Twilight Sparkle has had to adjust to a great deal as Equestria’s newest princess—safeguard the Cutie Map, solving friendship problems, managing her new guard, and saving Equestria on a semi-regular basis. However, her routine grinds to a halt when a new threat emerges in the Smoky Mountains. One of King Sombra’s artifacts has resurfaced, an object whose dark reach threatens the whole region. With no time to lose, Twilight must gather her untested guard and face the malicious power of the Umbral Shard.
A Winningverse story.
Chapters (4)
Always fun to have more Twilight adventures from you. You know how to make her nerding out positively adorable.
Haven't read it just yet, but I'm looking forward to another of your works :)
You've got a few errant brackets hanging around the chapter.
Looking forward to more of this. I like reading about Twi and Storm and Twi's adapting to being a princess in the Winningverse context.
I get the feeling Masked is going to be an uneasy fit in this team. Twilight's practically the Princess of Idealism.
As for the situation itself, very intriguing start. The story description makes it lose a little mystery, but I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what this team can do.
Do like Twi's interactions with her guards, as well as her general adorkable nerd-ness. Of course she would give her new guards homework; it'll help them learn, and they'll have fun doing it.
So far so good. You've got an interesting mystery and a fun cast of characters (I in particular enjoy Masked. He seems like a well of dry comedy clashing with the other cheerier characters). Looking forward to more!
Something funny that popped into my head thinking about Masked meeting Pinkie.
That group dynamic looks like it'll be fun. And there's something inherently hilarious about a group of badass fighters flying a cheerful and cute balloon to battle.
7823248
The transfer over from GoogleDocs was being particularly difficult this time, but I think I got all of those errant brackets this time.
7823252
That's always the problem with doing a story synopsis. You want to give enough to hook readers to check out your story, but you don't want to give away too much about the story itself. It's a difficult balance, unfortunately.
Off to a good start.
Looking forward to seeing the rest.
Personally I've never been a fan of the Twilight gets a guard platoon against her own wishes trope, but I'm interested to see how this goes. Though already I feel like Storm is more of a hand-maiden/assistant then a guard, which kinda makes Spike's role redundant. Also I couldn't help but notice no mention of Starlight? Is she just not present or does this take place in the past/future or a different timeline?
I'm rather curious as to how this will play out. I feel Twilight will have a hard time being in command. These aren't just her friends, these are soldiers being led into battle by her. That's a bit of a different dynamic. Masked's claim that he is there to curb Twilight's idealistic tendencies is interesting. I wonder if she will be able to condone the kinds of things you'd expect a secret agent to do. And most interesting, I wonder what dangers are that fortress that could threaten an alicorn princess and the bearer of Shadow's Armor. I await the next chapter eagerly! :)
7824167
I wouldn't say that it's against her own wishes here, more that she's trying to grow used to a major change in her life. It's not really emphasized here, but if I do write further stories where Storm and Spike make an appearance, I figure Storm will handle more official work where Spike will deal with more administrative assistant and domestic duties for Twilight. It might be something to go into detail about later in a future story, especially when Spike might feel a bit pushed out, depending on how the story is presented.
This story takes place before Starlight comes to live in the Ponyville.
7824292
Thanks for replying. I'll definitely keep reading to see where this goes.
And we're off to a great start! Looking forward to the next chapter!
Oohhhh... Another Winningverse fic!
Is this fic considered canon to the Winningverse?
7824841
It is, yes.
7824842 OH HELL TO THE YEAH!
Now... We just need to fill the time between the wedding and now...
And RariJack. RariJack is the needed cowbell of this universe.
7823252
7824094
I have to agree about the synopsis giving away a lot of the mystery, especially as it's not quite given away in the first chapter yet. But yeah, hooking potential readers and whatnot. Looking forward to more of the story!
So Twilight's going to bring airships into Equestria. Which got me thinking on how to actually do that. Granted they'll have magic so they could just magically strengthen light metals and assist in offsetting weight and propulsion. Though they'll still want to use already strong metals, be able to achieve at least neutral buoyancy, and move the ship about without it just in case. I figure the lift/propulsion that they use for the ship in avengers would probably be a good method for them.
I'll stop now just in case you have your own ideas.
7824946
It's a bit of a damned if you do, damned if you don't type of deal like that. You want to attract readers, but not give too much away in the synopsis. So it's a tricky balance.
7827661
There are a few different ways to do airships depending on how a writer would want to set them up. Especially when you add magic to the mix.
Odds are they'll encounter some beastly abomination inside. Maybe a crystalline dragon. Or a roggwart. Either way, hold on to your butts.
7824292
Storm: Twilight's Personal Guard, and Captain of [Insert name] Guard. Maybe this story will properly name the unit.
Spike: Steward of Castle Friendship and Twilight's Personal Assistant and Research Aide.
Well this should be fun. Glad to see a few unfamiliar names in the editor credits.
Pretty distinctive set of characters for the new guard so far.
I'd feel pretty confident about Rarity designing the dress uniforms, but I wonder if she is up to the task of actual armor. That's got to be new ground for her
7835865
I figure she would focus more on the aesthetics and flourishes of the armor (like the color), rather than how the actual armor is designed, since that needs to be pretty utilitarian for the most part.
And Twilight invites Murphy over for tea ...
7823252 Agreed, although Twilight had a point, Celestia taught Twi' her ethics, so why would she think Twilight was too idealistic?
7839406
I get the feeling that Masked interpreted the sisters' memo through a very cynical lens. Someone asking him for the exact words wouldn't be a bad idea.
Your description sold me. Once I get another chapter of my fic out, I'm reading yours.
Oh dear. This is several kinds of bad. Definitely seems surmountable, but it doesn't look like it's going to be easy. Especially not if Drama von Doomcrystal has more landsharks at his beck and call.
7839406 Just because Celestia taught Twilight, and even then I would guess that she probably let normal teachers teach such subjects and merely acting as a secondary source of info for Twilight, doesn't mean Twilight would match Celestia views entirely. That's not even counting the few years she has since spent living away from Canterlot.
If that were the case then every student who took an ethics, economics, or political sciences class would leave the class with teh viewpoint of the professor even if it was the opposite viewpoint they had going in.
I think there might be one too many question marks here.
I'm not sure how I feel about Storm still wearing Shadow's Armor. While it's possible she could continue to wear it so long as she never took it off, she's only actually allowed to wear it because of what is essentially an exploitation of the security around it--ie she's wearing it in order to bring it to Princess Twilight.
But obviously that's not true anymore.
So her balloon came in handy to transport her entourage, but now it needs a name... Mare Force One?
7848763
Thanks for catching that.
7851524
I was thinking to do a story covering this in some detail in a story in the future.
Somebody went to the Ming the Merciless School of Villain Naming ... and flunked!
Oh wow, Storm is wearing Shadow's Armor on missions like these? 'Most powerful protector' is practically an understatement.
I suppose it makes sense that she'd be wearing the armor since we've seen in New Life that it wasn't a one-time thing, I guess I just wasn't expecting it. Makes me wonder exactly what the Shadow inside the armor is thinking. Qualify for the armor and after that just feel free to use it for whatever, or is there some larger plan at work? Modern day Equestria certainly counts as interesting times, so the Armor could be reacting to that.
Thanks for leaving so many dangerous artifacts kicking around, Sombra.
Now that's going to get him punched in the face repeatedly, by any number of potential candidates.
Bring it on.
Ooohhh! The plot thickens! Now I am curious as to how much of the Professor's Personality is involved with this, and how much is the doing of the Crystal!
Good stuff! I do hope that Twilight is going to send word to the other Princesses about what's going on... it's one thing to move forward without waiting for reinforcements due to a closing window to act, but it always bothers me when the protagonists rush in against tough odds without calling in and identifying the threat to whomever will have to tackle it if they fail.
One can sense the D&D influence here...
One suspects that this is not going to be... Pleasant. (Well, for Twilight anyway, I for one am going to be enjoying myself...!)
(Though we sort of know that because of the asides from New Life, but, then again, under the circumstances, so, much, as they say, is obvious...!)
She needs funds...to decide what to call the place?
Wait, now she has funds? Which is it?
2 mistakes made.
Never fight your own copy.
Storm should've helped with the shadows first before fighting Obsidian. They had to gang up on Twilight's copy anyways. Would've said both time and prevented some of their injuries.
For trying to crush the shard with her hoof, while a wing-blade would've been smarter, she might've thought that the mind-control was added to the other crystals rather than innate ability for the shard and that her armour would've protected her. It was probably doing that as Shadow was probably assisting her in fighting it off.
Typo wise, ctrl-f for ']'
7902015 Paperwork and processing fees, though she did say things, so more than just giving the castle a name. Spread the money around, get ordinances and zoning changed because the castle is there and not going to change, stuff like that.
She does have funds, but they are allocated. IE food budget, furniture, equipment for her guards, and paying contractors. You can't say you will spend money on one thing and spend it on something else when you have to officially mark what you are spending money on.
EDIT: Adding more thought on why Twilight would need to spend money on little things for her castle.
Celestia or Luna might've just declared imminent domain went *plbrrt* and flew off, but since it's Twilight's castle/home, letting her deal with it all is good practice for her. Since I doubt Twilight would use royal privilege like that she has other stuff to do. She needs to buy the land it's on, declare it royal property, and then the zoning and ordinances related to that property. Granted, the mayor would probably help smooth things over, but there will always be ponies who like to make a fuss.
Enjoy a gif of the castle driving Berry Punch to drinking (even tho in Winning-verse she's reigned it in) Warning: mild profanity.
orig14.deviantart.net/ce1e/f/2014/137/6/3/bright_castle_by_the_linker-d7ishvm.gif
7902139
Thanks for catching those. The transfer from GoogleDocs for this chapter was... problematic we will say, and it seems a missed a couple of the messups.
7824292 I know this story is shortly after the castle actually showed up, but have they gone to Our Town yet and dealt with Starlight?
I know the latest Winning Pony chapter is post this, but I can't remember if either have stated if the mane 6 have done that yet.
7902157
They have not gone to Our Town yet, so they haven't encountered Starlight yet. This story takes place after the end of Season 4 but before the start of 5.
Looks like some brackets snuck in. Edit: need to refresh before posting.
Also, did they just off the behir even when it was sentient?
Or is it intelligent like a smart dog?
7902187
Fixed those issues.
And behirs are sapient.