Duty that you'll find them.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/8/19/702964.jpg
and here is where I would put my witty response
IF I HAD CARED ENOUGH TO WATCH THE MOVIE~
5198729
But it's a legitimate strategy!
Meh, online PvP will always have those who use the best possible strategy just so they can have bigger numbers than yours. It's a fact of life.
5198765 Eh, you didn't miss too much. It was better than the first movie, but not by much.
God, I fucking hated that movie.
Like an original novel, the FiMfic parody is better.
-cough cough- smash bros-cough cough-
One of the things I thought was alright about the movie was that the enemies were monsters that used music and sound to their advantage. Makes the concept of Spontaneous Musical Numbers a lot more believable and enjoyable.
5198779
Is it because of the naked pillowfights?
Personally the "shoo shoo be doo motherfuckers" line is what got me.
Well I'm pretty sure disgruntled Twilight will now find a way to go back many times due to Sunset's offer. Naked Pillow fight.... yep that was probably at least one dream of her's coming true.
Also the job application was great!
Naked pillow fight with the main six and Sunset?
OH MY GOSH THAT IS MY FAVORITE
NO WAIT, IT'S THIS ONE
31.media.tumblr.com/c14065c3f0d033a3be61b7eb3ec03cea/tumblr_myibp0hkUY1rkabdso1_250.gif
I'm sorrynot sorryFOR REAL, TRIXIE
OH MY GOD
THIS IS IT. THIS ONE WINS.
Well, that was quite fun and entertaining.
"One."
"-"
The Glorious Princess Twilight Sparkle is always in a better mood when she comes back from the mirror. It makes me happy to see my Princess in a good humor. She really deserves all the happiness in the multiverse. And with that mirror, she can take over the other world as well as her own. It will not be long before we will be addressing her addressing her as Princess Twilight Sparkle, Sovereign of the Multiverse. Ruling over two worlds simultaneously may seem difficult to you, but that is only because you do not have Princess Twilight Sparkle, Sovereign of the Multiverse's insight. It will be a simple matter for her.
KBO.
Wait what's that about a naked pillow fight? Oh my gosh, that would be the best deleted scene ever!
That Sea Ponies joke was the best!
I have no comment other than that you delivered exactly what I expected from you regarding that movie.
Which, itself, was a lot better than the first one.
5199113
They deleted that scene at your theatre? At mine it was shown in glorious big screen. BTW Fluttershy won
Welp, Shimmer and Twi can make out any time now. Get on that, Miles, time for another side story.
5198908 *sleeveless Trixie* Yeah, that bugged the hell out of me.
And yeah, when Sunset Stripper took off her jacket:
Me: Helllllllllllllo~!
5198692
Wage desired? Best.
: Well you know I was like "Let's call it The Rainbows!" because it's my band! But then I realized my name is girly and not awesome and that sorta launched me into an existential crisis for a bit. But then I just asked Pinkie...
: It just needed more EXPLOSIONS!
: Yeah, she helped finalize the name.
5199460 For realzies!
5199258 Ha! It hasn't even been to my theatre yet, in fact it isn't coming at all. I'm in Australia, and in my state only two theatres are getting it and they're both in the capital city. It's coming in late November, cause apparently they're too lazy to ship it here any faster, bastards. I had to torrent it.
I liked this one, like, a lot. I split my sides in several places. But, Sunset writing to Twilight about events she was already there for seems redundant.
Meh, I'm thinking about this too hard.
Well, this was entertaining, and as usual, Sunset is better than Twilight. Speaking of Frozen, *clears throat* Sunset is better than Twilight, guys (Mane Six) don't you think I'm right?
Yes Twilight will beat you, and hurt you and rape you, and Sunset can sing all night.
Thanks. But Twilight has more wings than Sunset, guys, don't you think that's true?
Of course it's true, she's still nicer than you.
You got me, let's call it a night.
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Excellently done. Definitely worth the wait. Also:
This is exactly why I call that girl Blue Oyster.
If you're paying attention, Rainbow and Pinkie were in Pinkie's bed.
Which greatly pleased the shipper in me.
Yeah, I completely lost my shit right there. Made me think of Samuel L. Jackson for soon reason. Damn near shot milk out my nose.
Oho! Nicely done!
Nothing about Maude scaring the hell out of Sunset? For shame. Still, Love the Optimus Bass thing and "shoo shoo be doo motherfuckers"
Why doesn't Flash want corndogs instead of Tacos?
Ha! Shipwreck! You, sir, are a genius
I wanted to see Twilight's response to Sunset's letter just to see how Twilight will react to a letter that was written to her like a journal like "I know all of that, I was there, you didn't need to remind me" or something like that.
Colt Single Action is best spell.
5199699 Don't feel bad. Wait until they release "Rainbow Rocks Unrated Version". It should have all the deleted scenes, including the one where the sirens raped Sunset Shimmer.
Dear Celly:
Why exactly do you need a vibrating book? I thought you had more than enough sex slaves to satisfy you
Sincerely, your best buddy Discord.
Dear Pinkie:
Please tell me when you have sleepovers. Boulder couldn't sleep.
Your sister, Maud.
Dear Aria:
Let's blow this Taco Stand.
Sincerely: Adagio Dazzle.
P.S.: Get the camera ready. I want to preserve the moment when Sonata's heart breaks for all eternity.
Does Fluffle Puff already work at Paco's Tacos? If so, Sonata Dusk will have some serious mascot competition. Not to mention Fluffle Puff's contribution of the soft shelled hard shell taco.
Well. Fucking. Played.
5201041 *Hug*
That taco application.
--Sollace
moar plz
5198729
HADOKEN HADOKEN HADOKEN HADOKEN SHORYUKEN!