• Member Since 30th Nov, 2015
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Rambling Writer


Our job is not to give readers what they want; our job is to show them things they never imagined. --Walt Williams

T

Twilight is on the cusp of leading Equestria for a year. It's been an easy year with no major difficulties. No wars. No natural disasters. No villains.

At least until a villain from the far, far future appears in Twilight's throne room. She's escaping defeat at Twilight's hooves, with one thought in mind: she won't be stopped if Twilight doesn't exist in the future. And here's Twilight's past self, right in front of her. Easy.

Unfortunately, she's not the only villain with this idea.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 76 )

this was wonderful

This was really funny and well written.

Also, I think a Triple Diamond Dog Dare is an even more un-Celestia-like think to do than a Triple Dog Dare, but only because Raven thought she'd never be able to be friends with the princess.

Princess Moondog, eh? Eh?

“Only if you think five thousand, nine hundred and ten words is long,” said Discord. “Still a bit wordy, in my opinion.” And he was gone.

You meta son of a :yay:

This was beautiful. That trolling, oh that trolling :rainbowlaugh:

I love that Twilight managed to schedule even her time travelling villain attacks.

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That... Is an extremely Twilight thing to do.

Past Twilight is probably annoyed it wasn't on the checklist and Future Twilight probably did this to teach Twilight to be less by the book.

That was amazing. No surprise coming from you, though.

First off, you have to acknowledge the fact that Diachrony at least wanted to kill her for the sake of science. Twilight surely should have appreciated that.

And not the kind Princess Moondog can interfere with, either!

It's official! Princess of Dreams! Also:

“‘Layabouts’? Holy Moondog, do you hear yourself?”

I love how Moondog's name replaced 'Sweet Celestia.' Guess working with dreams really earns you that respect.

And when I’m through with you, I’ll find Amanita, and-

Woah. I wasn't surprised by a Moondog reference, but a Hinterlands reference? Damn, props for that.

Awesomeness! Faved! :yay:

“ And when I’m through with you, I’ll find Amanita, and- ”

Poor Amanita, maybe she wouldn’t have to deal with crazed fellow necromancers if she stays in prison forever and then some more.:twilightoops:

Now that was hilarious! I especially loved all the little references the other fanfics strewn throughout. Well done!

Dang it, I wish I'd thought of this! :rainbowlaugh: Very well done.

Oh man that was amazing. I especially loved the moondog references. Well done.

This was pure GOLD! I do wonder how Sparkle is going to deal with her time traveling troublemakers

yes but you forgot the antiheroes that have to also show up to stop the villains! can't have a good temporal assasination without the antiheroes

Sheesh. That much tying all this timey-wimey stuff together, they probably fragmented the timestream a few times for good measure.

Ah well, Sparkle snagging them all should fix it. Mostly.

And then there's that one villain Sparkle forgot, who upon seeing the destroyed throne room decides "Hey you know what? Maybe this friendship thing ain't so bad! I'll uh... I'll just see myself out yeah?"

.... Or did she? :rainbowlaugh:

Something was up. Even more than usual.

Hmmm, did Future Twilight tell her that so that Voyager would appear at this specific point in time? :applejackunsure:

“Whoa, hey, what?” Voyager smacked Diachrony’s horn to disrupt his magic. “No, nooooo, YOU get to kill her? Puh-leaze, you’re not the one whose entire life’s work was ruined. I’m the gal who gets to kill an alicorn.”

“I beg your pardon?” squawked Diachrony. “She hasn’t ruined my life’s work, she is my life’s work!”

Definetly starting to suspect that Future Twilight told Voyager what she did so that she would appear at this point in time :moustache:

“Princess Twilight!” she bellowed in a voice that made no sound but everyone heard anyway. “As Rigor Mortis, Speaker for the Dead, this I decree! You ruined my greatest day, so I’m ruining yours before it even happens! Your anniversary will never come!”

“Again?” Twilight muttered.

Yeah, future you definitly tricked them all into appearing at this point in time to interfer with each other :trollestia:

“‘Layabouts’? Holy Moondog, do you hear yourself?” asked Voyager, snickering. “You sound worse than my great-grandpa.

Well now i'm just curious about you're great-grandpa :trixieshiftleft:

“Oh. My. Me,” gasped Discord, unusually quiet. “This is wonderful.”

Isn't it though :pinkiecrazy:

Twilight was about to ask if it was going to get worse when she stopped herself. Yes, yes it would. In fact, simply thinking it was probably enough to-

Of course it is :trollestia:

“Of course!” said Sparkle cheerfully. (Discord gave a little squee of nerd glee.) “Why do you think I’m here? And trust me…” She glanced at the shield and giggled as a war-tattooed hippogriff spawned in. “It’s much more fun the second time around.”

I'd imagine so :trollestia:

Discord’s voice was downright tender. “It’s just so…” Sniff. “…beautiful.” He blew his nose with Sparkle’s tail.

Yes *sniff* yes it is :pinkiesad2:

Absolutely worth reading!
Thoroughly enjoyable!
References!
Fourth wall skullduggery!
So Beautiful!:pinkiehappy:

Twilight, you crazy genius you. Time travel is one of the hardest things to circumvent and you made it looks like a foals game. Brava

This is absolutely wonderful. Such beautiful chaos...

You should do a sequel on sparkles end

Lovin' it!

This reminds me of an SCP story I read once where a guy goes back in time to try and kill Hitler, only to find another dude already there who is like "You're here to kill Hitler. too?". They then proceed to get into an argument over who had the right to kill Hitler, only for another time traveler to show up at the end having already done so, saying "Ha. Were you guys here to kill Hitler?"

Great story with some great comedy, and some sly little references to other fics as well.

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There was also a recent SCP story about killing JFK. With so many people trying to stop him from dying, the Foundation had to keep killing him to make sure everything stays the same

A mad sociologist. You beautiful monster, you!

a bow so half-assed it was practically a mule

Not only is that quote pure gold, but this is the best one-shot I've read, possibly ever.

Normally I stay away from the one-shot format, but this is one short story that actually is a complete idea rather than one that feels like it could be better if it were a full length fic. (I know why there are a lot of one shots like that, because I have about 500 story ideas that I can make a short, entertaining blurb about, but not have the time/motivation to actually complete them. But the point stands.)

And all of your little references are exactly the way references should be in any medium - perfectly understandable to those who won't get the reference. (If it's of the pop-culture variety, it future-proofs it. If it's the "other media" variety, it doesn't require external reading for those less familiar.)

Everyone knows doing a Triple Dog Dare without the Double Dog Dare first is right out.

“You’re a mad… sociologist?” she asked.

"Yes, but nobody pays any attention to the non-hard mad sciences! All of the funding goes to building flashy robots and death rays! It's so unfair! I keep telling people, give me a thousand orphans, a hedge maze and enough cheese, and I can-"

Unfortunately, Sparkle was immune to it, thanks to her much-more-than-a-year of princessing. When she spoke, her voice was breezy and casual. “One of the… unfortunate things about advancing magical theory is that spells that were once difficult become easier to cast. One of those spells was time travel. I realized, with help from my future self, that it would only be a matter of time, ha ha, until a defeated villain managed to go back in time to try to stop me before I could stop them. Not only that, but it would probably happen more than once. I couldn’t control any of that. But I could maybe nudge them all towards picking the same day to interfere.”

Noted: If I ever get sucked into Marvel, I’ll use that stratagem.

This was hilarious and I doubt those villains have enough brains together to figure out this was planned.

Oh. Oh this....

This is brilliant!

I like.

Twilight's right.

You don't just jump to a Triple. Gotta work up to it!

Basic etiquette!

~Skeeter The Lurker

You know, of all of them, Diachrony can just go die in a fire. I hate villains who decide to wreck a peaceful society just "to see what happens," or "because I'm bored." And yes, trying to claim For Science! when you're wrecking civilization as a sociology experiment definitely counts as one of the above.

At least Discord had the excuse of being a literal chaos spirit, who had to rock the boat or die.

I was kind of hoping a bunch of time traveling vigilantes would also sporadically arrive.

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Which is why doing it will short circuit Ravens protocol-driven noggin like giving someone a double wet willy.

Mad sociologist? Now that's a mad villain I can get behind!

“I told you something would happen on the day of her anniversary!” Rainbow yelled to Starlight. “I told you!
“It’s not her anniversary yet!” said Starlight. “It’s the day before!”
“Close enough!”
Starlight rolled her eyes. “Long story?” she asked Twilight.
“Only if you think five thousand, nine hundred and thirty-eight words is long,” said Discord. “Still a bit wordy, in my opinion.” And he was gone.
“Applejack?” Twilight said. “We’ll need some of your strong cider at the party tomorrow.”
Right at that moment, the earth pony named Time Turner walked in the room.
"What did I miss?" he innocently asked.
And then the story was edited.

:trollestia:

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Unfortunately, Sparkle was immune to it, thanks to her much-more-than-a-year of princessing. When she spoke, her voice was breezy and casual. “One of the… unfortunate things about advancing magical theory is that spells that were once difficult become easier to cast. One of those spells was time travel. I realized, with help from my future self, that it would only be a matter of time, ha ha, until a defeated villain managed to go back in time to try to stop me before I could stop them. Not only that, but it would probably happen more than once. I couldn’t control any of that. But I could maybe nudge them all towards picking the same day to interfere.”

Noted: If I ever get sucked into Marvel, I’ll use that stratagem.

Well, Kang the Conqueror is supposed to be the next major story arc now that Thanos has finished.
♪♫:rainbowkiss:

Well, if that is Twilight Sparkle from after reigning for centuries, I suppose ruling Equestria turns you into a troll after a while. Just like with Celestia.

Time travel, it causes more issues than it could possibly ever solve.

Chrono Trigger, Radiant Historia, Zelda, Invader Zim and a few other things have time travel shenanigans that all show where it can all go horribly wrong.

Anyone who messes with time will most likely make themselves cease to exist by doing something that is as seemingly inane as picking up a penny on the sidewalk.

The only way this wouldn't happen is a history forking timeline, which means you created a new time line and the previous one is still going on without you. In this case you would have time travel immunity and could take out your past self, because you came from a timeline where your future self never went back into the past do just that.

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Here y' go. Girl Genius has just what you need...

Such a radical paradigm shift would be a dream to me! And not the kind Princess Moondog can interfere with, either!

(Double-checks author)
Yeah, that checks out.

Raven leaned forward in a bow so half-assed it was practically a mule.

Exquisite.

As was the story as a whole. It's hard being the grease trap of history, but at least Twilight only has to go through this part of it once. Plus, it gave her a preview of what's to come... assuming she had enough presence of mind to take notes. I can hardly blame her if she didn't. In any case, thank you for a delightful bit of Twilit cunning.

Her giggle was a thousand different variations of claws on a blackboard at once.

Ouch...

He shrugged. “But it’s for science. I think you, of all ponies, understand.”

:twilightsheepish:: "Not this time..."

“This IS my inside voice! Would you like to hear my outside voice?!”

:facehoof:: "Please don't; I don't want to replace all the windows again."

The guards gave each other Looks and slowly edged out of the room, treating Twilight the same way you would a malfunctioning thaumatic reactor.

She might as well be one at this point.


Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.

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Ba da ba ba ba ba

Ha! I knew future Twilight would be behind it the moment i saw the premise! Such a Twilight thing to do!

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So evil...that just might work.

A few guards snickered and Diachrony bristled. “As I’ve said before, Milady,” he said testily, “my science may involve studying ponies and critical reasoning with fuzzy data rather than brute-forcing equations and banging atoms together, but that hardly means I’m not a legitimate mad scientist! You saw what I did with those affluent unicorn college students, right? The fifth group, I mean, not the others. Wait, I suppose you-”

He doesn't even have control group
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