• Member Since 13th Aug, 2012
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Closer-To-The-Sun


You gotta kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight.

E

"If this world makes you crazy,/And you've taken all you can bear,/You call me up,/Because you know I'll be there./And I'll see your true colors,/Shining through./I see your true colors,/And that's why I love you." -Cyndi Lauper, 'True Colors'

Ocellus has checked herself in to a mental hospital and, to the confusion of the entire staff, she seems perfectly fine. They invite the rest of the Student Six over to see if they can help figure out exactly what is going on with their changeling friend.


Credit to DeadParrot222 for helping pitch this idea.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 43 )

This one of the best stories i have ever read on this site GG mate

There is one thing i would like to know though
What would have happened if smolder said what was on the card

Well this does seem like a issue and emoutionvore would have, fear of negative emoutions they have never handled in a healthy way before. While it's silly to think she couldn't deal with the feelings because of her situation her fear of them does seem realistic. It's an almost alien concept to most drones.

I feel this is a kind of hit or miss fic. The idea is good and intriguing and it is well-paced, but the tone is off. It feels like it's in a weird gray area between a show-accurate fic and a grimdark fic. It dabbles into both territories without really integrating the pieces together well.

The characters, for example, sometimes say things that I can imagine them saying but otherwise say and do things that I can't imagine them saying. Best example of that is Silverstream. She feels far too blithe for a story like this, especially when everyone else is treating it with the appropriate amount of seriousness. If that's just because of a personal view of Silverstream or not is beyond me, however.

All in all, this is an easily-salvagable fic. The characters, I feel, need to be written better and the story needs to decide on whether it's a grimdark fic with a comparatively light subject matter or a show-accurate fic with a comparatively dark subject matter.

Hope you take these criticisms in the spirit in which they were intended.

10197188
Thanks for the input.

I do see where you’re coming from. Truth be told, this idea solely started as a comedy but I guess I kept going for sad stuff (which seems to keep happening for me, haha).

As for being grimdark, I really don’t do much for that (save my old Halloween fics). I wasn’t trying to go that route, but rather explore a possible fear that Ocellus might have and her friends (namely Smolder) insist that they can help her.

I gave it a shot, and I thank ya for reading and giving input.

This story sounds like it should be longer. Why is it so short?

so er why do i have a sudden urge to one shot this of smolder reading the card before burning it and punching the doc before telling the others who do the same befoe walking out with ocellus. actully that would be a funny alt ending.

(also love the song u used for the name)

So Because of the simpsons I read ocelleus’s lines with Ned Flanders voice. Good story tho

“I agree, but let’s see where she’s going with th-,” Starlight started but paused and asked in a confused manner, “Wait, what’s wrong with the cafeteria food?”

Sandbar quickly answered, “It’s disgusting and somehow defies both science and logic.”

“We couldn’t even burn the food!” Silverstream said.

“Friend Silverstream is right: the fire didn’t want it.”

That part cracks me up. :rainbowlaugh:

Probably obvious for most people, but I think I got a good idea of what this was inspired by

“Seriously, if any of us belong in there, it's Silverstream, not her!"” Gallus added.

Silverstream quickly chimed in, “Yeah!”

Oh, this is very good.

10197984

10197440

You both found the catalyst that inspired this story! And honestly, I couldn’t help but have a little fun with it.

The entire monitoring room had a voice coming in from the speakers. It was Ocellus and she was singing from inside the padded room, “Sun is shining in the sky,/There ain’t a cloud in sight,/It stopped raining, everypony’s in the play,/And don’t you know, it’s a beautiful new day~.”

Did anyone else actually sing along with this? I can't be the only one, right?

10198015
I does work very well, and you made the scene your own which is great.

This was a beautiful story, and plus I love me some Smolcellus. :rainbowkiss: A serious theme yet humorous at times (like Silverstream trying on the straitjacket).

“Wait, what did Smolder just say about me?” Gallus asked, “You all heard that too, right?”

Yona placed a hoof on him and lightly patted him with a comforting smile, “Gallus need not worry about that.”

Yikes, I can't imagine the kind of smells Yona traps under her thick fur during the summer. :twilightoops:

However, she was stopped by a hoof covering the button. “Not so fast. Let’s see how this goes,” Doctor Stable stated.

I'm quite surprised that it was Starlight that wanted to close the window, and not the other way round. I would think the doctor would be so caught up in the protocol that he would not have any sense to just see what would happen as the result of "organic" conversation.

The cover is honestly so cute but sad at the same time.

It was a very good read.
Tssss... What's wrong being an old changeling, instead of these eye melting moths...
I feared that I was going to discover some mind breaking trauma with no good end, what can I say, I'm a sucker for those nice feelings.
I'm still kind of... peeved that the doctor didn't have to awnser to any of this rubbish, he's mad scientist tier.
Very good, all of my compliments for this nice chapter.

"If this world makes you crazy,/And you've taken all you can bear,/You call me up,/Because you know I'll be there./And I'll see your true colors,/Shining through./I see your true colors,/And that's why I love you." -Cyndi Lauper, 'True Colors'

Huh, I didn't know this was Cyndi Lauper's song. I've only heard of the Phil Collins version up till now.

10198652
Yeah, Lauper was the first to record it. Obviously, the song has grown and covered many times since.

That being said, you can easily tell that I have a thing for music given all the titles are music related.

Both of them looked at the index card, which simply read: ‘I never valued you as a friend’.

Oof. That's heavy.

Was a really good story, makes sense that an emotivore would be scared of negative emotions, especially if they think they'll literally turn back into a monster. It's something that never once crossed my mind but it's so far outside the normal human perspective it's easy to see why.

This was a really nice psychological look into Ocellus' mind. It had a great concept going for itself, and I liked how you try to make the story a bit grimdarksih, but never really crossed into that line which kind of hinders it. It's a good story and has a solid concept all around.

10199019

Hey, long time no see!

Thanks for the read and the comments. I understand people are bummed it doesn't go into grimdark territory, but that's not my jam for fics (unless it's Halloween, of course). The original pitch that my friend and I were talking about was to keep things fun and light, but knowing me, I had to add a dash of sadness.

Glad you liked it.

I’ll admit, the card reading wasn’t great, and probably brought the story down in terms of quality, but when Smolder and Ocellus were talking and getting to the root of the issue, that was gold.

After all this, I would say that card would now be amended with “before”.

“Oh, but I’m sure you’ll come to understand us if you listen to our storied history! It’s quite a fanstiating tale of how our species first survived in the early days of Equestria. And, after all of that, if you still feel that way, then that’s okay because I still consider you my friend!” Ocellus spoke as she beamed with both happiness and pride. Once again, the window began to close and Ocellus followed it to bid farewell, “Oh, thanks for dropping by, Gallus!”

I think you mean “fascinating” there.

10199466
Ah, thank you for pointing that out! Fixed!

Was this inspired by that one Simpsons episode where Flanders has himself committed?
Anyways, pretty good. I usually don't care for the Student Six, but this is interesting.

10199545

That was the catalyst that got my buddy and I talking about what became this fic (you can still see signs throughout). That being said, it evolved from there.

Thanks for taking the time to read it and glad to hear you enjoyed it!

Maybe Thorax could help Flanders Ocellus to be sure there is no problem with emotions... But this is the typical friendship lesson that could be good to add.

Oh man, that last card would have been equivalent to a nuclear reactor exploding.

10199702
TURUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

This was a nice story though deep inside I might have known where it went already. It had a nice "mlp style" execution tbh.

I mean it had that "cartoon cringe" dramatisation as I like to call it.

Though I'll be honest. With Starlight Glimmer having litterally gone through the bottling emotions part I'd have thought she would be more involved. Plus the intro to the whole thing seemed a bit abrupt.

I liked it tho. Was really nice. Likefaved.

Fairly cute, and an interesting read. I gotta admit, after Yona read her card, I was almost ready to stop reading; I'm glad the nonsense of the situation was explained, and that I stuck around to finishing it. With how literal Ocellus is shown to have been during her Hearth's Warming Eve set-up, it actually makes sense for her to go to a mental hospital in order to control her thoughts and emotions. I'm not entirely on board with the whole negative cards tactic the doctor used, but I appreciate how they were used, and how they paced the story. I also like how you write the Student 6.

I think the only grammar error that was there was using the word stimuli as both a plural and a singular.

Instead of replying, Doctor Stable took a seat at the table and positioned the papers around. “We will send you each in, one at a time, and present a stimuli (This should be stimulus) to Ocellus, after which we will address how she responds and hopefully find the underlying cause.” The doctor then leaned in toward the microphone and pressed a button before speaking into it: “Good morning, Ocellus. You have a visitor today. Please have a seat in the chair next to the observation window.”

Aside from that, it was a nice story.

10200730
Thanks for pointing out the error, all fixed!

And I'm glad you enjoyed the read. I admit, the index card tactic was used partly because it's a very unnatural for just about everything. The clunkiness and awkwardness was on purpose for the rest of the Student Six. (The other part was to be a homage to the inspiration of this fic).

Thanks for the compliments on what you did like (I apparently have a knack for writing dialogue and interactions, haha).

Anyway, thanks for reading and the feedback!

I could not stop to renember a wwii shell shock soldier face on ocellus

I had once that feel, of trying to hide it with smile and good thoughts, its terrorific

“I-I don’t know! Go have a cry until your tear ducts are dry. Swear about the pain that eats at you. Punch Gallus in his smug face until your rage is gone! Just do something! Bottling up all of these feelings that eat at you isn’t going to help! It’s okay to be scared, to be mad, to cry.”

Yeah it's something what starlight went through She literally bottled her emotion Which That's was the most unhealthy thing that she ever done and also the same thing happen to the kirins They also Did the same thing as well What they said is true Bottling up you're emotion just because you don't wanna hurt anybody Or basically caused trouble but the thing is it is very unhealthy you basically are robot and I'm sure I don't want that in other people or not want to see you like that It happen before when my friend suffer something like this I was really worried about him but he got some help but it was scary seeing him so motionless So basically don't hide your feelings It's not worth it This was a pretty good story and a good lesson as well Then hopefully people would take this to a heart.

Both of them looked at the index card, which simply read: ‘I never valued you as a friend’.

I feel like thats so mean 😞

Smolder gave a soft glare, “Of course I care, she’s my friend!”

Are U sure about that?












LESBIANS...

This was a very good story and a fairly emotional one at that. The only thing is that I would like to know what happens next. Does Ocellus get released? Does Smolder confess feelings for her? ‘Cause that ship is a thing. I honestly really enjoyed this. Keep up the great work, man. :)

💗 I love this a lot! It has a very great message and there was clearly a lot of thought and time put into this! (; 💗

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