• Member Since 2nd Mar, 2013
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Cloud Hop


Cloud Hop is a pegasus pony working as a research assistant in the Cloudsdale weather factory. He may also be a code-wielding applied mathematician who makes games and music.


T
Source

On the fourth day of the fourth month of every year, Equestria pays homage to its fallen heroes. As daylight sets on this solemn ceremony, the immortal sun bows before the soldiers who died for her, and whispers an ancient question for which there is no answer.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 43 )

I cried, a very moving story.

All I can say is thank you, this touched me deeply.

Xzrea #3 · 1 week ago · · ·

4.04 Answer/body not found.
This looks closer to Memorial Day theme. And it would be better to mourn on Luna at March 2nd.

A really touching story :fluttercry: :applecry: :fluttershyouch: :fluttershysad: :raritydespair: :raritycry: ...Hats off to the author! :twilightsmile: :raritywink:

A touching story for Remembrance Day

"The gift of Friendship is Immortal and so to shall we Immortalize those who have given all in its name."

That was good. Interesting idea in having Celestia make the visits when she can.

This is how you make an old man cry. You did a very good job, thank you.
If I could give you more than one thumbs up I would do so.

EDIT. Fixed.

If this weren't a sad fic, the first thing I'd think is that this is a big "May the Fourth be with you" joke. In any case, looks like I'll have to read to actually know the story.

GreenPone #11 · 1 week ago · · 1 ·

Speaking as infantry myself (fimfiction is a guilty pleasure) i don't often comment on things however i want to give constructive feed back this is just based off my own experiences

ok so the last person to see the individual would most definitely not present at the death notice as they are usually react very violently (its actually standard practise to have police present) most often than not the parents want blood and anyone present at their child's death is treated as if they killed them themselves

you got the death notification correct however the parents are told very briefly yet bluntly how their child died they aren't told massive amounts of details and if the body couldn't be recovered they're told as such i mean if your baby just died you don't exactly want to be told "he was probably thrown into a fire idk lol"

there's also usually a medic a padre an officer (normally the CO of the company or even the regiment) and two cops waiting outside however in this case i guess an Alicorn could preform all those duties

normally at the funeral talking to the rest of the fireteam (as the fire team would have been beside them) and section is usually when the details emerge when the parents are mentally prepared to know

i don't really ever remember breaking down in front of family members (say for once) we're kinda taught to cry behind closed doors not in front of people because we're supposed to be stoic for their sake as it would give them comfort

the only time i remember breaking down was when i was talking to my best friends family and the dad just said "he talked about you all the time he told us how you two wanted to leave rent a place and go to university together you two had plans... its ok to cry lad" however i still had to excuse myself and cry away from them

you did capture the grief of the nations leader however maggie thatcher made it a point to write to every single one of the parent's who's sons died at the Falklands apparently doing so for remorse that their sons died to prove a point and that she was a mother herself i always imagined Celestia being immortal would view her subjects as her children as mortals would never reach the maturity that an immortal would there by viewed by Celestial as foals under her charge

any way just my thoughts

now watch my comment get down voted into oblivion for daring to give real world experiences and never being taught punctuation in school

Just from the short description on the featured list I got a feeling that I just wish to clarify. This story doesn't happen to be at all inspired by Remembrance Day does it?

Lest We Forget

Greater love hath no man than this, than a man to lay down his life for his friends.

-John 15:13

Brave men and women throw themselves into hell's gaping maw to prevent it from ever reaching our shores. We can never adequately show them our appreciation, but we continue try our hardest nonetheless.

Interestingly, I've noticed that every active military member that I know (myself included) tend to be uncomfortable when thanked for our service because we know those that gave so much more.

8548729

Nevertheless, I do thank you. I thank you not just for your sake, but for those that I can't thank unless I visit a memorial.

Take your thanks with pride; you may not think they're deserved, but trust me, they are.

8548520

I actually did research on how a death notification worked, but deliberately took some creative liberties with it for the sake of setting up the story. Originally I had more specific details including the medic and a chaplain and a guard, but after I realized a religious figure makes no sense standing next to a goddess and that this raises all sorts of questions about how religion works in Equestria that I didn't want to distract the reader with, I decided to simplify the scene and removed all extraneous characters.

I had considered trying to make this story more accurate, but given that all my knowledge of how the military actually works comes from reading wikipedia articles, I felt that it was more important to try and capture the emotional impact rather than focusing on technical details that would have been hard to get right without spending a lot more time setting things up, and as a result I basically combined the funeral and the death notice. Perhaps if this was a scene in a larger story I would have had enough time to do sufficient world-building, but I wanted this short story to focus on the emotional impact of a soldier's death and what we do to honor them.

This is going in the vault. I’m gonna make damn well sure I make this survive until my service has been completed

I imagine Celestia in this story to see her ponies;

None deserve more respect than those who have past away.

Novak #20 · 1 week ago · · ·

Being Active Duty military myself, this touched me deep in my soul especially. Thank you for this wonderful work of literature.


And a thank you to all fallen warfighters of all nations across the globe. We remember amd honor your sacrifice. https://youtu.be/MR87LsmXzBs

Ah the perfect resonance between thoughtful imagery and astounding dialogue...

8548469
Are you saying that it should have an apostrophe? Because if so, you are incorrect. “Its” is a word that you DON’T use an apostrophe to show possession. You only use one when you mean “it is.” People make that mistake quite frequently.

8549915

At the time he made that comment I was incorrectly using "it's". I fixed it already. :trollestia:

This was really good. You did a bang-up job worldbuilding Pony Arlington....

And I'm proud to be an Equestrian
Where at least I know I'm free
And I won't forget the mares who died
Who gave that right to me

And I gladly stand up
Next to you and defend her still today
Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
Faust bless Equestria

Comment posted by mycutiemarkisagun deleted November 14th

8549937
Cool. I meant no offense, of course, was just setting the record straight if it needed it.

8548844
You did. you captured the emotion spectacularly. Well done. Does honor to the fallen.

8548520
Anyone who would down vote your reply is an ass, and should be ignored... strongly.

It's very nice to know that what fanfiction writers write is close to what we have in the real world.

[youtube=1Vx_RdaFHeE]

[youtube=Xq6i3MsAKIo]

(shoot, forgot how to embed youtube videos here...)

It's stories like these that make me hate the fact that I have epilepsy, because if I didn't, I'd most likely be in the ADF by now, actually doing something to defend my country from those who would take away my right to wear thongs (no, not the underwear), eat meat pies, talk shit about everything and be a sarcastic cunt in general. I don't know if there's an expiry date on a class 4 rejection (medically unfit for service), but if there is then by fuck I'm signing up again.

People from many different countries, including my own, have given their lives and/or their sanity so that I can read stories about ponies, watch YouTube, play video games, masturbate furiously and eat unhealthy food (not necessarily in that order), and I wanna fucking earn that. I'll have to cut back on the YouTube, games and food a bit, but the ponies and masturbation aren't bad for me (I hope) so those are acceptable losses.

To all those who have served and are currently serving, I say thank you, and I hope that I'll be able to serve with you one day.

8548729
I remember Lindybeige (a YouTube with a great interest in older military tactics and materiel) mentioned that troops in WW2 would, on their way to the front line, roll through towns previously liberated from Axis by the soldiers ahead of them and get treated like gods (flowers thrown ahead of them, girls climbing on the tanks and trying to kiss the men, etc.). Meanwhile, the people who actually fought, bled and died to liberate those towns didn't get celebrated at all, which was a source of great embarrassment for those following behind.

As a Veteran, I thank you for this moving piece. It is a beautifully written tribute to those who have served.

Justin P. "Biker Dash" Emery,
Corporal, USMC 1991-1995

At least these ponies get some closure. Our family still don't know what exactly happened with one of my great-grandfathers and it's taken us around sixty years to find a grave of another one.

Where's that damn clip... here it is *salutes*

8550551
Wow... I hope you find out someday. After all, every family should have closure.

The fucked up part is how many soldiers get blown up and no one ever finds out who did it. Or they have a piece of machinery slip or roll on to them and it was just a case of honest mistakes. Or make it back and reflect on seeing some of the worst, most depressing parts of humanity and they things it does to people and they are reminded every time there's a little slight or even just a little boredom until they just want the memories to stop...

Sometimes you get to envy those lucky unlucky bastards where someone is clearly to blame. Someone that can be villified without the question of race or beliefs, just "that's the one who did it!" You don't want to leave your buddies with no one to blame. No face, no name, no hope of some sort of justice, just a struggle of morales as you try not to hate some ethnic group or even some of your own people because they happened to have similarities and things they might not be able to help.

I wish I had the artistic flair to explore those feelings in narrative. It gets hard to not be petty when someone you know would have taken up the rear guard of a retreat and died a hero's death gets laid low by fertilizer and gunpowder in a fucking water jug.

8549937
that's ok ive always wanted to do a realistic interpritation of the military within MLP be it either HIE or just guard life i may when i hopefully get out soon and then there's the problem of literally not knowing punctuation

but ive never seen anything realistic the problem i have is that its mostly Americans shoe honing American protocols into a Diarchy/Monarchy when being from a commonwealth nation we have much different etiquette and protocols particularly when addressing the Queen i might be from AUS but we get a short lesson on how to address her and talk to her properly

also too much gun porn too much focus on donutsteel's bad ass custom non issued phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range

and awkward non realistic dialog talking about gals back home and not bowel movements which is the unfortunate reality

also the typical "gee wizz i sure am sad and brooding" steroyotype


and people seem to forget how much bush-craft is involved if i was magically transported to Equestria at night in the apples fields as is custom for HIE i wouldn't need to see a talking pone to know i'm not in kansas anymore i'd just look up and think

"Ok that's not my galaxy i can't find any constellations and the night sky has a faint magenta glow to it this planet is inside a Nebula maybe? at any rate i'm just going to curl up in the Fetal position and cry now"

Damn. I nearly teared up myself (it's really hard to make me cry so that tells you how emotional this work of art was). I'm not military, but I do have family currently serving. It's definitely hard to not cry at the sacrifices that our soldiers, sailors, and marines have made for us.

I went to Arlington once and saw the Changing of the Guard (or whatever the ceremony is actually called) at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. It was more solemn than any other ceremony I've witnessed. Ever. And I think that this story really captured that feel in the last scene, with Celestia literally pausing the day to honor the fallen and the guards taking their duty as seriously as they did. That is probably the best thing she could do, and honestly, it breaks my own heart to see the guilt she places on herself for their deaths. Because she'll never know if they actually did forgive her for the blame she rests on her shoulders.

And that is sometimes the worst guilt of all.

Good story. Well written.
If there is one thing I would point a finger at, it is the monologues. There is a lot of dialogue without breaks. You don't necessarily need for things to happen during monologues to bring them up, but you could split it up so that you also mention the pauses in the speech, maybe sniffles, or hesitations. Who do they look at, and so on.

I felt that much of the things Celestia said in the first half of the story lost most of its impact because it came in a flood, rather than broken up in smaller bits to give a feeling of substance, and slow her monologue in a narrative sense.

I cried so much. This story reminded me of my Grandfather, who died in the Vietnam war when my father was only a small child. I understand what it's like to lose someone like this, as this is how I lost my father, as well. Thank you for writing this work of art and reminding us all how precious everything is, every life, every death.

8553400

I saw a video of the Arlington changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown a week ago and that's precisely what inspired this story, because it made me think about what ponies would do to honor their soldiers.

Well, this just earned a spot on my "All Time Favorite" bookshelf.

Though I am not a veteran, I have many in my family, including my two departed grandfathers. So, I would like to thank you for this story, on behalf of them, and commend you on a breath taking piece of fiction.

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