Cadance
Flurry Heart hiccuped, and a tear in the very fabric of reality ripped open in the sky above the Crystal Empire. I watched through the palace window as it joined the spiderweb of cracks above us. The rifts cast a green light that illuminated the city, reflecting off the crystals buildings and street to create an odd luminous effect. Puzzle pieces, pony-sized toy soldiers, game pieces, and a variety of other toys trickled down through those cracks where I knew they were terrorizing the citizens of my city. Every so often, a yellow or blue beam of my aunts’ magic would run across the length of one of the cracks, closing it. But those moments were too few compared to the number of tears in the sky, and they were losing the battle to maintain our reality.
The sounds of chaos and terror echoed through the streets of the Crystal Empire. Down one street, I saw a small army of toy soldiers marching in file as the ponies of my Crystal Guard attempted to block them off. There was an explosion, and I winced as Spike’s statue smashed on the ground. That was going to be expensive to replace, along with everything else that was going to need to be repaired—assuming we got the opportunity to do so.
“So, do you want the good news or the bad news first, Princess Cadance?” Sunburst asked, fumbling with a couple of scrolls as he stopped in front of me.
The question drew me out of my thoughts, and I looked away from the palace library window to face him. He looked haggard, more so than usual; his mane looked like it hadn't seen a comb in a couple of days, an extra layer of stubble had grown along his jawline, and his robe was badly crumpled and had a fresh pair of green stains on it. He looked about how I felt at that moment. I hadn't slept a wink over the last couple of days, and while an alicorn didn't need as much sleep as other ponies, fatigue and stress still take their toll.
“Good,” I answered after a moment’s thought. I could use some good news after the past couple of days.
A small brittle smile crossed Sunburst’s face, one that cracked as a tremor shook the ground. “We think we know what's wrong with Flurry Heart.”
That was something at least. I glanced at Flurry Heart. We had set up a temporary play area for my daughter in the palace library, and Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy were currently watching over her. It would have seemed like a perfectly normal scene if not for the fact that my daughter was covered in glowing red runes. We had woken up the previous morning to find the interlocking and complex arcane setup all over her. That's when the trouble started.
Flurry hiccuped, and a sound like paper being ripped out of a book echoed from outside, sending a brief vibration through the palace. Through the window, I saw another tear in reality—this one yellow, for some reason—join the spiderweb over the city.
“Oh dear.” Fluttershy picked Flurry up and gently patted her back. “Please stop hiccuping, Flurry. Breaking reality isn’t very good.”
“Yeah!” Pinkie shook a pair of rattles. “Your Aunt Twilight says that causing cracks in reality is really, really, really bad. So you know, it’d be great if you could stop doing that.”
Flurry hiccupped again in response, causing yet another crack in the sky.
Pinkie sighed. “Okay, let's try that again, only without hiccuping?”
Momentarily putting aside the havoc my daughter had wrought to the borders of our dimension, I focused my attention back on Sunburst. “And the bad?” I suppressed a groan; I really didn’t want to know, but I had asked for Sunburst’s services to help me sort through this crisis, not sugarcoat the facts.
Sunburst pulled out a scroll and its bottom hit the floor long before it finished unfurling. The not-quite-mage fiddled with his glasses and grimaced. “Um, how much time do you think you have?”
I sighed. It seemed that Twilight had been as thorough as ever with her own research. “Start at the worst thing and work your way down. I'll stop you when I've heard enough.”
“Of course, Your Highness.” Sunburst cleared his throat before continuing. “Princess Twilight and I have been researching the runes covering Flurry, as well as the events which followed their appearance.” He gave me a smile so strained that it looked more like a grimace. “Based on what we’ve discovered, we're relatively certain that Flurry is in danger of being possessed by a demon lord from one of the abyssal dimensions whose objective is the enslavement of the whole world and turning it into a nightmare realm of horrors. We’re working on narrowing down which demon, but it seems that he laid the groundwork to possess her millennia ago. It’s quite a complicated piece of magic, if our hypothesis on the matter are correct.”
My eyes narrowed. “I don’t care how much work he put into it, I will not let him take my daughter.” No demon was going to possess my foal if I had anything to say about it, and as a princess of Equestria, I damn well did have a say in the matter. If this demon lord thought otherwise, then I was going to have some choice words with him.
“Yes, well, we're working on that.” Sunburst nodded toward Twilight, who was sitting at a desk, busy reading through three different books as Spike piled up another stack of tomes in front of her. “That's what Twilight's working on at the moment.”
Twilight glanced up from her reading, her mane frazzled with random ends sticking up and bags under her eyes. “I’m working on a counter to the demon’s magic, but it’s going slower than I’d like.” Twilight scowled. “An eldritch cosmic prophecy has a lot of momentum behind it after three thousand years. I have Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity collecting some things I’m going to need while I work on the magical end of things here.”
Spike smiled up at Twilight, mostly hiding his own fatigue. “Anything I can do to help?”
“Another cup of coffee,” Twilight said, letting out a long yawn and blinking her tired eyes.
Starlight grunted in agreement, taking a seat next to Twilight and frowning at her own book. “Make that a double. Maybe that will help me stop seeing double.”
“Can do,” Spike said with a salute.
He turned to go, but Twilight held up a hoof. “No wait. On second thought, just bring the coffee maker to the library. And the coffee—all of it.”
That was a measure long overdue, if the collection of coffee mugs and trash can overflowing with styrofoam cups was any indication. Spike hesitated a moment, his eyes flicking to the overflowing trash can. “Are you sure you should be drinking that much coffee?”
Twilight groaned, closing her eyes and rubbing the sides of her head. “Just get me the coffee, Spike. Once my niece isn’t going to be possessed by a demon and our dimension isn’t going to be cracked like an eggshell, I promise I will sleep.”
I smiled to Spike and squeezed his shoulder. “Just give Twilight her coffee for now, okay? Once this is over, I’m sure all of us will be more than ready to hit the hay for a bit.”
Spike sighed. “Sure, fine. I'll see what I can do.”
“Thanks.” I turned my encouraging smile to everyone in the room as Spike fetched the liquid fuel of the all-nighter student. Maintaining that smile was a lot harder to do than it normally would have been. “Thanks, everypony. I can’t thank you enough for helping.”
That problem attended to, I turned my attention back to Sunburst. “Alright then, what's the rest of the news?” No reason to stop the bad news train yet.
As if to mock me, a piercing whistle blasted from outside, giving everypony just enough time to leap out of the way as the double doors leading into the library were smashed in. A toy train large enough for children to ride in, painted in a bright yellow, green, and pink, rolled into the library, and brightly colored toy soldiers started stepping off of it—turning to face us and marching towards Flurry.
They didn't get far.
Twilight was the first to strike. A fireball shot from her horn and exploded above the oversized toys, blowing them into burning splinters. I followed up Twilight's attack with an energy beam that hit the steam engine head-on. The beam all but disintegrated the boiler, cab, and coal car and continuing into the passenger cars behind them. What few toy soldiers that had survived that explosion were quickly cut down when Starlight fired a series of quick energy bolts that destroyed them outright. It had only taken a few seconds to end the intrusion, but the sudden and terrible destruction of the sapient toys had been enough to make Flurry start crying.
Fluttershy gently tried to shush her. “It’s okay, Flurry. Those were only the bad toys that were destroyed. We still have plenty of good toys. See?” She picked up Batsy, a stuffed toy bat Aunt Luna had given her. Flurry sniffled as she hugged Batsy and then started chewing on its ear.
Twilight stood and growled as she approached the burning wreckage. “I really hate those things. How am I supposed to get any work done when we keep getting attacked by sentient toys? I really wish we could schedule this type of thing to make Equestria’s invasions much easier to plan around.”
This hadn't been the first time the library had been attacked, much less the palace. Those extra-dimensional toys were causing havoc all over the city in their push towards the palace.
Shining came running through the wrecked doors with a pair of guards in tow, his breath labored from exertion. He had been running all over the city trying to get ponies to safety amid the unfolding disaster, and my heart skipped a beat as I saw that his armor had been dented in several places.
Seeing that none of the attacking toys were currently active, he relaxed ever so slightly. “Aaand I see I'm not really needed here.”
“Sorry, big brother.” Twilight smiled wearily as she dumped the broken remains of the toys onto a pile to the side. “But I'm just not very good at the whole damsel-in-distress thing.”
Shining chuckled. “You do make it a bit hard for me to be the big protective brother and husband like that.”
“It’s the thought that counts, hon,” I said, pecking him on the cheek.
“Sorry about that train getting through.” Shining grimaced as he glanced at the burning pile of broken toys. “They broke through our left flank when a dodgeball swarm hit us hard.” He shivered, a haunted look coming over his eyes. “There were just too many for anypony to dodge.”
I gently took my Flurry from Fluttershy and nuzzled my child, trying to calm her. “We dealt with it. Lets just concentrate on keeping a lid on everything until we can figure out how to fix this. Speaking of...” I turned to Sunburst. “Have we figured out why we’re getting attacked by a bunch of toys?”
Shining scowled. “I’m more than a little bit curious about that myself. I was trained to expect the unexpected when it came to threats against Equestria, but this is ridiculous.”
“Yes, about that.” Sunburst fiddled with his spectacles as he searched his scroll. “We think the dimensional rifts being caused by Flurry's hiccups are a result of the magical instabilities in her body and the upcoming possession—attempted possession!” he hastily amended, flashing an apologetic smile when I glared at the suggestion that some demon was coming anywhere near my daughter. “The fluctuations of wild magic are what’s creating those rifts.”
Shining frowned as he considered that information. “Right, and what about the attacking toys? They’re all over the streets now, and I'm not sure how long we can hold them back.”
Sunburst unraveled another scroll. “According to this, they’re actually the manifestations of another dimension. A sapient dimension at that, or at least some approximation of sapience. Genius loci are a bit of a complicated topic, especially ones this big.”
Twilight stopped stacking the dead toys to give us a wide smile. “I could give you a lecture on the topic. It’s really quite fascinating.”
“Let’s just stick to the practical stuff for now,” Shining said quickly. Considering how many of his little sister’s lectures he had endured as a colt, it wasn't hard to imagine why he wanted to derail the idea quickly. Twilight could be quite enthusiastic when an academic topic caught her attention or there was an opportunity to teach others. I had found that out when I had foalsat for her.
“Maybe later,” I said. “Right now lets concentrate on the crisis on our hooves.” Part of me also hoped that she would forget about the topic by the time the crisis had passed, especially since she didn’t have anything to write with on hoof to remind her later.
Twilight groaned and dropped another chunk of the toy train onto the pile a bit more roughly than necessary. “Fine. Stupid apocalypse getting in the way of a good lecture...”
Sunburst cleared his throat. “Yes, continuing where I left off. This genius loci goes by the name of...” His eyes squinted as he studied the scroll. “Excuse me if I butcher the pronunciation of this: Xykdhthnmpxyzwqjnptsktxvzq-Yjthmwqpzvsmvwqty’Gyqwmzxvypthyyyzxxvth the Unpronouncible, the Great Oncoming Tide of Fun and Games, Master of Puzzles, Purveyor of Parties, Sovereign of Its Great and Fantastically Fun Realm of Itself, and ... you probably get the idea.”
Pinkie giggled. “That doesn't sound so bad! Just look how silly it is to say the genie locust’s name.”
“The problem isn't that it's outright malicious,” Twilight said as she finished tossing the destroyed toys to the side. “The problem is that it wants to absorb our dimension and turn everyone into more game pieces for itself to play with for all of eternity, whatever anypony might feel about the matter. That's just how it is. I have a theory that Xykdhth-um-nmpth—the invading dimensional entity might be drawn to some subconscious desire of Flurry’s to have more toys or have fun, though I don't have much in the way of concrete proof for that yet.”
Pinkie rubbed her chin. “Okay, forcing ponies to have fun isn't very nice. We should have fun when we want to, not ... that. Maybe if we threw it a party it would stop trying to invade our dimension?”
“How about we make that Plan D?” Twilight cast a repair spell to put the library doors back together. “There are a few things I want to try first before we ... well quite frankly, feed into the madness surrounding us.”
Pinkie sighed sadly. “Oh phooey, we almost never get to Plan D. Can we at least promise to have a party once we've saved the world again.”
“I'll add it to the list of things to do once we've actually done that.” Twilight sat back behind her pile of books and scribbled onto a scroll. “Maybe somewhere after assessing all the property damage done to the city and seeing how much all of this will cost us to fix.”
“Joy oh joy,” Starlight grumbled, writing on her own scroll. “The fun just never ends around here, I see.”
“That's the spirit!” Pinkie said with her usual cheer. “Don't let a little something like the end of the world keep you down. I know I don't!”
“Meh, dealing with some sort of world ending problem has become pretty much normal by this point,” Spike said as he wheeled in a coffee machine on a cart.
“I know it has for me,” groused Twilight. She didn't waste any time levitating the coffee maker onto the table and turning it on.
“Focus everypony,” I said gently. We’d be here all day if we started reminiscing about every time we stopped some threat to all of Equestria. “I know everypony is tired, but we need to concentrate on what’s important here.”
Shining nodded. “Like how we beat this genius loci. Any ideas on that front?”
Fluttershy spoke up. “Pinkie and I have tried everything we can think of to try and get Flurry to stop hiccupping, but nothing seems to be working.”
Spike stepped over to tickle Flurry’s belly, making her squeal and flail her hooves. “Yeah, even tickling hasn’t helped.”
Pinkie back over to me and Flurry. “I think she’s going for the world record for hiccuping. Go Flurry, go! Only three hundred seventy-eight days, four hours, and fifteen minutes to go!”
“Please don't encourage my niece to destroy reality and doom us to a fun but terrifying eternity as toys, Pinkie,” Twilight pleaded in perfect deadpan, drinking deeply from her mug of coffee.
“Anyways,” I interrupted yet again in a desperate attempt to steer the conversation back on track. “Aunt Tia and Aunt Luna are trying to close those rifts, but at the rate they're being opened they just can’t keep up—and after going at it all day, they’re starting to slow down.”
“Twilight and I think we can clear that problem up if we can keep Flurry from being possessed,” Sunburst said. “That would end the magical instabilities in her body, and give us the opportunity to close those rifts.”
Twilight borrowed Starlight’s scroll and checked over her notes. “Which is why we’re putting most of our efforts in fixing that first. If we can fix that everything else becomes much easier.”
“We’ll go ahead with that plan, then.” I couldn't think of a better one, in any event. “What about those cultists that snuck into the city last night? Do we know what they're up to right now?” My agent within the city had notified me that some strange ponies had been slinking into my city while we were distracted by the ongoing apocalypse, but the cultists had been a fairly low priority, all things considered. Now, though, I worried what they might have been up to. There was just too much to keep track of when I had to deal with intruders breaking down my palace doors.
Sunburst frowned at the mention of the cult. “According to the spies we sent to check them out, they're part of a doomsday cult that apparently believe that Flurry is their dark mistress who will bring about the the apocalypse.”
I scowled. “My daughter isn’t out of diapers yet. She isn’t becoming the dark mistress of anything.” I really needed to look into if I was doing something wrong as a mother. Flurry should not be central to so much ... trouble. Sure, I had been warned about all the usual trouble a newborn could get up to, but repeatedly causing world-shattering events should at least wait until she was a teenager.
Sunburst gave me an apologetic smile. “Of course not, Your Highness. That’s just what they believe—and are completely inaccurate, naturally. Though there is some good news: it seems they’re fighting amongst themselves for the time being instead of causing us any major trouble. Though they did destroy Spike’s statue, unfortunately.”
“Wait, they did what?!” Spike ran over to the window. His jaw slowly dropped at the sight of the shattered remains of his statue lying in the city street. “My statue!” His lip started quivering and tears welled up in his eyes.
Twilight didn't waste any time to get to his side and nuzzle him. “It's okay, Spike. It's just a statue.”
“Yeah, but it's my statue.” He looked down at the floor and his shoulders slumped. “Why would somepony destroy my statue?”
Starlight was first to answer as she boredly flipped through a book. “Probably to protest against the nepotistic oligarchical class structure that dominates Equestria.” She continued reading until she felt Twilight’s glare. “What? Did I say something?”
“We’ll talk about it later,” Twilight told her.
Trying to defuse the situation, I turned to Spike.“We’ll probably rebuild the statue later. You know how much the crystal ponies love you, Spike.”
That brought a smile to his face. “Yeah, because I'm their hero.”
Also, Spike’s statue was—had been—surprisingly good at bringing in tourists, which pretty much guaranteed we’d rebuild it in good order. Not that I was happy it was senselessly destroyed by a bunch of cultists who had troubling misconceptions about my daughter.
I sighed and rubbed my face, reminding myself to stick to business before the Toy Battalion (or whatever their master called them) tried again. “So, do you mind explaining why the doomsday cultists are fighting amongst themselves?”
“That we haven't figured out yet,” Sunburst admitted. “We need to send somepony over there to sort that out, but most of the guards are busy dealing with things like the sentient chess pieces and volleyballs that took over the Crystal Imperial Library.”
“I could help out with the cult,” Starlight offered, almost a little too eagerly.
Twilight frowned slightly at her student as she sat back down at their table. Considering Starlight had run one of her own through some extremely shady practices, it wasn't hard to figure out why Twilight might not be happy about her getting mixed up with those types again. “I need your help here, Starlight. We need to work out the ethereal transfiguration principles on that exorcism spell, and it would really help if I could have somepony triple-check that formula.”
Starlight let out the type of sigh only a pony who had already worked a long day and now had a bunch of overtime dumped on them right when they thought they were about to escape the drudgery of the workday. “Alright then...” She grumbled something I couldn't make out under her breath and started reviewing Twilight’s notes.
“So then, who do we have to deal with the cults?” I asked.
“I could deal with them, Cadey,” Shining offered. “Next to everything else we're dealing with, some cultists shouldn't be much of a problem. We don’t have many troops to spare at the moment, but I think I can pull something together to at least make sure these cultists aren’t going to cause us too much trouble like trying to summon some sort of demon or extradimensional horror. Such as that asparagus demon those teenagers summoned a couple months ago.” He shivered at the memory.
I suppressed the urge to cringe at the reminder. Still, Shining seemed like a reliable pick to make sure the cult didn’t blindside us with something. “Alright then. Good luck, honey.” I pecked him on the cheek.
He pecked me back and smiled. “I'll come back as soon as I'm done with that. Keep Flurry safe.”
“Will do.” I turned my attention back to Sunburst as Shining left. “Any other fires to put out?”
The ground shook for a moment, making Sunburst glance around nervously. “There are those tremors. We don't know what's causing them yet, though honestly they might just be a byproduct of everything else that’s going on.
I sighed, feeling my irritation grow at the knowledge that there was probably some other unknown problem waiting to bite me in the rear.
Sunburst gave me another apologetic smile. “Sorry, Your Highness. Our resources are pretty stretched at the moment.”
“I suppose we'll just have to deal with the issues we can address right now, then.” I gave Flurry back to Fluttershy. “Please watch Flurry for me. I’m going to see if I can help Aunt Celestia and Luna with the rifts. Twilight and Sunburst, prevent that possession. Everything else should become more manageable if you can handle that.”
Or so I told myself. I hoped I was right.
Shining Armor
As prince of the Crystal Empire, sneaking out of my own home—palace—whatever, wasn't the most dignified thing in the world, but I didn't have much choice when the palace was under siege by all these stupid toys. I had to wonder how many of the more outrageous old soldiers tales I heard as a new officer in the Royal Guard were actually true. What was it Twily said once? That the difference between real life and a story was that a story actually had to make sense?
In any event, the secret passages hidden throughout the palace made sneaking out a lot easier than it otherwise might have been. Whether those passages had been made by King Sombra or some other slightly paranoid pony I didn't know. We had put a lot of work into trying to find them all, both to keep anyone from sneaking into the palace and to make sure there wasn't some sort of nightmare shadow monster hidden in the basement somewhere. (There had been, but luckily it was just the one.)
Years of training and a few stealth spells let me and my squad dodge most of the attacking toys, the amorous giant slinky notwithstanding. Soon enough, we found ourselves in the city square dominated by what was left of Spike’s statue.
The whole square looked like it had been at the center of a battle. Most of the nearby buildings now had holes in them, and broken crystal from the street and buildings lay scattered all about the place. I tried not to grimace at the shattered chunks that littered the street. Spike was a cool guy, and it just seemed cruel to destroy his statue like that. Especially when so many ponies seemed to really like it.
But the statue wasn't my objective; that was the dozens of cloaked individuals scattered about the square. My tactical eye quickly noticed that there seemed to be two different groups of the cultists facing one another from opposite ends of the square. As we got closer, I heard a pair of the cultists yelling at one another next to the remains of the statue. Each seemed to be doing their best to yell over the other, making it hard to understand what either of them was saying.
The cultist on the left was an elderly unicorn stallion with a light blue coat and frazzled looking yellow mane. His cloak had seen better days, now sporting a splattering of holes along its flank, and the hood looked like it had nearly been completely burned away along with a portion of his mane. Opposite of his was a young unicorn mare with a dark grey coat and light grey mane done up to fit under her black fedora. Her cloak looked every bit as battered as that of her opposite, and her narrow glasses had a crack running down one of its lenses.
Both of them were breathing heavily as they shouted one another down, and given the devastation around me I suspected they’d exchanged more than words at one point. The other cultists in the square looked equally bedraggled, many of them limping or resting on the sidelines. If they were too tired to fight one another, then they should be too tired to cause me any trouble. That would be some actual good news on a day that had been dumping literal trainloads of bad news on me.
I decided to try and give diplomacy a chance. Trying to arrest this many cultists would be messy, to say the least—tired or not, they had the numbers advantage. Besides, it was a lot easier to try and talk things out and then crack some heads than to try it the other way around.
I marched up and called out to the pair with an authoritative voice that I had perfected from years in the Guard. “What's going on here?”
The elderly stallion jabbed a hoof in his counterpart’s direction. “This heretic is corrupting our faith right on the cusp of our greatest victory!”
The mare stabbed a hoof right back as she replied. “He's holding us back with his out-of-date beliefs!”
I rubbed my brow and groaned. I’d had to mediate more than one argument during my time in the Guard, and religious disputes were always the ones that caused the biggest headaches. Still, it was better than an outright fight. “First thing’s first: who are you two?”
The stallion puffed out his chest in an attempt to make himself appear more respectable—an effect undercut by his shredded cloak and the fact he looked like he had just finished a twenty-mile run when he wasn't used to seeing natural sunlight. “Fluffy Cakes, High Foreseer of the End Times.”
The mare cultist adjusted her glasses as she glared at Fluffy. “Sunshine Rainbow.”
“Acolyte Sunshine Rainbow,” Fluffy corrected harshly. “Remember your rank in our order.”
Sunshine scoffed. “Don't you subject me to your patriarchal autocracy! I’ll let you know—”
“Excuse me,” I said, interjecting myself before her rant could build momentum. “Could I ask what you two are arguing about?”
Fluffy Cakes huffed derisively under his breath. “She's been taught unorthodox beliefs. As I've told her time and again, Flurry Heart is the apocalypse!”
“Stupid dogmatist,” Sunshine shot back. “Flurry is of the apocalypse! Get it right you old fool!”
I ran that through my head a couple of times, making sure I fully comprehended what they’d said. “Are you really arguing over one word?”
“Of course we are! It's everything!” Fluffy insisted. “Don't you know anything about the teachings of Dark Prophet Sunny Days the Foreseer of the Darkest Days of Darkness?”
“I can't say I do,” I answered dryly. Good Celestia, and I thought warlock names could get ridiculous.
Sunshine sighed melodramatically and spoke with the level condescension that only an armchair expert could manage. “That just figures. We're dealing with somepony who doesn't know the first thing about theology. I bet he hasn't even read The Apocalypse and What It Means For You or The Doomed Diatribe On The Destined Death and Destruction of Ponies.”
Great. Not only was I dealing with a bunch of lunatic cultists who thought my daughter was some sort of harbinger for the apocalypse, but they were condescending elitist lunatic cultists. I always hated it when ponies thought I was dumb just because I’m a soldier. I did have a couple of degrees, after all. Still, I bit back the reply I wanted to give them and instead went with something more diplomatic. “Well, now's the perfect time to lay out what you believe in. I'm sure we can work this out if we just talk it out.”
“That's what we're trying to do!” Sunshine shook her hoof at Fluffy. “But this stubborn old stallion couldn’t see the obvious if it ran up and bit him.”
“I'm hearing you just fine,” Fluffy shot back. “You're the one that's being a stubborn little brat who can't listen to her elders.”
Sunshine crossed her arms over her chest, not looking like she was going to give an inch. “Well maybe if you weren't so wrong all the time I'd have something to listen to.”
“Can you two just tone it down while you sort this out?” I waved towards Spike’s ruined statue, straining to keep a friendly tone. “In case you haven't noticed, we’re having a little bit of a crisis right now. The collateral damage really isn't helping.”
“Of course we can't,” Sunshine said, rolling her eyes. “We’re trying to end the world here. It's a little hard to do that without significant collateral damage.”
“Why do you even want to destroy the world?” I was morbidly curious what in the world was going on in these ponies’ heads, even if my better judgment said I was healthier not knowing.
Sunshine answered in a tone usually reserved for speaking to a peculiarly slow child. “Because the universe is a cold and uncaring place that is ultimately doomed through the eventual heat death of the universe. It's best to just end our continual and unending suffering and be done with it, rather than prolonging an ultimately meaningless existence. Duh.”
I frowned as I mulled that over. “I might be a little biased as a successful officer of the Guard who married a bombshell princess and lives in a palace, but that sounds like a pretty pessimistic way to look at everything. Just saying, I’m not too worried about something that’s only going to happen to me long after my remains have been used as fossil fuel by some post-equine civilization.”
“In any event, she’s completely incorrect,” Fluffy Cakes said with a snort. “See what I mean when I say that she's a heretic? Obviously the apocalypse is a good thing!”
I quirked an eyebrow. “How could the end of the world be a good thing?”
“It will allow the rebirth of a new and better world, a paradise,” Fluffy said with a fanatical level of self assurance. “It was foretold long ago by one of our order’s founders, Wobbly Waffles the Unmentionable.”
I looked to Sunshine, not quite sure how to respond to this fresh madness. “And your counterpoint?”
Sunshine smiled smugly. “Any world with sapient life is doomed to suffer gradual corruption and atrophy. The resources of their world will gradually be consumed as overconsumption as greed subverts the moral fabric of society, resulting in a growing state of inequality doomed to collapse in on itself.”
“And?” I asked, feigning interest as I considered how best to deal with these crazy ponies.
Sunshine applied her hoof to her face. “You really don't get it, do you? Figures some dumb meathead soldier would be overwhelmed when I started throwing big words around.”
“I understood perfectly,” I growled. Really, this wasn't nearly as bad as some of the conversations I'd had with Twily over the years that had gone completely over my head. Especially any conversation where words like ‘quantum’ or ‘theoretically’ came into play.
Sunshine sighed. “You would say that.”
“Enough!” Fluffy stomped a hoof. “That is no way to treat our prince and father of our savior. I am calling for a conclave to resolve this division in beliefs.” He turned and solemnly addressed me. “I request that as the father of Flurry Heart, the bringer of our ultimate destruction, you oversee this conclave.”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out as I was too stunned by this fresh bout of insanity I had just heard. Before I could figure out how the hay to reply, Sunshine interrupted the silence.
“Why him?” Sunshine narrowed her eyes. “In case you're too old of a doddering fool to realize, it's pretty obvious he doesn't like either of us.”
Fluffy nodded. “Of course, but he hates each of us equally. What could be more fair than that?”
Sunshine rubbed her chin. “That is true.”
“What do you say, Prince Shining?” Fluffy asked. “If you would be willing to preside over our conclave, do you have someplace we could hold our meeting?”
I nodded as a plan started forming in my head. It might be crazy, but I think I had a way to keep all of this from turning into a big blockbuster of a fight between these crazy ponies. “I think I can arrange something.”
Celestia
“Careful of the rubix cubes, sister!” Luna called out to me.
I ceased trying to close the rift above me and turned to see something brightly colored and square right before it struck me on the forehead. I grunted in annoyance at yet another distraction that kept me from sealing the dimensional rifts above me. I rubbed my forehead ruefully.
Luna frowned at me. “I told you to be careful.”
“I am aware, sister,” I said, trying to keep my annoyance out of my tone. “I cannot work on closing the rifts, dodge, and destroy everything all at the same time.” Case in point, I incinerated a swarm of playing cards that were hurtling towards us.
My sister growled under her breath, launching a lightning bolt to strike down a trio of rubix cubes flying at us. “It is most irritating. And I fear I am growing weary from so many hours of combat.”
I didn’t comment about my own pain and fatigue from our efforts. The madness around us was making for a very strange day. Not nearly in my top twenty, but a strong early contender for this century, certainly.
Instead of letting any of that distract me, I concentrated on the more important matter at hoof. “Just watch my back as I close the rifts. This will go a lot faster if you can keep those things off of me.”
“I will try and do so.” She transformed into a star-filled mist to dodge a collection of flying checkerboard pieces, reverted back to normal, and blasted the checkers to pieces with a lightning bolt. “Though I cannot help but note that our great niece is causing more than a little trouble today.”
“She seems to be making a habit of it,” I admitted, deflecting several darts with a shield spell before returning to the rift.
“We should probably discuss the matter with her parents.” Luna spotted a woodblock dragon as large as an actual one descend out of one of the rifts, and charged it with a flap of her wings. The toy dragon turned to counter-charge. It opened its great maw and spewed a torrent of confetti and party streamers. Luna skillfully rolled to the side and closed the distance. With a flash of her horn, the dragon’s wings were frozen in ice. Not content with that, Luna slammed into one of the wings with her forehooves, smashing it to splinters. The oversized toy flailed as it plummeted to the ground and certain destruction.
“As soon as the current crisis is done with,” I told her. “One thing at a time.”
“I do not remember us being quite this troublesome as children,” my sister groused, her head turning as she scanned for the next threat.
“Well, I could tell a few stories.” I smirked at some of my memories from our childhood misadventures. “But yes, nothing quite like this.”
Before we could continue our conversation, Cadance flew up to join us, dodging through an elaborate jungle gym that was slowly descending towards the city. “I'm here! Sorry, everything seems to be happening all at once.”
“I've noticed.” I also noticed a trio of rubber snakes flying towards my niece’s back, and incinerated them with a beam of pure light before they could cause further trouble. “Don't tell me Flurry decided she didn't have enough toys. I can't help but note how she’s produced a sudden abundance of them.”
“Flurry has more than enough toys,” Cadance answered, a little indignantly. “Besides, I'm pretty sure she's still too young to ask for more.”
“She is also a bit young to be tearing holes in reality.” Twilight was at least in her teens the first time she accidentally fractured the walls of the universe.
Cadance’s answering smile was more than a bit strained. “To be fair, I don't think she's doing it on purpose. At least I can't see a foal intentionally summoning … um, the monster whose name I can't pronounce.”
“Of course not, she's just a child.” I finished closing the rift I had been working on, though I had to suppress a grimace as two more opened up in the sky.
“She seems to have a talent for starting trouble,” Luna commented as she smacked away several incoming dodgeballs.
“She'll probably grow out of it. Probably.”
I picked another rift and got back to work closing it with a beam of magic. “I certainly hope so. I would hate for this to become a regular problem.”
“I would prefer not to have to ask my aunts to help me stop an apocalyptic event every few weeks.” Cadance took her place next to me and cast a shield around us to keep several game board pieces at bay.
“We all would,” I said. “Have you found out what's causing this?”
Cadance’s features hardened. “From what Sunburst and Twilight were telling me, some demon lord is trying to possess Flurry.”
“I see. That is most worrying.” I frowned as I digested that news. There was plenty of trouble a demon could get up to by possessing an alicorn, even if it was just an infant. Best not to let that happen. “And the rifts?”
“The demonic possession’s causing magical instabilities in Flurry that are causing her to accidentally destroy the fabric of reality. According to them, all of this is some sapient dimension that's trying to absorb our reality called ... I forget how to pronounce it.”
“Xykdhthnmpxyzwqjnptsktxvzq-Yjthmwqpzvsmvwqty’Gyqwmzxvypthyyyzxxvth the Unpronouncible?” I hazarded. It had been some time since I had last tried to pronounce its name, so I might have butchered it.
Cadance blinked and then nodded. “Yes, that. Have you seen this thing before?”
“Only a couple minor incursions that were pretty quickly dealt with, but nothing on this level.” A flood of stuffed animals suddenly attacked Cadance’s shield and she strained to maintain the spell. I sent a rolling wall of flame to burn them away. “The last major incursion happened before my time.”
“The good news is that Twilight and Sunburst think the rifts will stop once they block the demon from possessing Flurry,” Cadance said. “They’re working on that right now, and they seemed pretty confident when I left them.”
“Then I’m sure the problem is well in hoof.” Another rift sealed, I gave Cadance my full attention. “See to defending your daughter for now. We will contain the rifts.”
Cadance raised an eyebrow. “You're sure? This seems like a pretty big problem here. Shining and the Crystal Guard are barely holding the line as is.”
“It’s pretty grim, but from what you said things will be far worse if Flurry is possessed,” I pointed out. “I would feel a lot better if you were beside your daughter to protect her.”
Not to mention Cadance would be constantly distracted by her daughter’s plight. That would put all of us in danger with so many threats to keep track of up here. Luna and I had sent our bodyguards to help defend the city after it became clear how dangerous it was up near the rifts. Even with all of our power and experience, the cosmic menace still pushed us to our limits.
Cadance grimaced and looked like she was going to argue with me, but thankfully nodded in agreement. “You’ve got a—”
She was cut off when a particularly large tremor quaked, its rumble loud enough for us to hear from the sky. I looked down to see cracks form in the earth and a great hole opening right at the edge of the city.
I called out to my sister. “Luna, deal with ... whatever that is.”
Luna frowned, not immediately doing as I asked. “You wish for me to leave you alone? Dealing with these rifts all by yourself is no small burden, sister.”
“No, but somepony has to deal with that on top of everything else.” I pointed at the hole, and with my superior alicorn vision I could see figures starting to climb out of it. “We’re badly stretched at the moment, and I want somepony I can trust to see what’s going on down there and deal with it.”
Hopefully playing to my sister’s pride a bit would help convince her to go. That, and everything I said was true. Additional units of the Royal Guard were coming by the train to reinforce the Crystal Empire, but that would take time. Meanwhile, Luna was here and more than capable of dealing with most threats. Even if she was fatigued from helping me close the rifts.
Luna frowned, visibly deep in thought before she sighed. “Very well. I will see to it and return when I am done. Guard yourselves, you two.” She dived and quickly made her way to the new threat.
“And I better make sure Flurry is safe, then.” Cadance pecked me on the cheek and started making her own descent. “Be careful, Aunt Tia.”
I smiled confidently, doing my best to reassure her despite the growing madness around us. “I will. You too.”
That left me alone with the rifts and the dimensional invader just beyond them. Simple, I told myself as a couple more cracks opened in the sky. True, I was tired, my magic was slowly being drained, my wings ached, I hurt in a dozen places where I had been hit, more rifts seemed to form with every passing minute, and I was being attacked by a seemingly innumerable foe while the real threat was attempting to possess my great niece, but the task before me was simple. I would just have to trust the others to play their parts.
I smiled up at the maelstrom, confidence growing in me despite the grimness of the situation. A plan came to me, if a potentially risky one, but I needed to buy everypony else time to get a handle on the unfolding crisis. I couldn't close all these rifts fast enough on my own, and so I needed to take a different approach to the problem.
“Alright then,” I said out loud. “Let's play a game.”
It was a nearly imperceptible thing, but something in the air changed, like how the atmosphere in a theater changes during a critical scene. The various game pieces even slowed, as though hearing something that had grabbed their attention.
A hooffull of colorful letter blocks floated down to me and spelled out a word. ‘G-A-M-E-?’
So far so good. “Yes. I am Princess Celestia, co-ruler of Equestria, and I would like to play a game.” That was the thing about an entity like the Unpronounceable: it was bound by its nature. It was all but outright compelled to accept the offer of a game. Of course, issuing a challenge came with its own risks.
Celebratory fireworks shot out of the rift and exploded into sparkling blossoms.
“What game shall we play?” I asked, hoping it would be something I could handle. This was one of the more risky parts of my plan to distract the Unpronounceable. Who could say what horrors it could unleash on my country if it had a mind to? Still, the slow flood of sentient game pieces falling on the Crystal Empire had stopped, so that much was going right.
Half a dozen colorful boxes floated down from the rifts to levitate before me. One of them depicted a pair of children excitedly playing with cards with unusual images and lettering. ‘Accountants and Audits’ read across the front of the box in big, bold font. Whatever game this was, I hadn't heard of it before.
I checked the side of the box and frowned pensively. “‘Recommended for ages six and up?’ You want to play a children's card game?”
An explosion of confetti, streamers, and balloons fell around me.
“That would be another yes then.” I carefully considered what I was facing.
A stack of coins then appeared in front of me, and the Unpronounceable started clicking them together.
It took a couple of seconds for me to figure out what it was getting at. “Ah, you want to make a wager on the game?” As I had feared, I wasn't going to be able to play a game for the sheer enjoyment of it. That was the problem with dealing with entities such as the Unpronounceable: while you could manipulate its nature, it was ultimately bound by that same nature and would act accordingly. “What type of wagers were you wanting to play for, then?”
Small building blocks floated before me and started clicking together and slowly but surely a city started to form. My eyes narrowed when I recognized the city in question. “So if you win, you get the Crystal Empire?”
Several small pony shaped toys descended into the city and danced about the streets.
I frowned, not liking this new development. We were playing for high stakes indeed. Likely the Unpronounceable wanted to use the Crystal Empire to gain a foothold into our dimension and spread from there, probably by forcing situations where ponies would have to make bets with the entity in an attempt to stop its advances. I would certainly be tempted to bet another city to regain something as important as the Crystal Empire. That could easily lead to a slippery slope of trouble, to say the very least.
The problem was that I was somewhat stuck. If I turned down the Unpronounceable, then it would probably start rampaging in anger over being rejected and make matters even worse than they already were. No, I couldn't risk something like that. I had to put my skills to the test and see this through. This wouldn't be my first time playing high stakes games with other immortal beings.
Having settled on my course, I asked, “And if I win, you'll close these rifts and leave Equestria alone for no less than one hundred years and a day?”
For a long moment nothing but happened, but then the building blocks reformed themselves into a check mark.
That decided, I concentrated on figuring out how to win the all-important game. “I trust I can have time to examine the rulebook?”
One of the nearby balloons deflated, but the entity opened one of the boxes and levitated over a small rulebook. I took it and started reading, hoping I wasn't being too clever as I prepared to bet the fate of an entire city on a children’s card game.