Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Hiatus Bonus Chapter: Gotta Bitch'em All

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

Hiatus Bonus Chapter
Gotta Bitch'em All

Dear Ash Ketchum,

Hey there asshat. I became a princess in three years.

Say, how's that "Pokemon Master" life goal working out for you?

Sincerely,
Princess Twilight Sparkle

---

Dear Mr. Ketchum,

Please forgive our realm for that last letter. Princess Twilight's been drinking, and she discovered Spike's Inter-dimensional setting.

Cordially,
Princess Celestia of Equestria

---

Dear Ash,

Hey, can I ask you a question? Just how rare are those rare candies?

Sincerely,
Pinkie Pie

---

Dear Pinkie,

If you talk to an old man and then go swimming for some missing numbers, not rare at all.

-Ash

Author's Note:

This letter is the result of ramen and cheap imitation Mountain Dew at 5:00 AM. No regrets.

Comments

[ShadowLDrago]

Well, this happened. Also, nice Takato avatar.

[Dodo Of Chaos]

30 minutes late. Don't be drinking that stuff. It's an imitation of caffeine.

[Blitz the Dragon]

So Spike has settings? Interesting.

[Blitz the Dragon]

Also, you're in my timezone.

[Phil Srobeighn]

Ash, what have you done!? We'll be overrun by stacks of 128 cupcakes!

[Voldine]

Did Ash just tell a reality warper how to make the conservation of mass her bitch?

We're doomed.

[milesprower06]

5720582
5720606

With that, who needs the legend of the mirror pool?

[Shadowmane PX-41]

Lol, that was a great chapter.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

You should drink Mountain Dew more often, this chapter was hillarious.

[TDR]

That's the BEST time to write!

[kooarbiter]

XD

[TheWraithWriter]

I know that writing time.

[Spiritus Arcane]

I'm kinda with Twilight on this one.

[MythrilMoth]

Points off for Twi not calling him "Ass Ketchup". Other than that,

[Sollace]

Hm... I've never had Mountain Dew before, I wonder what it's like. *googles*

moun·tain dew
noun
informal
noun: mountain dew

illicitly distilled liquor, especially whiskey or rum; moonshine.

Welp.

a better source

Hm... Nope, I'm not drinking that.

--Sollace

[Imperator Chiashi Zane]

5720510 Agreed. Get the proper stuff. And use it to double-brew BOLD coffee in. If your eyes aren't watering at the overpowering smell, brew again.

5720900 You should drink it. It stunts your growth (looks at 6'0" mark on wall *Cough*Bullshit*cough*)

[gcwg57]

5720900 I used to be like you, but then I discovered Code Red: Mountain Dew.

[Razalon The Lizardman]

Yes, yes, we're all a little impatient for season 5 to start.

[Phazon]

Dear Mr. Ketchum,

Please forgive our realm for that last letter. Princess Twilight's been drinking, and she discovered Spike's Inter-dimensional setting.

Cordially,

Princess Celestia of Equestria

I was unaware that this Celestia could be cordial. Seriously, why isn't she being her usual alicorn supremacist self? She knows Ash is an even bigger fuck-up than Twilight, right?

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

"Dear Professor Oak,
I can ride my bicycle indoors if I want, because I'm a motherfucking Princess! I invite you to suck on it.

Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle.

[Phazon]

5721275
Weird. It shows up just fine on my PC. Wonder if it shows up for other people?

Eh, not that it matters; it's just a poorly pasted together Fluttershy wearing the Stone Mask (N64 Stone Mask). Been meaning to replace it with something Metroid-related for some time now.

[Phazon]

5721432
Oh I get it. Wow, I'm stupid.

[Neko Majin C]

Dear Satoshi/Shu/Red/Ash Ketchum,

You ageless asshole, you have been ten years old for eighteen years. How badly must it suck to live forever and be eternally ten? The only person who has been ten years old longer than you is Bart Simpson. But at least he has had nineteen girlfriends. Twenty if you count Sherri and Terri separately. Say what you want about our wonderful Princess Twilight Sparkle (besmirch her and I will slice you in twain vertically), but not once has she enslaved a creature to do her bidding. Against my will.

Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Mother Fucking Sparkle's loyal HM slave,
Neko Majin C.

[Phazon]

5721689

Say what you want about our wonderful Princess Twilight Sparkle (besmirch her and I will slice you in twain vertically), but not once has she enslaved a creature to do her bidding. Against my will.

Spike?

[Neko Majin C]

5721719 Who?

[Phazon]

5721763
I'm sorry, Fax Machine.

[Neko Majin C]

5721782 Wait, that thing is alive? I thought it was just an oddly shaped machine that Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle just smacked around when she got angry and needed to send letters. And then it disappears like most of the furniture does when it is not needed.

[Snowy Flanks]

I knew there was as reason Pikachu was so powerful,

[keaton-furman-prower]

Dearest Sister:

Thou art so nice when talking to interdimensional bald apes. Thou could really be nicer to thy own family (and thy people).

Sincerely, Luna.

---

Dear Ash:

I know an old donkey, and I also know a nice pool. I'm going to experiment!

Sincerely, Pinkie Pie.

---

5721689 Dear Neko Majin C:

Ash is nice to me. What about Princess Bitchiness's Dragon?

Sincerely, Pikachu.

[Neko Majin C]

5722368 Dear Pikachu,

Pika-pi kachu chu-chu-pi pika pika. Kachu pi pikachu chukapi pi-pi, pika pika pika, chu pika-pi, chu ka pi. Pika pikachu chu pika-pika chu. Pika chu chu pika pi kachu ka-pika-pi, Pikachu. Chu-pi chu-chu pi-pi-pi ka-pi kachu. Chu pi chu ka pika-pika chu-pi! Pika pi chu-pi ka pi chu ka ka pi chu-ka.

Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal, pokélingual slave,
Pika Chupi Chu.

[Red Bomber]

So that letter was, totally random. Okay then.

[Xuncu]

Imitation Dew?
Fer me, it's Throwback, Mexican, or nothing.

Wiseman once say:
"Jarabe de maíz de alta fructosa es para maricones."

[articunos bitch]

I must say this is a fantastic chapter. I would suggest more situations leading to more chapters like this.
Articuno Approved.

[PonyTom]

5722063

Just because it isn't physical, it doesn't make it less abusive.

No, what makes it less abusive is that there was no intent to do harm. You cannot accidentally abuse someone. Abuse is the express intention of doing harm, either physical or psychological.

And Leelah's parents sent her to therapy JUST so she can be told that she's wrong in her feelings. She got pulled out of school and forced off of social media after she announced that she was into men, further isolating her.

That's not why you send people to therapy. How many people send their children to therapy to torture them? She was grounded and sent to a therapist. The parents thought they were helping, as that is the only reason anyone ever sends anyone to a therapist (even in arrogance, they're at least confident enough to think that a therapist will agree with them). Did they want to be told they were right? Most certainly. But that would only be because they honestly thought what they were doing was good for the kid.

Imagine being tormented most of your life, being told constantly that you are wrong in your beliefs, keeping you from anyone who would actually attempt to support you. That's how she felt. That's why she committed suicide; she had no one else to turn to.

Tormented? You clearly have no idea what torment is, either psychological or physical. This kid wasn't tormented, she was neglected. Does it suck? Hell yes. But you know what? That's life. Many kids, be they straight, gay, trans, whatever, endure that sort of deal and don't even let suicide cross their mind once. If this kid was tormented, than any child who has ever been sent to their room for pointing out that Grandma has big saggy boobs is a victim of abuse.

You cannot claim to be better than them, because you draw extremes just as quickly and readily, and you dis-consider their feelings or backgrounds just as quickly.

[INACTIVE_ACCOUNT]

Imitation Mountain Dew?! Shame on you!

[Scarheart]

Missed opportunity for Team Rocket and Chrysalis to compare blast-off notes.

[Kichi]

The best pokemon is the missingno, it can freeze the time, give you 99 of a item, and more.