I have an unfavorable premonition about this...

I'm intrigued yet very angry toward the treatment of humans.

This story is lookin good, I just hope our human here gets some revenge

This is a very good idea for a story... but spaying and nutering? Really? *Face hoof* Even myself, Princess of Torture does not do those despicable acts!

The entire premise of this story is a massive no. Seriously... just, no.

2756677 I am sorry you feel that way, and I am sorry I could not hold up to your expectations. Feel free to leave a thumb down if you haven't already, and go about with your view pleasure.

Thank you for your feedback, and I hope you have a nice day.

Its on the fence for this one. It one of those stories that'll get better with more installments. keep coming with installments and i'll keep reading.

2759027 tune in next Friday and I hope you'll be pleased

I have a feeling,just hear me out
shit is going to hit the fan,I repeat shit is going to hit the fan
so put your disguises

more

2763648 soon

Why doesn't he speak?

Tentative follow. Could be very interesting.

no offence to the writer this will probably end up in my favs in time anyway.
but does anyone know another story similar to this one where humans are like animals i guess or close to that way.

i kind of have been looking for a story like this but still need to scratch that itch iv been feeling for these types of fanfics for quite some time now, and am tired of looking through the list even with the filter?
but ya that would be swell

2768120 no offense taken.

As for your search, this came to mind. I know it's not a story, but something is better than nothing, right?

2766458

What the hell?! I said, or at least tried to say. I had opened my mouth but no words had come out. What the fuck? Was I mute now? My throat was still sore, but what on earth could cause me to become mute? Are you now telling me that I was stuck in the middle of the desert and I was mute?!

2768205 Ohhhh, so maybe he will try to communicate through writing? And sorry.

2768241 No problem. The attempted communication will come later. I like to think that he is just going along for the ride until he figures out what is going on.

Also, I am getting a sort of a Planet of the Apes vibe from this. Is that what inspired this story?

2768262 Kinda. It may have influenced it, but only just slightly. Most chapters are written based off what my friend decides, as per our bet.

2768158
thank you

I really hate to be one of those people but... when is the next chapter coming out? I'm really, really taken with this already.

2768678 Friday for sure. Sooner if my editor decides to get up off his lazy butt and actually earn his title.

2768686 Lol fair enough, I hope that does happen then because I'd been looking for something along these lines

Why is he mute? Oo

Anyway, I see a hell of a potential here, and I'm suprised this story has got so many dislikes, considering it's only 2 chapters long yet...
Faving and liking it. Let's hope it won't turn out into a whole bunch of BS.

2779584 He's mute because of...reasons.

As per the hope, I'll try and keep as much BS out of the story as possible, but unfortunately what some find as BS others find as gold...

2780087

I didn't mean to offend you or something... Sry if I did ;d

2780107 Nope, you didn't. I just tend to come of like that in writing, sorry.

...why is he mute? What possible explanation could there be for him being unable to speak? It would be one thing if he had a magic collar put on him by ponies, something they put on ALL the humans to keep them from talking in an attempt to make them appear as dumb animals. I'd be disgusted by such treatment (like I already am, I mean, JESUS CHRIST, neutering?! These are sentient beings you're doing this to! This isn't the Middle Ages either, this is Two Thousand Freakin' Thirteen, and the ponies have things like computers, trains and magic. What possible reason do they need slaves for?) but it would explain why they couldn't TALK!

But no. He's mute the minute he gets there. How? His larynx wasn't damaged. And you can't use the reasoning "humans in THIS dimension are mute because of how they've evolved". He's not FROM this dimension so that reason doesn't fly. The rules shouldn't apply to him. It would be one thing if humans had evolved as a species to just not be able to really use their mouths because of something the ponies did, but again, he's not from around there, so whatever affects humans in THIS reality shouldn't affect him.

2795403 I'm sure the author has a reason for not explaining it right away, most likely because it will be a plot point later on in the story, so just be calm bro.

2768120 Look up a story called "Chains", other than that I don't know anymore.

Wait, so the 'stupid' humans can't talk?

so is this the future where humans devolved...or did whatever brought the humans there zap everyones brains but his..........curiouser and curiouser
cant wait t0 find out!

Now I'm thinking of a similar situation if I were in it. Oh the pain and the agony that 'I' would receive and dish out. Maybe I'l even write a story in this universe. Assuming I find the time to do so and my other stories. Fucking school.

All right giving this the benefit of the doubt. So far it isn't some masochists fantasy.... yet.

The more I read this, the more I think of The Planet of The Apes.

Ha planet of the pony's I would so watch that now

I'm curious as to why he hasn't tried pantomiming. Yeah, his hands are bound but he'd still be able to manage something, wouldn't he? Still, you did a good job getting rid of the wallet, so that there was nothing there to help him, and most of the other bases have been covered... Really, this is off to an amazing start. One little thing to nit-pick about is far from the end of the world, and I get the feeling I'll enjoy this story quite a bit. Seem like a very interesting alternate universe.

Okay.. so , my biased opinion on this piece.

First chapter in. Its .. intriguing as far as setting go.
But this first chapter is full of holes and stuff that really, really don't make sense.

Problem 1 - The guy didn't try to communicate in any fashion the whole trip with that chatty mare (for weeks). If he was interesting/relatable he would have tried to gesticulate and such to communicate at the very least. He saw all the crap happening around him, Stockholm Syndrome (and need to vent/socialize) should be kicking real hard in his mind. But he's 100% passive and therefore 100% boring.

Problem 2 - The ponies were scouting for humans in a utterly hostile desert? Because humans are common in these death traps? Why not make him start in a savanna/plain or someplace else that's more likely to hold life AND be a more likely spot for them to scout out? Its a problem that's easily solved.

Problem 3 - Ponies torture and inflict pain on humans so casually its like eating a sandwich. That's a big problem wich raise a lot more potential problems:

Why do we see that? To make the ponies look "evil"? That's not evil. Not even close. Its stupid and cheap. You could work in the same meaning that humans are animals, and ponies are the master race in a way that would make sense.
The fact of how they go about feeding, caring, "operating" their captives just opens several questions.. but going from what i got here's my POV:

1 - Ponies go about neutering, branding and spaying without any anesthesia (we don't even do that to our pets, and they sure don't do so to theirs)... when they got magic going for them.
Solution: Dedicated magic, better tools, dedicated spot for that rather than crude improvisation. They got the "volume" of operations to justify the expense.

2- Humans feels fear, and seeing other humans in pain break morale. We are shown this. Ponies still go at "it" in the middle of the place. Ponies can tell they feel that way. Ponies don't care.
Solution: Better separation between the locations, or just do "it" somewhere else as to not agitate their cargo for no good reason. We can still see the (horrifying) results once they are done and return.

3- Ponies got magic. They aren't using it to make their jobs easy and cost-efficient. This operation has been in operation since forever.. and they havent found nor developed specialized spells for the care/operation of their human pets?
Solution : have the ponies have spells and tricks ready for simple and efficient care of humans.

4- Ponies do the operations on the humans the most painfull way possible, and they don't hint at feeling empathy for them. So... do these ponies are sociopaths or have brain damage? Because there is no way a pony can go at it and not feel anything to that pain screaming they inflict.
Solution: Ponies don't enjoy pain nor inflicting it. They wouldn't do that to their cats and dogs.. but humans are okay?

5- Ponies that intend to sell humans for whatever reason, are damaging the morale of the bunch beforehand, then they inflict messy/horrible pain on a bunch because they are asked to (and are really sloppy about it) and expect a good price for traumatized, sick, scarred, mentally damaged humans at the end of the day?
Solution: Have the ponies go at it the smart, non-monstrous way. Then they get to get better prices for the extra care.

6- Breaking their humans like that is a massive waste in every way. Be them captured wild or raised on a farm.. there is no way its cost-effective to them to be that sloppy and expect a good pay.
Why? It takes 12 years to have a human able to do anything worth mentioning. Its takes a TON of time, cash, infrastructure and care to get a "good" specimen. And its still a kid at that stage. Every human pet that's broken before its mature is a huge waste in every way.

My theories as to how to explain all this as it is right now with chapter 1 to work with: humans grow quick and cheap. Ponies can heal/mindwipe the problems away, humans are everywhere like a luxury vermin and ponies are monsters.

Looking at chapter 2... Too convenient. And the guy isn't doing anything.

Chapter 3.. Exposition. Humans grow super quick and are therefore very expendable/cheap. (well here goes one of my points) And very weak. (then why do they bother at all with humans?) The guy did something for the first time: He made a sound. Then began thinking that communication might be an option.. doesn't do it.

Chapter 4.. He's still not doing anything. Stockholm Syndrome says hello. Humans are sex toys... Uh . The guy is just depressingly useless.

Chapter 5.. Guess what? He's still as pathetic and useless as usual. Still haven't tried anything. Sex toy confirmation. And now a voice in his head is doing/being more than him.

Now that i look at it with a few extra chapters, the real problem with this fic is the super boring MAIN character. Completely passive and inactive. He doesn't care. And if he tries something he got no impact. If he tries he is useless from the start. I can't find the word to properly express how utterly useless/powerless/boring/non-human he is in the context i want. Its like he isn't a character.. more like an accessory for the plot and he's disconnected from everything. Your main character is crippled in every ways, plot and otherwise.

And its why i can't feel the drive to read any more of this story.

My last statement was not a challenge, Universe. It was not a challenge!

Best line of this chapter.

3734419 Is it really ridiculous? I prefer to think of it as brilliantly cautious in the face of the unknown.

Edit: I was wrong. It just got worse and stupider (so stupid that I must resort to using a made up word) I am sorry. But at least his revisions helped a little.

the neutering was just nasty, however, the rest of the chapter is amazing

2755724 As do I, but keep in mind that this was how horses used to be treated decades back. That's more than likely the point.

okay, that is NOT how one neuters ANYTHING.

The animal would have too great a chance of bleeding out, or dying of shock. not to mention the increased odds of infection. I've worked as a ranch hand for a few summers, so I'd know THAT much.

I'd have gone with rounded locking pliers,, or a band, which after wards the body absorbs the now useless genitals. We used this with sheep back in Idaho. Though slower, at least there's no opened wounds, no blood, and no chance of infection, minimized trauma, and 100% survival rate.

On the other end of the spectrum, there's worse ways. The ones I've seen used on steers was .... well, it involved a specialized locking clamp and sliding blade attachment that was held in a power drill. I never looked at a hamburger quite the same after that.

I've been playing a lot of half-life 2 today, so when I read "benefactors" I freaked out for a second

3816401 Probably humans aren't as worthy to care. Sadly this method is probably based on real life doing of some farms on our world. They can just grab young pig and cut off testicles with a simple knive and afterwards rip off the nuts with fingers not bothering with painkillers or anything.

Or maybe they have healing magic to ensure that humans after "operation" will not bleed out or end up infected.

3719622 I agree on most stuff but treating humans like it? Nothing strange. Like I said before there are farms and slaughter houses which do same thing. Humans do there same things to animals not caring about pain and suffering of animals. I may not be a vegetarian but such torment isn't needed in this buisness at all...

am I the only one who thought of the black slave ships or slaves in general when I heard about the train it's sad that people actually did that to other people

3826691 Unfortunately no... At least most of it has stopped.

3719622

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"Neutered"

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