Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Make New Friends But Keep Discord

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

Make New Friends But Keep Discord

Memo to the Canterlot High Society Club

I hereby motion to cancel several of our monthly garden parties and have a larger gathering outside of town with a bigger budget.

It is glaringly obvious that we can no longer count on the Grand Galloping Gala to be a classy event, so we must organize an event of our own. I don't care how bored that troll we call a princess gets, or how my husband enjoys “charmingly rustic,” some of us do have standards.

I look forward to hearing suggestions for possible venues.

Sincerely,
Fleur de Lis

---

Dear Princess Twilight,

We here at the Foal Free Press are doing an article on reactions to Haylyn Jenner, and we would like your input. We anticipate hearing from you!

Sincerely,
Featherweight

---

Dear Foal Free Press,

Alright, listen the fuck up. I'd like to know why you feel you need to fish for everyone's opinion on somepony's personal life. Personally, I think the bitch was insane doing that photoshoot for Vanity Foal.

Want my opinion? I don't give a fuck. The only thing that would get me to care is if he, she, what-the-fuckever wanted to come over to the castle for some action in the sack, and honestly, at that point I wouldn't care if they had a cock, clit, or tentacles.

So please, go send these requests to ponies who hilariously believe that their personal opinions matter and require spreading.

Sincerely,
Princess Twilight Sparkle

---

Dear Twilight,

You know I appreciate your continued business at Hay King, but I have to remind you that we have our hours posted on the door. The lobby closes at 11pm. So once the clock strikes 11, please do not continue to stand at the counter and hit on our cashier. That means get the fuck out of my lobby. If you want to order something after 11pm, please feel free to go to the trot-thru.

Sincerely,
Sesame Seed
Hay King General Manager

---

Dear Sesame Seed,

Fine.

I'll go to Sweet Apple Acres and get myself a Big Mac.

Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle

Comments

[ShadowLDrago]

I'll go to Sweet Apple Acres and get myself a Big Mac.

*sigh* Really? You couldn't resist the pun, could you?

[deathblade]

I'll go to Sweet Apple Acres and get myself a Big Mac.

That was an easy one!

[ShadowLDrago]

6061704

Fair enough.

[MixMassBasher]

Hello Everypony did I miss anything?

-Princess Luna

[Blitz the Dragon]

This didn't have much to do with the episode besides the first letter.

[milesprower06]

6061848 Wow, I didn't notice. I'm glad you're here to let me know about these things.

[Raph0n]

6061697 I'm pretty sure she was looking for a hard one *wink* *wink*

[Semi-AutomagicCupcake]

[Voldine]

6061891 Dear Princess Twilight,

Nope.

Big Macintosh.

[Kiryu]

I'll go to Sweet Apple Acres and get myself a Big Mac.

I'll admit it and not ashamed of it, I laughed out loud at that one for how obvious and pun-tastic it is

[Wild Zontars]

Want my opinion? I don't give a fuck. The only thing that would get me to care is if he, she, what-the-fuckever wanted to come over to the castle for some action in the sack, and honestly, at that point I wouldn't care if they had a cock, clit, or tentacles.

So please, go send these requests to ponies who hilariously believe that their personal opinions matter and require spreading.

derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/3/19/274599.gif

[articunos bitch]

I don't care how bored that troll we call a princess gets, or how my husband enjoys “charmingly rustic,” some of us do have standards.

This chick gets it!

The only thing that would get me to care is if he, she, what-the-fuckever wanted to come over to the castle for some action in the sack, and honestly, at that point I wouldn't care if they had a cock, clit, or tentacles.

This chick has a point. She would prefer all three.

So once the clock strikes 11, please do not continue to stand at the counter and hit on our cashier.

This chick's talking to me too.

Dear Sesame Seed,
Fine.
I'll go to Sweet Apple Acres and get myself a Big Mac.

This chick knows what she wants.
Okay, so where did that Hay King bit come from? It was good but pretty left field.

[Spartan-Guy 88]

Tree Hugger's attitude and way of thinking makes me believe that pot got legalized in Equestria.

[Imperator Chiashi Zane]

6062164 Thank you! My workplace has the news on all the time, and I 'got to' watch the entire interview on a slow day. Sweet Celestia that 'dude/chick' has issues.

[JediWaffles]

Punz!

Canterlot High Society Club

I made the mistake of reading Canterlot High, Society Club instead of Canterlot, High Society Club. Made things a bit strange for a little bit.

If Tree Hugger does marijuana, she must smell horrid. (Stuff stinks, I would know.) Discord had the right idea sending her away.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

6062072 Dear Big Macintosh,

I am a princess, therefore you have no choice but to obey my commands. And I command you to have a roll in the hay with me.

Sincerely,
Princess Twilight Sparkle

[Thisisalongname]

How long you been waiting to use that last one?

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

Dear Discord,

I don't know who your friend is, but I'm going to find a way to have sex with him.

-Princess Twilight Sparkle.

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

Dear Mr. Sesame Seed,

While I respect your hours of business, my friend Fluttershy and her friend are in the mood for about 30 burgers each. Still want to kick us out?

-Princess Twilight Sparkle.

[Voldine]

6062321 Yes, she does. Everyone has issues. Especially intolerant pricks that judge people who are only trying to follow what their heart tells them.

[Neko Majin C]

Dear Butt Fucker Cunt Tugger Tree Hugger,

Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle has ordered me to order you to order me to order you... what? to hoof over all of your stash. If you reefer to the Acapulco Gold section of the Ponyville Charter, it states that marijuana is illegal. Doobie a good citizen, do not be a dope, and give your weed to Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle. If you would like to hash out an agreement with the Princess, you can meet with her representative, Maui Wowie, in the Tea Room of the Panama Red Joint. I hemp you will take this into consideration. Disobeying Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle is a high sinsemilla that could get you stoned to death.

...If we can remember.

Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's very hungry slave who somehow gained the ability to smell colors,
Neko Majin C.

---

---

---

~KBO.

[Jphyper]

...Dangit. It's the funniest episode of the show thus far, but its counterpart chapter is one of the least funny of the fanfic. It looks like you couldn't think of anything, despite the wealth of potential given to you by all the episode's scenes, so you just slapped together one of your filler chapters. Did you not see the episode or something?

I guess every comedy has points in which it falls flat, but this was the last episode I would've expected it to happen on.

Milesprower06, I am disappoint.

[Not Here Anymore]

Dear Luna,

Do your job and get out here so I can go have some 'fun' time with the Smooze.

Signed,
The pony that has a cunt for a sister, Tia

[Imperator Chiashi Zane]

6062891 Yeah. I know a few actual TG people, and I can tell that Mr(s) Jenner isn't one of them. (s)He's doing it for the 'Hey Look at Me!'.

[Harmony Charmer]

THAT LAST LETTER I CAN'T BREATHE

[Voldine]

6063281 Speaking AS a transgendered person, I can assure you that we aren't all alike. There are broad stroke similarities, but no two of us are exactly alike, and that's a good thing.

[Imperator Chiashi Zane]

6063426 I know. But it's not about the 'Look at me!', it's about the being yourself.

[Biker_Dash]

6061848 who cares... as long as it's as hilarious as Miles is known for, I'm happy

[Blitz the Dragon]

6063843 Fair enough.

[Scarheart]

I really am tired of hearing about Jenner and his/her/it's obsession with personal sexuality. It's a cry for attention and I don't care about someone else's sexuality orientation. Don't make it my business because that's private. It would be no different if I was running around telling everyone to look left, duck and watch out for my swinging dick.

Nobody wants to hear that.

[Eclipse LunarSol]

6062734 FOR SCEINCE!

Now where the fucks the penis on this thing?

(GARBLE)

Oh there it is. Did this thing really swallow an all too smooth diamond horse cock? Eh, who cares, I found a way to get laid legally for once.

[mcfarty]

I'll go to Sweet Apple Acres and get myself a Big Mac.

...Oh! I get it!

[BlackOps04]

Dear Discord,

Buff Biceps may have changed my horizons but that doesn't mean you can appear in my bed whenever you need something. Do that again and I'll have you registered as sex offender.

Sincerely,

Spike

Hey Bestest-Not-Really-But-Pretty-Much-Friend-From-Another-Dimension,

How could cake-block me like that, bro? You got me all worked up with that huge cake order I started groping the 4th Wall and then you cancelled on me before I could finish? That's just wrong, especially after I sweetened the deal (Tee hee) by offering our "most delicious" cakes. I thought you figured out what that meant when I had you pinned to the wall.

So next time you come in to buy some cake you better splurge on a little pie too.

Always interested,

Pinkie Pie

P.S. Oh, and I'm not still mad about it so don't feel awkward. The Smooze knows how fill a filly (Tee hee)!

[Twilight is the BEST]

I'll go to Sweet Apple Acres and get myself a Big Mac.

[Shining Dawn]

6062783 6062783 . . . . . . . Error 404: math skills not found.
_ Initiate self-loathing

[DanielLC]

I'll go to Sweet Apple Acres and get myself a Big Mac.

Didn't you already make that joke? Something about that Twilight thought cows were worthless and should be killed and used for food, and that she'd name it after Big Mac?

[drone_r0m-3]

Personally, I think the bitch was insane doing that photoshoot for Vanity Foal.

Want my opinion? I don't give a fuck.

Thanks Twilight! Seriously, if Jenner wasn't already famous would any of us care? Unless you knew her personally, probably not. Honestly I could care less if your gay, straight, bi, transgendered, genderfluid, homoromantic demisexual. To me, you are who you are.

I'll go to Sweet Apple Acres and get myself a Big Mac.

mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2604-Luna_saw_what_you_did_there.jpg

[Dodo Of Chaos]

DAYUUUUUM

[Mynameisamystery]

I'll go to Sweet Apple Acres and get myself a Big Mac.

Dayum gurl you smooth

[Desert Tortoise 22]

I'll go to Sweet Apple Acres and get myself a Big Mac.

Wait! What happened to that whole "Alicorn AIDS" thing? Did Twilight find out it wasn't real or something? Or did you just want to use that pun?

[ferret]

6074393
Continuity!

[Kinetic Heat]

Who in the Seven Hells is Haylyn Jenner?

[Alex Warlorn]

I WANTED TO HEAR ABOUT DISCORD AND THE SMOOZE!!! They were what was funny about the episode!

[Smitty91]

6091165 That's what I'd like to know. I literally have no clue who this guy-turned-chick is.

[Lord-of-Rhodor]

6062955
As a Washingtonian, I can appreciate all the weed puns.