• Member Since 29th Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen Nov 7th, 2018

Ponydora Prancypants


okay now kiss!

E
Source

The khirala have avoided the surface for a thousand generations, and they know nothing of the horrors faced by those who must try to survive the war. In fact, they do not even know that word, and they believe they are the only ponies in the world. On a night when the sky teems with ghosts, a young pony from the gateway to eternity will meet an eternal pony, and their lives will change forever.

Written for the EQD 2013 Batpony Fiction Challenge
Cover art by mindlesshead

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 35 )

So this is at some point before Nightmare Moon? Because it sounds like Luna's leery of Celestia's impending royalty and backlashing with a knight-errant phase of wandering around smiting evil.

I always kind of pictured Celestia and Luna doing the whole Warrior Princess crusade thing to tame the world after Discord.

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It's not long before Nightmare Moon, though at this point Luna's mainly wandering around not smiting evil. She's so leery of either of them taking power, after being offered it once, that she feel paralyzed to act.

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And Celestia taking it makes her Pony #1 and triggers NMM shortly thereafter. Which means the batponies are probably her conscripts. Ouch. :raritydespair:

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Most likely. I imagine the batponies of this particular story subsequently would have retreated back underground for the duration of Luna's banishment, and that apologizing and bringing them back into the world was probably Luna's first order of business upon her return.

Excellent work with the setting appropriate death ponies. It is one of the Bat-Ponies more obvious avenues of growth but one that I have repeatedly failed to fit within the bounds of the world.

Very atmospheric little bit of world building here... I quite liked the Batponies true-sight allowing them to see the spirits on their way to the afterlife. I also liked how a natural fear of those unseen-to-others ghosts kept their civilization hidden and isolated from others races, leaving them unaware of the concept of war.

For something penned quickly it is full of interesting ideas! Now I wonder when Cerebus was brought in, and who takes care of the big guy.

Nicely atmospheric. I loved the brief blink-and-you'll-miss-it fakeout regarding the melons, and your protagonist's theories regarding the proper use of unicorn horns. When all you have is a pair of fangs, everything looks like a glowing melon, I guess. Faving! :pinkiehappy:

I have yet to have a good bat pony headcanon, although I see that "whole separate tribe" has taken a leap in favor with Lauren and M.A. Larson's voicing support for the idea.

The wisps are the souls of dead surface ponies, aren't they. If so, that's a lot of them...

Glowmelons, eh? I've been seeing batponies as fruit eaters all over the place in stories recently, and I really like the idea.

Nice use of the Hollow Shades name from the map.

I liked it. Pre-Nightmare Moon background is always good.

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They're any dead souls, not just ponies. Actually, I'm not sure they're "souls" per se, either. Safe to say they're some aspect of a sapient being that must journey to whatever lies beyond. :twilightblush:

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My first thought when I started this was to do one of those build-up-to-a-punchline fakeout fics about just what the batponies were feeding on. I quickly thought better of it, but I left that one bit in. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it, and it's always nice to see you in the comments. I consider your "fave" a pretty big deal. :twilightsmile:

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I'm glad you liked the concept! It's possible Luna added Cerberus later, after building up Tartarus as some sort of supermax prison in addition to serving as a gateway for the dead. Thanks again for the kind words. :raritystarry:

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And your stuff is in turn consistently one of the brightest points on my feed, whatever form it takes. If my commenting encourages you do do more of whatever it is, so much the better for me. :pinkiehappy:

Scarriest-looking fruitbats I've ever seen.

Also, your one-draft-oneshot skills are making me the slightest bit jealous. You managed to put together a society from nothing but what a bat pony looked like, for one thing, as well as a name for their race that has a sort of haunting beauty to it. Actually, this whole piece has a sort of haunting beauty to it. Kinda like how my favorite time of "day" is 2AM with the full moon out, so I can see a silent world in gentler, lunar shades and a crisp, invigorating chill.

3429387 A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. Same thing here. I can no longer remember if I actually wrote it out or not, but I know I had a short bit where Twilight used the term soul, then launched into an aside about how it's not technically the right term for a being's personal magical matrix that will even briefly persist after death, and allow for resurection spells to work. And it's a D&D world so yes of course that works. Dash (or maybe somepony else) then interrupts her and she wraps it up saying that yes most ponies even in the scientific community call them souls because even though it's not the proper scientific term it is still a good word to describe them.

New batpony origins headcanon, yay!

So help me, if he sparkles in Celestia's day I'll...


Continue reading it anyways xD

I'm going to be blunt.

Continue this. Continue this if writing anything pony is still a something that still brings you anywhere near as much joy writing as I have reading this teaser of a story.

The start was a mouthful, but as it all sank in, and even throwing in the 'true sight' for a creature of the night, something I associate with cats and bats in a way, was so awesome. This really resonated with my interests that I can't put into words. Making one for Celestia some day would be nice too.

This story had a feel of Princess Mononoke for a good spell, and I for one loved it. The innocence in her kind as they are all gifted with the true sight, they see what they know and only what is true. Capable or seeing through illusions while still seeing what parts, if any are manifested, see only the more tangible dangers of those illusions.

There is normally two extremes one takes with these characterizations, the pure hearted who live day by day and are untainted by worldly desires beyond what is the natural way. Then, and this is where Luna comes in, the one who pans out and absorbs the truths. They tend to be keepers, guardians, or rulers.

I was going to expand on that stuff but that would take a long time, but essentially I was going to get to the point of you playing both extremes of nativity and the all too panned out viewer. Luna the Jaded and Eyeshine the Child. They play well off each other, and both can create balance well between each other.

Too tired to fangasm, but this story needs, demands, SCREAMS for a continuation. Reasons for its coming to existence be damned. You did it wonderfully. And yet you only scratched the surface. Love the race name "Khirala".

This was magical. The writing was solid, if a little stiff (though it's entirely possible that's part of the archaic style you seemed to be aiming for, so no bigs). There's some beautiful world-building here; kind of like Dromicosuchus' work, in spirit if not in tone. This is the kind of thing I'd love to see incorporated into the show, but know will never be, due to its target demographic. Sigh. At least we have talented wordspeople like you to bring these wonderful things to life for the rest of us.

Part of me would like to see this continue, though it sort of works well on its own, too.

Excellent work, PP.

I know you can't see me, but I'm giving you a standing ovation.

Ooh I wanna know what happens...!

Excellent piece of writing, certainly up to your standards of quality, Mr. Prancypants! I enjoyed very much. Absolutely fascinating world-building done within a rather small space, and a story I would love to see continued and built into something more; Though I know that that may not happen.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Thank you for making a word for batponies with some damned thought put into it. :B (It's also a city in India, which confused me slightly.)

Really great stuff, best story I've seen in the contest so far. I expected no less. :)

Ooh!
93 Likes and 0 dislikes!
Never seen anything like it! Good job!

Dear Mr. Prancypants,

Just wanted to congratulate you on winning the Batpony Writeoff on EQD! Hope it inspires you to write more batpony fics in the future!

Lots of batty love,
NotARealPonydotcom (2nd Place)

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Thank you for the kind words and congratulations on your placement as well! I also must say that I love your hypercaffeinated Luna avatar. :raritystarry:

Congrats on the win!

Small wonder this won EQD's contest. Congratulations, and thank you for another fantastic read.

“You see wisps, but I can see Diamond Star, and Peach Surprise, and Cabbage Cart."

I see what you did there. :pinkiehappy:

This was an enjoyable read!

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I'm standing alongside this guy. Bravo sir.

Very nice. Interesting historical framing, too. I like it :twilightsmile:

Great story, thanks.

Thank Scribbler for bringing me, and thank her for getting me interested enough to ask if there’s more to this story.

I know you're long gone from these parts, but have a review anyway. Considering this was written to a time limit and without editing, I'm impressed. Great world-building (the Tartarus thing especially) and the khirala society is interesting. Luna seems a little off at times, but overall it's great. Have a fave. :pinkiehappy:

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