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Rambling Writer

Our job is not to give readers what they want; our job is to show them things they never imagined. --Walt Williams

Comments ( 79 )

Personally, I love hot peppers.

But eating a whole pack of them though... The consequences would be devastating.

Well, that was funny. Not the "terrible consequences" that I imagined. :rainbowlaugh:

“He’s not that white-bread.

That's a phrase I never thought I'd read in a My Little Pony fan fiction. Also, Sandbar's not white. :trixieshiftleft:

Heh Silly Book horse.

No, falcon.

I would've guessed blue jay. Is that chromist? It feels chromist.

Three is the minimum number of occurrences required to establish a pattern. And so on and so forth.

Three is the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three.

Delightful stuff, and a brilliant way to work actual biochemistry into a fun story. And I wholly accept the idea that "For science" is Twilight's answer to "Hastur" or "Bloody Mary." Thank you for this.

No mention of Beetlejuice?

lol okay that was hilarious, those were some really hot peppers! :raritywink::rainbowlaugh:

And that last bit was the icing on the cake, classic! :twilightsheepish:

”There’s a protein called the transient receptor potential cation channel subfamily V member 1, and you’re already tuning me out, aren’t you?”

No Fluttershy please keep going D:

Uhhhh, I bet you can't eat this really hot pepper!

Uhhh, I bet you I can! Gimme that! Ah-num-num-num-num-num! :B

(Really obscure Youtube reference is obscure... but it has to do with lazars...)

“He’s not that white-bread. He’s dating Yona.”

There needs to be more fanart of this ship... on e621... as anatomically accurate as possible! IN SUPER-HIGHRES CLOSEUPS!!! :rainbowwild:

“Oh, that’s very interesting!” In the right contexts, Fluttershy could be even more enthused about knowledge than Twilight. “There’s a protein called the transient receptor potential cation channel subfamily V member 1, and you’re already tuning me out, aren’t you?”

And now I love Fluttershy. Come and biology with me, Yellow One!


But three isn’t merely magical; it’s ritualistic. Perhaps nothing would have happened if Ocellus had only said “for science” twice. (Astute individuals may note that the phrase has three syllables.) But with her third utterance, she unknowingly invoked something deep within the fabric of reality. Something had been called. And something would answer.

You were right.


SCIENCE!! :twistnerd:

Starlight kneaded her temples like she was nursing a hangover. “Oh, stars above. Why were the three of you even running around with pepper spray in the first place, anyway?”

Gallus and Smolder didn’t even open their mouths. They simply glanced at Ocellus, who said emphatically, “For science.”

Not sure if that's a reasonable alibi, but at least Twilight can roll with it.

Also, with the amount of times that I have seen 'For Science' in this fic, I have the urge to play PORTAL again... xD

lol Twilight is like Beetlejuice where you say science three time she comes.

i wonder if book also works

I think the applicable words to summon her are to say the words 'science', 'book', 'library', 'magic', or 'Friendship' three times in a row.

Of course, it entirely depends on the circumstances. There can be others

So...does anyone else get Beetlejuice vibes from Twilight in this? I mean, that's how he pops up in the cartoon...or Lydia appears in the Netherworld, but that seems to need her to be in her room. Still, this made me smile, a lot, and it was a lovely little time. Also, as someone who's been hit with pepper spray(High School cops were a bit overzealous with the stuff) it does indeed hurt, like, a lot.

Twilight put quill to paper and leaned in close, examining Ocellus as if she were prey. “Tell me moooooooore.”

Well Sir, a Fast Breeder Reactor works by.......


Aint TRaP1V the protien they found out codes for neural response to pain overall, and how much it responds from zero or full gives if a person feels no pain, to always feeling as if they are on fire medical conditions?

They couldnt aim for channel blocking in general, because the other 6 varient code for things like neural transmission in the brain, and pacemaker conduction in the heart amongst others?

Couldve been worse. They couldve found it while in Frat, and decide to try the toothpaste or other products. Fortunately they aint that age rated and dumb yet? :moustache:

Dammit, Rambling, I love your one-shots. :rainbowlaugh:


Edit: Also, capsaicin on birdseed sounds like a good way to deter squirrels from eating out of bird feeders IRL.

It really is! There are different capsaicin-based sauces you can put on bird seed for this exact purpose. My family uses it and it works great. And if you use suet feeders, some blocks have the sauce already baked in. (In fact, part of the inspiration for this came from researching why the sauce worked at all.)

“He’s not that white-bread. He’s dating Yona.”


“Also monster defense,” added Smolder. “You know what Ponyville’s like.”

True dat

Castle Formerly Belonging to Sparkle

I think Namepending Castle still sounds better

“No, falcon. Although I did know a chicken griffon some time-”

And Gabby is an adorable pigeon

“-wanted to see how my shapeshifting made it work on me!” Ocellus bounced up and down, buzzing her wings. “Oh, wow, that’s an amazing idea! Let’s do it! Now!” She smiled a smile that shouldn’t appear on the face of someone about to have chemical weapons tested on them.

Little nerdling

“ Sweet Queen below! ” shrieked Ocellus. She clutched her face and dropped to the ground. “ My face is burning! Why did I want my face to be burning?! ” She dissolved into an undoubtedly uncouth array of buzzes and clicks.

You literally asked for it

“Nagas,” said Ocellus. “Yes, I have noticed.”

Did I miss that one in the series finale?

Rule of 3

I knew it was my favorite number for a reason.

Starlight pushed Twilight’s tail out of her face and cleared her throat. “Twilight, shouldn’t you be talking with the Griffon Council about relations with Griffonstone? And not having a swarm of angry birdcats attempting to break into all of Equestria’s banks next year? And actually having a codified Griffon Council in the first place?”

Yeah, come on bookhorse, get it together.


I should mention this to my brother: he has a house in the mountains and last year he had trouble with a bear breaking into some of his bird feeders.

That sounds like a good way to piss off a bear, which is probably not the best idea.

I really, really thought this would be about how the back end of Gallus is mammalian...

*picks up a can of pepper spray*
*looks at Alondro*
*looks at the can*

Obligatory reminder that Gallus literally translates to "rooster" so he really ought to have some chicken in him even if it's just Scootaloo no, no, we've established that she can fly underwater and is therefore a penguin. The "second-dumbest bird" part probably applies as well, although don't ask me who the winner is.

Tagging 10016427 because he got here first and might get a chuckle.

And now that I've actually started reading the fic...

“A little bird told me.” Ocellus whistled and held up her hoof. A chickadee fluttered down, alighting gracefully. “Professor Fluttershy’s been helping me speak to animals!”

This joke never ceases to be hilarious, and of course changelings would be able to learn that sort of thing. They can cheat their way into most kinds of magic by the nature of what they are.

“Besides, she liked how well we ambushed her.” A few scraps of Smolder’s anxiety fell away as she puffed her chest out.

“And that makes it better?” demanded Starlight.

“…Wait, you mean it doesn’t?”

Remember Starlight, foreign culture is foreign.

“Here in Equestria, we don’t ambush heads of state with pepper spray! Never! And what sort of place is this that that even needs to be a lesson?!

“One in Ponyville?” suggested Gallus.

It's funny because it's true. This is absolutely the insanity capital of Equestria.

"This story is hot right now"
How appropos.

Gallus saying he's not a chicken... He clearly skipped latin.

Or Candyman. Or Bloody Mary. Or...


It's actually sold in powder form as an additive to keep squirrels off, so yes.


Actually, "book book book" is known to trigger some very pegasi-ish reactions in Twilight Sparkle, including nesting on a pile of said bibliogical materials.

Sufficiently interesting reading material can make her more magpie than alicorn.

Huh... Good to know...

Now I wonder what happens if Friendship is said three times in a row :rainbowlaugh:

This didn't actually go how I expected going in, but at the same time, it feels like it still reached the perfectly logical conclusion regardless. :rainbowlaugh:

We need more Young 6 stories like this, with them basically just goofing around. :twilightsmile:

Of course he's not. Clearly, he's a pale, light grayish spring bud color (at least according to the internet). :raritywink:

Well, I tried all five you suggested earlier just now so to see what would happen, but considering Twilight appeared after the first and was already here for the remaining four that then immediately followed, my results thusly remain inconclusive. Clearly, this will require further experimentation... :trixieshiftright:

Hmm... experimentation, but perhaps change the variables a bit. See what words work best compared to others and maybe combine some together.

Comment posted by Tinandel deleted Jan 4th, 2020

Much like the capsaicin in the bird feeder to deter squirrels, Significant Other likes to season his pizza slices with slices ghost pepper to "deter poaching behind his back". Unlike Sandbar, I am that white-bread, so the first time I nicked his pizza slice (or gave him a full-on kiss after he had been snacking on pickled ghost peppers at lunch in the canteen) the results were...dramatic

This was so much better than I expected from the blurb. Inventive, silly. Well done.

10016747 "second dumbest bird" - I have seen both wild and domesticated turkeys, and I have seen Guinea fowl. I dispute your findings.

"So... if peppers don't do anything for dragons, what do you guys use to make your food spicy?"

"Ever heard of mustard gas?"

Great little short story, and an educational one at that! :rainbowlaugh:

I hear that mailmen fear territorial turkeys and geese more than rabid dogs, because pepper spray doesn't do squat against birds.

10016739 Alondro is currently spraying himself in the mouth with pepper spray. "What? It's GOOD!" :pinkiecrazy:

10017309 Spicy food for dragons: gems soaked in hydrofluoric acid. :fluttershbad:


Joking about war crimes. Classy.

Anyway, I keep dried prik kee noo peppers around which are about 50,000 scoville. Jalapenos are only 10,000.

They're nicely hot and also quite fruity as far as peppers go. Flaked prik kee noo goes great on pineapple pizza. And in waffle batter.


Well, it's not like he's going to feed it to the bear personally. But I suppose we don't want to risk the bear breaking into the house and drinking all the milk.

I came here to say that I was disappointed in the ending because it chickened out. I get why they decided not to use the stuff on ponies after all - but spraying Ember with the stuff reeeeeeally should have led to ponies getting exposed somehow, by her rubbing up against them trying to get at the practical jokers or something. As it stands, all the buildup over capsaicin leads to 'and then we attacked her with squirt pistols'.

I was quoting Pratchett, so bring it up with him... Wait, crap, he's dead. Never mind then.

Amusingly enough, mustard is spicy via a non-capsaicin chemical and therefore might actually work.

10017606 "and then we attacked her with (chemically laced) squirt pistols" - And this is not funny... why?

A-ha! I've come up with an explanation: the nictating membrane. It's that clear membrane some animals have which go over the eye. Smolder was expecting the pepper spray attack, so her body automatically prepared by having the membrane cover her eye, keeping them safe from the spray. BUT because Ember was ambushed and not expecting it, her body had no time for the membrane to move, thus getting it into her actual eye.

Which, in turn, led to rage filled fire breathing.


If Ember was affected by the stuff, I retract my complaint. I just don't think the whole "super hot stuff" gag pays off if it doesn't end in them called on the carpet for successfully macing someone, even if inadvertently. And if Ember was affected, it isn't clear in the text.

Wait. We just... We just end???? right there????? WITHOUT ANY WARNING!?!?!?


The pepper spray was likely no more unpleasant than any other random liquid sprayed directly into the eyes, but that's still pretty unpleasant.

Ahh! The story is so hot rignt now!

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