Sisterhooves Social
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Sisterhooves Social
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I thought I'd surprise Rarity with breakfast in bed and a visit from her parents. (And apparently it's my fault for ruining the surprise for believing the house was on fire. Then she seemed offended that I wouldn't let her help because she nearly burned the house down the first time.) Our mom and dad were going on vacation, so they were dropping me off at Rarity's for a week. We were both preoccupied with squeezing activities into our schedule that we didn't notice the carriage mom and dad left in crash and burn.
So I tried to help out around the house (she should really learn to HELP, and not fuck everything up) but Rarity just seemed to not be satisfied with anything I did. I mean, she wants me to clean up the kitchen, but DOESN'T want me to clean her inspiration room, calling the mess “organized chaos” (yeah, so it was kinda cool when Discord ruled for a few days. I mean, come on, he made me horny for a rock, so I like to remind myself of that chaos. How else do you suggest I do that? Collect seven different colored gems?).
So after all these mishaps, Rarity sent me outside for a few hours, (actually, I kicked her out and told her to find somewhere else to live.) Applebloom showed me a flyer that she was littering around town for the Sisterhooves Social, and thought it would be a great idea for Rarity and me to participate. I came back (after I told her not to) and showed her, and she shot me down. So I told her to fuck off and I went back to Sweet Apple Acres to help them with chores and get ready for tomorrow's festivities.
While I was there, I realized Applebloom was quite excellent at belching. While I watched Applejack and her do the farm chores, I'm sure Rarity was busy making outfits for Ponyville's whores. (Actually, that's correct. I was making five separate outfits, each one a separate color. Some of my clients were having an orgy with Rainbow Dash, and that's what she requested.) It was quite a fun day with some ponies that were more rustic. (When I realized that I didn't have someone to fetch things for me, I decided to go get Sweetie Belle back. Besides, if Twilight has a helper, I deserve one too. By the way, sorry about swearing in your name about never being sisterless again. After all, I know you're not the best person to swear sister issues to. Seeing as you were...um, sisterless for a millenium. But when I got to their campfire, Sweetie Belle had disowned me.)
(So because I wasn't going to be replaced with a bunch of ruffians, I needed to get dirty and reduce myself to their simple ways for just a day.) So the next day, I was ready to watch the race, when Applejack and Applebloom decided to let me have AJ as my sister for a day. For only 2000 bits, too! What a deal! (Applejack and I had secretly decided to collaborate to get Sweetie Belle out of her hair and back into my boutique. I was kinda surprised Sweetie Belle didn't notice the difference, because, you know, our eyes take up 60% of our face.) I was amazed we got away with cheating with the egg. Instead of carrying one each, we balanced one between the two. But we jumped too early, so we didn't win. But then I realized why. I was racing with Rarity. So of course half of my team sucked.
Your loyal subjects,
Sweetie Belle (and Rarity)
P.S. We were pretty caught up in the heat of the race, but now that we think of it, Granny Smith should really get that eye looked at.
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"...because, you know, our eyes take up 60% of our face"
It's the little throwaway lines like this that make this great.
"so I like to remind myself of that chaos. How else do you suggest I do that? Collect seven different colored gems?"
I see what you did there, and approve.
So much witchcraft in this one. I love it.
Really, Squeaky Belle! Such language!
joystickdivision.com/sonic3.jpg
Oh god, the laughter, it won't stop.
I never thought I'd see Sweetie Belle use that language, and it was hilarious. Great read, keep it up.
Seven colored gemstones... milesprower06... I see what you did there, and I like it.
I'm sure there's a referential reason why Rainbow wanted five whores wearing color-coded outfits...but I can't for the life of me figure out what it is. Best guesses are either the other five of them, or Dash has a Power Rangers fetish. Or I'm overthinking it. Also a possibility.
1373388
She has rainbow hair.
I know right?!
She got stabbed in the eye with that megaphone!
1373420 Well, yeah...but wouldn't that necessitate seven hookers? Or at least six, since rainbows seem to leave out a color in this universe?
So apparently, some of Twilight's friends have very active sex lives. That makes the irony of her being so sexually frustrated all the more delicious.
"...so I like to remind myself of that chaos. How else do you suggest I do that? Collect seven different colored gems?"
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb0zzokSDt1rhaohoo2_500.gif
Red Devil - Yngwie Malmsteen's Rising Force
It took me a few paragraphs to realize that Rarity was speaking the parenthetical lines, but loved it after that... Sweetie Belle! Language!
1373478
I fully agree with your sentiment.
Ah, yes. Not even being Best CMC can overcome the handicap of being paired with Worst Poni.
Sweetie Bell has one hell of a mouth.
Also, I had a hard time figuring out who was talking at the beginning. Don't know if that was intentional, just thought I should mention it.
Ah geez how was Rarity able to write in Sweetie's letter like that? Did she took the letter and wrote on it before sending it out to Celestia? Also man everyone and including the kids are vulgar.
1373582
I think it's fine as long as we eventually figure it out anyway.
1373476 It would, except he had to use the number of dresses in the episode, which was five. Or RD can't count? Or she could only afford five hookers?!
1373582 You should see her Youtube channel.
(Hint: look up Sweetie Belle Minecraft ragequit; you can actually hear her say "Sweetie Belle RAGE!"
)
Reading this in Sweetie Belle voice is hillarious.
I had to see the end of the letter, in order to figure out who was writing it. I guess everypony in Ponyville has a potty mouth.
Hehe.. Emeralds of chaos
Marvelous. *slow clap*
Here's the origin.
Around 13:40, by the way.
...and this is why I faved this
-crash-
"I didn't do it!"
I was confused at first, with the parentheticals, but then I realized, that was Rarity.
Parentheticals probably could have been explained better. I was pretty confused for quite a while.
I feel the confusion is a good thing. It's better than just having it hoofed to you like you're brainless.
That moment you go, "Oh... THAT'S RARITY! Hah! Now it's hilarious!" is far superior to the alternative.
It's spelled "Apple Bloom."
I don't think rarity is fast enough for those gems....but I guess if an annoying yellow fox with 2 tails is good enough with supervision I guess she is
1377265 YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!
>.>.....<.<....
1377298
Lol
So of course half of my team sucked.
Lines like these is why this is such an awesome fic.
1382145 That's the one. He seems to have skewed into Angry Video Game Nerd territory on some of those, but he does seem to be accentuating the negative.
1377265 You forgot the completely gullible, easily tricked by Eggman Echidna. He used em too man. Just saiyan.
Hmmmm well it would appear I'm up to date. And here I was, complaining about how muh more reading I had to do XD
1383066
He's got his own big ass emerald....that breaks all the time
wait....isnt this supposed to be twilights letters and not sweetie belles?
1386300 You forgot to read Lesson Zero. Reading the story wrong= Yer doin it rong.
Nice rhyme Sweetie Belle.
1373261
i dont... please explain.
1389366
The seven different gems refer to the seven Chaos Emeralds from the Sonic the Hedgehog series. Adding to that, the authors name is milesprower06, which is Tails' name. Miles "Tails" Prower is Sonic's sidekick.
I'm not laughing. WHY THE FUCK AM I NOT LAUGHI- Oh yeah. It's Monday.
1373576
Silly you, Sweetie Belle wasn't paired with the worst pony, she was paired with the best pony..
1373261 He means the chaos emeralds from Sonic, that's like basic knowledge to all gamers.
1752312
yes I knew, that's why I said I see what you did there.
Dear Rarity:
Have you ever heard of the Seven Legendary Emeralds of Chaos?
Nope! just kidding! That's just Sonic the Hedgehog!
Your one true Big Sister, Princess Celestia.
P.S.: War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.
Sonic reference anyone?
1802085 1984!
what you mean these gems odysseedupixel.fr/wp-content/gallery/sonic/chaos-emeralds-png.png that i uh... borrowed without permission from Mobius, so i could try going super sonic just once.
which reminds me, i can go super sonic!