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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Wow. This time frame is old...
I'm not reading past the first paragraph until this is edited
I liked it. I guess this is when RD's attraction to Max started?
Two sentences in and I'm seeing too many commas....
Should read: My current location was near the Everfree Forest with none other than Rainbow Dash.
Don't do too much with words. Trying to be too cute with your structuring can be painful to readers. Please get this edited. I love this story too much to see some sloppy editing ruin the experience.
All aboard the Max/Twilight ship train! Heavy derailment of Rainbows and Cakes expected!
It's okay. Some of us appreciate there having been no explicit clop yet. (I know I'm one of the few weirdos, and I won't complain when/if it does get to clop, but still.)
3804303 Technically, a comma COULD go before 'with'. It's optional, though, so... Yeah. Chapter needs edits d00d.
Don;t worry my friend, we've been there. I can't write clop either, not to mention I will possibly try to put it in my story's later on. Not sure if I can really write that type of stuff but... time will tell.
If you do hire or ask someone to write clop... I may ask you.
Also great story and hope this story lasts for a good long while.
Bwahahah, this is perfect! Again with the Mrs. Cake Hate. I can see why you hate her, I can, but I kind of like her (due to one fanfic I read and forgot the name of), but still, you make it fun to hate her. . . . Okay, if I sound crazy and don't make sense, Sorry. It's the insomnia.
Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Button's Mom? ...Cool...
And, honestly, I kinda like Cup Cake, but to each their own. I wouldn't exactly count this as hating her, anyway, just making her look desperate. Still funny, though.
Just 2 spelling mistakes at the very beginning
Awesome story
Really? An interlude chapter?
Again, really great story
when is twilight just gonna come out and say "I LOVE YOU MAX HAVE MY LOVE BABIES!" at this rate hes gonna end up dead and sexually frustrated!
Good chapter, but I think their could of been a little more content from the rainbow perspective, at least a mentioning of how max saved her or he is hurt would of been cool. Maybe that would of changed th cannon to much.
why why why!? why do HIE's ALWAYS have the human fight timberwolves/manticores/cockatrices? Why do authors think that this NEEDS to be part of a HIE? At the very least make it interesting! Maybe max could have found a termites nest? I know this is a guest chapter but come on...
Anyways, I can write clop (apparently) and although i'm a little biased about whom I write it about i'm willing to extend my hand to this fic, because I really do like this story.
Even if it is just an interlude, you have no idea how happy seeing this story in my updates bar makes me.
Ok I must've missed something how many years in the future is this. Mrs. Cake is elderly? Granny Smith is elderly .... Ok she's borderline ancient but Mrs. cake looks pretty young mabe in her 30s or 40s.
Honestly I can't imagine why you wouldn't like Mrs. Cake but meh whatevs. Some don't understand why I don't like characters like Shining Armor or Hoity Toity. I can't understand why so many don't like Iron Will and some don't understand why I don't like Spitfire. We all got our likes and dislikes. The cameo appearance there was a nice touch.
That was an interesting little bonus chapter...
Don't be ashamed about being unable to write clop, it's a curse if anything, if you have a strong moral compass. FORTUNATELY I DON'T HAVE ONE! HA HAHA HAHAHA
God Damn it... I was hoping for clop. Still great though
Bravo, good sir, Very action-y, and we got to see how rainbow acquired her attraction towards Max. I would like to see Rainbow get some closure about her now (Cronological) near-obsession with getting into Max's pants. Twilight already has laid claim, but Rainbow still wants some, and they will have to talk about it at some point.
Button's Mom?
Oh god, and he got a nice view behind that stall.
But Octavia is the only mare for me.
So about that...
Don't worry, you should see me try to write clop. Besides, there are plenty of other of people who can give you pointers in the right direction.
Max, my dear friend I have something to tell you
i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee239/Aldiwitch/AWZ%20stuff/BrainBleachKitteh.jpg
BUT do not fright my fellow human, for I have your solution
i299.photobucket.com/albums/mm318/crittytn3kids/brainbleachtower.jpg
I think its more than enough...........maybe.
If you write a scene with Max and Button's Mom... Idk, I might have to hug you >.>
Mrs Cake in top ten hated? How did that happen?
this story doesn't need clop per~se but more erotic situations like this and the previous chapter would be fun. Then once you've built up enough sexual tension between Max and who ever , u can try some clop if u want.
Not sure why you don't like Mrs. Cake, but as I don't really give a damn about her I fail to care overmuch about it, so it's not exactly a problem for me. I do find her obsession with Max to be utterly hilarious, though. It's just funny, in a freaky sort of way.
Geh, Rainbow is being cute and Max is as oblivious to her obvious attraction as ever and the same goes for Twilight. Poor ladies, their object of interest has absolutely no clue. I laugh at this.
Cliche fight with timberwolves is cliche, but it was pulled off rather nicely and I got no complaints about it.
Overall, this was a good chapter.
So, is this canon to Max's story? Or just a fun what if thing?
too, to, too, in that order.
Is this chapter canon with the rest if the story?
This story doesn't really need clop. But a but of well written eroticism can enhance an already good story.
On the other hand, a poorly written sex scene can hurt it a lot.
If you want to add some, I can help a bit if you want.
3805775 Agreed, even if the clop is bad it'll be Max's first time with a pony anyway so how good is it supposed to be anyway?? I've seen other authors that "can't write clop" have a guest come in to write the clop for them and it turned out nice. I'm loving the sexual tension in these chapters, but I keep screaming "Max! just do it man!" far too often.
You can't write clop as in: you don't want to? Or you can't write clop because you aren't good at writing it?
Don't worry Max, I'll save you! I'm already in Canterlot mountains and steamin' as fast as I can to save you!
http://youtu.be/WGKvQavBsOE?t=22m38s
MAx should totally rail Button's Mom!!!!
Button's mom! Has go-ot it goin on~! Button's mom! Has go-ot it goin on~!
I'll tanke something over nothing anyday, and hey i Think that it was a fine charter with both action, comedy and sex. Can you ask for more?
The second fic I've had that put an update non chronologically.
Im not mad though.
3805967 I think it is something that happened but has no relevancy to the plot... tehe
This might sound silly, but if you feel you can't write clop... why not practice writing clop and reading clop until you're more comfortable with it? I'm sure you'll get there in due time :3
Holy crap if Max sneezed when he was hiding from Mrs Cake, he would never be seen again.
Barrel-rider
You need to spell check,
I think I just died a little...
Bah ha ha ha ha, poor bastard... Awk, he's a real Hero though, makes all the ladies swoon.
Max is getting all them ladies! Why can it be me for gawds sake!?
not bad
I don't think I feel comfortable reading a chapter written by someone whose only story is "The Babs x human Clop Saga"
I require Dash x Max now, my loins are fit to burst, and my heart is filled with joy.
3957207 encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS7FhqEEuP257r2-gjK46eLCDQprIyD5RF4w4p7e0ZtPJvsQ597