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Michael_Ravencroft


Greetings and bienvenue, I am Michael Ravencroft. Writer and artist. From the obscure, to the known, from Comics, to Tokusatsu, nothing eludes my creative eyes. Hark the Raven.

T

This story is a sequel to Hello Sister


Nearly a year has passed since Twilight and Trixie have lived together as sisters, and Twilight believes it is time for Trixie to meet her big brother, or big-half-brother, Shining Armor. Trixie is still getting used to be part of a family, even if it is just her and Twilight, so can she open her heart to two more members of her newly acquired family? Or will Shining Armor completely reject her? Find out now!


Featured: 5/15/14 Thank you everyone!

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 700 )

4391331 Yes, yes, sing hallelujah, it is here :twilightsmile:

4391348

As Trixie and Twilight started to make their way towards the Crystal Palace, unseen by many, the fractured crystal started to spark with little arcs of black lightning, and a low growl that reverberated through it.

oh come on dude!
you had to add something bad in this didn't you? :ajbemused:
this couldn't have been just a regular old story?




:trollestia:

4391409 It has significance, mostly, pertaining to Trixie.

4391425
ah, and im gonna take a guess that shining is going to blame her later on?

4391443 Oh come now TBP, that would be telling, wouldn't it?:trollestia:

Great first chapter. I'm really glad you decided to make a sequel to you're oneshot Hello Sister. I really look forward to seeing where this goes.

Any chance of seeing a side story or a flashback scene where Twilight's friend's found out Trixie was her half sister? I'm curious about what their reactions we're.

4391866 To answer your question, I am thinking about it. :trixieshiftright:

Yay :yay:, I'm in the Popular Stories column! :pinkiehappy:

Dangnabit. How does Trixie keep getting the blame for the Ursa Minor? It was Snips and Snails wot did the deed!

Wow... you sure did some brilliant work there! I can't thank you enough for writing such a nice story. And, of course, I can't wait to see what happens next. :twilightsmile:

Loving the story so far (as I am reading it still) but this bit:

“Well, being related to me means that you, Trixie Lulamoon, are by default royalty, a Princess of Equestria.”

That's... that's not how royalty works. Lol.

Though, I guess this is Equestria, where stained glass windows make you a princess.
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/189848.jpg

I'd like to see Twilight's parents meet Trixie and how they deal with Night Light's unfaithfulness.

Also, another teeny-tiny error.

“Yes, yes, I made two hundred and fifty-eight. All ready for the little birdies to rest their rumps,” asked Trixie.

That's not a question, so Trixie probably wouldn't be 'asking'.

4393566 I never understood that rationale for hating Trixie... Don't get me wrong, I hate her, but for a real reason; she cheated during her little 'anything you can do' challenge.:moustache: Now that was her fault, unlike the Ursa.:trixieshiftleft:

I like the adversarial role you've developed for Spike in this story. It's entirely natural for a kid to feel threatened by having someone new come into the life of the most important adult in their life. There's lots of drama readily available there if you ever want to write "Can we Try Hello Again Nephew Employee Sister-Friend Dragon Guy" or some such work. If you do continue using him in such a role, please keep it balanced between Trixie and Spike, and not make either "bad" or "wrong."

Also, do me a favor? Your ellipses... they need a space after them. Also, do be careful about punctuation within dialog quotes. I see some that need question marks and exclamation marks instead of commas when questions or reactions are present rather than statements.

I appreciate how you went the "sister" route rather than the easy "Twixie shipping" route. That makes this work and its predecessor unique.:twilightsmile:

4393647 I'm gonna agree with you there. Being related to royalty doesn't automatically make you as such. That's exactly the case with Trixie.

Her dad is Twilight's dad. While respected, he's never had any nobility title nor is a member of the royal family, otherwise we'd have known that. Trixie is merely Twilight's half-sister, so for her to have any claim to a royal title, Night Light would have to be royalty himself. Twilight is the first in the family to receive the title - yeah, you got the message.

I cloud never hate you, Trixie.

applerumors.it/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/iCloud.png
It never hates Trixie. NEVER.

Ok, by the way, I'm really happy to see this! And as a Multi-chapter? YUM!
I'm stalking this. :coolphoto:

Found something you may want to edit.

He won’t hate you, and I cloud never hate you, Trixie.

4393647 Actually, sorry to poke holes in that statement but, If there is a queen or a king and they have sons and/or daughters, OR if they are a princess and they have a sister (which in this case would be Twilight and Trixie.) they are both princesses, no if and's or but's. Which means if Twilight or Trixie were to have a child they would became a prince/princess. :pinkiehappy:

Tactlwurm

is spelled Tatzlwurm.

This story is so good! I am a big fan of Trixie, she's such a sweetheart deep down!
You've written her very well, and gotten her personality spot on. I can't wait to see what happens next! :trixieshiftright:

4393854
That would be true, if it was not for the fact that Night Light himself does not hold any title. He is a commoner. Just because his daughter became a princess due to her actions/ascension (which is fictional) and his son is a prince by way of marriage, he himself gets no titles.

A good example of this is Kate Middleton (now Duchess Catherine of Cambridge). Her parents, upon her marriage to Prince William, did not recieve any titles, which would be similar to how Shining got his title of Prince. Ergo, his parents would not have recieved titles for the marriage alone.

In the case of Twilight, we have no real world analogy, though I guess we could once again use Kate Middleton as an example… Pippa Middleton did not, upon Kate's marriage to Prince William, recieve a title. She is effectively, still a commoner. Just one who has a Duchess for a sister.

Should Twilight, or Shining Armor, now that they are royalty, have children, then yes, the title of Prince or Princess would go to the child. Should Trixie have a child, she would be as titleless as Trixie herself.

Besides, Trixie already has a title, and that is Great and Powerful.

Now, if Night Light and Twilight Velvet were Lord and Lady, then the title might go to Trixie, depending on what their actual title is. There are certain titles that do not transfer (Marques, if I recall correctly, would make Trixie daughter of Lord Night Light, but not a lady herself. Depends on the country and the title, really)

Add to that, it also depends on if Night Light recieved said title through his wife, Twilight Velvet. An illegitimate child to another woman would not recieve a title, in this case, she would quite literally be considered a bastard.

Bastard children, even those of Lords, rarely recieved a title. They might have recieved a job and a roof over their heads, and maybe recognised, but not inherrit titles or land.

Whoops, didn't mean to ignore you 4393726, didn't notice you comment under my WALL OF TEXT :rainbowlaugh:

4393990 Okay I did forget about Night Light. So I guess you win this round. :ajsleepy: I submit. TRIXIE IS STILL PRINCESS THOUGH BECAUSE TWILIGHT SAYS SO! Plus Equestria isn't America, it do what it want.:pinkiecrazy:

4394050
I have had to do a fair bit of research on royalty in the past, and I have a wife from England, who beats me if I make mistakes (not really) :twilightsmile:

4394055 Lol, yeah, so I thought that Trixie being related to her would make her a princess but what you pointed out makes a valid point. I did not know that about 'bastard' children not receiving a title, just that if your related to royalty that you would be royalty as well. :rainbowderp:

Well you all asked and ye shall receive! Only instead of a one shot you will get multiple chapters!

Yay :yay:

cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/47855959.jpg

Heee, the meeting scene was awesome, i could clearly see Trixie sweating bullets. :pinkiehappy:

As Shining Armor walked down the hallway, a dark shadow moved through the crystals. A faint growl echoed through the hallway, making some of the patrolling guards pause for a moment before resuming their work. Something was stirring within the Crystal Palace, and it seemed to be centered around the growing turmoil around the three siblings.

Hasn´t Sombra something better to do rather than involving himself in family drama?

Can't wait for the next chapter

Nice start, this sort of story is so refreshing. I'm really enjoying it.

One nitpick I saw:

“He won’t hate you, and I cloud never hate you

thank you
for this awesome sequel:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Seems like Sombra can't take a hint and stay dead. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.

In the summary of the story:

Trixie is still getting used to be part of a family,

Should be being.

Instead when she looked into the crowd Trixie couldn’t help but notice a few stallions creeping towards the stage. Stallions wearing gold plated armor and war plumed helmets.

So Equestria lacks freedom of speech... Well that sucks for them, dissing political figures is one of my favorite pastime. All that happens here is that you get marked as a "person of interest" by the government.

4393676 I don't hate her for that. That was a stage thing. She has a reputation on the stage and has to stay in character. I don't get the ursa thing either the ursa smashed her home! So in my opinion she's a pony who I don't have any strong feelings for one way or the other.

Your grammar is okay, but you still seem to struggle with the finer points of proper punctuation.

When writing a character's dialogue, only periods are replaced by commas. If a character asks a question, you still use a question mark. For example, take this quote from your story:

“Hi, Trixie, are you done already,” she asked.

This should instead be:

“Hi, Trixie. Are you done already?” she asked.

This is one of your most common mistakes.

4394898

Oh, I'm sure they have 'free-speech zones'. /antiquated political joke.

4393990

Well. Nobility in Equestria and in this fanfic may work differently. And anyways, Trixie may be a commoner at the moment but she is related in one way or another to all five princesses and a prince.

I'm sure at least one could and would ennoble her. When your country is ruled by living goddesses the law of "Because I said so" tends to be even stronger.

“Let’s go Trixie,” said Twilight softly.
“Okay,” was Trixie’s only response.

I can see you're struggling to find different ends to those responses.

Sometimes, you can just end it without anything, if you know we can guess who's talking. It's a good technique for average discussions between two people.

“Hi, Trixie, I’m Shining Armor. Guess I’m your big brother or is it big half-brother,” he asked.

If it's supposed to end with a question mark/exclamation point, put it. Also, here too you can just take the "he asked" away, as we already know who's talking, and the question mark would indicate that he's asking.

I'd suggest reading the FAQ on the site. It really helped me with these types of mistakes. It's really well explained, give it a shot!

Nice story, even though I'm not a fan of Twi/Trixie sisterhood. Nothing against the concept, it just doesn't interest me.
Though I do agree that it's an interesting idea.

4392809
Aw shucks, I'm just man. THE MAN :rainbowdetermined2:! :rainbowlaugh:

:trixieshiftright:

Yeah, yeah, I know it was lame, stop giving me the stink-eye Trix.


4393566
Just unlucky I guess, I feel your pain about that, those two idiots deserve the blame whose names begin with S and S .


4393598
Thank you!

4393647
It was mostly a tactic to get Trixie in the door. Like persuading a kid to go into the dentist office even though he doesn't want to. Plus, the whole rites of royalty are a gray area. What makes Blueblood a Prince? Even though the pompous plot hole doesn't deserve it.


4393658
In due time. All in due time.


4393695
I personally wouldn't expect Spike to so easily accept Trixie into their lives, even if Twilight asked him to, there would still be major friction between them. It's not easy to forget the pony who threw your metaphorical mother/sister figure out of town and then enslave said town.

Also, I shall address the Spike/Trixie and Mane 5/Ponyville/Trixie dynamic at some point.

And yes, I know that I need an editor and possibly a pre-reader.

To finish, I started this with a random thought. Now every time I read a Twixie fic, the first thing that pops up in my head is Wincest, I just messed up my headcannon. Oh well :pinkiehappy:


4393730
Fixed. Oh great, another stalker I'll have to get a straining order for. lol


4393895
Thank you and fixed.


4395100
As I've told the Descendant, I am quite possibly in need of an editor and pre-reader. Well, better go start asking.


4394202
I have received your praise! *thunder and lightning crash outside my window* I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, it was joke a joke I say! :twilightsheepish:


4394411
No, no he doesn't.


4394564
You're very welcome. :twilightsmile:


4395100
Well, I'm 3 for 3. Now I HAVE to find a editor and pre-reader.


Whew, that was a long reply. Anyway, thank you all for faving and liking the story so far. Promise to get more chapters out as soon as I wrangle some people to look over this story and make sure that it is of the highest quality. :pinkiehappy:

4393990
Just got to give you props for the picture of Muddy the Mudskipper. The changelingication almost threw me off, But Ren and Stimpy was one of my favorite shows back when it was on TV.
Anyway, I think Twilight would have been knighted by Earth Standards, though if I recall, knights were just noble born and the title wasn't earned through heroic acts, so maybe not.

'my and Twilight’s long lost half-sister!' me might be better grammar here. Good otherwise! :scootangel:
T

4394898 i think that the guards are just really loyal and took offence

Well of course Shining should accept Trxie at once!

I mean, Twilight accepted him out of the blue in the show! :trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

ermagawd yush~!

[Christopher Walken Voice] Needs more chapters. [/Christopher Walken Voice]

damnit mike STAP so many stories!

It took me about three attempts to recognize that this part...

Relax, breathe, he’s not going to kill you, thought Trixie.
You can do this. You can be cordial to her, just remember she’s your half-sister…right…just be nice, thought Shining Armor.
Did I pack enough blasting powder!? Oh that’s right, Twilight made me leave that stuff back at the library before we left. Great, now I can’t make a quick escape if I need to!
Did I remember to put protection spells on the valuables? Yes I did! Okay, and the weapons storeroom is under lock and key, and I’ve got plenty of Magical Ward Spells set up to protect Twily, Cadance, and myself in case she pulls something.
Here he comes…Oh Celestia, I’m not ready, he’s staring at me, he’s already judging the best way to *gulp* silence me!
She doesn’t look at all like I thought. This is the mare that enslaved Ponyville, and challenged Twilight?
Too late to run away…
Too late to turn away…
Just greet him with a smile.
Just greet her with a smile.

...was actually two separate internal monologues. It's a bit hard to mentally separate them if you're not paying attention.

Other than that, I'm enjoying this series.

4395496
When in doubt, remove one of them.
"Me long lost half-sister" isn't an improvement on my, although I agree it's awkward phrasing. Especially since a rule of thumb is to put the other person before yourself (him and me, you and I, etc.), perhaps it could be "Twilight's and my".

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