• Published 7th Jun 2012
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Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student - milesprower06



Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.

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Putting Your Hoof Down

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

Putting Your Hoof Down

Dear Princess Celestia,

So...um...where to start? I guess the best place to start is to admit that I've been letting my life be run by a rabbit. You see, Angel wanted me to make this extravagant salad for him, and apparently he can slap a bitch really good, so I went shopping for ingredients.

I just don't understand why everypony flocks to this marketplace. Wouldn't everything you need for a set price a month be infinitely better than these lousy microtransactions? To be perfectly honest, the stats on these tomatoes are pretty pathetic. Rarity managed to convince a nerd that she was a girl, and she traded her his asparagus. But the best gear, the cherry, was really in demand. I couldn't grind dungeons that long, so I couldn't afford it for Angel's salad, and he threw me out again. I didn't want to be in that guild anyway. If he wanted a cheery that badly he could have just popped my cherry.

So I went to assertiveness training. Thinking back, I'm not sure why I needed assertiveness training. I made a dragon cry and terrorized an entire garden of animals. But since I'm at the beck and call of the most adorable bunny in Equestria, I went to Iron Will for a change in attitude. The next day, I found the gardener soaking my flowers, so I put my hoof on his hose until it spurted all over him.

So I go into Ponyville, and find my path blocked. So...yeah, we should probably get somepony to clean up the pile of garbage now blocking the bridge into town. My bad. I guess I should also apologize to the taxi company for making one of their drivers wet himself. Sorry, but Luna gives really great Thu'um lessons.

So after giving my mailman a good spanking, a tourist makes me drop my mail into a puddle, so I whipped him around and tossed him into a bale of hay. I'm just glad there weren't any spiked bombs floating anywhere nearby.

Rarity and Pinkie come and try to criticize my new attitude, so I really let them have it. They ran away crying. I guess I could have been a little nicer about it, but with the way they reacted, I probably should have sent them away with Butthurt Report Forms to fill out.

So all in all, I guess I shouldn't have listened to the horniest creature to come to Ponyville since Twilight. I just have to tell Angel to eat whatever I give him to eat or I'll be giving Elmer Fudd a call.

Sincerely,
Fluttershy



Dear Fluttershy,

Your pet rabbit is a dick.

Do you know what a bunny fire is?

-Twilight

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