• Member Since 26th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Sep 4th, 2012

Alligator Fists


E

Pixelbright is a young unicorn driven by a question about the nature of the world. Her friend, Peppermint Tea, is integral to her quest. But the journey of discovery is not always an easy one, and the first steps are often the most difficult.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 19 )

THIS SUCKS SO BADLY DOUGHBAG:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

WHY DID I READ THIS, IT SUCKS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!:scootangel:

97431

'choo smokin brony? this was well written, had an interesting storyline, and the only problem i saw was i think there was a mix up of mill and loom a few times, but i don't know. gettin a track and a 5/5 from me.

97431

Why, thank you for being ever so helpful.

I haven't read the fic yet, and you may even have a point - perhaps it isn't very good - I don't yet know.

However, what you've done is *not* the right way to help people grow, especially writers.

If there are problems, you should go through them and try to help the author work them out.

If you're not willing to at least try that, don't be so harsh on somepony.

All you'll achieve here is the breaking of somepony's spirit. And that is simply not something I can countenance.

I'll be back later, when I've gotten time to read it, but it's bed for now.

A great story, if I do say so myself. Impeccable spelling and grammar, and a heartwarming slice-of-life story. 5/5

Quite good, My alternate self is pleased.:moustache:

97549 Thanks for the heads-up on the possible mix-up. I'll take a look through and try to correct any cases where 'loom' and 'mill' have been transposed.

97624 Dunno about 'impeccable', but I'm glad any errors at least didn't interfere with your enjoyment of the story!

Thanks to everyone for kind words and helpful comments. Oh, and 'doughbag' is a hilariously appropriate malapropism, given the prominence of milling in the story. :rainbowlaugh:

Hi, someone posted a link to this in the seattles angels group so I thought I'd check it out.

Loved It!
It's hard to get the views for something original like this but it is so worth it.
Favourite things, in no particular order:
--The Setting, no one ever seems to write about the rest of Equestria you don't see on the show.
--The Tech, In a world with advanced magic but basic tech it's easy to fall in to a steampunk trap but this had a much more realistic feel to it,the valley reminded me of The Lunar Society movement in the industrial revolution in the north of England, people out to change the world by inventing and discovering things like steam power, evolution, oxygen, being socially responsible (well, doing industry the Quaker way anyway*).
--The Science, the set of experiments on optics and bouncing individual spectra light beams through each other gives it a very grounded feel (I can't remember who did this IRL now), almost an earth pony way of doing science rather than the flashy way unicorn science is often shown. I was guessing at what the loom would end up being for half the story, I imagine it as somewhat like Babbage's programmable difference engine but turned in to a 1800's tech level CadCam Machine.
--The Characters, believable and emotional and they interact well and have some good things to say to each other, A couple of times i caught myself going "who was that again?" as it is only a short fic and there's no room tell everyone's backstories.

I got a real sense that this was the beginning of an era of discovery, like the wright bros building a man lifting kite in the barn or Daimler and Benz testing the first Internal combustion cylinder.

I'd think twice before going on that guided tour of the Cloudsale Weather Corporation factory with your new plans for a Specta producing machine though, I've heard bad things about that place:rainbowdetermined2:
PS. Shouldn't there be a U in Colour?


*The Quakers were the closest I know of to a real "love and tolerate the shit out of you" religion in that they tried to make the world a better place by actually going out and making the world a better place and being , for the most part, not evil. Unfortunately being quiet and modest as a group ideal paired with an almost fluttershy like attitude to actually converting anyone to your religion tends not to get you invited on to tv panel shows to give your opinion. Still it just shows that even discovering General relativity, The double slit experiment, Evolution, Daltons Atomic Theory of Matter, Founding the RI lectures and founding Rowntree's chocolate, cadbury's chocolate, terry's chocolate, Fry's chocolate, Sony and Oxfam is not enough to make people agree with a lifetime No Alcohol ban.

I'm probably not going to give this as long a comment as I usually would, since it looks like you haven't visited Fimfiction in more than half a year, so I don't know that I ever really expect this to be read except by other readers of your story.

That said, this was wonderful. Toafan directed me over here, and I'm very glad of that.

There are, to my eye, a couple small weaknesses here. You introduce an awful lot of characters in 15,000 words and visit an awful lot of settings, and I worry a little that the story is over-extending itself. If I were in editing mode, I might ask a writer to try to collapse or remove one or two minor characters to simplify things. This feels more like the cast of a full-blown novel. All that said, I find it very hard to argue with the results. I love your characters, and I love the background depth here, so I may be acting overly sensitive to a problem that doesn't really exist. Though from 2080939's comment, it seems like I'm not the only one to find the cast noticeably large. I'm used to reading epic fantasy, so large casts are the norm for me, but I suspect a lot of readers may lack that background and the learned ability to deal with large casts that comes with it.

The payoff on Ms. Tea's anger falls a little flat for me. It's there-and-gone so fast it hardly feels like a crisis point. If all it took to resolve things was for Peppermint and Ms. Tea to exchange about four or six lines of extended dialogue, I'm not really sure how it became a crisis in the first place. Structurally, I think this is the story's biggest weakness, but it certainly didn't keep me from enjoying it.

Lastly, there are a number of missing words and close word repetitions in the text. It's by no means an overwhelming number, but this could definitely use another editing pass (as could almost everything ever written). I don't mean that as a knock on your prose, though. The writing here is excellent, some of the best I've seen on Fimfiction. It has good flow and variety, and it's punchy enough to keep the reader interested. Very good stuff.

All in all, I love this story. You get the like, the favorite, and the watchlist. I'll be advertising this on my own author space and blogging it for my followers shortly.

Beautiful work, I hope you get this comment okay.

It seems like everyone else has already made much more insightful comments than i probably can, so i'm just going to say that i enjoyed the story, the way the characters interacted and overcame obstacles, and especially the way you made the science feel like it made sense in the context of the setting, even though they're trying to basically discover quantum mechanics with renaissance era tools:pinkiecrazy:. Speaking of which, i'm not sure if it was intentional or not, since the name was misspelled (maiorana, instead of majorana), but if it was, then good on you for making a very subtle particle physics joke.:twilightsmile:

It is too bad that the author never went forward to write more in this universe. Anyone that makes Ada Lovelace references is OK in my book. There is a very distinctive and fun swarm of OCs, that never feels bland or derivative, and I'd love to see more of their lives.

This was a lovely story; just the conflict between Peppermint and her mother, and its eventual resolution, could have been a story by itself. The characters and descriptions are well-realized, and the whole little town seems like a living place even though we see but a little of it. But enough of that, what really shone here was Pixelbright's boundless curiosity and enthusiasm for her studies, combined with Peppermint's painstaking engineering work, and the way Pixel's correspondents - including Fig Newton - shared her attitude, optimism and diligence no matter where their studies take them.

I like to think that this little story describes the true beginnings of modern science in Equestria. It's a gem. :twilightsmile:

This is wonderful and I would read more.

This was kind of amazing. This piece has been on my list for quite some time now, and I'm glad I finally put the time in to read it. It's not that I didn't believe the recommendations I've seen for this as an underappreciated gem, but that there was always something shinier to catch my eye. A vacation from the internet can be a good thing, even if it simply forces me to actually read the things I've downloaded from it.

I found the conflict around the pursuit of projects of passion versus doing "real work" and the family of academics versus the family business surprisingly relatable. Of course, there might be a bit of a difference between art or programming and advancing physics research, then again, one can hardly do that in a shack anymore, I don't see anyone building particle accelerators to rival the LHC in their basements. Then again there might be other analogues I'm not thinking of.

I would criticize this for starting out slow, but I think it totally needed the time to establish it's entirely original cast, and I found that I really did care about them by the time things reached a head. Maybe I think it was resolved a little too easily, but I don't really know what I would have done to drag it out either.

I found it rather amusing to see a diffraction grating experiment coupled with talk of pegasi rainbow manipulation. That's a pretty clever connection you're drawing there. I'm really curious about what you would have done if they'd actually gotten to go to Cloudsdale. (Which I'm dissapointed we never got to see, after it was pretty much the first future event established in the story.) Physical explanations of light behavior might start to break down when you start drawing colorful, presumably pigmented (and apparently spicy) liquid into things. Then again, now that I think about it, maybe if you separate the light and then store the various wavelengths in a fine suspension of those "solar crystal" things you use in the story... Okay, I'm overthinking this.

I just read this on the flight to BABSCon and really enjoyed it. It drifts slightly, but my only real complaint is the ending seems very sudden compared to the otherwise leisurely pace. I do really wish there was more to this story though.

Hi there, this was recommended by someone or other, and at long last I've read it. It's a nice story. Could use a little bit of proofreading, I noticed a couple slipups here and there. Ms. Tea's acceptance of her daughter was a little bit unbelievable, but otherwise, P. Good.

So all this time Peppermint was making the exact thing that Pixelbright needed. EPIC! :yay::derpytongue2:

Damn fine story. It almost feels almost like a script for the pilot of a slightly less entertaining, teen-oriented FiM spinoff that takes place in a different Equestrian town. S'just a shame there's no token dragon character.

I'm down with what Bradel has to say on the conflict between Peppermint and her mother. It felt like it was building up to something serious, and then, "Oh...that's it?"

My only complaint is that the conflict between Peppermint and Ms. Tea was resolved far too quickly. I feel like that argument should have lasted a fair bit longer, given all the pent up emotions at play.

That said, this was absolutely fantastic. Your characterization was amazing. All these characters felt so familiar, yet they were brand new. Great stuff.

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