Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Luna Eclipsed
Dear Princess Celestia,
Hey, here's a question for you, Princess. Do you have any fucking clue how to be a good sister? From what I experienced tonight, I'd say Applejack and Rarity are better sisters than you, and believe me, that's saying A LOT.
So Nightmare Night has rolled around again, and unfortunately, Spike talked me out of giving out Slim Jims, so I'm just handing out regular candy. I also found it interesting that Granny Smith was watching over three fillies, yet none of them was her grandchild. My costume this year is Star Swirl the Bearded, the unicorn I'm not afraid to admit puts my fine ass to shame. Of course, none of these simpletons knew who he was. Kinda pissed me off, because these rows were hoof-stitched. Yeah, that's right didn't even use my magic to sew, and...I'm not really sure why.
So we all gathered around the stage so our clown of a mayor could introduce our resident zegro, who took us out to the Nightmare Moon statue. For a few moments, I began to wonder if it was the real Nightmare Moon, since, you know, you love turning villains into stone then putting them on display. We were in the middle of giving our sacrifice to the statue when a chariot descends from the night sky, with none other than the Princess of the Night. So of course they run in fright.
The rest of the night was a demonstration of how little to nothing you've done to bring your sister up to speed.
First and foremost, I can't believe you didn't tell her that you stopped using the Thu'um like 900 years ago. Because it turns out, ponies don't like being screamed at. Which one was she using, Storm Call? Because lightning began flashing whenever she opened her damn mouth.
Secondly, whenever she wasn't shouting, her dialogue was in this old time English. I mean, seriously, what the hell have you been doing for the past year? Snickering behind her back, going “Oh it's gonna be so hilarious when she goes out in public again.”
Apparently, “fun” was only invented 998 years ago, because Luna didn't have a clue what it was. To be honest, it wasn't too fun for me either. What's so fun about throwing fake spiders onto a web and launching pumpkins that aren't aimed at any other ponies or buildings? Come on.
But Luna knew how to spice things up. She turned the plush spiders into real spiders, and caused the whole town to go into a panic. Now THIS was Nightmare Night. I'm also curious as to why Pinkie was leading the fillies around making them think that Luna was a carnivore. So basically it was a carnivore making fillies afraid of somepony who really isn't a carnivore. This place never ceases to amaze me. Especially because the fillies run around town WANTING to be scared all night. Oh well. Small price to pay for free candy. Luna's much more fun and enjoyable than you.
Your ungrateful whelp,
Twilight Sparkle
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These are so fucking funny. Everyone of them makes me laugh.
Luna FTW.
HA!
You never saw me here. -PF
"with none other than the Princess of the Night. So of course they run in fright."
They feel frightened and unsure.
So let's heighten your allure.
I thought his name was Fax Machine?
Interestingly, the word "fun" as we use it only started to be used roughly 300 years ago. If the Equestrian language developed at a similar rate, Luna really wouldn't have known what "fun" was before she was imprisoned.
I don't know why I haven't seen more Royal Canterlot Voice = Thu'um comparisons. Just for that, you win an internet.
Loved the Thu'um reference! Luna in best Dovakin!
References. References everywhere.
1347218
I don't think you understand, I bring darkness to their land.
But what causes them to flee...
Must be my supremicy
Make it so they can't resist.
So that we can coexist.
You'll be welcome in their clique.
TALKING LOUD SOULD DO THE TRICK!!!!
Turn your socal life around, ditch those boots and homely crown.
I can help with one small fee, give your princesshood to me.
1347218>>1347315
*slow clap* Well done, good sirs.
At 4 am this makes me read that Pinkie is a carnivore (c******s etc.) But that must be just me...right?
Anywho, another wonderful not-friendship report from Bitchlight Sparkle. The letters only get better with each new one. Cheers.
FUS RO FUCK YEAH! Skyrim ftw!
You know, a thought occurs. Between making the RCV pony Thu'um, and the old Dovahshy meme...it just makes Fluttershy teaching Luna to control her voice that much funnier.
Of course, it must also mean that Twilight can use The Voice. Call Dragon, and all.
I'm a little disappointed Twilight didn't say anything about trying to seduce Luna. But then again, she probably didn't want a one-way trip to the moon.
Better than i expected and Twilight actuly LIKES Luna (how long will that last) anyway BRILLIENT JOB YOU EVIL BAD-ASS YOU!!
I enjoy these friendship reports.
Definitely amusing, but also rather dark.
Twilight does raise quite a few points actually. Luna has been back a year and Celestia didn't think to mention, "Oh yes, we don't rupture eardrums anymore."
I do like how Twilight was somewhat kinder to Luna, though I expect that to change when the Wedding comes around.
Boy, she's gonna pissed about Shining porking Cadence.
1347346
I was going to start singing it, but then I saw that they had already taken care of it.
Storm Call is awesome. I prefer Fire Breath myself, though.
Doesn't matter, Luna is just so totally Metal. \m/
Funny chapter.
1347353 You are correct, Ranger. "Fall Weather Friends" established that Pinkie likes ketchup on her hot dogs. Ergo, carnivore.
Lol....that is all
1347681 Oh yah, I forgot that. Thanks! Now to watch said episode once more. Cheers.
1345977
dont change it celestia is cuter
1347232
I sear she has been getting ever so slightly nicer to Spike and Co. She stopped using quotations around the word friends a while back too. Not that she isn't still a COLOSSAL bitch. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
Think it's Celly's fault. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
Dear Twilight Sparkle
Me DAMN it! Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to keep her from catching up on the times? I was totally saving her big reveal for your brothers wedding which I've totally been intercepting all your letters and invitations for and that the glyph at the start of this message will make you totally forget about. I was going to have her perform the ceremony! Comic. Gold. But then you had to let her know... (sigh) Oh well, maybe I can cheer myself up by casting a ventriloquism spell on her old timey abacus thing. Make her think it's sentient or something. I don't know, I'll make it up as I go.
Your Immortal God Empress
Princess Celestia
1347919 And she called Spike, Spike. Instead of Fax-Machine. Dunno if Twilight is actually going to change and grow ever so slowly over the course of these letters, but I look forward to seeing what the author does, maybe even have Twilight have a relapse and be an even bigger bitch after the Canterlot Wedding.
Also, hope to see something like this in a non-episode related letter.
fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/269/6/2/i_don__t_need_you_anymore__by_ponykillerx-d5g02xd.png
I do like that even despite how malicious this Twilight is, she still actually likes Luna.
1348053 Uh oh. Fax machine.... Duck.... D:
1348053
Dat comic!
1347354 SPARKLE SPARKLE SPARKLE!
Slim Jims? Really?
1347657 If you would, please tell me more.
I've really been wanting to get into the mind of the 5% who absolutely hate this story.
If not, well, head on back to EqD where you only find the best of the best of the best. Buh-bye!
1347218>>1347315
Glad to see someone else noticed that
I loved the reference to Friendship is Witchcraft; here's the full song.
Luna: I'm the princess of the night so of course they run in fright; they feel threatened and unsure-
Twi: So let's heighten your alure.
Luna: I don't think you understand, I bring darkness to their land.
Twi: But what causes them to flee-
Luna: Must be my supremacy.
Twi: Make it so they can't resist
Luna: so that we can coexist
Twi: You'll be welcome in their clich
Luna: Talking loud should do the trick
Twi: turn your social life around, ditch those boots and homely crown; I can help with one small fee: give your princesshood to me!
1348303
Take my advice and just ignore them if they dont enjoy your story then why are they 30 chapters deep when you have clearly outlined your intentions from the begining and have not changed direction. if for any reason theye have ceased to enjoy it then its simple JUST STOP READING IT DUM DUMS AND QUIT YOUR COMPLAINING
i had thought that twilgiht would ether try to seduce luna, or hate her, but insted i got a plesent surpise.
1348470
[youtube=YcQrRwC2WDQ]
1348303 He referred to the likes as 'thumbs'.
He's from Funnyjunk. Don't worry, he hates 'everything' that's better liked than something he makes.
>>> none other than the Princess of the Night. So of course they run in fright.
But how can Luna be more sexy?
I was kinda hoping something to do with autism...
1347535
The way I see it, she'll probably be more disappointed in Cadence, that she lowered her standards *that* much. Not wanting to associate herself with her 'moronic brute' of a brother would explain why she'd never mentioned him before - and could be why she stopped talking to him, when he finally joined the Royal Guard. You know, since he was her BBBFF.
...
1348650OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRZ13zAuOr-2kMRL1OO-wy9FMYuwjbJOw3FNTjFoiCUXzxw3F01kA
Owned.
gifsoup.com/view2/3653498/vinyl-scratch-bass-cannon-o.gif
This word is now...
*sunglasses*
canon.
images.nonexiste.net/popular/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/csi-yeah-skyline-large.jpg
At least McBitchypants Twilight supports my campaign for Luna as best princess.
This. This is why I love this fic. Little exploitations of plotholes like this one.
1347218 I had that stuck in my head all day and I had just forgotten... thanks.
1347681 False! Pinkie Pie is an Omnivore, she eats plants and meat.
1351807 I've heard it both ways.