Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
The Return of Harmony, Part 2
Dear Princess Celestia,
Um...okay, maybe, maybe this wasn't such a great idea. I mean, I don't know where it all went wrong. My friends were so much better once Discord messed with their heads or whatever. Rarity kept on trying to keep the others away from her rock...I mean, her 'gem', while Fluttershy kept poking at it, and for some reason, Applejack was trying to hump it. But, as amusing as it was at first, it began to get a little annoying. Especially with Discord laughing in all our faces. I suppose somewhere in this mess is the lesson of being careful what you wish for. On the way back to Ponyville, Discord decided he wanted to see Ponies on Ice, and turned the dirt roads into soap. Fluttershy even began abusing Fax Machine when we all went back to the library. It would've been funny, but then Rarity forced me to break the front door with 'Tom', seriously, she's named the damn thing now, and Fluttershy then slammed the empty mop bucket down on my head. Needless to say, I was starting to get a little pissed. So I whipped out the Elements of Harmony to undo the chaos I had unleashed. Rainbow was nowhere to be seen, so I decided to see if Fax Machine could finally make himself useful for once. Discord was all like 'come at me bro', and for good reason, because our attempt was pretty useless. But I don't know why! When we used them to battle Nightmare Moon, I found these friends of mine just as annoying! What's different?
Then, something happened. Something terrible. When everypony went their separate ways, something inside snapped. I felt...regret. Loneliness. I actually felt SORRY for how I had treated everypony! What the hell is up with that?!? That's not who I am! So I go back up to the library, hoping I wasn't turning over a new leaf, and found Fax Machine regurgitating all the letters I sent to you, which can mean only one thing.
You haven't gotten a SINGLE one of these letters! He's been keeping them inside his fat ass for all these months! So essentially, I've been here for no fucking reason at all! But then, I began to read them, and again realized what I had come here for. I wanted to come here and show Ponyville how much better I was than all of them. I came here to help them live a better life through my vastly superior knowledge, to point out their flaws and turn them into new ponies. I needed my friends back to the way they were, so I can feel like myself again!
First I went to get Applejack, then me and her went and bonded with Fluttershy. Okay, okay, we tried to have a bondage session with Fluttershy. Then we finally convinced Rarity to break up with Tom. I mean, the relationship was going nowhere. We're not quite sure what happened to Pinkie, but we found her in a wagon, laughing her ass off, so we just went along with it. Last but not least was the cheating whore. After Fluttershy asked very politely for permission to rape her, we eventually caught up to her, tied her down, and restored her memories. What, you were expecting me to go somewhere else with that?
So we found Discord lobbing chocolate milk grenades, and we at last were able to clean up my mess. We gave Discord a hard-on that will, quite frankly, last forever. So you can have him back. So then you decided to throw this huge celebration for us in the throne room. I mean, damn, you'd have thought we blew up the moon or something.
Your former student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S.
Hey Princess, I know that with the letters you returned, you were just trying to show Twilight just how much of a bitch she is, and try to change her behavior, but I have to say, it didn't really work. She thought I had kept them all along, and you didn't get a single one. So I'd say it's probably safer to let her live in her own little fantasy world, treat her friends badly and let them deal with her. I mean, why should we get involved? I'm a dragon and you're an alicorn. She's gonna die long before we do, either of natural causes or because one of her friends finally decided to shut her the fuck up. So just let her do her thing. It'll be much easier for us that way. -Spike
Lol Spike.
-Minty
Oh god, the lulz.
Truer words have only been spoken once before Spike. But you can't really compete with "Bacon is fucking delicious."
I think Fax machine has the right idea.
True that Spike.
Star Wars reference? Priceless.
I'm surprised she didn't mention beating the crap out of her friends. I would think that would be the highlight of her day.
Well that was just fun lol
Fax Machine. Still makes me laugh.
What kind of behavior change was Celestia expecting from this Twilight become a good pony from this.
LIke the addition with Spike in it but then what about his crush with Rarity then... and oh boy we're going to hear lots of hissy fits from the rest of the mane cast soon.
Now we all know what's coming next
Not that I mind complete bitch Twilight but I was actually hoping we'd see character growth. Perhaps a "I still hate you Celestia, my friends are still idiots but I love them all the same".
Somehow Spike is Still Best Pony
One of the best yet, imho.
Blew up the moon? The pun has been doubled!
I enjoy the oddness of this story, but felt this one was lacking and shows the story to be somewhat lacking overall at this point. Just because we're seeing bitchy Twilight for kicks doesn't mean she can't grow as a character or anything. Hell, she could've grown to be even worse as a result of this. Like realizing that the 'regret' she felt was Discord or something, and knowing that Doing 'wrong' (and thus having regret) is the direct opposite of her nature which then bolsters her to be even more proactive in her pursuit of proving her Unicorn supremacy to the Earth pony village.
Also, it was hard for me to enjoy this one as it took a plothole turn with Twilight thinking Spike had all the letters this whole time. Twilight knows all the letters got to Celestia as the alicorn knew about them and even mentioned she got all of them from her bitchy former student for the "Best Night Ever" revenge plot and letter she sent Twilight's way. Still, I did enjoy the commentary about just "outliving" the problem from Spike as an option for the two of them. That could lead to a new character dynamic we haven't seen yet.
what about the end of season 2,a canterlot wedding
I was kind of expecting something like this (italicized part mine):
Lesson Zero and Luna Eclipsed are the ones I want to see the most.
i think fax machine needs to learn his place
Oh Spike
I'm now eagerly awaiting the next two letters, they're gonna be brilliant!!
fax machine
1322868 but at first she didnt call them friends but she does so there is slight character developement
Great chapter, have this picture of Spike.
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTT1cQv9FeYkckCPiALsrmEqKP_iccXYFnPAF73V2INLjhmeQbaVA
Scootaloo is a chicken, Fluttershy is a tree, Sweetiebelle is a dictionary, Spike is a fax machine and Applejack is made of dark matter.
What do all of these things have in common? They're all canon.
1323450
Applejack is made of what?
HA I enjoy this a little to much I think...i realy want to see lesson zero and Lunar Eclipsed but i REALY wanna see Cantorlot wedding the most
Spike, you brilliant bastard. *hugs for fax machine* :D
1323484
There's a video around the internet about a guy explaining the odd physics of the world of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" using 3 examples: the Sonic Rainboom during the Best Young Flyer Competition, the scene when Applejack catapults Rainbow Dash in one of the first episodes and the scene where Fluttershy falls from the clouds before getting her cutie mark. In the second example, the guy says that RD couldn't go so high unless Applejack is made of dark matter.
1323484
Short Version: physics of the Dashapult says that AJ should be really fucking heavy, like should weigh her volume in Dark Matter, or Neutron Star matter, as well as the butterflies that saved Fluttershy.
Long version:
A neutron star (the remains of a large star after it goes supernova, specifically what's left of the core) is basically one giant atom nucleus.
Understand that, if a hydrogen atom was expanded to the size of a football stadium, both in volume and weight, you'd have a few marbles at the 50 yard line, and a droplet of water for the electron (moving in such a way that it looks like a stadium-filling cloud, with ONE drop of water). Understand that a star-- ie, the sun-- is 99% of a solar system's mass (ie; a fraction of that 1% is EARTH), along with the above proportion that the weight is mostly in nucleuses. Something like 1/4 (guesstimating) of that would then in the Neutron star, in a space of about 15 miles across, making it incredibly dense and heavy--- the stadium, the cloud keeps one atom from sharing the same space with another: two atoms side by side, two stadiums side by side, most of the weigth is just that handful of marbles. Now remove the cloud, so you can fit as many marbles as you want into a stadum: you then have a stadium-sized mass of glass or rock; ie; crazy heavy. Any denser, a black hole forms, and a neutron star itself is so heavy, that spacetime is so bent, that the light you'd see around the sides is actually from the back of a neutron star.
Dark matter is actually semi-hypothetical still (understand that how the ley-person says "theory" and "law", a scientist says "hypothesis" and "theory", ie; theory of gravity), but we're pretty sure it's real. Newtonian gravity is actually flawed at certain scales, but Einstein perfected it--- and he still thought he was wrong, because he was "forced" by his equations to add a Constant to his equation for gravity, which he thought was both cheating, and incorrect.
In several observations, the biggest being the spin of galaxies at the edges seemed to be too fast, but basically there were problems with what was being observed vs what the theory said--- some would have been fixed by making gravity stronger (as in the case that the galaxies were spinning too fast, so stronger gravity would give them the energy to move that fast, to correct how much gravity the stars we could see should have been able to produce (much less than there should have been, in order to make the galaxies spin as fast as we were seeing)), but others would have been solved by making gravity weaker.
Dark Matter and Dark Energy were proposed: in both cases, "dark" means "we're in the dark about it, fuck-all if we know what it is".
Dark matter is (problably) non-baryonic (normal matter like you, me, and our computers are baryonic matter; they can touch and stuff), in that it doesn't interact (like by touch) with normal matter, except indirectly through gravity, hence one of the proposals of Weakly Interacting Massive Particles (WIMPs)--- they should be heavy as fuck, except they can't touch normal matter. By mapping out gravitational lensing (ie; the light from the backside of the Neutron Star being visible from the front; gravity warps light, and in space just looking for where light looks smudged, but we weren't seeing enough stars to account for it), we've been able to map out where Dark Matter should be, and in the amounts that fit perfectly with our understanding of gravity.
Dark Energy might not be related, but is the placeholder name for a weird effect we're seeing: where there's nothing at all, it's not just being pulled from the outside by gravity, but empty space itself seems to generate some force that pushes out.
But anyways, as I said way up top, some early Brony who happened to be a Physics major did some calculations that said for AJ to send Dash into a "Team Rocket's blasting off again!" by just jumping on the see-saw, she either breaks physics, is secretly made of Dark Matter, or my theory for Earth Ponies, can fuck around with Inertia (an object in motion will stay in constant motion (not accelerate), an object at rest will stay at rest, both unless acted upon by outside Force) at will.
1323450 What do applejack and Equestrian butterflys have in common?
Spike you are awesome
1323192 And the mane six aren't?
1323815 This.
i was like lol spike at the end
1323887 no they are both made out of dark matter
Spike has the right idea.
Spike gets props
This is totally my favorite chapter!! Twilight had character development in the smallest, strangest, most bitchy way.
Nice ending. Very awesome and funny take on things.
I really like this, but it's not as funny as it once was. I don't know if that's a good thing, or a bad thing.
You tell 'em,
Fax MachineSpike!Perhaps the princess should try a good, old-fashioned spanking. Or put an enchanted shock-collar on her that zaps her every time has a mean thought or some such.
"I mean, damn, you'd have thought we blew up the moon or something."
I literally laughed out loud. emphasis on the loud. Damn that one was good.
Wait, so, has "Fax Machine" been writing all these letters like in the show as the addition at the end would suggest?
If so, I can't believe he's still there with all the slave labor jokes about him.
unless she find a spell to turn her self into a alicorn
Wow dark spike...
why have I not read this yet??
The red font is my reactions.
I just got the innuendo.