Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Legend of Everfree

Additional contributions by MixMassBasher

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Dear Princess Twilight,

How's the new student? You know... The one that's way better than you magic-wise? I'm really surprised that she hasn't murdered you in your sleep yet, having to live with you and your attitude for the past few months.

Anyway, things have been going smoothly here in CHS. Translation: all the usual magic bullshit was happening once again, this time at Camp Everfree. Our bus ride to destination disaster was rather unbearable with Sci-Twi screaming, "No... No!!! Stop!!!" in her sleep. Guess she must still be having nightmares about the threesome we had in the gymnasium storage closet the last time you visited. But thank Celestia, all of the CHS students started singing a cheesy country song and we reached camp in record time.

We were then introduced to Gloriosa Daisy, who, I swear is on ecstasy with that kind of attitude. She kept muttering about how we’re going to have such a wonderful time here. Oh joy... Nothing screams “wonderful” like burnt camp food and mosquito bites away from the comforts of home. And then there's Timber Spruce... Ladies and gentleman... I think we have found the next waifu stealer for Twilight Sparkle!! I mean, wow! What a flirt! I'm surprised Flash didn't start beating the shit out of that guy.

Afterward, we got assigned our tents. Pinkie and Rarity ended up sharing the same bunker, and with Pinkie's recent diabetic obsession with marshmallows, she might end up nibbling on a certain marshmallow colored friend, if you know what I mean... Meanwhile, I'm stuck in the same tent as Sci-Twi, who still won't stop screaming in her sleep. Why the hell didn't I pack earplugs?

After that, some fat rich bastard in a limo suddenly came into camp all business like, but who cares about that drama, am I right? Honestly, the real drama was that Sci-Twi could suddenly use levitation magic. Why couldn't I get magical powers first!? I was once a freaking unicorn! A powerful one as well! What gives?

It was also at that moment, Sci-Twi started panicking. A lot. Was this what you were like before you became a bitch-ass princess? No wonder you had a friendless childhood. Hence, I left the tent and ran into Flash who was moping about how he was no longer Twilight's waifu, both human and Equestrian versions. Honestly, having her as a love interest? He really deserved better. Thus, I suggested that he stopped chasing after his senpai and find another one. Hopefully, Flash takes my advice instead of becoming an obsessive katana wielding yandere.

Next up, Applejack had the brilliant idea that we all should contribute to the camp by building a new dock. Yeah, letting teenagers build a long lasting dock. This could only end in disaster. By nightfall, we had to endure listening to stupid campfire stories. Wearing purple socks with a burgundy dress? How is that interesting, Rarity? The only good one we've heard so far was the one about Gaia Everfree. Though I wonder, did Starswirl the Bearded dump another reject into this universe? Earth is not a dumping ground, you know. Then, my friends had the nerve to accidentally remind Sci-Twi of what she did during the Friendship Games. Seriously? Don't they ever know when to shut up!?!

Things just got worse the next day when the newly made dock got run over by a hippie and a retard, then a random earthquake occurred, Applejack got instant puberty; Rarity made Applejack wet after using her magically powered fingers; Pinkie's now an even bigger ticking time bomb than ever before with her glitter grenades; Fluttershy's a crazy bird lady; and Rainbow has somehow become one with the Speed Force.

You know, the logical choice would be to find out what's going on. But no, my friends decide that their needs have to come first, so let's all craft stupid lanterns and forget the whole thing.

I really need to get new friends.

As for Sci-Twi, I found her wandering the woods making some lame excuse about collecting pages from a tall slender being. Bitch, please! I could see right through her, but that's probably because I can read people's thoughts and feelings now which is... troublesome... since now I can read the male CHS students thoughts on how much they want to bone Midnight Sparkle. Hopefully these new powers won't have any side effects like me going bald. Also... never again will I read Pinkie's mind...

But let me get this straight. Sci Twi’s afraid of the midnight in her? She really should start learning that her past is not today and be glad she isn't you, you fucking disgruntled bitch! The next morning, I decided that enough was enough and got my friends off their asses and embrace the magic inside them and rebuild the dock again. This time it had better not get damaged!

Then, Mr. Waifu Stealer started cutting into my personal space, complimenting me for my help when I'm pretty sure he just wanted to get between my legs. Afterwhich, I saw Mr. Waifu Stealer Number Two running into the woods. I'm certain by this point I figured out that Timber was the cause of all the shenanigans happening, and with Sci-Twi, I went to the rock quarry to confront him. But in reality, it was actually the happy-go-lucky hag, Gloriosa, who caused all the mayhem by wanting to give the campers the best summer ever! Unfortunately, Little Miss Sunshine has reached a whole other level of crazy being powered by those Infinity Stones.

Frankly, she doesn't got this.

Miss Gaia Everfree then left us suffocating in a cave encased in tentacle tree porn. Luckily, we managed to escape back to camp to see a enormous tree wall large enough to border all of Mexico covering the camp. Also, our dock got damaged once more. Oh, that bitch is going to get it now! We were definitely outmatched at the rate we were going, but by drilling into Sci-Twi’s thick skull to embrace the magic, we achieved our product placement powers and went all deus ex machina on the Poison Ivy reject.

We were on a roll by that point, so we all decided to just sing a song, put on a fundraiser, and save the camp as well. Now that all that shit is done, it's time to go back to all the usual high school musical bullshit, but this time, we have our own version of the Elements of Harmony. So, do you still have your elements? Yeah, I thought so.

Your magically overpowered student,
Sunset Shimmer

P.S. The rebuilt dock also fucking broke again... Screw this!!

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Dear Flash,

Let's see here. You broke up with Sunset, you struck out with Princess Twilight, you struck out with human Twilight, and Sunset wasn't really interested a second time.

If you aren't gay by the next movie I'll be shocked.

Sincerely,
Derpy Hands

P.S. No, I'm not interested either.

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Dear Timber Spruce,

Good luck. You'll need it.

Your fellow husbando,
Flash Sentry

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Dear Twilight,

Say, want to go into the forest and check out my wood?

-Timber Spruce

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Dear Rarity,

A fashion show on the docks. Really???

Your friend,
Applejack

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Dear Applejack,

Well, what did you expect? Life is a runway when you see it my way.

Your fabulous friend,
Rarity

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Dear Principals Celestia and Luna,

Next time... Bring us to a camp that's not plagued with demons and magic.

Fed up,
The Rainbooms

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Dear Rainbooms,

It was either our old campsite or the campsite at Camp Crystal Lake. Sadly, Principal Cinch already had dibs on it for Crystal Prep.

Signed,
Principal Celestia

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Dear Sister,

If I recall, there was a place called Camp Campell that was also available.

Sincerely,
Luna

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Hey Twilight. Timber again.

That's a fantastic dock you gals erected.

Want to go to my tent and see what I can erect for you?

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Dear Dad,

Please don't destroy the camp. My friends and I plan to go there next year. Try doing politics instead. I hear there's some other rich guy that ran for president and won by a landslide.

Your daughter,
Diamond Tiara

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Dear Rainbooms,

Using necklaces to amp up magical powers was our shtick!!!

Awaiting royalties,
The Dazzlings

Author's Note:

Comments

[Coyotek4]

Long time coming! Welcome back!!!

How's the new student? You know... The one that's way better than you magic-wise? I'm really surprised that she hasn't murdered you in your sleep yet, having to live with you and your attitude for the past few months.

Why don't you ask her yourself (as you'll be meeting up with her in a week).

[SuperPinkBrony12]

8272155 Gotta wait until she raises more funds for Camp Everfree (because she was originally supposed to be raising funds for the trip until scheduling issues got in the way), and solve a Scooby-Doo mystery on a movie set.

[MostBrainWhyYes]

88k words I could read in one sitting, why 200 chaptas why D; lol *reads it later*

[phantomlord01]

It was either our old campsite or the campsite at Camp Crystal Lake. Sadly, Principal Cinch already had dibs on it for Crystal Prep.

I take it some students died horrible deaths

[JimboTex]

Earth is not a dumping ground, you know.

Try telling that to Corporate America.

Rarity made Applejack wet after using her magically powered fingers;

i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/430/609/3d9.png

As for Sci-Twi, I found her wandering the woods making some lame excuse about collecting pages from a tall slender being.

Congratulations, Sci-Twi! You're the new Markiplier!

But let me get this straight. Sci Twi’s afraid of the midnight in her? She really should start learning that her past is not today and be glad she isn't you, you fucking disgruntled bitch!

Dear Applejack,

Well, what did you expect? Life is a runway when you see it my way.

Your fabulous friend,
Rarity

killthehydra.com/wp-content/uploads/archaic-rap-see-what-you-did-there1.jpg

Dear Twilight,

Say, want to go into the forest and check out my wood?

-Timber Spruce

Dear Timber Spruce,

Why don't you have a seat over there?

Sincerely,
Chris Hansen

P.S. I've got the chat log.

[GIGA-XISBASS]

8272434

Nope cause lucky for them this was the one time where Jason is somehow fully revived and sane again and now going off to be a hero.

[Zibrony]

Excellent Camp Camp reference. I would honestly like to see the interactions between Max, Neil, Nikki and the EG cast.

[MixMassBasher]

Dear Flash,

Let's see here. You broke up with Sunset, you struck out with Princess Twilight, you struck out with human Twilight, and Sunset wasn't really interested a second time.

If you aren't gay by the next movie I'll be shocked.

Sincerely,
Derpy Hands

P.S. No, I'm not interested either.

This is way funnier than the one I created involving Derpy fir you, Miles

Nicely Done

Also like the Derpy "Hands". Very celever like what you did for DJ Pon-3 in Rainbow Rocks

[milesprower06]

8273270
Got anything for Season 7 yet?

[MixMassBasher]

8273275
I already did the season premire but I didn't do All Bottled Up yet.

School is tough....

You can try posting my comic letters. Its in the gdocs

[milesprower06]

8273277
I'd rather move into season 7. We're more than ten episodes behind

[MixMassBasher]

8273290
Noted I'll watch the ep I missed when school is done

[FanOfMostEverything]

Good to have you back.

[Spartan-Guy 88]

Magicically powered teenage girls? Waifu stealing guys? Teenage drama mixed with fighting another magic abusing villain?

Still better than Fyre Festival.

[Neko Majin C]

Dear Shitshit Shitter Sunshit Shitter Shitshit Shimmer Sunset. Shimmer. (Damn your name is hard.),

You speak a lot of your broken dock. You should be happy that your dock is not connected to you. A broken tailbone is no laughing matter. It hurts like hell. Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle knows this first hand hoof, and I know first hoof hand by proxy. Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle really goes overboard sometimes when she masturbates.

Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and dock bandage-er,
Neko Majin C.

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~KBO.

[MixMassBasher]

Dear Flash Sentry,

Since both Twilights are out of the picture for you now, try dating Derpy instead. I've seen how she's always there to console you when you get shot down by Sci-Twi.

Your ex-girlfriend,
Sunset Shimmer

[Alex Warlorn]

Liar Sunset, we know you did go back in there.

[Gadgetphile]

Camp Campell? Am I missing a reference here?

[milesprower06]

8311443
Yeah, Camp Camp, an animated series by Rooster Teeth Productions.

[Web of Hope]

8272914
CMC Disgruntled fic when?

[Alex Warlorn]

I imagine Twilight wanting to murder Sunset for telling Flash to stop liking her.

[PyrolandPrincess]

Pinkie Pie = Pyro

[justheretoreadstories]

Like the chainsaw pic.