• Published 7th Jun 2012
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Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student - milesprower06



Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.

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The Stare Master

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

The Stare Master

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today, I realized that kids are fucking stupid. The thing that happened was, Rarity fell way behind on her hideous dress orders, and also promised Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo a sleepover on the same night. So because you can never, ever, EVER disappoint kids, Fluttershy, the dumb bitch that she is, offered to move the sleepover to her house. You know, the house with all the unsuspecting animals.

First of all, I have no idea why Fluttershy would offer to look after these demon spawn. I mean, two of them came from the same parents as Applejack and Rarity. If that doesn't raise a red flag with her than I suppose nothing will. I was on my way to Zecora's hut in the Everfree Forest for some herbal tea, and let me tell you, that zebra makes some good shit. Drink enough of that stuff, and those freaky masks on the wall will start talking to you.

So Fluttershy gets the fillies to her house, and predictably, they immediately start wreaking havoc. She did something right by finally getting them into bed. Then she did something wrong by letting Sweetie Belle take the lullaby. Woke up half the damn block. So when she got back downstairs, she thought it was quiet...too quiet. Because fillies are supposed to make a lot of noise when they SLEEP!

Well, it turns out they didn't sleep. They sneaked out of the house to go after a chicken in the Everfree Forest. One chicken. Seriously, why can't these three idiots leave well enough alone, go back to bed, and let some creature get treated to KFC? But I suppose if they did that, they wouldn't have found me in the middle of the forest, totally stoned. Good thing the cockatrice who did that to me was a total bitch, because all it took for it to reverse the effects was Fluttershy threatening to tell it's mother. I mean, damn. Unless it's mother is some kind of pacifist super badass, she should've totally called Fluttershy's bluff. Because I'm totally not buying that “stare” nonsense.

So the next morning, Fluttershy and I got together for some tea, and Rarity comes by to ask for help with her cat. I told her to just euthanize it, but does anybody take my advice? Nooo.

That fucking chicken better be grateful that those three are degenerate idiots.

Your stoned former student,
Twilight Sparkle

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