• Member Since 21st Sep, 2013
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DrakeyC


I like pastel little horses. And Sunset Shimmer. Especially the human one. And I hack ponies into Final Fantasy - https://www.fimfiction.net/group/209828/filly-fantasy-vi

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During her studies in the Canterlot archives, Twilight Sparkle makes a startling discovery - Star Swirl the Bearded, the most famous unicorn in Equestrian history, had a son! Tracing the family line down the centuries, Twilight is ecstatic to discover a direct descendant of Star Swirl is still living today. She sets out to meet this "Beatrix Lulamoon", who surely is a great and powerful unicorn worthy of her heritage with a wealth of ancestral knowledge to share... isn't she?

Dramatic reading by Goombasa - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bECfAkLDoSM

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 150 )

Oh wow, that's certainly something I woundn't have though about! You did a good job at maing everything seem realistic and in cannon! I love it! :D

So... Trixie is now a stronger unicorn because of friendship?

Did not see that coming. Trixie the Bearded!:moustache: (There are no beard emoticons.)

If this idea of yours somehow makes it into the show, I will squee so hard that extra-terrestrials, billions of miles away, manning their instruments will be pondering its meaning for centuries.

If it's not clear, I really enjoyed this story. It quick, it's cute, and it's uplifting. Trixie is all her glorious Trixieness, but with a dash of humility that keeps her very likable. And her constant title changes were funny too. Now I'm hungry for soup...

Also, Spike standing in the background giving snarky comments was perfect.

One little issue I found is that you wrote "hands" once instead of "hooves". Nothing major, but it's one of those things that breaks the flow a bit.

Great job on this!

4051970 Thanks for pointing that out, it's been fixed. Keeping to the pony-type language trips me up sometimes. :twilightsheepish:

The power-up was a little weird and possibly rushed, but overall I enjoyed it, and the concept was really neat :twilightsmile:

This would make a really good Trixie episode.

4052798 Thank you. I'm not satisfied with the ending either, but I hope readers find the journey there to make up for it.

4052973

I think it's more okay in one shots to have rushed transitions or events sometimes. I mean not ideal, but I have only recently started writing Fan Fiction myself and I know that some parts won't have the transition that I would find ideal.

I like Trixie, I like the entire exchange when she sees Twilight.

I like the actual ending,

The only big issue I have is that it feels like you are missing a beat, or a scene or something. The climax just happens.

That said I think all in all it is really good, and totally worth the read. (Otherwise I wouldn't even bother to comment) :twilightsmile:

I liked it.

Like you say, I agree that the ending is not quite... Enough. Right? But who am I to talk, I really can't come up with anything better.

Comment posted by Raistlin deleted Mar 8th, 2014

4051970 This time, it's you who said what I was going to say. :coolphoto: Magic!

But yeah. Sweet story, sweet ending. Characterization felt spot on, at least given my assumption of Trixie's personality post-Duel. I liked that Twilight was willing to treat Trixie with respect; the way some stories go, she could have just turned and given up the whole project upon finding that the descendant was Trixie. Instead she showed why she's the Princess of Magic and Friendship and took a chance on Trixie. And I liked that the author was willing to treat Trixie's character with dignity - her hamminess at the end notwithstanding, of course. Trixie gains phenomenal powers? She uses them to amaze her audience. That's so her.

4054025 I also wanted to contrast Magic Duel with my ending, for what it was. Once again Trixie has received a power boost and returns to Ponyville to show off, but not to take over, but to put on her best show yet.

I'm gonna have to read this later tonight.

4054173 Yeah, my personal headcanon for Magic Duel is that Trixie simply wanted to prove her might against Twilight so ponies would take her seriously again. The whole humiliation and tyranny thing was because of the amulet.

The characterization is spot on. Twilight being a fanfilly, Trixie being both bitter and less of a jerk and so on. Its a very interesting slice of life story. I'd love to see a sequel (I love Trixie!). Though I expected Twilight to try and run off with Trixie's cape and hat since they seem to be the well maintained remnants of Starswirl's own regalia.

I will also take this moment to say that I'm convinced Starswirl added the bells just to annoy everypony. Seriously, bells?


Also "Radiant Comet’s name was documented in the family lines of the era, though somehow his ancestors up to Star Swirl were not" threw me a bit, as that seems like a rather important chunk of information substantiating the validity of the family line. There is the note and all, but I seem to be missing the definite link between Radiant Comet and Starswirl?

4054639 Very true, in hindsight. Lemme try and make up an explanation :twilightsheepish:

In terms of documentation, the scrolls Twilight was going through listed ponies by their family line through the ages, visually like a family tree would be shown. But even several years after Radiant Comet's time, the documentation of these things was much more fragmented. On the other hoof, civilization was more centralized. Around the community it would have been well known that Radiant Comet came from Star Swirl's line, but no one really wrote it down because well, they all knew it.

Fast forward, say, a hundred years or so, and now that it finally occurs to them to start keeping track, they can only work so far backwards before they come up with nothing. But since Star Swirl was so famous, of course people had kept track of his descendants...until it turned out they weren't worth keeping track of since they never became half as great as him. As the ages went on, the few texts that mentioned them stayed that way and the information became more obscure.

In short, the links of the chain of ancestry broke and got lost between Star Swirl and his later descendants, and Radiant Comet was where the chain started again. It just took Twilight to come around and dig around through all the history textbooks to put the pieces back together.

4054765

Ah, I see! Thanks for the clarification and I do hope theres a continuation of this in some form.

Good story, mon.

I like this it's very good. You should write more like it. :twilightsmile:

Cool story. It was a little off-paced and weird toward the end, but a good story nonetheless.

That was pretty good! The olden speak was a bit awkward, but otherwise no real errors to speak of, and the characterization was stellar. Would buy again.

4051970 Well considering that they took the Twilight x Discord idea from us and turned it into Discord x Fluttershy in season 3...

It's possible, and the twist wouldn't have to be big here since the main trend is Twilight being Starswirl's descendent.

4055042 Err... Buy? I hope you aren't getting screwed over by your connection...

So Trixie gets a level up? Alrighty then.

Some respecks for Trixie. I like. :D

YbJ

I haven't read this story yet, but I have to comment... :trixieshiftright:

To say that someone is a "direct descendant" of a person from centuries ago is basically meaningless. When you go back that far, almost everyone is related in some way. To give some perspective, in the real world, every human alive today is descended from everyone who lived 1000+ years ago. It might seem counter-intuitive at first, but imagine trying to draw a family tree back dozens of generations. All of those branches of the tree will eventually intersect with branches of other people's trees.

I was hoping the daffodil soup recipe would turn out to have come from Starswirl too.

"The citizens of downtown Hoofington gave Twilight a large birth"

In this context, it should be "berth"

4055593

Which is thankfully addressed in the story by mention of only one or two offspring in each generation.

... Which even more impressively is justified by considering that none of those ponies discovered the magic of friendship despite any of their achievements! A line of ponies birthing heirs because it is expected, but being more focused on their own lives than those around them that they only ever bothered to have one or two children?! HUZZAH! The story is immaculate in it's reasoning!

And before I started typing this comment I had been thinking "Psht, the "Minimal reproduction" excuse. But now it seems almost brilliant in retrospect!

4055721 Indeed. The way it's currently written, the mental images it suggests are somewhat... graphic.

For a second, due to the way the description was written, I thought Trixie was originally a stallion that changed her gender to avoid being associated with Starswirl.

Boy, that would make a far more interesting story.

And somewhere out there, a magical earth pony's ears are burning.

SEQUEL PLEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE :applecry::applecry::pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2::fluttercry::fluttercry:

I will only say my satisfaction on this story in three words...:derpyderp2:


I like it. :raritywink:

This was an all out enjoyable read, I'll be Watching to see what else comes out of your head :twilightsmile:

Heh, I was smiling the whole way through.

Very nice work, man. VERY nice indeed.

24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png

~Skeeter The Lurker

A sequel, kind sir or miss.

Weird... I had an idea exactly like this yesterday :rainbowderp:

I considered turning the gem into a Seventh Element of Harmony to tie it back into Star Swirl's unfinished spell from Magical Mystery Cure, but I've seen that exactly idea with Trixie done before and am not in the business of stealing ideas.

Plus that's a stupid idea. Trixie could never be an Element of Harmony

I had a similar head-canon about Trixie being a decedents of Star Swirl the Breaded:twilightblush: It nice to know that someone else believes that as well:twilightsmile:

That was really quite good. It started out pretty entertaining and funny, and ended up at touching and funny.

Good job.

4051916 Trixie the Moustachioed is funnier anyway.:moustache:

4056306 Well, the fiction I read made it work. The gemstone changed upon Trixie helping Twilight with an illness and their reconciliation - her Element was Forgiveness.

4055617 Well there go my plans for a sequel spoiled. :twilightoops:

i want a sequel :c

I'll just toss out a joke, I wish my other two fics got half this level of attention :derpytongue2:

Beget should be begat

I was actually listening to Alex S.'s "Trixie The Pony Troll [VIP]" when I saw this in the feature box...

That is all. Equestria is ours.

:rainbowwild::derpytongue2:

4056807 No its beget.

Just read this. 'Twas awesome beyond the pale. Thumbs up from me :)

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