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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like it. I enjoyed this chapter. Can barely wait for the next. It's such a nice thing to read about these really dumb humans.
Keep up the awesome story.
Acceptable. Thanks for the update
I liked it.bit short though
I really have no idea where this is heading...but I like it so far.
How will Twilight react knowing he's around twenty?
finally-studio.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/extra/finally_logo_tn.png
GJ boy, keep it up.
Man that took a while, but I'm glad I stuck it out. Can't wait to see what happens next.
I like it.
What would her friends do, after they found out Max is intelligent? I say "after" instead of "when" because I'm sure they will find out^^
Interesting story. Some grammatical problems (a few incorrect verb tenses, some incorrect pronouns, such as "He's" instead of "His").
Have an upvote. I look forward to the next update.
2980371 I think the word you are looking for is "if". Eg. "If they find out, not when."
P.S. I can see why some people are getting frustrated with the story. Some chapters could afford to be merged or shortened. In particular, chapters 2 and 3 seem unnecessarily long for the actions contained.
2980400
I was never good in writing in english. Reading is no problem. But when I write It's HORRIBLE.
I'm sorry you all have to read this...
2980622 Don't get discouraged by it. We all make mistakes, even those of us the benefit of decades of (English) writing experience.
I try to avoid simply pointing out errors, instead explaining why the original is a problem and how to fix it. There are other people on the internet with similar goals. If someone is mean, just ignore them.
Well, I for one enjoyed the chapter to be honest. The human not acting like a dumb piece of shit is quite refreshing.
This story could go in a lot of directions from here. It does have dat sex tag though
First time posting a comment but I am enjoying this fic. Imo, it has an interesting concept, a good possible hero/villain arc (ie. the nightmares and the whispered voice), varied pony reactions, and some real good possible world building potential.
I do hope to see more of Sunny Breeze as it seems to me she became his first real friend in equestria (even if she didn't know he was intelligent at the time). I have a feeling he will need all the friends and help he can get when it finally comes out that he is sapient (and maybe other humans as well???).
Also wondering what happened to his phone that was at 35% power.
Twillight's reaction..... just priceless!
Ye! Now let's see some of that advanced math.
2980371 2980196 2979977
And thus shenanigans and misadventures ensues:
WHAT?! A TALKING HUMAN!?
KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!
He just agreed to be her property..... that's it, author, I'm ashamed. This is shit, you have potential but it didn't show with his stupidity and him agreeing to being a slave, etc. God damn this guy deserves to die from the many laws of Darwin, fuck... and this was by your hand. I was really excited when I read the description for this and you couldn't have done any better of pissing on it. This sucks, goodbye.
3714514
Honestly, at first I agreed with your sentiment... hell, I still partially agree with it even after reading all the way to the most recent update.
But, all things considered, it's not as bad of a decision as you're making it out to be. Look past the whole 'personal integrity' aspect.
If he stands up and claims he will not accept being owned by any'pony'. That sounds great and all, but look at the resulting outcome.
He's considered a pet by society, can't own land, get a real job, or be relatively self-sufficient without living in the woods as a hermit.
He would have to cast himself out there, and be at the mercy of how others will judge and interact with him. That's not a good situation.
So yes, he agrees to be a pet. However, it's a chance to bide his time, learn about his environment, and plan for future decisions while having one's basic needs accounted for.
Plus we all know plenty of men put themselves into slavery everyday when they're feeling guilty and agree to stay with a not-so-ideal woman.
Don't tell us who your friend is, or I'll likely punch them in the face if I ever meet them. The first couple chapters were good. Great, even. Just about every plot hole was covered, and then... Yeah. You know already. Still, I got past it, so it should only get better from here, then, yes?
Writting this in 2 seconds. Dat Max got dem skillz!
Yeah I share the sentiment of disliking the chapter, but we both knew it was probably going to be bad as you transitioned into the actual story. Now it should start improving.
3720507 prediction my friend, most of my family is female and ive come to notice a rant 2 mins before hand to prep exuses
There have been a few grammar mistakes here and there, mostly with punctuation (missing quotations are the most common), but this chapter had one error that was actually pretty big. for a bit at the beginning, in this section right here:
You slip into present tense for a bit.
Aside from that, I like the story so far and keep up the good work.
Oh, and in case I forget to mention it once I get to the end of the next part, there's another bit of present tense narration near the beginning of the next chapter as well.
3714514 What are his alternatives? She's the only ally he has and has been around long enough to consider trusting. Freedom is gained one step at a time, with clear thinking and a definitive path.
Seriously. he should have at least a FEW minutes of "hey, screw you. You all stuck me in a cage, starved me, beat me, bought me like a bauble at market, stuck me in a box and walked me around on a LEASH. It's called 'payback' and you earned some!"
3731546 Yeah I hate it when HiE fics make the human so.......passive? Like they just take everything that comes there way and don't even talk back or anything. I for one would be fucking pissed at ponies in general at this point.
Too passive, however I'm vindictive so yeah...
Lots of lead up but so far no really major plot incidents til now.
Id say that chapter was pretty good
Don't be like that. I love this chapter!
You may have not liked it, but I was finally happy he actually did something. It was about time. Definitely more interested in the story now.
Awk, it was pretty good to me. I wonder when she'll start telling everyone else, cause that's going to be a fun day.
Well, my Tenebra Vitae (Shadow of Life) spell did not work, but I at least got him to communicate.
3890407 There we go.
It also did not escape my notice that he was doing exaggerated versions of things that pets occasionally do that annoy humans.
3731546 Well, to be fair, she didn't know he was sentient.
You say it sucks but honestly this chapter was pretty awesome and good. I can't wait to see the rest of this and when it finishes.
one thing I mildly hate about my personality is that when something gets awkward I try to shun it. So it took me forever to get the nerve to continue reading, even though I knew that it would turn out to be something like what it was.
bottom line, I did like the chapter.
I liked it. Though, I also had Snuff going in the background. It helped to reinforce a dimly lit room, silence and darkness filling the majority of the void. Eh, you did a good job of painting the picture.
HUMON MEAT GRRRRRRRRRAAAHL! YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HE CAN FINALLY TALK!
4137901 I'm the same.
Whenever an awkward scene comes up in a movie or book I'm like
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/195/009/755.gif
I'm rereading this now, and I just noticed...
This...
...reminds me of this.
[YouTube=7G9qnlxYfhk]
...Unfortunately, that's the best clip I could find.
its not that bad
Holy shit that ending, finally they understand each other!
Also:
This sound really funny to me.
Good start
This going perfectly
She's taking it well.
Seriously, this is great.
This is great.
Max has unrealistic expectations.
That doesn't change that fact that you're not helping.
Two weeks in hell and one week being a dick?
Do people talk like that?
"Because I am clinically paranoid and possibly schizophrenic. And the author doesn't know that some chapters could have been split up."
Twilight threw her coffee at me
+I deserved that.+
4475345 Me too, but only when something gets so awkward that I start to get uncomfortable.
If this goes anywhere else other then this guy making it clear that this guy should not be treated like a animal
I will not hesitate to send in the full power of the Theron Guard images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110617231506/gearsofwar/images/9/93/89014_T_CharPortraits_LOC_theron.png
Element 2 quasi-found.
Though I expected better of Applejack
"I don’t think she could even fathom a human being able to work such an advance machine (advance for their world that is)."
- advanced (x2)
"I’m not entirely sure how I arrive here."
- arrived
"I was found by a group of ponies and place in a cage aboard a train."
- placed
*Sigh*
That's it? That's the excuse for him acting like a raging jagoff?
If this were a bullet point in a list of story details, it might work, but it's not believable as an excuse. He didn't get worn down until he started forgetting his humanity; his cognitive faculties haven't begun to show him becoming or recovering from psychological stress, As far as anyone can tell, he made a conscious decision to be an ass to the wrong target after sporadically deciding he'd had enough.
It's good that he feels sorry about this later, but unless he's supposed to have character flaws making him an unlikely hero, drawing attention to them in future, it makes the guy look like a short-sighted ass.