Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Hard To Say Anything

Additional contributions by MixMassBasher.

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Dear CMC,

If you needed Big Mac to confess his secrets, why don’t I use my blabber spell on him like last time?

Yours faithfully,
Starlight Glimmer

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Dear Starlight,

Because in order to successfully ask her out, he would have to, you know, shut up long enough to get a response from her.

Sincerely,
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo

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Dear CMC,

What did we tell you about giving love poison to Big Mac to ship him with somepony?

You're all grounded!!!

Your sisters and honorary sister,
Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash

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Dear Sugar Belle,

Is it too late to say I'm sorry with how I acted like I'm the one for you?

I thought I was your baby and was confident to earn your affections, but I may have gone a little overboard. I didn't understand at first what do you mean by how I was acting, but now I know better. My apologies. I just don't know how to carry on a conversation. You couldn't let me love you, especially with where are you now, with that stallion, Big Mac.

I hope we can just remain friends after this. As for me, I'll just go back to my ex-marefriend; Waverly. Hopefully, she'll still love me.

Love,
Feather Bangs

P.S. Continue to love yourself and your new boyfriend.

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Dear Sugar Belle,

Please send me selfies of you loving yourself.

Sincerely,
Princess Twilight Sparkle

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Dear Princess Cadance,

Fuck you. I just wanted to live in Our Town peacefully and you cause me to be in a love triangle? Go back to caring for your demon spawn.

Your very annoyed mare,
Sugar Belle

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Dear Sugar Belle,

Let's get something straight; just because I am the Princess of Love doesn't mean I am automatically responsible for every single pathetic attempt ponies make at asking others out. You think Celestia catches shit every time somepony gets sunburnt at the beach?

Sincerely,
Princess Cadance

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Dear Princess Cadance,

I assure you, it happens more often than you think.

Sincerely,
Princess Celestia

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Dear Big Mac,

What the hell, you shallow apple hauling hick? Clearly we still had a thing for each other even after the love poison wore off. So now you're invalidating all of that for a baker half a continent away?

Get bent,
Cheerilee

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Author's Note:

A couple years ago, I asked my community of readers if there were any vector artists who could update the cover to accommodate Starlight's addition to the cast for Season 6. Several graciously responded, and I had an insanely hard time choosing.

Now, I think it's time to finally swap out for one of the runners-up by Sollace, whose contribution still makes me giggle madly every time I look at it.

Every. Single. Time.

Comments

[MixMassBasher]

Dear Big Mac,

What the hell, you shallow apple hauling hick? Clearly we still had a thing for each other even after the love poison wore off. So now you're invalidating all of that for a baker half a continent away?

Get bent,
Cheerilee

Dear Cheerilee,

Mm-hmm

-Marble Pie

[milesprower06]

8607538
I completely forgot about Marble. Mac really gets around, doesn't he?

[Alex Warlorn]

8607538

Two possible shippings they could have gone with, and they invent a new one out of nowhere. Boo. Bad writing. Not to mention how the hell was Big Mac making several trips to Our Town in a row when it was implied before to in the middle of nowhere and a VERY VERY good distance from Ponyville? This is the first episode of the series I officially refused to watch.

[milesprower06]

8607554
Even way back in Season 5 (hell, back in Season 3 even), I wondered why there were rail termini at all these out-of-the-way destinations.

It's happened twice: The Crystal Empire. If it was gone for a millennium, I find it hard to believe the rails towards a frozen wasteland of nothing would be maintained for that long.

And Our Town. Sure, it wasn't RIGHT at the town, but that one makes more sense than the Empire.

[MixMassBasher]

8607554
The Pie and Apple family may be related. So incest is not a good idea for the show.
Cheerilee and Big Mac got together due to a love potion.

There is also the case that Big Mac can change love interests overtime. That happens in real life more often than not.

[milesprower06]

8607564
Everypony knows incest is wincest.

[Alex Warlorn]

8607564
The idea that cousins will automatically result in deformed children is a stereotype brought on because FOREIGNERS did it, so of course it had to be bad. (Double-cousins on the other hand...)

[Gyro Pony]

I've always preferred the "runner-up" cover pic with Glim Glam in the cannon.

Just suits the theme of your story.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

8607564 The Pies and the Apples are distantly related, if they're related at all. I'm not sure exactly how it's classified, but I think it's not incest if it's second cousin or farther. Case in point, Franklin Roosevelt married a distant cousin of his, Elenaor Roosevelt, who's uncle happened to be Theodore Roosevelt. No one batted an eye.

[Streakofscarlet]

Yup, I can see why this one was the runner up.

[Vigriff]

Those three mares remind of those women from Beauty and the Beast.

[titanhades70]

Maybe Starlight introduced them to make up for the speaking thing. 😈

[Neko Majin C]

Dear Feather Bangs,

I would advise you not to let the Cutie Mark Crusaders help you woo the Bimbettes. I mean, the Schuyler sisters. No, wait, the Del Rubio triplets. No, I believe they were Brittany, Jeanette, and Eleanor. Anyway, do not let them help you. When they are not doing the one thing they are good at, helping some pony get their cutie mark, they are ticking disaster bombs just waiting to explode in your face. And not the good kind of exploding in your face. Sure, they will get the job done, but along the way, they will make you an arsonist, a rapist, and a jaywalker.

Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and accidental arsonist, rapist, and jaywalker,
Neko Majin C.

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~KBO.

[Gingerquill]

8619082
Time well spent! lol

[Alex Warlorn]

Sugar Belle doesn't have long to live.