Too Many Pinkie Pies
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Too Many Pinkie Pies
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that I have no time management skills whatsoever. In addition to trying to come up with ways to compete with the Crystal Meth Empire's drug trafficking, I also can't spend enough time with my friends. They're all having fun at the same time! Well, everypony except Fluttershy, who was having a tea party with Angel, who was all like 'Well fuck you too' when Fluttershy said it wasn't especially fun.
So while I was recovering in Fluttershy's butterfly grove, both Rainbow and Applejack came by for their hits. AJ needed some heroin for her family's barn raising, and Rainbow needed weed for relaxing at the lake after work. At this point, I started to panic. I couldn't get Rainbow her stash and Applejack's at the same time, and I didn't want either of them to start to detox, so I started seeing how fast I could make it from Sweet Apple Acres to the lake. I ran into Twilight, who suggested I make copies of myself. Remembering the legend of the Mirror Pool, I wander into the Everfree Forest to find the underground pond, where I made a clone of myself. So now I could make both deliveries on time!
Or so I thought.
Turns out on the way to the farm, she stopped by Fluttershy having a picnic, gave the stash to a new customer by the name of Applejohn, went to another picnic hosted by Fluttershutter, but unfortunately, didn't make it to Applesauce's barn raising. So now my weed is gone, and I need some more. So a thought hit me; more clones for faster production! But unfortunately, they weren't interested in keeping my drug trade afloat, but only in having 'fun'. There's nothing more fun than making drugs! Did you know that 'horse' is a slang for heroin! See? Fun!
Going back to the pond, I saw them doing something with Rainbow Dash that...I really don't want to describe. I checked up on the barn raising, to see my horde destroying the barn. One even got crushed by the tower. Soon enough, they were running rampant throughout the town looking for even more fun. Twilight devised a solution to sending them back to the Mirror Pond, but didn't want to send me back because she's desperate for her drugs. So I figured out a solution – my clones couldn't concentrate on drugs at all, so we gathered up all the Pinkie into town hall, and had them inhale paint fumes. Anyone who didn't keep staring blankly got sent back to the pool. They did some pretty freaky things, too, like making hands out of their hooves and warping their face to the most hideous thing imaginable.
So I learned my lesson. The Crystal Meth Empire is going to get a slice of the drug trade from now on, and I'll have to settle for a smaller cut. I can't supply all my friends, so I'll have to pick and choose, and the rest will have to go to the Empire's substandard selection. All part of the business. Now to find this Applejohn and get my stuff back.
Your loyal druggie,
Pinkie Pie
Dear Princess Celestia,
Yeah, the orgy with multiple Pinkies at the lake was great and all, but if I have to hear a muffled 'FUN!' coming from between my legs ever again, it'll be too soon.
Sincerely,
Rainbow Dash
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So everyone, but Twilight gets sex.
Fun! :D
As in fun read. It was a fun read. >_>
*shuder* eeehhhhhhggg
I was wondering how you would do this one.
Perfectly, as it turns out.
25.media.tumblr.com/f1249d13bd3e79a50b285057c02006db/tumblr_mh5nlfWkPn1s0q5l4o1_500.jpg
2135516 Maybe with mirror pool she can have some more fun. After all, incest appears to be her favorite method, and what is more incestuous then fucking yourself?
Oh man Twilight must be so jealous right now, for some reason that mare just can't get laid, I wonder if she has considered switching to a Mac. Remember it might not be the fasted in Ponyville, but sometimes durability is more important then speed, and a Mac just keeps going until you are satisfied.
I would have thought Twilight would say something about finding this Mirror Pool so she could have sex with herself or something, knowing her. But this was awesome, too; Rainbow Dash's part was the perfect way to end this.
What is this? Validating Twilight's theories? Heresy!
2135516 But what if Cadence used the memory spell on herself too, since only Twilight is fucked up enough to think incest is hot?
I thought this one was meh
Then I read Rainbow Dash's letter.
Pinkie Pie orgy? Yes.
Oh lawd, mah sides!
Who's a slutty pony?
You're a slutty pony!
Who is?
You is!
Rainbow Dash!
Don't hurt me.
Holy crap, Twilight was right about her friends all along and here I thought she was making this stuff up to make herself seem more "superior."
I can't wait to see what you do with Magical Mystery Cure.
the only drug i need is ponies...I NEED MY FIX FOR THE WEEK
2135938 I can't either. My mind was flying with a couple really good scenes that I don't think I can do in a Letter format. May have to mix it up a little...
Dear Princess Celestia,
What's this I hear about Rainbow Dash getting into an orgy with multiple Pinkie Pies? Why the buck wasn't i invited? I mean, what are friends for? Figures when you sent me to make some friends, you'd arrange for the least considerate plotholes on the face of Equestria.
So frustrated,
Twilight 'needs orgy' Sparkle
P.S. If you hear anything about me inviting Shining Armor to see the mirror pool, its all lies. And no, i did not check that book of memory spells out of the royal canterlot library.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Why the buck did this not come to me sooner? Seriously why did I plug up that hole that leads to the mirror pond? I could've created a clone of myself to stay with these losers while I finally get the action I deserve.
I must've accidentally inhaled some of Pinkie Pie's drugs during the paint dry test and it clouded my judgement.
Oh no what if I suddenly actually start acting nice around these ponies and try to save them?! HELP!
Your freaked out former student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. Seriously I'll do anything if you'll get me away from these morons. I'll even take back the insults.
Zomg. Pure win this and Rainbow's letter was almost 20% funnier then Pinkies.
Oh god, I can't wait to see the season finale. This version of Twilight is scary already, imagine Twilight with alicorn powers!
2135819
What if she wrote these letters too, because she really is losing it?
This will remain cemented in my head until the end of time.
2136088 That's probably going to have to wait until Season 4. There's only so much I can do with 5 minutes. And I don't want to do a whole lot with it until I know the direction it's going to go in Season 4, so I can make an equally twisted version here.
2136125
Oh yeah I did say that at one point that Twilight was pretending to be her friends just to get them in trouble with Celstia too. ^^;
Some would argue that sexing up your clone counts as masturbation rather than incest. So Twilight really wasted an opportunity there. (Then again, given that she's perfectly capable of dragging Tom out of that hole and chucking him across the Everfree by magic, she probably did it just to keep the pond to herself.)
2136141
Really? I thought it'd been stuck there by something sticky, instead.
The images in my head, they won't go away!
twentypercentcooler.net/data/51/75/5175503e09ffb891d40e022ec80c6e2c.jpg
A letter not written by Twilight?
A rare occasion, but just as good.
2135750
Oh Rainbow Dash, what a kinky pony...
so Mcbitchypants wasn't making up pinkies drug problem? or is this letter forged?
2135677
Used a memory spell on myself for what?
2136673
Twilight is a bitch, but I don't think she has actually made anything up (her incestuous hallucination notwithstanding.).
I am beginning to think that she is actually less of a bitch than Celestia is. By the end of the season, they may cast the princess spell just to spite her.
I'm not sure if Twilight is the one writing all of these letters or not. seems likely.
Dear Rainbow Dash:
Why the hell was I not invited to your Pinkie Pie Orgy?!!
Your sexually-frustrated friend, Twilight Sparkle.
P.S.: Please buy drugs from Crystal ponies instead of that pink bitch. I want her to suffer as much as possible.
Oh lawd! I wasn't expecting this! And it was beautiful! Curse you for making me crack my ribs in laughter!
I was expecting this letter to be written by Pinkie Pie, and lo, I was not let down lol
.
I guess that's what they call a...
CHERRY PIE!
...
I'm so sorry.
That last bit with Dash's view at the end... Fricken brilliant.
Geeenius!
Especially the paint fumes idea. And Rainbows letter.
2153862
BA-DUM TSS!!!!
I fuckin lost it at that line
THERE SHOULD BE MORE LETTERS FROM PINKIE PIE!!!
2543423 now I want to do that with doubles of MOLESTIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
PFFFFTTTTTTTTTT.
Oh god yes... This is too good!
Just... Oh my god yes.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Pinkie should make and sell drugs in the actual show too.