Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

It Isn't the Mane Thing About You

Additional contributions by MixMassBasher.

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Dear Rarity,

My deepest apologies for what happened to your mane.
It appears you took Pinkie’s bottle, which removes stains.
Just be glad you didn’t instead lose all your fur,
otherwise you’d look even worse, I’m sure.

Sincerely,
Zecora

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Dear Rarity,

So you're more worried about your mane than being generous to others? Didn't Mistmane teach you anything?

Your annoyed sister,
Sweetie Belle

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Dear Sweetie Belle,

We've known this for years, so maybe you need another hint or two; out of all of us, your sister has routinely been the shittiest representation of her element. I remember back when the show was at the concept stage, where Lauren had first come up with the Element of Inspiration, which would have fit one hundred times better.

Because at this point, I'm fairly certain that all of us have been more generous than your sister.

Seriously, there was a reason why she got the most protesters after we made copies of that friendship journal and put it out all over Equestria.

Sincerely,
Pinkie Pie

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Dear Rarity,

So, you cut off your tail for a gay sea serpent and think nothing of it, but your mane is what you’re concerned about?

Just go to a wig store. Ponyville seem to have a store for just about any useless household appliance and knick knack. I’m sure there’s even one for kitchen sinks.

Annoyed,
Twilight Sparkle

Author's Note:

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

Card games on unicorns?

[SuperPinkBrony12]

8768054 Beats what they've come up with recent Yu-Gi-Oh! anime seasons. Zexal was card games in an alternate reality, complete with Dragon Ball rip-offs (Duel Visors are Scouters, Zexal and its various stages are Super Sayian, the numbers are dragon balls), Arc-V was card games across the multiverse (and apparently parkour), and the most recent from what I can gather is card games in cyber space (because it's not like the anime has NEVER done that before *Cough Cough* Noah Arc *Cough*).

[NobodieZ]

Here's an idea for a letter,

Dear Twilight and Starlight,

You two are the most powerful magic users in all of Equestria, and yet neither one of you can't fix my hair? Twilight you were able to give Spike and those two little idiot unicorns mustaches for crying out loud!

Confused,
Rarity.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

8768331 Dear Rarity,

You already used magic to accidentally 'remove' your mane, and you know how cryptic Zecora is with her rhymes.

Do you want us to risk making your removal permanent by messing with something? Or would you rather wait a few weeks for the gaurantee that your mane will grow back on its own?

Sincerely yours,
Twilight and Starlight.

[Neko Majin C]

Dear No-Harity,

You think you are so hot with your new up-do? Pshaw! Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle did it better and sexier three seasons ago. Look at that glorious goddess.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/8/15/1225904__safe_artist-colon-theroyalprincesses_spike_twilight+sparkle_alicorn_alternate+hairstyle_balancing_crossed+hooves_duo_pony_punklight+sparkle_sp.png
See how she sparkles and shines? Angels sing out in immaculate chorus when she enters a room. She is the epitome of—

Goddammit, Fax Machine, you just had to ruin our Mistress' perfection by photobombing her. Can you not do anything right? Damn, you suck. Anything to get your screen time, eh?

Anyway, Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle wore it better. And she had the handicap of an ugly green and purple salamander hanging around her like an albatross around her neck.

Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and personal glam photographer,
Neko Majin C.

Post Script: I may or may not have other candid photographs of Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle, but you would never see them if they exist, which they probably do not.

---

---

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~KBO.

[F14m3rz]

Dear Sweetie Belle,

We've known this for years, so maybe you need another hint or two; out of all of us, your sister has routinely been the shittiest representation of her element. I remember back when the show was at the concept stage, where Lauren had first come up with the Element of Inspiration, which would have fit one hundred times better.

Because at this point, I'm fairly certain that all of us have been more generous than your sister.

Seriously, there was a reason why she got the most protesters after we made copies of that friendship journal and put it out all over Equestria.

Sincerely,
Pinkie Pie

Well, her being the Element of Inspiration doesn't matter all that much, because as you've said, that was before the show actually began. By your logic, you should be a white Pegasus with blonde hair named Surprise, and Fluttershy should be an Earth Pony named Posey, and the fact that neither of you are those things is antithetical to being a right and proper representation of what the show should be (Also, Trixie should be a stallion).
Even if it did... you do realize that you guys are labelled the Elements of Harmony, not because of how well you represent the trait, but the actions you display that reflect that trait when it's most important, right? Because I'm pretty sure The Element of Laughter isn't somepony who's good at laughing, The Element of Honesty isn't somepony who can never tell a lie, and the Element of Magic isn't the greatest user of Magic in a given generation. It's somepony who's good at making other people laugh (symbolizing the camaraderie between a group of people), telling the truth when others would lie to spare others' feelings, and Friendship is Magic (the magic potential grows as the bearer understands friendship).
The Element of Generosity, in such a case, isn't a non-profit beneficiary who donates all their earnings to charity. It's a pony who understands what to do when there's someone in need right in front of them, whether it's being a shoulder to cry on, or helping them on their feet.
And last I checked, everypony got flack for reasons that either missed the point of the journal, or went too deep into analyzing what was meant to just be an expression of goodwill to anypony interested in it. Bringing that up as proof that someone isn't suited for something isn't exact;y foolproof.

Dear Rarity,

So, you cut off your tail for a gay sea serpent and think nothing of it, but your mane is what you’re concerned about?

A clean cut of hair to give somepony an offering of goodwill is not the same as having your hair be rent to tatters by pure accident.

[Raul]

8771055
Not much better. Weaker if anything. Buckshot and birdshot do so little to larger animals, and wont stop a hog like a decent revolver, and slug is so inaccurate and also physically taxing it is too impracticable to really compare. Automatic shotguns are even worse, sacrificing to those other things even more so.

[Voldine]

8771007 Syndrome. Trust me.

[Alex Warlorn]

No. Go to Trixie and ask for her help, she was clearly able to modify manes however she pleased, that makes her more powerful than Starlight and Twilight Sparkle!

[Somber Star]

8769551
I'm pretty confident that the meaning of the Elements and who got assigned which ones was always the subject of much debate, and ultimately reached the point where the creators decided it would be best if they were abandoned altogether. Which is what they did.

Friendship isn't magic. It takes time, effort, and consideration of other's feelings. It offers little to nothing in exchange for these and is more prone to dying for no reason than a parakeet. The friendships that exist between young girls are the worst about this. Twilight is the Element of Magic because it would be literally impossible for her culture to exist without ponies being able to bend the laws of their reality to suit their needs. Because the alternative would be addressing the dire necessity of learning how to cope with the inevitable dissolution of friendships in a manner approaching maturity, and we can't have that.

Honesty from a girl is precious because it's rare. That's probably why Applejack is so popular. Also, a lot of guys who like feminine things (such as Bronies and SU fans) are pretentious douchebags subject to an impulse to like things that most other people aren't expected to. To address your point specifically, a claim to honesty holds no weight if you only tell the truth when everyone around you is lying. This is a matter I take seriously as someone who is pathologically honest. I can't help myself. I can't keep secrets unless I've forgotten them and it bothers me immensely to think of any occasion where I might have misled someone, intentionally or otherwise. You can't just be "nominally" honest, like AJ. You either are or you aren't.

Allowing yourself to be trampled by others isn't kindness. Europe has spent the past few years learning that the hard way. As bad as it (briefly) made her, Putting Your Hoof Down carried in it a vital lesson for Fluttershy that even helped her save her parents from her old weakness and her brother from himself. However, the fans who think that lesson didn't stick because she's doing exactly what she said she was going to do by taking "baby steps" are the kind of fucking morons that give the Brony fandom the reputation it has.

Generosity is a bullshit trait that was forced on the characters because muh consumerism. Girls who want to be like Rarity are encouraged to buy things they don't want so they can give them to others years later as... let's call them "gifts". Inspiration should have been left alone. An art medium encouraging creativity is one of the few examples of forgivable infinite recursiveness.

Laughter is an element that I think would have benefited from better naming. Like I don't know... Fun or Joy, or one of those other precious little things that feminists hate so much. I honestly like Pinkie in spite of her travesty of a palette and voice because correcting her Element wouldn't change her character, but a white coat and blonde mane would at least be less painful to look at.

And finally, that brings us to loyalty, the element that more than magic highlights the fact that this is a fantasy series. Especially since like Applejack, Rainbow Dash holds as firmly to her element as a wet tissue. Which is completely understandable because in spite of her tomboyish behavior, she's still a girl. Loyalty is a self-sacrificing trait that seldom benefits its bearers, so it's only natural that females have no interest in or understanding of it.

At the end of the day, I really think that fans of this series need to sit back sometimes and ask themselves why they like it. More importantly, they need to ask themselves why they like its characters.

For example, I like Twilight because she tries to be rational even though she's often stupid about it, and I can sympathize with that. I like Applejack because she has a strong work ethic and I can respect that. I like Fluttershy because she's willing to leave her house almost every day in spite of being afraid of virtually everything. I like Rarity because under her persona of an insufferable diva hides a genuinely caring pony. I like Pinkie because she wants others to be happy, even if she takes that sentiment to terrifying extents sometimes. I don't like Rainbow Dash because she's a complete bitch who enjoys making others suffer, destroys their things with or without intent, goes insane when things don't go her way, and made her way to the top by harassing her superiors and throwing her peers under the bus.

[F14m3rz]

8775309

I'm pretty confident that the meaning of the Elements and who got assigned which ones was always the subject of much debate, and ultimately reached the point where the creators decided it would be best if they were abandoned altogether. Which is what they did.

Really? Because I'm pretty confident that there was an entire season dedicated to forebears of the Elements of Harmony, and that it was also Season 7, which is the latest season in the show as of this comment.

Friendship isn't magic. It takes time, effort, and consideration of other's feelings. It offers little to nothing in exchange for these and is more prone to dying for no reason than a parakeet. The friendships that exist between young girls are the worst about this. Twilight is the Element of Magic because it would be literally impossible for her culture to exist without ponies being able to bend the laws of their reality to suit their needs.

If friendship doesn't offer anything, then how would people be prone to die from it? Death is an offering to be bestowed upon someone, whether it is asked for or not.
And last I checked, there was a particularly infamous story about two girls who cut another girl 19 times in an effort to prove to Slenderman that they were worthy of becoming his acolytes. And the three of them were friends. That girl is still alive to this day, and those girls are now imprisoned. If there's a trait among women to die more because of friendship than men, I'm not seeing it.
And behind that logic, I suppose there should be an Element of State, an Element of Agriculture, and an Element of Urban Housing and Development. Because the Elements of Harmony don't pertain to what makes a given civilization as a whole function, but what makes a relationship between a group of ponies function. Besides, Plus, I believe that Twilight is the Princess of Friendship, not Magic. If magic is what is supposed to be at the forefront of this show, then I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't be called "Friendship" lessons, a "Friendship" journal, or a "Friendship" letter, and Starlight's rehabilitation would involve learning about "Magic" and not "Friendship".

Honesty from a girl is precious because it's rare. That's probably why Applejack is so popular. Also, a lot of guys who like feminine things (such as Bronies and SU fans) are pretentious douchebags subject to an impulse to like things that most other people aren't expected to. To address your point specifically, a claim to honesty holds no weight if you only tell the truth when everyone around you is lying. This is a matter I take seriously as someone who is pathologically honest. I can't help myself. I can't keep secrets unless I've forgotten them and it bothers meimmenselyto think of any occasion where I might have misled someone, intentionally or otherwise. Youcan'tjust be "nominally" honest, like AJ. You either are or you aren't.

And that's why you wouldn't be the Element of Honesty. In fact, there was an entire episode dedicated to how telling the truth without any regard to the time or circumstance could be detrimental to any sort of social gathering. And telling the truth when it needs to be said is a valiant trait to have, because without it, people would still believe that the Emperor has no clothes.
Honesty is not simply a trait that exemplifies never telling a lie; it exonerates sincerity. There are ways to tell the truth while being strictly insincere about it, exaggerating the connotation of the meaning whilst still being applicable to the the denotation a la plausible deniability.

However, the fans who think that lesson didn't stick because she's doing exactly what she said she was going to do by taking "baby steps" are the kind of fucking morons that give the Brony fandom the reputation it has.

I can agree with that; there are plenty of bronies out there who misinterpret things and add it to a list of things to condemn things for... but that's a trait applicable to everyone who has ever existed. That includes me, and it includes you.

Generosity is a bullshit trait that was forced on the characters because muh consumerism. Girls who want to be like Rarity are encouraged to buy things they don't want so they can give them to others years later as . Inspiration should have been left alone. An art medium encouraging creativity is one of the few examples of forgivable infinite recursiveness.

Hm, giving someone something without expecting anything in return... that only runs with consumerism in the sense of promoting a consumer's interest. This could be seen in the sense of free samples, or limited-time discounted prices. Generosity doesn't ask someone to give someone else to buy untold amounts of money to make someone happy, but to ask someone to give something from their own immaterial possession. This could be applicable with time, understanding, or even advice.

And finally, that brings us to loyalty, the element that more than magic highlights the fact that this is a fantasy series. Especially since like Applejack, Rainbow Dash holds as firmly to her element as a wet tissue. Which is completely understandable because in spite of her tomboyish behavior, she's still a girl. Loyalty is a self-sacrificing trait that seldom benefits its bearers, so it's only natural that females have no interest in or understanding of it.

So in an earlier paragraph, and even preceding ones, you seem to be referring to girls or feminists in a negative light. Don't get me wrong, the term feminism has been greatly stymied by the people who champion it whilst running completely contrary to the message itself, but to put all the blame and miscarriage of actions and toxic beliefs on one sex alone... well forgive me for saying so, but that's a rather feminist-esque thing to do.

I don't like Rainbow Dash because she's a complete bitch who enjoys making others suffer

Yes, she has the gall to play practical jokes; such audacity!

destroys their things with or without intent,

So if she destroys things without intent, how does that make here a "complete bitch"? I believe there was a mare by the name of Derpy who was destroying a town hall that was supposed to be fixed by complete accident, but I don't believe that the term "complete bitch" would properly describe her.

goes insane when things don't go her way,

Right, because as we all know, there are no other characters in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic who go insane when things "don't go their way".
i.ytimg.com/vi/BXpXSUf-Dlg/maxresdefault.jpg
i.ytimg.com/vi/rwp60eYuie0/maxresdefault.jpg
thumbs.gfycat.com/OrneryIndolentIndigowingedparrot-max-1mb.gif
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/4/40/Demon_Sunset_Shimmer_enraged_EG.png/revision/latest?cb=20130725224053
Rainbow Dash is a total outlier because reasons, and it is for these reasons that her going insane is a bad thing.

and made her way to the top by harassing her superiors and throwing her peers under the bus.

"to the top"? She's just a cadet. She's only gotten where she is, because she called out Lightning Dust for endangering people's lives with a tornado stunt (which isn't so much "throwing your peers under a bus" so much as it is being a rational human being), and then she was promoted from the reserves to a full-fledged member for managing not to screw up too many times. I'm fairly sure she hasn't magically supplanted the role of Captain of the Wonderbolts from Spitfire, otherwise there'd be some heavy headway in the community in that respect.