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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Eventually Celestia's going to find out, and oh man Twilight, the shitstorm that'll come...
I KNOW IT!
I KNOW SOMETHING LIKE THAT WOULD HAPPEN!!
I...
am...
GENIUS!!!
When this comes out by "Computer Jumping" I like to see what you write, when you have ONE PC^^
The meeting with celestial and Luna will end in a replay of the plant of the apes chase scene " get your hooves off me you damn dirty pony"
Hmm, I'm think Discord has something to do about his voice... or am I over analyzing things?
Also...
B-but I think hoof language relies on the sounds and rhythm on the tapping noises? How could a deaf
personpony hear it?dont leave twilight pls marry her and be happy pls she loves you pls
Very nice. Twilight has a new rival, and is opening to the idea that Princess Celestia may not be on the "need to know" list. I would like to see more of Twilight's friends (specifically Rarity) find out about Max's intelligence. I'd love to see AppleJack's reaction to the knowlege that she had offered to have another intelligent creature effectivly raped for the purpose of breeding. I wonder if Rarity would veiw him as more if a monster, or be open to the idea of a human who could actually critique her designs.
3232685 You feel the vibrations and see the movement. A mute pony can also use it by listening to the beats. Probably should explain it more in a later chapter...
so i may be right.. discord is suppressing his speech to make him less detectible..
Here's a question.
Fluttershy can understand animals so can she understand humans? I know Max can't talk but what about the other humans? Or can she not understand them?
This chapter WORKS.
Someone else finds out about Max and, whilst surprised, doesn't scream all "oh god he's a monster, kill him". Furthermore, its character development for someone we saw earlier, and we see she's INTELLIGENT. She has a reasonable idea to try and get Max home and they're trying to discover why he can't talk. GOOD, GOOD, all good developments in the story!a
And that last bit. The glazed eyes.
Something...is not right with Twilight, someone is trying to keep him from seeing Celestia, who most likely could end all of this in a single spell. Something NEFARIOUS is behind him not being able to speak, I'd wager, and is lingering around him...
3232740
Who knows, it might even be a way of keeping humans down without harmonious magic, Celestia and Luna have both shown to be able to use Dark Magic afterall.
oh crap! twilight doesnt want him to go and sunny is walking on very thin ice being so lovable around max!
It's a bummer I can't punch the thumbs up button ten thousand times.
I like the progress of the story. But i do not like the rivalry between Twilight and Sunny :/. I do hope that that phase passes soon. So that Max and Twilight can live happily ever after. But then again you need someone there to show Twilight's love for him.
Feed me. Feed me more of your incredible genius!
If you don't mind, that is.
/)
~Porqupine
.........I sense the comming of a love triangle!..........maybe.
Good, good. Now personally I'd rather like too see him interact a little more with the other humans. The most he's done is watch some of the females snarl at him or get in a staring contest with one. I'd like too see some actual interaction, maybe explain the females reaction to him, get in a fight with a male, stuff like that.
*sigh... I hate it when they open up the option of 'going home' in these stories. It makes my feel-goods dampen or go away depending.
If he should be able to speak but isn't, could the spell perhaps have shrieked the part of his brain that is responsible for vocalizing speech?
If that is the case, then twilight is looking for the problem in the wrong area.
It's strange that Equestria-native humans seem to hew closer to Neanderthals than modern-day Earth humans. I wonder if the muteness is a symptom of some sort of magically-induced de-evolution effect?
There's just no way that anything even remotely actually related to us should be fully mature in three years.
We're the pervs that follow you....
3234834 Oh...very good. Carry on
Oh Twilight, inviting your human's "old flame" to live under your roof and offer to help return him to his world. It's almost like you want your heart to be broken
That being said, I guess their secret is out. I'm sure nothing bad is going to happen because of it.....yup everything is going to be fine (O_o)
Love Sunny being happy.
3234290 Well at least he explained it here. Could've shown something of Twilights little experiments to find out why he can't talk when he can do everything else a good three or four chapters ago. But I guess I'll just settle for an early chapter.
I think my apendex exploded from a lethal amount of D'awww...
From the ending on the last chapter, I could have sworn that Sunny Breese was going to try to impersonate Max’s original owner, trying to use the familiarity and trusting relationship she’d developed with the sweet but stupid human to back up a false story that she previously owned and lost Max- eventually, flat out asking Twilight to ‘return’ ownership back to Sunny.
I still would have thought of her as being a good pony, but one who was again roped into doing something shifty in order to achieve some unknown slightly unwholesome goal.
And I thought that Twi, in an effort to find the location of the illegal human caravan, would offer to ‘give back’ Max while secretly slipping him a tracking charm or a teleport spell that he could use to escape.
And from there, I guess the story would either have had Sunny meet with a group rendezvousing in the wilderness who would then exchange Max for something they had been blackmailing Sunny with, or Sunny would keep Max for herself saying “I’m glad I saved you. No pony knew how special you were and no pony else was going to treat you right.” Or something else. I dunno, I’ve long since lost my ability to write and this is the kind of cheesy schlock I would have come up with.
But anyway, I’m actually glad you didn’t go this route since it would have been a little too predictable. I’m curious -and stumped- about where the story goes from here. Which is a good thing! You're a good writer, you know that?
Anywho... Can we expect the next chapter in 2 weeks?
3235091 It would be interesting to see Twilight's reaction to Max speaking. Maybe at some point even if it's only briefly.
3235527 One week...guaranteed.
Oh, and in my head cannon, the ambient magic in this horse filled alternate reality has the effect of making Max sort of a victim of stroke. His teeth and tongue are fully capable of producing complex sounds, his vocal chords are still intact, but the part of his brain that tells him to “use this with those” has an interrupted pathway that somehow doesn’t interfere with reading, writing, or understanding of verbal language.
So it’s not quite like aphasia, where he’d speak gibberish, but close.
I’m sure if winged or horned ponies entered Max’s home world, a similar ambient magic would make their wings go limp at their sides, their horns un-magical, and their mouths mute.
In fact, it’d be funny if there was a scene where the human and his owner shared a verbal conversation while having to stand their own sides of a portal between the two worlds. Twilight and Max trying to coordinate some kind of exploratory or rescue mission in a secure government facility under lockdown or something.
3235587
Sweet!
3235599 Woah woah woah, calm yourself, girlfriend. Let's get through this story first before we start talking about the sequel, 'kay?
...I may have said too much...
discord is watching all this and thinking "I wish ponies liked bipedals as much as they do now when I was a lad "
Will this story go the path of the human revolution/evolution/exodus?
Till the next chapter then...
3240000
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrfk1qDLYD1qjj1zvo1_400.gif
This is a really awesome story. Serious props to you, my friend.
Unfortunately, your inclusion of romance has diminished my love for it.
I have nothing against humanXpony, but in my humble opinion it is a last resort. I think if a human were to really go to Equestria and be trapped there, romance is a remote enough possibility. If a human is trapped there with other humans, then I think its impossible.
There are tons of human females around for Max to bond with, or to just have sex with.
Yes, I understand they they aren't intelligent, but if he were hard up enough, I think he'd have sex with an attractive, dumb human LONG before her would even consider having sex with a pony.
If you wanted romance in the story, personally, i would have introduced a human female to the cast. Otherwise, you should have left it out altogether.
I'm sorry if it sounds like i'm complaining or trying to run your story, but that's just my opinion.
Keep writing!
3240011
LOL,
Just trying to be funny with my grammar/spelling corrections, your most frequent mistakes tend to be words that sound the same, but have quite (not quiet!) different meanings. Every time I see 'patients' instead of 'patience' I imagine people in hospital gowns running about.
3240610 That's fine. I have a software on my laptop that likes to finish words for me, and when I'm writing late at night, I tend to not pay close attention to if it is the right word or not.
Besides, I really do appreciate when someone actually tells me what one of my mistakes are, rather than just telling me that they are there.
I wish I could give this story any positive feedback at all but, sadly, I can't.
I've only read through around half of the prologue and I'm already getting a headache from your writing.
Here are some fine examples:
The first thing wrong with this and the rest of your story: Do not pose questions to your audience. They are here to see you work, not work themselves.
Secondly: Refrain from excessive swearing, overusing exclamation points, and dear god, enough with the capslock. I'm definitely not going to want to read a story that's yelling "HEY GUYS!!!! CHECK OUT THESE FUCKING WORDS!!!! AM I FUNNY YET GUISE!?!? HEHELOL" throughout the entire piece.
Thirdly: Don't write short sentences that are only five to seven words long. It destroys the pacing of the story, and it's generally annoying to read pause after pause after pause.
Fourthly: Don't switch tenses in the middle of a chapter. That's just terrible writing.
Lastly: Do not ever use song quotes to go along with a story. It doesn't make you look cool, no matter how much you think it does. It makes you look like a 7th grader writing his first "What I did over summer break" essay.
2/10 no hope left for this.
I made a wish list for this fic
Max trolls Rarity
Max has more time with the other Element's
Max saves the twins from something
Max V.S. another human
Max to the Gala
Max almost dies and Twilight breaks down
The story never ends
3242654 I thank you for the feedback, even if it wasn't positive. I'm sorry that the story wasn't to your liking, and I apologize for wasting your time. I will take your tips into consideration, and I hope that you find stories that are more to your liking in the near future.
Thanks again, and have a good day.
3243156
I don't understand what you mean...
But I took back my thumb down and thumbed up instead...so...um....yeah.
This was a very surprising find indeed. 2am and I look for something to read and I stumbled upon this. It's now 6:15am as I type this out.
This is a very good story with literal TONS of potential.
My only complaint, being somewhat of a grammar Nazi and all, is your grammar and misused words. But I got past it and found it to be very enjoyable, and a very interesting read.
Keep up the good work! But please fix the wrongly used words.
Two things:
First,
...I don't know, you seem to be missing something here
Second,
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/5580847616/hDAA1C9A8/
3243298
It's nice to see that authors still have spines these days.
I like that you understand that it's not perfect, and could use a few (I'm using the word 'few' loosely) tweaks.
You, MadMax, have a good day.
Unlike a certain ignorant fucker. *coughcough 3244452 coughcough*
Can't wait till' he later on starts talking, their reactions would be brilliant!
I’m calling it, this is a conspiracy. Something is suppressing his speaking and I’m betting the princesses know about it if not have set it up themselves.
3249154 I dunno, some kind of weird shit happened to his vocal chords the start of the story.
3252577 And how is it suppose to end? Not trying to be mean, just curious as to your idea.