• Member Since 13th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Regidar


irresistible

T

Sweetie Belle wakes up. Sweetie Belle takes a shower. Sweetie Belle tries to make breakfast.

Nothing feels the same to her anymore.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 185 )
Garbo #1 · Mar 24th, 2014 · · 2 ·

It's Regi and it has a dark tag. Am I the only one who's very, very afraid right now?

That wasn't as bad as I was expecting...

I suspected rape.
Upvoted for Sweetie abuse.

One might say that this story was regidark!

HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE

Comment posted by Garbo deleted Mar 24th, 2014

4125785
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

Didn't see that coming. I thought it was going to be worse.

The words Sweetie Belle was used 18 times and the word Sweetie was used 22 times. The more you know! :raritywink:

ReFro #10 · Mar 24th, 2014 · · 2 ·

4125783
I think Scoots just wet the bed.:scootangel: :raritydespair:

Hm...I liked it, regi. The ending was a pretty cool twist, too. Gud job.

So was Sweetie violated, hungover or was she just having a bad morning? :unsuresweetie: Good story regardless...

Oh my, did something happen between Sweetie and Scootaloo?

The feels.

This was wonderful.

4125874 Haha, I guess that could work.

This was a very well written story, but I feel stupid for not getting it. I'm super sorry, I'm so young--can you explain it? :fluttershysad:

Spoiler:
Murder. Murder is fun.
Murder is magic. Noice, Regidar.

Is this more than you bargained for yet, Sweetie Belle?

The ambiguity is strong with this story. It could simply be that she and Scoots had a bit of a fight or some such innocent event. I know that such things can make one rather uncomfortable. However, that sort of thing doesn't usually last through the next morning, I've found, at least not to such an extent. That, coupled with the Dark tag and the titles, implies something a bit more heavy-handed (or hoofed, if you'd prefer). Something happened last night, and it wasn't pleasant for our poor little Sweetie Belle. Or perhaps it's nothing.

I rather liked this. I had this atypical sense of foreboding throughout the story and it was mechanically sound. Nice work.

Why does everything they do end up with them covered in pine sap? :facehoof: :raritydespair:

10/10

Another terribad fic, Regidar. Pull yourself together! :twilightangry2:

I was initially kind of irritated the way you described every single little thing Sweetie Belle did, but now I understand the reason for its effects. I'm also big on minimalism; maybe Sweetie Belle killed Scootaloo, or maybe she didn't? That's not the story's place to tell us. It's the effective use of the dark tag, its description, over-emphasis on detail and Sweetie's constant apprehension that gives us the context of morbidity. Nice one.

4126376 That's Regidar for you, an awesome writer of serious stuff when he wants to be.

Like many have said, the way you described everything Sweetie did was sort of unenjoyable in away, but once I understood what you were going for, it made more sense and I liked it.

Judging by the recent episode, I actually thought that Sweetie had done something equivalent to murdering Rarity or something. But apparently the ending hinted at something happening between her and Scootaloo.

I'm just thinking way too dark. :twilightsheepish:

Nice little number though.

DJRD

I really liked this, Regi. Good job.

Damn. I wonder what's wrong with Sweetie.

I think I know, but I don't want to know.

4125777

How so?

4125788

Not depression, it's pretty obviously rape.

4125831

What did you think it was?

4125895

Violated.

4125903

Yes. Yes, something did happen.

4125968

Scootaloo touched Sweetie Belle in the bad place.

Actually, it would be much shorter if I uploaded this into a GDoc and highlighted all of the sections that are context clues for rape.

4126233

If that's what you want to call it... :unsuresweetie:

If it wasn't rape, then this would be the hilarious second option.

4126376

It may seem ambiguous, but there's plenty of things in the story that point to rape. Not feeling clean after a shower, the use of 'skeezy,' the emotional turmoil when she thought Scootaloo (only other option besides Rarity) came into the kitchen, the subsequent relief when it was Rarity, "an overwhelming, icky, sticky sensation," the desire for another shower, "ignoring the warmth coming from beside her," hoping that she hadn't been noticed when her bedroom door creaked as she left... I can go on.

4126469

Still pretty fucking dark. Or if I'm misinterpreting your comment: there's a dark tag, so no dark is too dark for Regidork.

4126742

It's probably exactly what you think.

4127044

Why is rape unlikely? Piss is easy to clean off, the only time a character feels dirty after a shower is if they're depressed, they were raped, or they shit on themselves, and the latter is reserved for a very niche subfetish. Besides that, what about the various other clues in the text? And how would Scootaloo wetting the bed be dark?

For all of the people I replied to in this abominably annoying megacomment, count the frequency of my usage of the word 'rape!'

:rainbowkiss:

Regi, this is the most autistic I'll ever be on one of your stories, I swear. Fokken' faved. It wasn't obvious to me at all until the last line, but someone else probably saw it coming miles away.

heck #28 · Mar 24th, 2014 · · 1 ·

Ooh. Hello dark tag. I love a good story with your name on it.

I picked up that something most likely involving either rape or a terrible first time (made all the worse as it turned out to be show-age Sweetie) had happened from the second a warmth beside her was mentioned, but I definitely did not see that twist at the end. Phwoar. It's a tricky topic to write about, especially for an underage/adorable/Sweetie Belle character, but it's the ambiguity and topic-dodging that makes the story so great. I really enjoy subtle, ambiguous elements in things I read, and it was used perfectly here. Also, dat painstaking, monotonous delivery of every little detail. If you don't pick up on what's actually going on, then everything would be a giant bore. If you do, though... Goes from nothing having any meaning at all to everything having all the meaning ever. Which is another big tick in the box of "shit I like in a story". Also also, after having a good long look at the url, I came to the conclusion that the titles are genius.

However, even though it didn't detract at all, I did see all of two errors. You should be ashamed. :ajbemused:

Snapping herself back to attention, she crafully took an egg in her mouth

I reckon you meant carefully there. Also:

She wasn’t a complete terror and making food anymore

I think you might have meant at. Though I immediately thought that something along the lines of "She wasn’t a complete terror in the kitchen anymore" sounded nice when reading. But then again I'm tired and can't write so take that with a grain of salt.

Overall, ten outta ten. I love dark, subtle, psychological stuff, and this is about as good as it gets.

And then Regi comes out and reveals that Scoots said a naughty word and Sweetie's just super-duper-uber-Christian or someshit.

4125746

I like Dark tags:yay:

>Regi story with Dark tag
>gasms

4127144
If it is the point of the story, shame on Regi for only bringing it up once and at the very end of the story. That one line is an afterthought that I didn't even remember until I went back and read the end of the story again. Upon paying attention to the last line, it could be any number of terrible things that Scootaloo did, or it could be nothing. Let's pause to consider that Sweetie Belle spent the entire morning being depressed by normally trivial things. This could either mean something's bothering her, or mean that nothing's bothering her in general and the sleepover itself is a thing she's overreacting. I don't believe that that second option is the right one, but it's sound within the story because of how ambiguous the ending is. The point I'm making is that the ending is meant to be left to the reader and there's nothing factual to it. It could be rape, abuse, a hangover, drugs, or anything else that makes you feel like shit.

Hm...before reading last two lines I thought it was guilt/nightmare or she had a hangover. After reading last two lines it can be rape...but then again its too uncertain. Good story thought, have a like :twilightsmile:

CBM8 #32 · Mar 24th, 2014 · · 3 ·

It doesn't have to be >rape, maybe just general post-sex regret or something of the sort.

4127463
Regidar added this story to Virgen Bronies in the folder where virginity is lost.

[Happy Intensifies]

I feel icky inside after finishing this story. Poor Sweetie Belle... why, Scootaloo, why?!

When I read a Regidar story, I feel things...I don't like to feel things, I am supposed to be a heartless automaton when it comes to the interwebs...god damn you, you glorious bastard.

4127585
Okay, so that's what he intended. The creators of YouTube originally conceived the site as a social network, and in it's earliest forms as a online dating site. Yet no matter how much Google tries to make it happen, YouTube ain't no social networking site. By leaving this story open-ended, you get about the same effect. Each reader can put their own spin on the story based on their own experiences. I think the only reason people would assume rape (without knowing about that group addition, mind you) is because that's a common story concept in the brony community. If I were an alcoholic and this was how I felt, that is what I would relate it to, not rape.

4127535
Exactly! This could be a lot of different things. People are ruining it by labeling it.

4127144 Well, I'm not that young :twilightblush: Now I get it, thank you. Could you make another chapter Regi? :pinkiehappy:

This story cured my cancer

The ambiguity is strong with this one.

The writing style however still needs work. You fluctuate from flowing action to simply listing actions a little too much for my tastes, with those "CHARACTER was trying to ACTION" clauses popping up too often. Don't tell me Sweetie was trying to calm herself down, just imply it with actions!

Speaking of implications, the beauty of this story is that Sweetie's issue is only implied and never outright stated. I love stories that leave a few questions for the reader to ask; it shows you're respectful to your readers enough that you dare not patronize them.

Now, the thing that makes reading this a bit awkward for me is word choice. Using the right words mak s writing and storytelling the art they are, and while your language control is okay, you should focus on improving that aspect of your writing. For example:

Trying to battle with her mane, Sweetie grit her teeth. Her mane was as stubborn as ever, however, so the bed head stayed.

Could read better as

Sweetie grit her teeth as she battled with her mane. It proved a stubborn foe, resiliently combatting every pass of the hairbrush, and Sweetie soon grew weary and surrendered.

As you can see, the fix does two things.

One, it emphasizes the important actions. Important actions are the main focus of a sentence in addition to characters, so when writing never put action A first as if it's an afterthought. Remember: Action B, Action A.

Two, it runs with the metaphor. This is an example of language control, in which trying to comb her mane turns into a losing war. Every part of the fix adds to the metaphor, which creates this sense of harmony in the entire action, perhaps even the entire paragraph.

That's about all I have to say on this story. Good work all around, and keep writing. That's how you improve.

This hit me harder than I'd like to admit. Thank you for writing it, Regidar. I think it's beautiful just the way it is.

4128245

It isn't the behavior someone would have after a night of rape.

It is. Molestation by a close friend or family member is a different kind of shock than being raped on the street by a stranger. More of the damage is buried deep in your own head, unable to get out in the form of anger because there's so much more to it than simply rape, especially if it happened the way I think it did here.

4128372
I think your rendition would have been too much. The simplicity of this story was perfectly at odds with the subject matter and kept me on edge the whole time. The attention paid to every little detail, the gray fog of depression over every word, it all said one thing to me:
:unsuresweetie: 'I'm fine. Everything's fine.'
It's not often that a writer can so convincingly portray both sides of a lie.

4127144 I was expecting some very bad things....

4128834

Murder? Rape is pretty bad anyway.

4128245

I would have to say that sounds rather obsessive-compulsive. As for other clues, well, how about you read my reply to SoApBoX.

For the tag...

I wouldn't put it past Regi, but this honestly seems dark.

I don't read this as rape, just sex that she's ashamed of. Nobody else here has ever had sex that made them feel really shitty about themselves the next day?

But remember folks, this is intended to be ambiguous, not subtle. Whatever Regidar has in his mind as to what "really" happened, he intended for readers to draw different conclusions (at least that's my impression).

4125968 it implied sweetie bell was molested by scootaloo.

4128245 what's with that one piss explanation? one person mentioned it as a sorta funny saving grace for innocence. The only thing I'm seeing in the comments is a naive notion of how molestation(or even rape) effects people.

Someone wouldn't get any sleep from a wet bed, someone would 't stumble almost aimlessly from a wet bed, someone wouldn't be unable to even concentrate from a wet bed.

Now, I do agree that the author could just be messing with our heads, and if he is then kudos for a good job. But it seems really unlikely.

4129192
I didn't read it as rape in the common sense either, but it can happen in many ways.
I can't shake the feeling that at the very least, Scootaloo was very insistent on pushing Sweetie into something she wasn't ready for and Sweetie either couldn't say no to her friend or didn't say it loudly enough to deter her.

Did Sweetie Belle have possibly drunken/hasty sex with Scootaloo, and is now regretting her actions?

4129272 Yeah, I can agree with that. SB wasn't ready to lose her virginity and S pressured her into it (an experience I think an awful lot of people can relate to). Maybe there was some liquor or something involved too.

I don't know why, but I had a tear in my eye at the end...
:Scootangel: no more!
Poor Sweetie... :unsuresweetie:

4129101 Twas expecting both...

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