Celestia trotted down the empty pathway, not a soul in sight save from the lush bounty of greenery that surrounded her on all sides. Up ahead, Celestia spotted burning sigils in the ground when the pathway ended. Approaching closer, she tried to make out what they said.
Jump off the cliff and stick the landing.
Celestia looked to the cliff, and taking a gander downward, noticed it led to what seemed to be a bottomless, mist covered abyss.
“I knew coming to another dimension would be a bad idea,” Celestia muttered, backing away from the cliff when she started to hear moans and shrieks from down below.
Truthfully, her own dimension hadn’t been the best of places to host dates at, but at least she was more comfortable with it than a location she knew nothing about. But her date had assured her there was no harm in the spot he had asked to see her at. Except for the occasional monster or abomination on the way.
Looking to the opposite side of the cliff, she noticed the pathway continued, up to a set of stairs that led up to a balcony against the hill. Walking up it, Celestia noticed another sigil burning in the floor.
Praise the Sun!
Shaking her head, Celestia continued upward until she reached the top of the hill, where she could see her date near the railing at the end of the balcony, staring up at the setting sun.
She joined him, standing quietly as the two stared together. Shooting him a sideways glance, she noted his odd appearance, though compared to many of her other dates, he looked relatively normal. He was a knight, that much she was certain, his face masked by a large helmet while he wore a chainmail shirt and armored boots and gauntlets. The only other indication of a status upon his person was a tattered shirt with a sun symbol on the front. Within the sun was a face, though Celestia couldn’t tell whether it was smiling or just staring straight ahead with no expression.
“I’ve been expecting you,” he said, startling Celestia. Her eyes looked away from the sun symbol on his chest while her cheeks blushed furiously, but all he could do was laugh in response. “There is no shame in the wandering eye.”
“N-no, it isn’t that, honest,” Celestia muttered. She shook her head, praying the redness on her cheeks would die down. “I just… have a thing for suns, is all.”
He nodded, taking a glance at her cutie mark. “I can see that, as clear as the day that rises on your rump.”
Celestia giggled, playfully shoving against him with her shoulder. “I see you take that no shame business to heart with yours eyes.”
“In a way, yes. There is no shame appreciating art for its true beauty, such as yourself, my dear.” He turned to her, holding out a hand. “I am Solaire of Astora, an adherent of the Lord of Sunlight.”
Celestia placed her hoof in his firm grip and shook. “I am Princess Celestia of Equestria, Princess of the Sun.”
Solaire chuckled. “Well, well, look at that, we have something in common already.”
“I am guessing your job has something to do with the sun?” Celestia asked.
Solaire shrugged waving his hand passively in the air. “In a way, yes, in another, no. We are but warriors to serve the firstborn of Gwyn, who he himself is the Lord of Sunlight.”
“But wait, why do you serve the firstborn if the father is the true Lord of Sunlight?”
“Gwyn used to be the Lord of Sunlight. He is but the Lord of Cinders now, on account of his… well, burns.” Solaire shrugged. “It’s a long story to get into, but let’s just say he petered off his moral horizon years ago.”
Celestia nodded. “Ah, so you serve the current Lord of Sunlight now, I presume?”
Solaire coughed under his breath, rubbing the back of his helmet awkwardly. “Not exactly…”
Celestia arched a brow while her ears perked up.
“He was once the God of War. A foolish deity that misused his powers for personal gain and the glory of battle. So great were his crimes, his father punished him by stripping away his deictic status, along with all statues and any indication of him on the world be destroyed, even his name fading away to obscurity in due time.”
“So… if I’m getting this right, you’re a warrior of a group of knights who worship a god who isn’t a god anymore, along with the fact none of you know his name?” Celestia said.
Solaire chuckled, nodding his head slightly as he leaned his arms against the crumbling railing. “You probably think me a fool. Not like anyone else already doesn’t. Hard to not be seen as the foolish when in a world as dark as mine you still find a way to be bright.”
Celestia laid a hoof on his hand. “No, no, I don’t think it’s foolish. You have something you believe in. Everyone needs something like that in their lives, and I won’t judge you for it.”
“Thank you.” Solaire cast his gaze back to the sun overhead, where it turned the clouds into fields of gold. “You know, the Warriors of Sunlight aren’t my true calling.”
“Oh?” Celestia asked, a faint smirk on her lips.
“They are a jolly group of friends to co-operate with, but they aren’t why I joined in the first place. He is.” Solaire pointed up to the sky.
Celestia followed his finger’s direction. “A cloud in the shape of a cupcake?”
“No, to the right of that.”
“A cloud in the shape of a mini cupcake?”
“No, what is it with cakes and you? The sun!” He raised both hands straight out into the air, as if he was about to swan dive right off the balcony. Celestia stepped to the side a few feet in case he was going to.
“So… you joined a cult because you loved the sun?” Celestia asked.
“Well, not specifically because of that sun,” Solaire explained, turning back to Celestia. “That isn’t my sun. My sun I still haven’t found.”
“Your… sun?” Celestia smiled clumsily. “Are we still talking about the same ball of fire in the sky?”
“It’s not the sun itself I want. It’s the symbol!” Solaire held a hand to his heart and swooned over the celestial object. “A shining light to make each day bright. A light of joy that hangs over your head each day and promises to return the next. A light of meaning to your life that casts it with rays of understanding over your soul and pours through the clouds of doubt to nurture the heart within.” Solaire glanced to Celestia, his expression as blank as always due to his helmet. “Don’t you see, the sun I search for is the sun every person searches for in their life.”
“Wow… that is oddly touching,” Celestia admitted. She stared at the bodacious knight with new eyes. “I can certainly say I’ve been searching for a sun all my life as well.”
“Look at its beauty, eve as it leaves this world!” Solaire exclaimed, holding out his hands as if he can catch the sun before it set. “If only I could be so grossly incandescent!”
“That’s an odd use of words,” Celestia giggled.
Solaire held a hand to his chest and bowed to her. “What can I say? The hopeless romantic within me can still be heard above all the gibberish from time to time.”
Celestia couldn’t hold back her laugh any longer, and before too long Solaire joined with her as well.
Finishing his hearty chuckle, Solaire fell to one knee so that he could stare at Celestia from a position of where she outshadowed the sun from his view. “Celestia, I have something to admit to you.”
“Oh no, please don’t tell me you have a ring…” Celestia whispered.
“Will you be my sun?”
Celestia groaned. “Listen, Solaire, it’s only been the first date and all, and I—wait, what?”
“My sun. My light in the dark. The one thing I gave up everything for just to be with.” He touched her neck with a gentle hand. “Celestia, you are my sun, and I am but your humble knight. I would like nothing more than serve you and bask in your magnificent radiance as my only reward. For to set eyes on your alone is worth all the riches in the world and then some.”
Celestia’s face was positively on fire, and her cheeks flushed so red her original coat of white couldn’t be seen on her face. She rested a hoof on Solaire’s hand, ignoring how dreadfully cold it felt. “Solaire… no one’s ever said such kind words to me before.”
“That must mean they’re blind if they cannot see the resplendent beauty right before their eyes.”
She gulped, her breath weak as her knees buckled. “Wow, this is so much to take in. To think, I’m your sun, and we only just met.”
“We didn’t just meet. I always knew my sun was out there, keeping me warm even in the darkness. We may have just now laid eyes on one another, but I’ve been in your light for an eternity.” Solaire laid an ice cold palm against her cheek. “I even gave up life just so I could search for you.”
“Wait, what? Life?” Celestia asked, pushing her icy hand away. “But you’re clearly alive.”
Solaire pulled off his helmet, the immaculate face of a man with chiseled good looks and long, golden hair held back in a ponytail greeting Celestia. “While it may appear so, I am undead. I became undead so that I may live forever with no fear of death, just so I can find my sun.”
“But… but that’s insane!” Celestia exclaimed.
Solaire rose to his feet and took a step forward. “Is it? I found my sun, Celestia, which is you. Becoming undead was worth the process it took to get to you.”
“Solaire, you’re not you anymore. Not now, at least.” Celestia touched the exposed skin of his hand and shivered. “How can I love something that isn’t even alive?”
“But Celestia, my beloved goddess of light, I love you!” Solaire reached out with a hand, but Celestia stepped back. “I… I gave up everything for you.”
“I know, Solaire, I know.” Celestia turned away, her wings flaring out. “Including the only thing that could let me love you back.” And with that, she took to the skies, leaving Solaire all alone on the cliff.
The sun set behind the horizon, and the world turned back once again.
Celestia sighed. She was wandering down the halls of the castle, her mind too trouble to have her body rest in just one spot. While her most recent date wasn’t the worse in terms of injury to her internal organs or threats against her life, it had been one of the most emotionally depressing of the bunch. Solaire had so much hope in his eyes when he looked at her, but she couldn’t return that hope in turn. Those eyes had no light behind them.
Passing by her sister’s room, she heard cheers behind the doors. Holding a ear to keyhole, she heard Luna’s voice, along with Deadpool’s—who might as well as just move into her room from how much time he spent in it—and a third voice as well. A voice she had heard earlier in the day, as a matter of fact.
Celestia threw open the doors. Before her was a table set up with plastic cups in a triangle formation on either end. On one side was Deadpool, the other Solaire, while Luna stood in the middle sitting on a keg.
Solaire bounced a ping ping ball off the table and into one of Deadpool’s cups. “Oh , the joy of victory is sweet upon my lips once again!” Solaire shouted, performing that odd stance of his again while Luna clapped her hooves together and whistled.
“What is the meaning of this?” Celestia asked the trio.
Luna hopped off the keg and moved to her sister’s side. “Beer pong, my dear sister! Deadpool introduced Solaire and I to the game, and we just can’t get enough of it!”
“It truly is the game of champions,” Solaire agreed.
Deadpool had managed to finish the rest of his cup of as cheap as a college kid could afford beer without even removing his mask, then gave Celestia a thumbs up. “You really gotta try it sometime!”
“Ooh, we can do teams and participate in jolly co-operation!” Solaire declared, raising a fist of righteousness to the heavens. “I call dibs on Celestia!”
“Hey, no fair!” Deadpool argued.
Celestia held up a hoof for all three of them to silent down. “Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, why is Solaire here?”
“Why, to win you over, of course,” Luna reminded Celestia, smirking deviously to her sister.
“It’s why I’ve been here for the past two weeks,” Deadpool called out, aiming his next shot at Solaire’s cups.
“You haven’t made much progress,” Luna mentioned.
Deadpool’s shot went wide, bounced off a cup, circled in the rim of another one, then went way off course and hit Celestia right in the eye. Deadpool leaned against the table on a hand and shrugged. “I’m the slow kind of romantic, ya know? I’m the tortoise of the dating world. Or would that be turtle?”
“Then I shall be the mighty frog, and leap into the lap of my darling as I know we are fated to one day!” Solaire said, holding a hand to his chest while striking a dramatic pose that dazzled anyone who laid eyes on it.
Covering her eyes with a hoof, Celestia backed away slowly. “I’m pretty sure you’d break my legs if you actually tried to leap in my lap, Solaire. In any event, I’m off to go bury my sorrows in ice cream. Have fun!”
Deadpool adjusted his glasses and saluted to her. “Will do, sunny-buns!”
Luna got back on her keg and tapped her hoof on the table. “Alright, boys, back to business. Whoever wins plays me, and whoever wins that gets to decide what movie we watch tonight!”
Deadpool fistpumped the air. “The Notebook, here I come!”
Hey Deadpool can't play beer pong, his healing factor prevents him from getting drunk!
4453504
Shhh, don't let Solaire know!
Wow. We've now officially covered nearly every type of injury Celestia can experience on these dates. Physical injury. Death and resurrection. Social humiliation. Disfigurement. Mental trauma. And now emotional trauma.
...all that's left is a date that ends in sexual exhaustion as she gets a date partner that is perfect...except that trying to keep him satisfied would break her.
Solaire...
All of my yes.
I foresee a comment from the grape coming
4453504 yeah and Solaire is a sapient zombie, pretty sure they're even
I haven't played all that much Dark Souls, but I found this chapter hilarious.
I didn't know Deadpool liked rom-coms...
4453522 That already happened remember it was the first date with Sombra...
We soon realized that Celestia's journey had just begun, she would have to bury her sorrows with tubs of ice cream on a dramatic sofa. Luna, you and Deadpool should go on a date. A very funny chapter once again.
This just keeps getting better and better.
Dear lord, The Notebook...
Wai u do dis RainbowBob ;-; you gave me dark souls feels.
Also, I feel like Deadpool and Luna are slowly becoming a thing. Am I onto something? No? Ok.
PRAISE THE SUN!!!!
I could go on a rant on how some of Celestia's previous and more successful dates are more off putting, but she didn't give two bucks.
Solaire, use a humanity you derp! She won't notice the fact you're undead if you reverse hollowing!
I have an idea for a guest chapter...
...how do I submit those again?
… I have recommended all of my remaining ideas a few chapters ago, and now this removes the possibility of any other Dark Souls characters… Ah, well… WAIT! I HAVE ONE MORE! The Outsider!
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Neither living nor dead, half-angel, half-demon, connected to whales for some reason, and has only given eight people in the world his sacred Mark… I wonder how that kinda date would go...
CELESTIA! STOP BEING RACIST!!!
I find it really odd how Celestia stops dating Solaire just because he's a zombie. I mean, it's not even made very clear if he's actually soulless or anything, just that he's neither truly dead nor alive, and given the dates Celestia's been on I would of thought she would have lowered her standards by now. It's weird to me that that would be the deal breaker when otherwise he'd be by far the best she's been with so far.
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4453654 But a relationship founded on lies is unlikely to workout, especially a lie like "I'm NOT an undead being who will slowly go insane."
4453512 He's undead, isn't he?
How can a dead guy get drunk If anyone, the loser will be Luna!
Just damn Celestia.. Damn.. That was cold as ice. No.. Colder than the steel that she shoved through Solaire's still heart!
If you look up the Filipino slang meaning of this term, it gives an extremely disturbing mental image.
I think you mean ping pong ball.
4453522 Was't that what Sombra was?
THE NOTEBOOK? HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's soooo perfect for deadpool! Nicely done!
Is solaire going to be a regular because that would be fan fucking tastic!
Now poor Celestia will be on a permanent date for the rest of her life, which is forever.
Oh how can this story get any better?
No the answer is NOT dr. Who, why is everyone obsessed with that guy?
Tia you went on a date with a vampire, death, and the god of the dead, how is an undead warrior outside your comfort zone?
Hmm, its looking less like Luna wanted Tia to find happiness and more like Luna's using here sister as a test run for her new potential friends.
Well, in Palutena's absence ice-cream is a good substitute.
"Floor ice-cream gives you health!" ~ Pit in Kid Icarus: Uprising
The... The N-notebook?
Oh p-please- Anything but that! Please No!
Wow... Celestia, your bitch is showing.
Here's hoping Solaire joins the ranks of Deadpool as recurring characters. Have him jump in to save her life when there's no danger whatsoever.
Will Solaire become a recurring character?
I was hoping that everything was going to go perfectly only for Solaire's world to be invaded by the Chosen Undead and subsequently rekt by his twinked out gear, proceeding then to Well, What is it and point towards the ground before disappearing back to his world.
4454047
Seems that way, he's at the castle with deadpool and luna now and has no real reason to return.
Nice. I feel a little sorry for Solaire, but Molestia put it best: "There are few things I would never go near, and necrophilia is one of them." Sorry, the rule is those who have eternal life, not eternal undeath.
And by this point, it's my obligation to say this: Sleipnir chapter please?
And now Deadpool and Solaire must be seen fighting with a drunk Luna watching them at some point.
4453986 The Doctor (sorry, it's not "Doctor Who", at least not in any canon continuity - that's like calling Celestia "My Little Pony") is technically not immortal. He's not even ageless, and he's been shown to die of old age three times. If anyone from the Whoniverse is an appropriate story target here, it'd be Captain Jack Harkness. Which, come to think of it, would be absolutely hilarious.
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Hell yeah Solaire joins the party! Praise the sun!!!
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4454439 Yes, Jack Harkness. (as long as he doesn't get stuck in pony form. The quadrupedal gait probably wouldn't affect him, nor the clothing issue, but (as most fanart representations of Pony Jack make him a pegasus), he'd be ground-bound with a permanent wingboner.
I just want to say, this is the perfect picture for this chapter.
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Okay I do realize that you've already done a Daedric Prince...
But seriously, I have no idea how anybody has passed over some of the others like Sanguine (think about it. Seriously.) or possibly Azura (Prince of Dawn and Dusk, kind of interesting, eh?).
I wonder how Celestia would react to Peryite's way of keeping order. I mean he's basically an OCD plague maker so I honestly wonderIt's getting better and better!
Wow, this story is great!
One thing though, Celly has seen a ton of chaos gods recently, how about an order one? Someone like Harmonia or something.
The Nameless One from Planescape Torment? He's immortal, has no memories, and even though he looks like he came out the wrong end of a woodchipper he's technically still alive.
4454833
He found his mortality and died happily
PRAISE THE SUN!!!
Q: will Deadpool and Solaire be appearing in " Dating Of The Godly Variety"? I want to see their reactions to Big E
4454646 That would be hilarious, as long as it wasn't the really really old Jack Harkness, AKA The Face of Bo.