POV: You're feeling down at Bee-lzebub's party and she's about to shove some cotton candy into your cakehole.
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Spitfire just wanted a normal day to the Cloudsdale market to buy some apples. Here's the catch: there's a little blue pegasus that keeps following her around...
And why does she keep yelling, "Mommy!"?
~~~~~
When pictures give you ideas, it's up to your imagination whether you wanna turn it into a story.
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Adorable.
Too good.
Very cute. I loved it. And laughed a lot.
6880059 Glad you did.
So cute!
6880059 Just curious, are you looking for a little constructive feedback? Some authors do, but I don't want to be rude and tell you what I thought your story could do better. Especially since I enjoyed it so much.
The cuteness, it's unbearable!
To much CUTENESS!!!!!!!
6880189 I guess so.
People sometimes say I have a rushing problem with stories. I hoped to alleviate it here. So far, things are working out.
6880277 Okay. I'll have to reread it again to catch the few things that could be worked out. I'll comment again once I do. Best of wishes.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/9/28/989883__safe_solo_screencap_animated_upvotes+galore_smiling_cute_open+mouth_coco+pommel_daaaaaaaaaaaw.gif
That was way too cute.
6880362
So adorable
"Mommy!" Can't deny it one bit. Really cute story.
6880383
Awwww, love it!
How could this site possibly have calculated the number of words in this story to 210?
Dashabetes!
6880619
Math!
6880503 Wow. That is such a positive and uplifting comment, that also happens to be constructive and not completely pointless(!)
I want to see an alternate where it turns out Dashie is actual Spitfire;s daughter from DA FUTURE and she was brought there by Dr. Whooves, but then got loose and attached herself to Spitfire like a filly ballistic missile of overwhelming adorability
Too much sweetness. Damn it, you made me awww out loud and I look like a moron here.
Dash only knows the word, "Mommy," at the age of four! She may be a natural flyer, but she is not a natural egghead.
Not gonna lie that was extremely adorable.
How cute!
One good thing about not knowing how ponies age and how much their bodies can handle - you can come up with stories like this
Kinda meh, really.
Feels way too rushed and the joke is kind of forced.
Despite that, it's not badly written, it just lacks any memorable punch.
~Skeeter The Lurker
6880860 I'm not justifying his comment (really he was probably just trying to get a rise out of people) but how is that much different from other comments, eg:
Neither say anything constructive about why they did or didn't like the story, the only difference is one is positive and the other is negative, so you're just vilifying someone for having a different opinion to you
I did actually dislike the story, but that was because I found boring and lacking any substance, the kind of thing that was hammered out in no time at all for no purpose other than to get cheap likes because people here like cute things
That was sweet! And funny XD
6880990 I respect your opinion, but yes, I did do this on the fly. I honestly really didn't expect it to get this popular.
What can I say? I can't please everyone. If you don't like it, I don't see why you should be hammered down.
6880619 It has a glitch. Believe me, this has happened to me before. Many times.
This fic was so sugary sweet it gave me diabetes.
6881102 I totally get that, you never know what's going to explode here on this site. My main problems with it were that: there was nothing I found to be funny (really I don't know what other people in the comments claim they were laughing at); it's really rushed with nothing significant happening, just a few character bumbling about and then nothing coming of the whole thing; and lastly (and this would be the main problem), that you essentially tell the readers how they should feel, with Spitfire explicitly (and repeatedly) stating outright that Rainbow Dash is adorable, usually for really benign things like smiling (the Joker smiles all the time and I would hesitate calling that adorable), it's like following up every joke (good or bad) with a character loudly declaring how funny they found the joke, or similarly declaring themselves to be sad after something sad happens, readers should be able to infer these things without having to be told in black and white... but considering this story got over 100 likes and featured on the day it was published, what the hell do I know about writing
Mommy!!
6880990 TIL: "Vilify"
This strangly reminded me of the doctor episode - "are you my mommy?" (the scariest dr who episode ever)
I'm dead. I'm dead. This is a cutest thing in the world and I'm just dead.
6881270 Oh god why did you remind me? Looks like I won't be sleeping tonight.
I never knew that it was possible, but I think I actually got diabetes from this story. TOO FRICKIN' CUTE!
Mommy in a totally different sense now ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Now we should have one with Daring Do/ A.K.Yearling.
i think i need a replacement heart cause the one i currently have just exploded from cuteness overload.
... [Silver's heart explodes.]
This picture make me think pf a sad story where upon finding rainbow dash spitfire decides to bring her back to her parents only to discover her parents are kill only a couple hours earily and spitfire takes the little filly in as her new mother. That what I think of that picture.
To much cuteness blow my mind
There is brain all over the wall
Now please be kind
And wash it all.
awww very cute and funny funny ending.
aaaaawwwww so cute even when she was little she was impressing crowds.
Lol that is too funny .
I cherries the moment whenever I see a fantastic pun like this
I give this story a Muffin Rating of: 10 out of 10 muffins!
~SoDF
I know is a short story, but still here are my problems with this.
Pacing, Dash only said 3 times "Mommy" and Spitfire actually ignored her, if we go by your story, too soon to actually complain or question herself that. I would expect that line of thinking when she gets to the market with Dash.
() in gereral, even if its a short story, take your time to give this info not as a side note or extra info, specially with (), kinda breaks the inmersion to a story. Maybe something like:
"Two o'clock in the afternoon, Cloudsdale market wasn´t very busy"
And this is a simple way. But i believe is much better than put "(it was, after all, two o'clock in the afternoon)"
Nonetheless, good luck and congrats on making it to the home page.
For me it was a nice distraction, i didn´t got the diabetes everyone is talking about xD.
I thought Rainbow had Twilight turn her into a filly in an attempt to get closer to her idol.
OMG.
That was so adorable I can't take the cuteness!!!!!!! I would have never thought of this on my own, so I'm very glad you did! DerpHoof!
