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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like this version better. And I just got XCOM: Enemy Within. Goddamn do I love MECs.
We're still getting our next chapter tomorrow right?
Yeah this is defiantly the better version
I'm tired of the "Earth sucks" crap that most HiEs have
yeah it's not the best place around, but god damn it isn't THAT horrible
Good chapter, made me get a feeling, problem is really I can't cry for anybody or in this case anypony, it's just something up with me, I can't cry for such a sad story I wish I could though anyways good Chapter and keep it up.
Oh hellz yes, XCOM: Enemy Unknown is the best reason to miss out on updating. I hold no blame for you.
...
Oh yeah, and the chapter was great.
Better than the previous incarnation. I mean, I liked both, but this one was definitely better.
More Please!
This chapter does seem a lot better
Ahh X-COM. Destroyer of time.
I definitely think this version is more focused in it's delivery, so great job with the rewrite.
Also don't worry about people who complain about updates. I know for a fact that everyone on this site has one or two stories they follow that haven't updated in months, yet somehow they are still carrying a torch for them.
As for XCOM, I dont know what difficulty you are playing on but still.....good luck Commander
oh i know the allure of Xcom all too well, I'm fairly certain i've been playing for days longer than a normal playthrough trying to put together a psionic squad
Yay! Update!
It's good chapter either way.
I want a cookie.
Raar! Riot! Unrest! Rebellion! Something that is vaguely unpleasant!
Hmmph. Fair enough. You and your "reality" and all.
Avera...... Interesting.
i particularly like how you cross out "video games" made me giggle
3557742
*Cookie* here's a cookie
3557742 3557923
cookiemadness.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/cookie-cake-2.jpg
I like this a lot better.
I was really bothered by the Discord POV bits in the last version of this. You've set Discord up as this Xanatos Gambit player, a master manipulator who turns himself into stone to avoid Celestia finding out anything at all about what he's up to, and manipulates her not to realize that he's just entirely dodged out of her questioning until it's too late... and then you had the bit from his POV where it seemed like he had no coherent plan, he's just throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks. You also had a rather goofy "voice" for him, which is normally appropriate for Discord, but you're treating him as a menacing figure here, so it jarred.
Also... it seemed to contradict all the hints you'd been setting up. I can't say for certain obviously, but it looked to me like Discord was trying to force Max to help the humans, some of whom are obviously intelligent, and since Equestrian society has integrated humans as slave labor and pets so deeply, it would cause revolutionary upheaval if humans rose up and demanded rights as intelligent beings... I always saw Discord as a being who'd be very much in favor of revolutions, because they cause anarchy and chaos and when they work they lead to everyone having greater freedom overall, and freedom is chaos by another name. So if he engineered for Max to end up fighting in the pits, it would have been to force Max into contact with other intelligent humans, and if he survived it, to be traumatized and stop identifying with pony society... not because he was trying to get rid of him or force him to go home. When you had him change direction like that it felt like villain whiplash (the thing that happens when the writer has decided that the bad guy has to be bad, through and through, and so randomly changes the bad guy's motives throughout the story just to make sure they stay bad. Like having a character who starts as an asshole boss and ends up as a xenocidal maniac because no matter what, he has to be bad.) And that chess game was such an incredible piece of menace and confusion and what the hell is he doing, and then it felt like you'd ruined it. So I am very, very glad for the rewrite.
XCOM eating away at your time? Bah. Civilization 5 with expansions. That's where time flows by.
Oh wow! This rewrite is a lot better in my opinion.You got rid of a few of the unusual parts and even made it a little more interesting. I am also surprised that you even changed Max's Mindset a little when he was being verbally threatened by Celestia. Nice!
He may have not have 'said' it to her but he believes in it and that's just fine as well.
Thanks for the rewrite of the chapter! Really enjoyed this version and looking forward to the next!
~8chill
P.S. We understand (most of us) that life has its priorities so take your time. At least you can update reasonably on schedule; unlike myself who can't seem to update much at all.
3558211
You have cleary never played enemy within on ironman mode....
I like this version better. Earth is beautifull, that's all in have to say.
Just some things you missed on your own;
Should be "and and evil looking..."
Missing quotation marks at the start of this paragraph
I like this version much better than the other one, can't wait for the next chapter :pinkiehappy
3558034 agreed.
Initially I was happy that Discord caused this, but now I am unsure if you actually planned it all out correctly. This entire time you had Discord trying to make the human do something, then came out and suddenly he is trying to get rid of him? It didn't make sense really.
Still lost om this issue, so i will wait and see.
3558510 I will. Just... One... More... Turn...
3558510
I played Enemy Unknown on Ironman mode...I, it didn't go well for me...
My poor soldiers...
Earth was burning in hell inside of three months.
As a side note, I never play on ironman mode again. EVER
3559453
Got pretty far. Just stick to cover and spam mec`s :P
this is gettin good peoples or maybe its just i love human in equestria stories oh well keep em commin.
So I read this a while back ago, and an hour after the debate to fix it or not my keyboard broke, so I didn't get a say sadly. I think, in a sad way, it would make sense for him not to have proper motivation or logic in a situation where two god like beings playing with your brain. When you have two voices that don't actually belong to you but you think belong to you, trying to convince you that "ponies are evil, go home", and the other saying "stay here, romance Twilight." I think it would be hard to not to go crazy honestly. Indecision and just being swept away by the most recent event also makes sense.
But I feel like a massive jackass for voicing this because essentially this is "YOU CHANGED IT TO APPEAL TO THE AUDIENCE?!? AS THE AUDIENCE I DISAGREE!!!" So, I'm going to try and think of this chapter positively.
If you had two god like beings playing with your brain I guess it would make sense that you wouldn't suspect anything wrong or weird about changing your mind over such a large matter so quickly and being okay with it. After all, that wouldn't be beneficial at all to either god like being if you were aware something was up. The voice at the end, who I suspect is Cadence, even said something to the effect of "I pulled a lot of strings to keep you sane when you should've gone mad." So it works.
Okay.
Nice chapter. I loved your story, I still love your story, and this actually isn't that big of a deal to me because I'm looking forward to more of your story. Keep up the good work.
i.imgur.com/Cu0gsNe.gif Good re-do
I am normally against re-writes but this was a improvement :) seems to flow better too :)
found something...
shouldn't "his be where "he" is?
So, he stays and now we can continue to investigate:
The big hole next to Canterlot that humans are digging all on their own.
Humans expressing the first wisps of intelligence.
The correlation of Discord taking his pawn to the edge of the chess board to be Queen'ed and Twilight's new bestest friend (with benefits?).
Speaking of mares getting lovey-dovey, Rainbow Dash. Is she planning another kind of... wrestling if she can get Twilight to share him? (Cue the 70's porn music)
And of course, who the heck is the pair making him schizophrenic with voices in his head. Luna is apparently one, I'm guessing Discord is the other. This is assuming another unseen, so far, force is not trying to pull strings.
So, he doesn't give a shit about his home?
So none of them are considering the R axis? The ponies obviously have a different cosmogony than we do, so I'm not surprised their world is so much smaller than ours. However, Max should know there's more to our "world" than just our world. The conversation should have gone something like this:
~Did you consider how vast my...~ I struggled to find a way to sign "universe", but I quickly realized an equivalent word literally couldn't exist from their perspective because the nature of their reality was simply orders upon orders of magnitude smaller. Even the mere size of our solar system would be incomprehensible to them. ~"world" is?~
"I'm afraid I don't completely recognize that hoof sign. What about your world?"
~It's a human gesture for quotation marks. They... They basically mean the literal meaning of a word isn't the intended meaning.~ Celestia's and Luna's expressions were confused, mirrors of my own as I contemplated how to explain the enormity of the scale. ~Let me... Let me put it this way. My world is to my "world" as a grain of sand is to a beach. If you sent me "home" you'd be just as likely to send me to another world of trillions upon trillions upon trillions of worlds, or even more likely to no world at all.~
Luna's jaw slowly dropped as I signed the numbers, and it kept falling lower as the lengthy process of signing "trillions" continued. Even Celestia was slightly stunned, but nowhere near as bad. "Surely you jest, Max. I know you're nervous, but you don't need to hide behind hyperbo-"
~It's NOT hyperbole. If anything I've obscenely underrepresented how absolutely massive it really is. I haven't even mentioned the literally uncountable number of suns~
"You have more than one sun?"
~Ah, kinda. I meant to sign "stars".~ I shuffled my feet nervously as I tried to avoid Celestia's incredulous stare. ~It's a "mistake" only someone like me could make here. In my "world" suns and stars are literally the same things. Each sun/star in the night sky is the master of its own set of worlds.~
"So you're saying if we sent you back you could end up within the domain of any of those suns."
I lightly smirked as I realized Celestia's wasn't willing to accept what I was saying until it was put in more familiar terms. ~Or in the uninhabitable spaces between the suns. They are physical locations separated by trillions upon trillions upon trillions of miles.~
Luna, who apparently was more willing to accept my description of my universe, finally recovered her voice. "But... How can a place be so... so... so incomprehensible? You say these words, but I cannot imagine how your... "world" functions." She made a lame attempt of mimicking my quotations gesture, which I found mildly humorous.
~I wasn't a "professional star gazer" or a physicist, so I'm not an expert. I can explain what I can later, but it won't be completely accurate.~
3586591 I like it
I’ve never really realized how beautiful she is, I thought absentmindedly as a beam of sunlight hit her mane.
No Max, don't be fooled! It's just the new season 4 lighting effects! Don't confuse it for love and beauty.
I was about to commit seppuku when I realized that you actually had a valid reason for him not returning to Earth.
dear Hasbru, nerf dicsord
3586591 When Queue is not busy writing awesome pieces of fiction, he's still writing awesome pieces of fiction.
See? Predictable.
Wow, rude.
Not really sure that was necessary, unless it was meant to be sent like a father would to his daughter's boyfriend? I'm going with that.
*crying laughter* just about anyone would have stayed in Equestria under those circumstances. Whoever would argue that you made a stupid decision are likely fools themselves. However I will admit this section made me happy regardless of the cheesiness.
And finally a new character is introduced at the end, Doubt it was Luna, leaving only the Alicorn parents or someone that is impossible to predict as you likely made them up, looking forward to finding out who it is.
3722653 Buff mages.
So, if a human gives a pony a piggy back, would this be a case of spare the horse, ride a cowboy?
:)
There's a way to say "eeyup" in hoof language.
Ok I read this chapter almost whole. Finished at the part how he is going to be treated if he stay in Equestria.
I'm calling bullshit here! Come on princess #1 and #2! You make a law here too. He is a human maybe but he is diffrent. It's like putting australopitec in the same law cathegory as a human. They really can't make him an actual citizen with all laws included? Griffons can be citizens of Equestria, same goes for every fucking race of this world and they cant make a human citizen too? Thinking, talking, being actually being from the different world, being some sort of emigrant? Come on! He fucking saved ponies lives! He talk, he read, he have a culture of his own, he is not a fucking animal no matter that he looks almost like some dumb animals of their world. I doubt that a mute Pony would be like treated like ponies of Earth and be considered in the face of law as same creature.
Awk, Xcom is the best. Bah ha ha ha, thus chapter was pretty terrible. I'm no gonna lie, maybe it's just me being an asshole, but it was pretty fucking lacking in anything... Y'know, besides the usual fucking tears and such. Bah, then there's the fact that this fucker is an ALMOST perfect saint, the really only problem this guy has is getting into trouble one to many times. Then there's the fact that, almost like every other fucking story, he's jumping around his feelings and shit. Awk, he's a fucking made up character that is just too perfect to even relate to. It's obvious how this story is gonna go, I'm kinda disappointed. But I guess you tried your hardest, it's hardly your fault that this turned into some cliche fucking love story. Actually, maybe it is.
Ignore the jackass below me, your story is fantastic and is continuing to remain an enjoyable read
Wouldn't it be pretty awkward to have him speaking in hoof language while carrying Twilight on his back?