• Member Since 7th Jan, 2012
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Shining Armor and Princess Cadance celebrate the birth of their first child, blissfully unaware that her arrival fulfills a dark, ancient, malevolent prophesy of doom. Calamitous events set into motion by Flurry Heart’s birth tear apart reality. The ground is torn asunder as sinister invaders emerge from the underworld. Ancient cults emerge from the shadows to herald the foretold arrival of their dark overlord. The Crystal Empire faces its most dire threat yet as a new, evil, and most adorable master launches her campaign to lay claim to the world to bring about a new era of unsurpassed evil.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 79 )

Well, let's see what this is all about, shall we?

This story is so gloriously insane. I love it.

You've really taken this concept and run with it, huh? I like this start, it'll be fun to see the three subplots develop and I love your Celestia POV.

They should really throw up a general ward against demonic energies around Flurry. It'd help slow the possession and the rate of the rifts opening while they figure out the specific banishing spell they would need.

Course, that's the smart way, the stupid way would be take a magic marker and interrupt the rune circle on her body or just change them to a more easily dealt with demon.

Brilliantly insane. If the Season 6 premiere was more like this, I'd have been able to enjoy it a whole lot more.

OK this is nutty, and could be an episode in itself. I like it. And yes I hope she does grow out of this.

Well, this looks delightfully insane thus far. Though I can't help but think that Pinkie might make for a better bargainer with the Unpronounceable... provided it didn't convince her to become its herald. In any case, eagerly looking forward to seeing where you go with this.

I'm surprised that Shining and Cadence haven't had to fight off an attempt to legally classify them reproducing as illicit weapons manufacture...

"Children's card game..." I see what you did there. :derpytongue2:

But I agree with everyone else. It'll be fascinating to see what happens with all these plates spinning at once!

Celestia betting the Crystal Empire over a game kinda reminds me of the anime "No Game No Life."

Can't we called the longed name one Penal?

7967561 I'm with you, throw the party planner at it. She might be able to Looney Tunes her way through some of it.

A children's card game? For the fate of the Crystal Empire? :rainbowhuh:
F**K, I'm down! How do we play? :pinkiehappy:

Pinkie sighed sadly. “Oh phooey, we almost never get to Plan D. Can we at least promise to have a party once we've saved the world again.”

Needs a question mark.

This one's going directly to my favorites and staying there. I'm really looking forward to reading it in its entirety. Something about it reminds me of "Sunset Shimmer is MAD at EVERYTHING", among other stories. Can't wait to see how things go. FUN! :pinkiehappy:

7967673 S7 Opener is Changlings kidnapping Shining Armor again, this time just to give him a vasectomy.

The Gem was born of demon's fire.
The Gem shall be his portal.
He comes to claim, he comes to sire,
the end of all things mortal.

Is it just me, or do those red runes on Flurry Heart sound suspiciously familiar?

7974146 Of course I'm thinking of Teen Titans, I recited season four's prophecy from memory. I only left it ambiguous because I thought it would be more fun that way.

I saw the title for this earlier on and thought "ooh, I do loves me a Flurry-Heart-is-Evil/Avatar-of-Destruction story" and then noticed who the author was and upgraded it from "this could be a giggle" to "this is going to be fracking awesome."

I was not, in any way, wrong.

(Why am I not following you so I don't nearly miss stuff like this? Because that feels that ought to be remedied immediately.)

Why do I get this odd feeling Mr Unpronounceable is going to become Flurry's new playmate rather than posses her?

After this, the Crystal Ponies will have to band together and kick Cadance and Shining Armor out of the city. Let Canterlot deal with Flurry Heart from now on :trollestia:

Now let's see if Celestia can pull something out of her plot like Yugi always does in his own children's card game

ship her off far, far away to a penal colony

Ponies have an equivalent of Australia?

Actually, what am I saying, of course they do.


So the Fungerengi ... Are the Griffons or the Yaks the MLP equivalent of Klingons?

Well... That was definitely something that... Happened :rainbowderp:

Need more. Oh so much more :pinkiecrazy:

One point for Luna!

One point for Starlight and then, um minus seven?

This is really funny work.

8004522 Don't forget a point for Hard Exchange for his whimsical punishment of Busy Dealings. He seems like a fun guy. :trollestia:

“I think that is a possibility.” A grin worked its way to my lips and I brushed the edge of my scythe along Exchange’s stump. “Though first there is the little matter of the king’s ransom you mentioned earlier, as well as restitutions for the damages caused to the Crystal Empire.” My grin widened. “All in the name of friendship, of course.”

More proof that Luna is indeed Best Pony!

Starlight - still Evil!

Fungerengi Consortium



My guards have caught their followers trying to poison each, summoning

I think there's a missing "other" at the bolded point?

I like the mushroom guys, they're fun.

Starlight definitely needs to talk with some sort of therapist, and maybe about more than just her cult founding issues.

Dude. I can't believe how much I've missed the Ferengi since Deep Space Nine went off the air!

8006479 Isn't there a rule of acquisition about always leaving them wanting more?

8006522 Rule #242, More is good, all is better.

8006527 Eh, Rules of Showbusiness, Rules of Aquisition, it's easy to get them confused.

Starlight Glimmer is a sadist!!!!

Oh, geez. That was great.

bet the fate of an entire city on a children’s card game.

Looks like someone has been binging Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series.

This is a pretty good chapter. On to the next 2!

She sighed. “Genius is never appreciated in its time.”
“Neither’s stupidity.”

Best line in the whole story.

I'm guessing that Egalitrximarious


I'll make sure to send the Abyss a strongly worded letter later noting our displeasure,

Damn son, that BM though.

Thanks for this, it was a fun read!

Huzzah! Sir Spike The Brave And Just saves the day once again! :trollestia::moustache:

A sapient mushroom factory
A demon that wants to use Equestria as its personal Risk/Diplomacy game
Starlight falling off the 12 step wagon

I almost expected a resolution where somepony tricks the demon into saying its name backwards, Celestia finding the heart of the cards and summoning Elon Musk, and the Biting Pear of Salamanca appearing to avenge the demon apple.

How do we save the world? Loopholes baby, loopholes!

Glorious, utterly, glorious.

I'd say Spike woud be developing a complex, but at this point, it's kind of justified...

“I think she’s going for the world record for hiccuping. Go Flurry, go! Only three hundred seventy-eight days, four hours, and fifteen minutes to go!”

Actually, that's not very long. Here in real life, the world record for hiccups is 68 years.

The giant spider cavalry only added to the queerness of situation.

Aha! Someone willing to use the word "queer" for its original purpose. This is the definition I grew up with, so I'm more comfortable with that meaning.

This is why Spike is best dragon.


A glorious festival of insanity. I do hope Shining gets some recognition for destroying Egalitriximarious. Even if he doesn't, this was incredible fun, at least from this side of the fourth wall. Thank you for it.

A slight tremor seemed to run through the eldritch being, and seconds passed by before it replied. “No. There is only one truth: that of Equalization.”

I rubbed my chin in thought. “And aren't you vastly more powerful than me?”

There was another long pause. “Yes.”

“Well that doesn't seem very equal, does it?”

This is why you make sure at least one member of your national leadership team is a rules-lawyering the D&D player. Same for Luna's contribution to Celestia's 'fight', though possibly without the D&D part.

Hmn. Makes me wonder just how many ancient prophecies got screwed up by the Pluto reclassification. Good thing Luna was presumably out by then. Unless of course Celestia changed it for Luna's release, dun dun duuuuuun!

Spike smirked ever so slightly. “Yeah? Well maybe you don't have any weaknesses, but Flurry does.” Before he could reply to that, Spike snatched Flurry out from the air, wrapped an arm around her and and tickled her belly with his free claw. Daggoth started laughing under the onslaught and flailed helplessly.

Behold the power of fingers!

Fun story.

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