Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Bonus Chapter: Princess Twilight Discriminated Against?

THE FOAL FREE PRESS
PRINCESS DISCRIMINATION IN PONYVILLE?

PONYVILLE - Princess Twilight is attempting to use her royal standing to fight back against a measure taken against her by Mayor Mare, who has assigned the Princess of Friendship a "trans-race" bathroom for her use near other public facilities near town hall.

"This is blatant and disgusting discrimination. You don't see separate facilities for unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies. Why the hell are Alicorns singled out?"

Princess Sparkle's position is currently failing to gain momentum among the Ponyville public, seeing as how she's the only Alicorn in town.

We reached out to the Mayor's office for a comment:

"We are not discriminating against Alicorns. This measure was taken to spare the rest of Ponyville's mares from the Princess' poor toilet habits. We've lost five custallions in the past three months. We can't keep anypony on the payroll for any reasonable amount of time. It's rather puzzling; she can aim that horn of hers perfectly; why can't she aim her other end just as well? We hope this will persuade her to keep her "business" inside her castle, where we understand she has a custodian to incinerate it."

Comments

[wille179]

Ugh... I would have been perfectly happy continuing my life without this chapter. Thanks, M. A. Larson milesprower06.

[Admiral Biscuit]

Does fertilizing crops with princess poop make better crops grow?

Even if it doesn't, I see a new opportunity for Flim and Flam.

[milesprower06]

7170598 Been reading long? I use this story to constantly tackle politically sensitive topics in the most grotesque and insensitive ways that I can.

[Alex Prior]

I honestly don't know why I didn't expect this.

[F14m3rz]

Huh, so this is sort of like that Lorde episode of South Park. Neat.

[jwizard]

This overblown piece-of-trash fic got how many likes?!

I give few fics outside of Cupcakes and its ilk bad raps.

There's satire, and then there's trash; this is trash.

[milesprower06]

7170678 You flatter me.

[Swashbucklist]

It's rather puzzling; she can aim that horn of hers perfectly; why can't she aim her other end just as well?

miles, you're a fucking god.

7170678
I gave it a dislike a long time ago for the Spikeabuse, yessirree.

[milesprower06]

7170791 Makes me wonder how many other downvoters continue to read, hehe.

[Gapeagle]

Grandson: "Wow Grandpa, look at all these civil rights movements. Martin Luther King Jr, the abolitionists, women's suffrage, what did your generation do?"

Me: "Well, we fought over bathrooms, bullied states in complying with 4% of the nation, encouraged segregation, banned chalk from some universities, had diveristy added to universities by firing non-blacks and replacing them with blacks. Yeah, that's just what I can name off the top my head."

Grandson: "Wow....that's like....really lame."

Me: "Shut it, you bigot."

[Jphyper]

For a political chapter, this one's actually not bad. I can't think of anyone who would be willing to share a restroom with her.

[milesprower06]

7170798 "And we demanded party loyalty from voters whose candidate didn't win the primaries. Because that's what democracy's all about, right? Only two parties?"

[MythrilMoth]

Twilight having horrible toilet manners makes perfect sense to me. I mean, we've all seen how she EATS.
derpicdn.net/img/2014/2/22/559236/full.gif

7170678 Everybody needs an outlet for those horrible, inhuman, god-I-am-such-a-dickwad thoughts we all have. This fic, both him writing it and us reading it, is one such outlet. Back off a little, okay?

[Gapeagle]

7170804 Me: "Oh here's one, we encouraged weight gain by replacing the word 'fat' with 'curvy. We also did this by making female mannequins fatter and chunkier.'"

Grandson: "But Grandpa, being fat is unhealthy! Isn't that like, science?"

Me: "Stop being a fat-shamer, you shithole!"

[milesprower06]

7170832 I have a feeling you and I could do this for quite awhile.

[Jman14102]

Princess Twilight is attempting to use her royal standing to fight back against a measure taken against her by Mayor Mare, who has assigned the Princess of Friendship a "trans-race" bathroom for her use near other public facilities near town hall.

God dammit miles...

[Gapeagle]

7170835 Oh yeah... (It's like I've made my own parody or something)

[Level Dasher]

Ah yes, another instance when I forget how satirical and MAJORLY Alt-U this story is when I start reading new chapters.

"Wait, what? Twilight wouldn't— Oh, right. She's a total bitch in this story. Nevermind."

Keep 'em coming!

[wille179]

7170618
I've been a long-time follower. Doesn't mean I like this particular instance. And it's not the political issue I take offense with. The problem is I can't exactly see any other way to deal with transgender toilet issues in mlp without toilet humor. I'd imagine that these jokes, as much as I wish they didn't, practically wrote themselves.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

We've lost five custallions in the past three months. We can't keep anypony on the payroll for any reasonable amount of time.

Something tells me it's not just because of Twilight's poor toilet habbits.

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

"Dear Princess Twilight,
I know it may seem like we're discriminating against alicorns, but I assure you, Ponyville is a highly tolerant town, accepting of all races and creeds.

It just so happens that you're the only alicorn in town, and we all hate you.

Hope this clears things up
-Mayor Mare"

[Neko Majin C]

Dear Mayor Mare,

Instead of singling out Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle, why not make all restrooms accessible to everyone? Most homes have multi-race, multi-gender restrooms. Restaurants, stores, businesses, workplaces, and other public venues should as well. When it comes to relieving ourselves, everyone has basically the same needs, and the most anyone needs to do so is a toilet and some privacy. And basic... cleaning products for the aftermath.

Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and custodial incinerator operator,
Neko Majin C.

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~KBO.

[articunos bitch]

You should hear the Massachusetts Attorney General's words about this subject. So much hubris...
7170800 Without wanting to be molested by her, that's the only reason I can think of.
7171112 Except zebras. And Changelings. Yaks too? I didn't see that episode.

[blazikenking]

7170969 And all three of those aspects can be combined into one bathroom. Everything is physically durable, there's plenty of space, and wards are placed everywhere for ease of santiation and magic proofing. And be honest, would an owner of a decently sized restaurant want to have six different restrooms to take care of? That could wind up being anywhere from 1/4 to 1/2 of the whole building, and more often than not, those restrooms aren't in use.

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

7171461 Dear Articuno's Bitch,
I'll have you know that we are very tolerant of yaks and alicorns out of kindness, and not because they could raze our town in the blink of an eye. As for the changelings, well they're disguised as ponies, and we're always nice to the master ra- I mean, ponies. And the Zebra didn't want to live in our town anyway, so no harm no foul.

I have many Zebra friends.
-Mayor Mare

[kooarbiter]

7170680

I honestly didn't know how you would respond to that, but that was as good a response as they come

[Lithl]

To be fair, 50% of the world's alicorns are nearly twice the size of a normal adult pony, and another 25% of them are still significantly larger than average. Alicorns need separate bathrooms because of actual physical differences creating different physical needs.

[Imperator Chiashi Zane]

7171243 See. That right there is the solution. Change the signs to Urinal and Stall instead of Men and Women. Then make the Stall one bigger and add extra stalls, and make he Urinal one smaller and filled with only urinals. Problem solved. Nobody gets to complain. Nobody can get offended (well, legally anyway).

And it's not like a law to restrict or authorize use for a portion of the population is going to change how people use the bathroom. It never did before. I think they're just blowing it all out of proportion when a simple fix is all they need.