Zebras. None of Twilight's friends had even known they existed before seeing Zecora. But zebras exist, and are sorely absent in Equestrian society. Seeing a gap to bridge, Twilight decides to head to Zebrabwe, the zebra homeland, as an ambassador and open diplomatic relations. New friends are new friends, no matter where they are.
But things aren't all as they seem; Equestria isn't the only country interested in Zebrabwe, and definitely not the closest. Zebrabwe has neighbors of its own, and there's a reason zebras in Equestria are harder to find than needles in haystacks.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: "Zebrabwe" was originally "Gondwana" before I decided that the country needed a horse-pun name. Early comments mention Gondwana rather than Zebrabwe.
Chapters (28)
So much for Rarity's fainting couch...
This is actually really good!
Glad Twilight was smart enough to get " the locals say the river is too dangerous, lets assume it is."
My face is up here. Don't stare at the other side!
But seriously, this is a surprisingly good adventure for something I essentially clicked at random off of the front page. Zecora's rhymes are sharp (props for "eyes on"/"horizon" in particular), Twilight's "books have failed me" reaction was great, and Ponente's snark is top-notch:
It does seem rather odd that Twilight is simultaneously worried about making the best possible impression, and making first contact without Zecora; though her reasoning for the latter is reasonable enough, those seem like directly contradictory goals. It also seems a bit odd that there would be a going-away party for a trip of this magnitude without all of their friends there, but on the whole I do applaud your decision to keep the character focus tighter rather than keeping everypony together for the sake of a mostly-unused ensemble cast.
Also, kudos for making all the math work out. (Three hours for 50 miles: the ship can cruise about 16 mph with the engine on. If it requires an alicorn to power, and Twilight can operate the engine 16 hours per day, then then can make about 250 miles per day, which is 20 days across the Celestial Ocean, which roughly tracks with your timeline.) The editing here is really clean, too. It's attention to the little details like that which really show your commitment to your writing.
So yeah, very solid so far. Despite having come here just to make the name pun, this one's easily worth tracking.
Damn, featured after only 11 likes. You're one lucky individual, my friend :P
7125981
Guilty as charged. I really wanted to have the rest of the Mane Six there, but couldn't make them all meaningfully there without having the scene drag on for too long. The glass was half empty either way, so I decided to cut down on the bloat.
Interesting. Looking forward to the next chapter.
This is a most excellent start! Eagerly looking forward to more!
This looks pretty good! I'll track this.
Yup, that's Rarity.
Good story and an promising start.
It's on my tracking list.
But I didn't understand why Zecora stayed on the ship. They should have expected to meet zebras (it's zebraland, after all), and Zecora would be the perfect solution to solve language barriers.
Small question: where does the name "Gondwana" came from? Was it mentioned somewhere or did you just make it up?
7144106 Zecora stayed on the ship because they were just trying to get their bearings on a random stretch of land with no visible settlements and they didn't expect to meet any zebras there. They didn't think she'd be necessary.
Gondwana comes from a supercontinent that formed prior to Pangaea, of which what is now Africa was a part. I'd heard it once upon a time and liked the sound of it. I'd tried names relating to zebras in languages like Swahili, but none of them sounded right.
Just for readers' edification, watercraft right-of-way works on the principle the the more maneuverable craft gives way to the less maneuverable craft. When talking of motorboats, generally speaking, the smaller the craft the more maneuverable it is. While there is a universal duty to avoid collisions, it sounds like the zebras' boat was the give-way boat in this situation.
Ever heard of Applejack?
: "Not funny."
I would love it to see her expression.
Cumulus: "My grandpa was a griffon. Does that count?"
Stormwalker: "Well, about the changeling-part..."
Good chapter!
*tries and fails horrible not to squee*
I'm curious what will happen next.
The mystery thickens. What is Livingstone doing exactly? and what about the supposedly dangerous river?
... of course.
Huh... how did the good doctor learn about changelings?
7148579 Changelings have been known in Equestria since before the wedding, considering Twilight and Cadance knew what Chrysalis was before she revealed herself. Livingstone just knew them from that.
them
missing a 'to'.
That 'was' shouldn't be there.
Also, it's unusual to meet Kurtz so early on the river.
7149283 Even if it seems like a good fortune, unforeseen situations should still raise a few red flags.
Maybe they should have taken an airship...
I know there are innocent explanations, but the whole 'No! Just you and me! I'll be the translator!' screams manipulation.
C'mon Twi, have a little genre savvy. If this whole setup doesn't shriek "ulterior motives" in your ear, nothing does.
Now, despite you pointing out that it kind of makes sense that Livingstone wouldn't have confidence in Twilight's abilities (even though that's almost definitely not what's going on here), that still doesn't explain why Equestrian bodyguards think that they're anything short of functionally useless in this world. Like, the fact that these guards maintain any illusion that they'll ever be in a situation where they have to make a decision concerning a princess's life, much less thinking they'll still have a skeletal structure after they try to assert authority, is laughable.
Is it just me (it isn't!) or does Livingstone act kind of suspicious?
Good chapter!
Can't wait to see where it continues!
Found a small error:
You are missing the point (litterally!).
I'm really enjoying this story, I've always been a fan of stories where the ponies go to visit far off lands. The conflict in this chapter was handled perfectly. I can see Twilight reacting to having to leave her friends behind like this. Also I wonder who are the ones making it impossible for Zebras to leave?
Poor bodyguards get no respect...
It's called 'Equestria' and 'Magic'.
Deal with it.
Nice chapter.
I'm curious what will happen in the meeting with the zebra-king (if it happens at all).
Once again, you did a great job on this story.
Nice touch on using an actual creature from African mythology. However I must ask a question. Why not have the impundulu return to Bandari Mji and bring Applejack and Zecora to Kulikulu?
Also I got a chuckle out of Livingstone's reaction to Spike's magical breath. To quote a certain comic reviewer, "It's magic, you don't have to explain it."
7197053 The impundulu isn't well-trained enough to travel that distance without a handler, and it's also only large enough to carry one pony/zebra, plus maybe a little extra cargo.
7197744 Oh I see, thanks for the explanation.
for a quick second.
Again, even if Livingstone's only aware of the OG alicorns, how can she not be left with the impression that they can take nukes to the face? This is seriously the most baffling part of this story right now, the idea that anyone thinks Twilight actually needs to be looked after.
Great chapter again. Good thing Twilight isn't on the boat, as we know how much she fears snakes!
Honestly Applejack shouldn't be too surprised such things exist, I mean her backyard is the Everfree. Dragons, Ursa's, Quarry Eels, Hydras, Mega Timber Wolves. Giant monsters really shouldn't phase her too much . I do suppose it's more the shock of mega Fauna living in the middle of a trade route that would disturb her, sure she goes though fire swamps regularly with Chimera and probably runs off Timberwolves form the farm constantly but ponies generally avoid foggy bottom bog so as not to annoy the Hydra, and keep out of Ghastly gouge since the Eels never leave it. So yea the kaiju sized stuff in Equestria isn't as in your face as Nyokakubwa
to punch someone
An excellent chapter. Bhiza is very charming.
Lasso it! You made the lasso so it's a moral imperative to use it as soon as possible.
You forgot the ones that have white and black stripes!
I see what you did there.
Also: This are the official(?) coat colors of Applejack and Zecora (see expanded description). Took me forever to do this.
Very nice, indeed. Every stallion of Ponyville can confirm that.
What did she do again?
Good story.
I can't put my hoof on it, but in my opinion this is the best chapter so far.
Let's hope the nyokakubwa won't add another ship to it's list.
Question: Where does the name 'nyokakubwa' come from? Something like 'Gondwana'?
7221142 The nyokakubwa itself is essentially the grootslang, an African cryptid. But "grootslang" is Afrikaans, and since I'm using Swahili for Zebran, it'd sound out-of-place. So since "grootslang" translates to "big snake" or "great snake" in English, I just translated "big snake" into Swahili ("nyoka kubwa") and stuck the two words together.
Great work.
But what about Applejack and Zecora and the nyokakubwa? You can't just leave a cliffhanger like that!
But this is swiftly becoming one of my favourite stories. Uvivi is intriguing - is she based off of a real-life animal or mythological creature? Some sort of unicorn/rhino hybrid species?
7229280 Abadas are a mythical species from the Congo region. The specific description of them generally varies, but I based them off of the following picture because I thought it was the most interesting.
image.wikifoundry.com/image/1/iHKpbyT8zpEk2KU4wsRMJg72407/GW500H359
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Oh, fascinating! There are so many different legends out there to learn about.
Looks like the Abada shares roots with the unicorn in being a mash up of rhino, antelope, and wild equine features, haha!
Great work.
missing a 'go'.
while
Also, if we're really going through all this buildup for a conspiracy about coal trading...
Well, I'll be surprised.
Also, not sure if Livingstone's statement about not actually needing to separate the action and the push back against Stormwalker are deliberate foreshadowing, misplaced meta self-deprecation, or responses to audience criticism. Livingstone's aside in particular feels rather jarring.
Who did win in the end?
What had you done?! We wont see Twilight again in ages!
A few sentences later:
Lots of books, but she can't read any of it. Are you sure this isn't against the
GondwanaGeneva Convention?A translation spell?
: In Gondwana.)
Where this been my entire life?!
(
Not helping, Twi.
Good chapter!
So, Twilight got a comfy home with lots of books (
: "Meh.") and even more things to learn (
: "Double Meh.").
But hey, it could be worse. Ask Applejack about it. (Hopefully we learn soon how they are doing.)
You added a few new words (and a new species!) I don't really know about. If you have time, can you explain them? Or maybe even put in the author notes?
You already told me a few (for example the meanings of "Gondwana" and "nyokakubwa"), and they are good references. It would be a waste if your readers can't understand them.
(Uff, if I read it again my suugestion sounds kind of harsh. But it isn't supposed be. It is supposed to be an friendly suggestion. I mean it.)
7235234 The abada is a mythological species in Africa similar to the unicorn. The kongamato is a pterosaur-like cryptid from around Zambia and Angola. I'll probably stick future references in author's notes, as well as going back and adding them in to previous chapters.
This is brilliant, feature-worthy stuff, and yet it only has 38 upvotes.
Nice. Chekhov's Gun? Or AJ's Lasso?
So, she technically booped its nose?
Nice chapter!
Let's hope Twilight's mission goes better (with less things trying to kill her).