The Best Night Ever
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
The Best Night Ever
To my most unfaithful student,
You've undergone quite the transformation. I suppose you had to study abroad for me to see just how much of a stuck up, snobby, cynical bitch you are. Seriously, where do you get off, you little cunt? Ever since you dropped out of school just to spite me, I have been slowly plotting my revenge, and now, it's time for you and your friends to fucking pay.
So, all of you are quite excited for the Grand Galloping Gala, are you? Think it's gonna be the best night ever? Think again, McBitchy Pants. You and your disrespectful miscreants are in for quite the experience, though. I think I'll save this letter until after everything's over, too.
First off, I know how thrilled Applejack is to have an apple stand in the courtyard. But she's in for a bust. I've instructed all attendees on threat of molestation to not buy a single item from her cart. Then we'll see how uppity she is. That should teach her to try and profit off of my event.
Let's see, who's next? Ah, Fluttershy, every animal's best friend. Not if I have anything to say about it. You think she had a hard time with Philomena? Hardly. She thinks the garden's animals will love and adore her. Well, one simple fear spell cast over the garden, and suddenly, the night becomes hilarious. Bam. Next.
Rarity. Apparently, she's under the impression that any floozy with looks can walk into the Gala, give some royal stallion a hard on, and become a princess. Well, in that case, I believe I will invite my nephew Blueblood to tonight's festivities. Seriously, he's an asshole. The least chivalrous prince you will ever meet. I've lost count of how many hookers he's lost, and he pays well, too. Little Miss Prissy, expecting to be waited on and honored as a proper mare, is in for quite the surprise.
Rainbow Dash? That smart-mouthed tompony lesbian that almost hit me with a cloud at the Best Young Fliers competition? It seems she thinks that she can have a meet and greet with the Wonderbolts. Even if she manages to get into the VIP section, nopony is going to leave the Wonderbolts alone long enough for them to say more than one sentence to her.
Next one up is Pinkie Pie. The wild party pony. The one who ate my fucking cupcake at the tea party. She's in for a rude awakening if she thinks this is gonna be a par-tay with balloons and streamers and dubstep. These are the snobbiest bunch of snobs that have ever snobbed. They are not going to like her attempts at that, and that should prove humorous.
So that only leaves you, Twilight. For months now, you have sassed off to me in your weekly letters, thinking you're all that. Do you know who I am, you filthy whore? I raise the fucking sun each and every morning. You are going to stand next to me the whole night, and you are not to leave my sight. You're going to greet every single pony as they enter the Gala and have a better night than you. I also understand you've been very sexually frustrated during your time in Ponyville. So I think the perfect punishment is to give you just a touch of heat back there to keep you nice and horny all night. Then when everything is said and done we're going to go to the ice cream shoppe down in the market and I'm going to treat you all to banana sundaes with laxative.
That should put you and all your ungrateful friends in line.
Your former teacher,
Princess Celestia of Equestria
P.S.
Ah, it seems the Wonderbolt Soarin' couldn't resist one of Applejack's pies. Well let's just see how he likes MY pie.
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Woo! Reverse POV!
VENGEANCE! Now the only real question is what will Twilight do to get her back? I'm thinking Discord is involved, am I right?
We are sad to announce the death of BriDaHypnoKitty. He passed away after suffering an uncontrollable fit of laughter. We, his parents, blame you.
It was his wish that you continue this story with Season 2.
That is all.
Awww...now she all mad
Seriously, this is fucking hilarious
Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. That last P.S. line just made my day. This explains EVERYTHING. A good conclusion to a good series.
i'm kind of terrified of what the friendship reports will be when the other girls start writing them
and when i say terrified i mean i cant wait
fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/046/7/3/__meme___molestia___by_liara_chan-d4pub9n.png
Fantastic, twisted story my friend! Keep up the great work... though I do hope to see a letter from Twilight about this.
I call it!! this is best letter ever.
oh godammit so funny
also not first :P
Twilight is the bitch, why Celestia made the others suffer?
Oh, right. She doesn't like them.
SEASON 2!
Oh god that was epic! No surprise that Celestia is a vendictive bitch...
Onward to season two!
Most delectable.
I burst out laughing in the first line. Then immediately I felt horrible. Then I kept reading and my jaw slowly dropped. You deserve all sorts of praise and whatever else people give to you for this chapter. I never expected you could trump all your previous chapters combined in only one but I have been hilariously surprised.
Oh yes. Now that is a payoff.
t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTD52YZl1xoekqC64PAtoK-kIBwc6vC6NGDD4Qm8jdCaGv4KC7Hzg
Well.....wow! Remind me not to piss of the Princess.
You just got Trollestia'd.
Nice.
encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTxsYvZvOG3UGBPt3pwEbZTtAYaStq5fqv9QUIWDg8927ZQ99rY
This explains everything.
What we have all waited for finally happened. Now, for season 2.
HEADLINES FROM CANTERLOT! MENTOR-STUDENT RELATIONSHIP CRACKS AS PRINCESS CELESTIA TAKES VENGEANCE ON TWILIGHT SPARKLE! GRAND GALLOPING GALA RUINED BY BATTLE OF THE TITANS! SOARIN' THE WONDERBOLT ACCUSES CELESTIA OF RAPE! HOSTILITIES ARE EXPECTED TO CONTINUE THROUGH SEASON TWO!
....I can't like this chapter. I just can't. That's all there is to it.
This is win. That is all.
Please go on to Season 2, this is too excellent to stop.
1305308 Comments like these are meaningless unless you actually back up your criticism.
1305330 Didn't realize 51 was a horde. If anything, I'd say the readers who thumbed it up are the horde.
1305354 No comment at this time.
this was easily the best one and that last line sealed the deal
Moral, don't mess with the sun. Good story. ROFL!
Okay...going to be honest, not my favorite. Suitably funny, yeah, but...I dunno. As I'd been reading these, I always figured that part of the humor was that, despite Twilight being a bitch of the highest order, Celestia was still her canon personality. So...a bit of a troll, but in the "mostly harmless" sense, as opposed to the sadisticly vindictive version here.
Related to that...okay, so yeah, Twilight is...well, Twilight, AJ is trying to make money off a royal event, Pinkie stole her goddamn cupcake, and Rainbow threw a cloud at her. Not...entirely sure why she's decided to ruin Fluttershy and Rarity's night. Worst Fluttershy did was try to take care of Philomena, which seems like Trollestia would enjoy that outcome, and Rarity...until season two, I'm not entirely sure Celestia would have given a damn about Rarity. And it can't be a matter of "hurt your friends to hurt you," since the iteration of Twilight hates her "friends." So...seems odd to take revenge on those two.
All that sad...I mean, yeah, it was a funny one, at points (despite the oddity of punishing Rarity, the insults against Blueblood were fantastic), but it was...not what was expected, and, in my mind, not the best of them. Honestly, I had figured this would all end with Twilight with a letter like the rest, detailing how she'd planned for the others to ruin the gala as her revenge against Celestia, and she had the letter prepared to give the Princess after it was all over. Then, the punchline is that Celestia hands Twilight a letter back, and THAT letter counts off exactly what ended up happening, the implication being that, despite everything, she can still play her former student like a fiddle. Or, put in a punchier way, Twilight may be a bitch, but she's Celestia's bitch.
And then Twilight went insane...r, and all were suitably amused.
And SUUUUUUURE you can't comment at this time. We understand exactly what you mean.
1305433 Now THAT, that right there is proper criticism. Thank you.
I mainly wanted to catch readers off guard with the POV switch.
1305453 Brohooves given over the Internet are just as good.
And the icing on the cake:
Then when everything is said and done we're going to go to the ice cream shoppe down in the market and I'm going to treat you all to banana sundaes with laxative.
Great chapter. I hope you decide to do season 2
Ah, Princess Detestia.
Wow, Celestia certainly has a potty mouth.
Not sure if channeling Kamina or Cave Johnson. Either way, a delicious season finale!
That.. was awesome XD
Okay. I was thrown off guard by the change of POV. Now that I read it, I fully expect this to turn into the battle of the trolls. Unless, the reason Twilight had that breakdown in 'Lesson Zero' was because that's when she finally get to read this letter.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
I can almost see this turning into a full blown battle.
The fact that everyone sends letters next season makes it even better! We'll get POV from Everyone!
Celestia , you slippery eel.
Twilight is about to learn: Don't piss off the Princess.
1305143
She tells the Cutie Mark Crusaders to go start an argument on their field trip. Chaos ensues. Literally. Chaos ensues.
You see what I did there?
What the hell, I can't upvote this more than once? This needs more upvote. Like three more.
I would like to I see a second one from either twilight or Celestia about the aftermath.
i767.photobucket.com/albums/xx318/Mana002/1912-so-much-win.jpg
What a bucking TROLL
This is brilliant.
That was AWESOME!
1305433
Celestia Fully Approves this comment.
1305365
I know why I don't like this chapter now. Celestia's attitude is so malevolent, so mean, that it churns my stomach. Her hatred towards Twilight is justified, yes, but everything else is very hard to take.
To deny Applejack a chance of selling her produce is fine; it's a party, food is already provided, but to threaten molestation for any individual that decides that they would like something different is overtly cruel.
Then to Fluttershy. The pony wants more animal friends to spend time with, so Celestia ruins her chance with them. Okay, but why? Celestia is so cruel that she would punish the one that would be willing to face certain punishment to take care of a random bird that she deemed maltreated? Such meanness for meanness's sake is absurd.
For Rarity, having Prince Blueblood stamp out any chance of the designer from getting with royalty isn't bad. I can see how sending your asshole nephew to dissuade others from trying to take advantage of your family is a good idea.
For Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, the very nature of the party is dooming them both, but Celestia's anger at them seems trivial and pointless. One ate your snack and the other nearly got you a little wet; who cares? She could have a thousand cupcakes baked for her at a moment's notice, so why is she upset over one bloody cupcake? And a cloud? A damned cloud is something to be upset at? It's just pointless.
So Twilight gets to see her night ruined, fine. She's kept wanting the entire night, fine. She will even have to deal with poisoned chocolate, fine. Thinking that these stunts will put everyone in line? I don't know.
Rarity will realize that royalty may not be worth it if having to put up with assholes like Blueblood, but she will keep trying anyway. Not really put in line.
For Applejack, all of her goods will get her nothing and she will return without a single bit gained. Put in line.
One missed opportunity to meet the Wonderbolts is not going to dissuade Rainbow Dash; she will just try harder to get the attention she wants. It would take flat out denials from the Wonderbolts to stop her. Not put in line.
Pinkie Pie might be disappointed and sad by the lack of appreciation of her idea of partying, but it is Pinkie Pie. So long as she has friends she can't be put down for long. Not put in line.
For Fluttershy to get frustrated to the point of yelling and chasing the animals is really just a cruel joke that will do little to deny the affection she wants. Plus, like Pinkie, her animals and friends will always pick her back up again. Not really put in line.
For Twilight, one of two things shall happen.
1: She will breakdown and accept what Celestia has said and done and fall in line.
2: Her anger will continue to fuel her to the point that it boils over and something drastic happens.
Number two seems more likely with this Twilight than number one.
Then there is the language that Celestia uses. Calling someone a 'filthy whore' and a 'cunt' aren't very classy ways of insulting an individual and a ruler must have some class, otherwise she comes off as crude or immature. It makes me cringe to read such petty insults.
In summary, the punishments were either overly cruel or going to happen anyway, Celestia didn't fully achieve her goal despite all of her planning, and her language is what I would expect a middle-schooler to be slinging around when no adults are around.
Dear me I do hope Twilight is okay...then again she could likly go find Trixie and score
(not hating on Trixie) I hope by all means that the Mistress (Twilight Sparkle) can find pleasure.
Okay enough of me having fun serously these letters were BRILLIENT
(and a extra smile becuse you might need it after Molestia/Trollestia are done here) 
1305147 Well. I'm not the author, but my condolences to him. :I
1305165
That has got to be the most scariest picture of Molestia I've ever seen, it's so creepy but I can't look away because of how much detail the artist puts into each of her other features besides the eyes.
That's a hilarous end to such a story like this. Celestia gets her revenge and she was the cause of everything that went wrong that night. So are you going to mark it complete now that you're done especially after the couple hours it's been since you posted it or is that what you meant by no comment?
I liked grumpy, sexually-frustrated teenager Twilight. I don't like needlessly vulgar, shallow ten-year-old Celestia.
That said, I'm still looking forward to more episodes. Season one has been hilarious overall, despite the rough spots.