PRONOUNCED: sem ee yawn || any character i ever write, ever, is 18+ unless explicitly stated otherwise
Smolder and Ocellus spend quality time together after cheer practice and encounter an eldritch entity bent on consuming Smolder's soul. They also play Connect Four.
Special thank you to Miller Minus for his feedback
Cover from poneko-chan, I just inverted the colors because no other art I could find was working
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Well that’s spooky.
There’s a bit towards the end where it kind of became hard to follow who’s talking:
The order of this seems to be Smolder > Ocellus > Smolder > Ocellus > Ocellus. I think either one of these lines is extraneous, or you forgot to include a line.
Or something spooky is happening.
This was great! Spooky but enjoyable. I guess there’s another story somewhere going on that we’re missing, but that does largely describe what it’s like attending the School of Friendship.
[[Star Trek: the Next Generation intensifies.]]
On the one hand, Twilight ex Machina. On the other, for personal reasons I am so incredibly happy that a story entitled “ennui” remembered that Twilight Sparkle can teleport that I’m more than willing to forgive it.
I want you to know I treasure this line.
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This was so, so, so good! I continue to be blown away at your ability to translate emotions into scent and taste sensations.
you're not secretly a changeling, right?The cave was spooky and alluring, and the way it left gaps in their memories was really disturbing and well described.
And we finally got a declaration of love! I just adore these two and the way you write their relationship.
This was a sparkling treasure more valuable than anything in a dragon's hoard. 🧡💙
Dark and thrilling but live the resolution at the end. It was kinda obvious at the start that Ocellus liked Smolder
Awesome fic, as always. My only question is why Celli asked "best three out of five?" If it was her first loss. Wouldn't it be two out of three? Just worried I missed something given all the detail.
I am at a loss for words. This is amazing! Fantastic story!
Heh, between Temple of Truth and his, Smolder and Ocellus have a tendency towards things talking in their heads.
I also vaguely remember something about a promise of a Smolcellus makeout sesh. Where's my makeout sesh, Semillon?
Just kidding, romance ain't my jam anyway.
i.imgur.com/oYnBqQD.png
I like connect 4!
Can’t tell if intentional mis-spelling or not. Can certainly go either way.
This is dragon lifespans we’re talking here, might have bumped that up a notch or two.
Good start! Very atmospheric, right air of menace, and lots of good character building.
Delightfully engrossing, to the very end.
I’m not as much a fan of the mannulus ex machina ending itself, and would have preferred to see Smolder live up to the moral of the story she told earlier, but can forgive it for the rest.
Enjoyable narrative, but by far the main thing I'm appreciating is the accepted normality of things that are very specific to Ocellus' and Smoulder's species. Some really nice, natural scenes and moments in this chapter.
Took way too long for me to get the time and space to read this chapter, but it did mean I got to read the first again to refresh myself, and that was fun. Yay me, I think. Also yay, you. I guess.
This was good. The creeping menace was good. The dialogue was good. The declaration was beyond good and made me sound like a guinea pig. The delayed ending was good. It was a really enjoyable read.
I think I'll re-read it before offering anything that's more approaching of a critique, because I approached this story in such a disjointed way that it might have impacted my perception of it. It did feel as though there was more mystery, more growing menace, to be mined before the resolution, and I'm in agreement with some of the others regarding Escape Room: Twilight. But this fic hit home where it mattered, emotionally and atmospherically, and I really enjoyed it. You normalise dragon and changeling culture in enviable ways; in many respects I enjoyed the slice of life aspects more than the horror ones.
Thanks for writing and sharing!
Great dialogue, great emotions, and after figuring out this was a 'budding' romance story it made more sense, for me.
As such, the large amount of dialogue and interaction that builds and builds up to something has a payoff point in the end, which, itself also felt genuine.
Even so, it did feel unfocused at times. In the first half and, through the rather lengthy changeling race history explanation in the second part I feel like things could have been sharpened and focused without having lost any of the crucial character interactions needed for the romance.
I will note this is something I think got improved in your more recent works. Bug Brother in Bitaly had some heft to it but not once did it feel unfocused.
If you ever revisit this story, maybe just see what things are crucial and which things could be trimmed or focused. 
Not enough Connect Four.
Dude, I love this story so much. Just... everything, from how subtle the horror is, how enrapturing the story is, the perfect balance between under and overstatement in the romance, how the stories they tell each other relate to their experiences - all of it.
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Thank you very much! I really appreciate it.
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Indeed, that was a real show of skill on semillon's part.
BTW where is your avatar from? Strongheart looks lioe she has a Lantern Corps symbol behind her.
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I'm still not even sure why it suddenly had to be coming from an artifact that the audience and characters never actually encounter. Is this just something the dragon amulet does at random? Does it target people based on insecurities? What was the significance of Spike and Rarity in all this? Or the bolt of black cloth they produced from the cave? Did giving Rarity the cloth somehow make her a target, or was there a totally different parallel story happening?
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It's from one of the IDW comics (friends forever #31, I think). Nothing as ostentatious as a crossover image I'm afraid.
This was a wonderful tale! I can see why you wanted me to look at your more recent stories. (I've become a "Smocellus" shipper myself, so I am eager to find beautiful, well-written stories like this one.)
You weave a lot of great description. The first paragraph in chapter II stands out. Like in the previous story of yours, you manage to capture pleasantly sleeping (or just being in a nice, warm bed) rapturously. Similarly, I really like the way you portray Ocellus' senses. The description of how Smolder was "being weird" when first talking about the cave was especially well-written and flavorful. And then there was this:
I agree with 9803612: that is a really striking line. Subtle and spooky. I also really liked that Smolder asked if she should say she's sorry anyway. That shows some genuine caring, as well as a bit of uncertainty in navigating this particular friendship.
The stories each told were very interesting. Smolder's had a ton of foreshadowing that I didn't realize until after the story was over. Ocellus' story was shockingly dark and violent, a good reminder that where she comes from was a very black place. Also, this revelation:
Damn.
Okay, if the Ocellus story bouncing around in my head ever sees the light of day, I am totally stealing that idea. That legitimately rocked me.
That exchange is perfect.
The Connect Four games were just fun. And I loved the banter that came with it. It felt very real and natural. Also:
I know people who play games that way when they find it difficult to win. It felt right for Smolder to have started doing the same.
(Also, Smolder holding the box hopefully at the start of the ending scene was just all the cuteness.)
This really sets the foundation for Ocellus' revelation in the second chapter -- just how much she was putting herself in a vulnerable position; how much she was willing to risk to snap Smolder out of her state.
Well that didn't have any undertones at all, now did it?
The Twilight-was-the-cause revelation was a bit out of nowhere, but it struck me as the sort of thing that could happen in an episode.
All-in-all, this was beautiful. Thank you!
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Ohmigosh I never thought you'd take my suggestion you MADMAN
Your comments are so thoughtful and nice! I'm so so glad that you enjoyed this piece—it feels really good to see that people appreciate it. When I first published it didn't quite as much eyes on it as I was hoping so I sort of had to swallow my pride and keep moving forward, but between the Seattle's Angels shoutout and you, well, I'm definitely feeling that catharsis I was hoping for initially haha
You have an Ocellus story bouncing around your head? I sure hope you find a way to bring it to fruition! I would absolutely love to see that.
and let me know if you need a pre-readerYou've made my week and given me more fuel to add to the fire of the current Smolcellus story I'm working on. Thank you so much for the feedback and praise.
Holy shit, what a phenomenal start. Also, I can't be the only one that thinks 'Celly' is a great nickname for Ocellus. (But that's probably because I've always used 'Tia' for Celestia.)
Adorable dialogue. Healthy helpings of drama. Heartfelt romance. On top of that, a mythic and quiet atmosphere of horror with crazy artifacts? I feel absolutely spoiled by your writing.
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Oh my god thank you! Really means a lot
Also, Celly is a perfect nickname for Ocellus! I can only imagine Celestia being amused when she hears the Student Six unknowingly calling out Luna's childhood name for her.
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This is basically why I always used Tia, since no other character really has anything close to it (DT works better for Diamond Tiara) and it's cutesy enough to have been a personal/childhood nickname. Can't have too many characters with the same-sounding nicknames or writing gets aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
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The mix ups would be fun to watch, at least!
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...There’s probably a fic idea in that, somewhere.
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🤔 maybe.....
It is at this point that I thought that I have read too much Austraeoh. Because as soon as I began to immerse into Smolder's dialogue (is there a better word in this case?) I immediately remembered that this would be going towards eldritch horror and that everything would go to crap. And then I spent another minute thinking about how I could make a comment about that, and then I proceeded to spend the next three minutes making a comment. And now I'm wandering off point.
This was a very insightful comment, and now it's time to go to bed.
Ooh, lovely and spooky! Great descriptions especially.