• Member Since 2nd Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen 46 minutes ago

Cloud Hop


Cloud Hop is a pegasus pony working as a research assistant in the Cloudsdale weather factory. He may also be a code-wielding applied mathematician who makes games and music.


E
Source

Rainbow Dash makes the mistake of showing Twilight her Daring Do fanfic, and gets lectured about the proper use of dashes.

This is followed by the worst pun in the universe.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 126 )

-_-

Oh, wait, that's not an em dash. :derpytongue2:

The phrase "That's a long walk for a ham sandwich" comes to mind..but this was well done. Have an upvote and a :rainbowlaugh:

this fic is my fault and I don't care

5145383

You should...

You should.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Upvoted for that cover image alone.

My life feels complete now that I have seen it.

The worst pun in the universe, hm? Consider me intrigued.

After reading: Worth it. Very enjoyable.

Ugh. Take my upvote.

Cloudy...I think I love you.:rainbowlaugh:

Sorry, Twilight. The window insurance underwriters have deemed you an uninsurable risk. Actually, all of Ponyville is uninsurable.

Comment posted by Cloud Hop deleted Oct 16th, 2014

Dat Rainbow Dash

This is a masterpiece.

Have a like, you made me laugh.

"So, em dashes are like earth ponies?"

Finally, an explanation of em dashes for the masses. :eeyup:

That ending, oh that ending.

Ermahgerd so punny :pinkiegasp:

5145383

You monster.

5145578 EXACTLY how I feel.

*unamused laughter*

Rainbow Dash hoofed over a slightly edited manuscript. As Twilight gripped it with her magic, she felt a dark chill go down her spine, as though a thousand terrible OC's had risen from their pages to re-enact poorly written romance scenes. Far away, a linguistics teacher began spinning in her grave.

This part was amazing. I loved it.

Zyrian
Story Approver

Douglas Adams overdose.

This is fantastic. Had me laughing my ass off all the way through.

... please tell me this isn't something you actually care about.

5146013

I don't. My editors do.

Plot twist: this entire fic was written by Pinkie Pie.

5146103
RANT DELETED

I didn't want to insult your editor so I'll keep all that to myself.

... ...are other Dashes related to Rainbow? :pinkiecrazy:

... I wanted to comment but... just take my thumbs up and go

Feel my pain, Twilight. Feel it!

I love em dash

I... don't know what to put here. Though I kind of want to see a Twilight Sporkle x Rainbow Endtable fic now.

5146598

That was an actual story idea i had, but I couldn't think of a plot, so I just used it as a comedic reference here instead.

I had to stop reading a few times as I couldn't stop laughing. :rainbowlaugh:

Great job on this story. :pinkiehappy:

I think the best part is how you actually employed a rainbow dash in the text. Well done.

Oh, and the tangents. Those were some epic tangents. Physics may be disgusted with you, but I think trigonometry has become one of your biggest fans.

Thank you for this. :rainbowdetermined2:

I.... you... HA! I love this! I... (Falls over laughing)

Review from one of my character's perspective
Minty Fresh: There's no lesbian sex in this! But otherwise I give it a thum . . . wait, I don't have thumbs . . . errrr, plus 1!

after you accidentally summon Cthulhu instead of cook pancakes

How?! :rainbowderp:
Even after the window massacre and the dash pun, this still bugs me.
If you can accidentally summon horrors from beyond when you cook pancakes I want to know how!!!
Not for any bad reason I promise. I just want to eat my pancake without untold terrors causing problems

5147662
I'd tell you, but you wouldn't believe it anyway.

I found your use of actual rainbow dashes rather charming.

I KNEW she was going to do that!!

"How To Use Alicorn Magic Without Destroying The World - For Dummies!"

You used a hyphen. That should be an en dash.

This fic is incredibly silly. Good job!

"Well, at least I didn't ship a cheese grater with Lord Sombra!"

mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw516_small.jpg

Why doesn't the pic in the author's note have wings?

5149730

Rainbow Dash, still holding her dolls, crossed her forelegs in obvious disagreement. "Well, at least I didn't ship a cheese grater with Lord Sombra!"

Twilight blushed. "That was an experiment in objective personification as it relates to romance and our ultimate purpose as an existential crisis!"

Sombra stared up at the ceiling, memories swirling like the wisps of essence boiling off of his insubstantial body. Memories … of her.

His gaseous form seemed to fade away as agitation roiled within him. Fade away, like our love, he thought morosely. Did I truly mean so little to her? Was I only ever just a way to put Luna to sleep while she attacked Equestria? His eyes shuddered closed. No. Remember the good times. The times when he could seep into her chambers, deep in the bowels of the hive, past the vigilant eyes of her hundreds of drones. When he could coalesce around her in the night, and wake her up with whispered words of honey, his form enveloping her like an insubstantial oubliette. How she would moan in ecstasy as his form flowed in, around, through her, caressing the secret places of the holes in her limbs, penetrating her totally in a way no fleshy lover could dream of, feeding her his love even as she struggled to breathe and suffocated little by little, her life in his hooves, drawing him further in with every little sound —

— until the day he arrived to find he had been replaced by a mind-controlled slave pony, a couple of drones with feather-fans, and a chubby stick of incense.

"It's not what you think!" Chrysalis had cried, leaping to her hooves. "I missed you too much! I needed something!" … but, no, he had known the truth from the moment he laid eyes on the whole sordid scene. There was nothing special about him, in her eyes. He was emotional food, served with a side order of a curious sensation that she'd finally found a way to reproduce.

He'd been replaced by an object.

Well, two can play at that game, he thought, rolling over in bed and solidifying a hoof so that he could tenderly stroke the smooth, hard edge of his new lover. What had she been to him, anyhow, but a way to feel his essence funnelled through a hundred hard-edged holes? Well, and a source of sexy and flattering sounds, but that was easily enough fixed. "Oh, Sombra," he murmured in a falsetto, brushing his lips to the cold metal of The Grate And Powerful Chryssy's … um, carapace. "Take me, you handsome and powerful tyrant, take me like you took the Crystal Empire, like you would have taken my hive if you'd ever decided it was worth the bother."

Sombra cleared his throat and responded in his usual suave growl. "Why should I, you worthless wretch? I don't need you. I don't need anyone."

"Oh, Sombra," T.G.A.P. Chryssy breathed. "But I need you. I need you flowing through me. That silly incense smoke was no substitute, I need your life, your vitality …" No. That was going to uncomfortable places, given the circumstances. He tried to push that thought from his mind before it could spawn any existential revelations, and tried again. "Because I'm so weak, I mean. You're right, Sombra. You're so strong, you don't need anyone."

Much better. "I don't. Which is why I will take you, Madame Grate, just to show everyone how perfectly fine I am with this." He raised his voice and shouted to the heavens. "DO YOU HEAR ME, CHRYSALIS? I'M FINE WITH THIS!!"

Then he dissolved the bonds that held his form together, settled into a fine dark mist, and with a lascivious moan that reverberated throughout the cloud of his essence, he flowed through the holes of his shiny new cheese grater.

5150017

This is the single greatest comment anyone has ever posted. Ever. :rainbowlaugh:

5150017

I don't... I can't...

Just...

Alright. Everyone go home.

This man wins every fucking thing ever.

~Skeeter The Lurker

You know, you really don't need to warn us in the story summary that there is going to be a terrible joke coming at the end. We know, man. We know.

Though, I do like the cover art.

5150017
I enjoyed this more than I enjoyed the actual story. :pinkiesad2:

5150017
God damn you, you glorious son of a bitch.

Login or register to comment