Im happy i made it to the end and it was finished i had feared it would never finish but it did. I am sad this is how it ends but all things must come to an end and this ending is satisfying thanks for the awesome story and thank you for not abandoning and leaving it to become one of those good stories that end up cancelled. I hope you keep writing stories i will be following and keeping an eye out so keep up.

9869989
:D i'm glad you enjoyed it

I have to say this (and I realize this is probably going to get downvoted, but I have to say it, otherwise it won't leave my head):
Despite knowing that this whole thing is extremely dark pretty much all the way through, part of me was still at least partially tempted to read this just to see how truly twisted things got.

But for some reason, Scootaloo's and Dash's confrontation ending the way it did more or less killed that interest, at least for a long while.
Like, I'm sure it makes sense in the context of the rest of the fic, but for some reason that's my major sticking point.

9870012
At least Dash didn't die, or was that what you wanted to happen?

9870042
True. I actually had to reread that part a few times just to make sure.

9870012
I should probably make this clear, i had set the ending up to allow for a much more expanded universe, plus Dash's life wasn't Scootaloo's to take

9870052
I see.
I get the feeling I know who'd get to take Dash's life if I did read the rest of the fic, but like I said, at this point that won't be for a long while

The site has a noncon tag now. I recognize it didn't when you started, and you tagged this dark, but please use it now for those who will filter search results in the future.

9870100
noncon?

Nice story, i really enjoyed it, even if the end isn´t as i expected.

Do you plan to make a sequal to this story?
Maybe about her search for her Master or how they will they Vengance when they come back?

9870150
Nonconsensual. It was made to more clearly tag stories with rape.

9870209
No as much as i would like to, the chance of me finishing it is pretty low, so i'm not planning to.

9870256
um, sure i'll tag it, i'd be surprised if anyone would go into the story surprised considering the the warning is in the summery of the story, but whatever works for ya.

Well, as much as I loved this story, it is sad to see it with such an ending.
I'll assume your preference (and/or kinks) have changed over the years.
The reason why the ending seemed rushed, with multiple character introductions, quick deaths, and less descriptions on the taboo-actions in this fiction.
Perhaps, your future stories might shed some light on most of those unanswered questions?
Nevertheless, I'm just glad that you've finally settled for an actual ending, and not let it fester in a sea of non-completion.
Thanks for providing us with this fantasy story. We've all liked it, with how much passion you had while writing it.

P.S: What are your kinks now? To have an idea on what your future stories might be like?

9870265
It's less about people going in unprepared and more for search results. By tagging it, you make it so someone who didn't want noncon search results don't see that story at all. They can't filter by your description, you see.

9870563
either way it's tagged now

9870297
“There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.”
― Frank Herbert
The last chapter wasn't the end of Scootaloo's story, it was just where i stopped writing to fulfill the goal of the story. Basically this is my universe's Scootaloo's origin story. I actually have several stories where she's an adult and changing the world by showing up. She became very powerful in my mind after this point.

As for unanswered questions, i could answer anything you like,

My kinks are much the same in all honestly.

The last chapter was in a sense a bit rushed, but no one died in the last chapter. Dash wasn't killed, she ended up in a lake with a disconnected wing.

Ah, and so it ends. I’m ambivalent about the end, but it seems an excellent point to make the shift and truly break Scootaloos ties from Equestria. Well done.

Now out of curiosity, what are your writing plans for the future? Anything you itching to write? Or have you decided it’s time to set down the pen and move to a different stage of your life?

9871867
i have still been writing, but a lot of my stories aren't MLP related, i was wanting to publish some, but idk at the moment, i do have a number of mlp stories i never finished that i probably could.

God damn loved this story. I don't usually comment but every time I got an email about an update to this story my whole day lit up, and I've been reading since 2014 I think. I remember reading this story like 5 times after I ripped it to my Kindle. Good times. Thanks

9874984
:D

OMG BEST THING EVEAR
YAAAAAAAS

9882250

Now that the story is over will you consider to write a sequel to forever mine?

9921343
idk

Many things in my life have brought me to this moment. I’ve experienced a lot of good, and a lot of bad. In my many years as a reader, I’ve read more stories than I can count. I’ve read literary masterpieces that touched my very soul, and I’ve read stories with contents so disgusting and vile that they’ve made me physically ill. Scootaloo’s Master is not the worst story I have read, but it is nowhere close to the best. It’s awful, poorly written drivel which was 57 chapters too long, but it can still find solace in knowing I’ve read worse. 
To address the elephant in the room, my issue with this story lies not in its concept. A grimdark story focussing on the rape and torture of a child is distasteful, yes, but when executed well it can be an interesting character study, as well as delve into psychological elements which one might not otherwise get the chance to explore. However, that is when it is done well. Scootaloo’s Master is not done well. It is a mess of nonsensical plotlines, poor characterization, and a lack of care for the subjects it is attempting to portray. With that in mind, stories don’t necessarily need to use tact when focussing on heavy subjects. Sometimes shock value is just shock value, which is fine even if distasteful. The difference with Scootaloo’s Master is that it attempts to tell a wider, more compelling story than a simple shock value fic, which is made evident via the author’s rather defensive responses to criticism in the comments. There are numerous reasons the story fails to be as deep as it would like to be. 
One of the most glaring issues comes with the characters. While this takes place in a universe separate from that of the show, it still uses canon characters, of whom it mischaracterizes to a distracting degree. Some characters, such as Rainbow Dash, seem to flip flop in their personalities, which is incredibly distracting and confusing to the reader. Other characters, such as Princess Celestia, are simply mischaracterized to the point where they are unrecognizable. In the case of Celestia, I understand that the author’s intentions were to portray her as a goddess who viewed the events unfolding around her as part of a game. This concept is indeed interesting, however, the author failed miserably when carrying it out in writing. Celestia in the story doesn’t come off as the manipulative and string-pulling goddess she is meant to be. Instead, she’s a meek and pathetic excuse of a ruler who is unable to stand up for her own people. Instead of coming off as entertained by the events of the story, or as the pony orchestrating everything behind the scenes - reasons which the author has used to explain her behaviour - she comes off as cowardly and apathetic with morals that constantly change by the day. Her refusal to help Scootaloo is baffling and, frankly, pathetic. Yes, it is explained that her inaction is to avoid any potential wars, but this explanation is also pathetic.  We are expected to believe that she is so desperate to avoid war that she would choose to allow a child to be repeatedly raped and tortured, when that makes no sense at all, both from a character standpoint and a logical standpoint. Not to mention there are multiple ways to resolve the problem that don’t involve killing Jerard, the characters are just seemingly incapable of acknowledging and considering them. Now, if Celestia was properly characterized as the terrible and manipulative person she is supposedly meant to be, this would be more excusable. Unfortunately, the author doesn’t seem to know how to properly write their own character concepts. For their sake, a good example of writing a darker Celestia is in 120 Days of Blueblood, which is also a disgusting mess of debauchery and immorality. As most of Celestia’s issues appear to stem from providing Jerard with plot armour, this brings me to my next point. 
Jerard is a Gary Stu. He is too overpowered, both magically and politically, he’s seemingly invincible, he gets away with every crime he commits, and he’s even powerful enough to supposedly escape his own death. I don’t have an issue with his political power, and I think it makes sense narratively to further explain Scootaloo’s reluctance to seek help and escape. However, there needs to be a limit. He can be widely respected and have a large amount of power and funds, but having ties in so many countries to the point that he’s impossible to kill without starting a war? Having him be so powerful even Celestia won’t dare oppose him? It’s too much. That’s not even to mention how overly powerful his magic is. As the reader, I can suspend my disbelief to a certain extent, but Jerard completely crosses that line. It gets to the point where I don’t care about what happens to Scootaloo anymore, because no matter what Jerard is going to overpower her and anything else that opposes him. I suppose the point of this is to invoke a feeling of helplessness, both in Scootaloo and the reader, but its effect is minimal at best. Jerard would be just as effective as a regular royal without overpowered magic who actually does need to worry about keeping his crimes under wraps. His need for secrecy would add an extra layer of tension, and he would still be powerful enough for Scootaloo to fear him. It could also explore interesting sociological ideas of how willing society is to let dubious actions of powerful and respectable authority figures go unpunished. Unfortunately, the author seems more interested in justifying the story’s copious amounts of gore and erotica rather than creating an interesting and engaging story.
Speaking of which, the story itself is an absolute and irredeemable mess. I thought the concept was at least interesting for the first quarter or so, up until maybe around where the letters exposing Jerard’s crimes are sent out. Before then the story was alright, albeit poorly written and a bit boring. Afterwards, though, it became a disaster of confusing and unnecessary plotlines, as well as poorly written gore and porn. Storylines such as when Scootaloo and Jerard travelled to the other country to watch the executions, or when Scootaloo dreamed of raping Jerard in her coma, as well as her strange cannibalistic desires, etc etc, were completely unnecessary and served only as excuses to write pointless gore and erotica. While I don’t mind gore and erotica, after fifty chapters of nothing else it just gets boring. I found myself skimming and skipping through most chapters because I was so bored of reading about how Scootaloo was brutalizing yet another pony, or how she was yet again being mercilessly tortured. All of which did nothing for the story. I understand some things were meant to show how Scootaloo had been mentally broken and corrupted, but it’s still boring and laughably ridiculous. The cannibalism was eye-roll worthy, her dreaming of raping Jerard gave me an aneurysm, and the weird plotlines of her brutalizing those child rapists and the yaks in the reality bubble were pointless. If you’re going to be writing a 300K word story, either have some originality and variety or trim the fat. By far my biggest gripe with this story, however, is that it is intended to be seen as romantic rather than horrific. I suppose it is meant to be erotica, but when you attempt to do more with it and turn it into a fully fleshed-out story, then you need to write without your horny goggles on. A child rape victim being groomed and corrupted over the course of months is not a love story, and Scootaloo and Jerard’s relationship is far from romantic. It’s abusive and disgusting and it’s insulting for it to be seen as anything else. 
I’ve hardly skimmed the surface of the issues I had with this story. I could’ve disregarded everything too, if not for how disappointing and anticlimactic the ending was. I understand this story took six years to complete, and I’m sure the author just wanted to get it over with, but I feel insulted as a reader to have suffered through 57 chapters of pure nonsense just for such a pathetic ending. I know you must be wondering why I even bothered sitting through this story if I disliked it so much. Honestly? I wonder that too. I first discovered this story around six years ago. I had a phase of searching for the worst, most disgusting fanfictions I could find, and this seemingly fit the bill. I never finished it, of course, either because it wasn’t finished yet or I dropped it. Regardless, I recently rediscovered it and decided to reread it for old time’s sake, seeing as it was now marked as completed. Like I said before, even though the beginning was poorly written, it still had a solid enough concept to keep me interested in where it was going. The glaring flaws that became evident later were, honestly, kind of funny. I laughed out loud multiple times at the sheer ridiculousness of everything that was happening. I kept going partially to see what could possibly happen next, and partially for the closure of finally seeing how it ends. Altogether, this was a thoroughly disappointing read. I feel like my time has been wasted, and I have nobody to blame for it but myself. Overall, I rate this story probably a -10/10. I did not enjoy it. When I die, I would like to humbly request that the author lower me into my grave so that they may let me down one last time. Thank you for reading.

10193912
First, I absolutely loved your reply, it made me laugh quite a bit. Also wow, you wrote a small story criticizing the story. Wow, you seemed to have enjoyed writing that more than reading, and i'm sorry you felt that way. Either way that was quite the epic reply. I also am not defensive of criticism, I just like messing with people when they get too serious over any story. Also, since you spent so much time writing a comment, i shall reply to it as best i can.

It’s awful, poorly written drivel which was 57 chapters too long, but it can still find solace in knowing I’ve read worse.

The biggest thing you should know is i wrote this for fun, not to make a master piece. I didn't really care if it was a perfectly shaped diamond, just that i enjoyed writing it and enjoyed reading it myself. Also the story was intended to be like a 10k long story, 3 chapters, but people wanted me to write more, so i did. Also if you want something with no hint of a storyline you should read my spike story.

A grimdark story focussing on the rape and torture of a child is distasteful

It's my kink my man, among many others.

when executed well it can be an interesting character study, as well as delve into psychological elements which one might not otherwise get the chance to explore.

The entire story was about Scootaloo's madness, and why Jerard became her master. I had originally intended to write other stories detailing that Scootaloo as an adult, that this story was a story she told people from how she remembered, but due to life i never actually got around to explaining it, or writing it.

It is a mess of nonsensical plotlines, poor characterization, and a lack of care for the subjects it is attempting to portray.

The reason for this is to me was that everything was seen through scootaloo's eyes. The story intended to be nonsensical and portray the idea of Stockholm syndrome mixed with how it is rationalized to scootaloo, or how i imagined it would be.

Sometimes shock value is just shock value, which is fine even if distasteful

The story wasn't intended to be shocking, it doesn't really scratch the surface of shock value.

stories don’t necessarily need to use tact when focussing on heavy subjects

My man, you are a good person. I should give you headpats and a big hug for thinking this is a heavy subject.

The difference with Scootaloo’s Master is that it attempts to tell a wider, more compelling story than a simple shock value fic, which is made evident via the author’s rather defensive responses to criticism in the comments

The story doesn't tell a wider story because it's focus around how Jerard became scootaloo's master, nothing more. Also, i just like screwing with people that take this story too seriously, it's here for fun.

While this takes place in a universe separate from that of the show, it still uses canon characters, of whom it mischaracterizes to a distracting degree. Some characters, such as Rainbow Dash, seem to flip flop in their personalities, which is incredibly distracting and confusing to the reader. Other characters, such as Princess Celestia, are simply mischaracterized to the point where they are unrecognizable.

They aren't supposed to be characterized correctly, the story was intended to be a, as told by future murderous scootaloo. I just never got around to writing this, so i know it won't come across well.

In the case of Celestia, I understand that the author’s intentions were to portray her as a goddess who viewed the events unfolding around her as part of a game. she comes off as cowardly and apathetic with morals that constantly change by the day. Her refusal to help Scootaloo is baffling and, frankly, pathetic.

Not quite, my intentions for celestia was that scootaloo and most ponies see Celestia as a goddess, but she's actually worthless, and in scootaloo's mind that was the only way she could rationalize why Celestia allowed this. It didn't make any sense to scootaloo either.

Celestia in the story doesn’t come off as the manipulative and string-pulling goddess she is meant to be. Instead, she’s a meek and pathetic excuse of a ruler who is unable to stand up for her own people.

So it characterized Celestia from the show correctly then.

We are expected to believe that she is so desperate to avoid war that she would choose to allow a child to be repeatedly raped and tortured, when that makes no sense at all, both from a character standpoint and a logical standpoint.

Considering how worthless Celestia is, i can see it from a logical standpoint, it has happen in history.

Now, if Celestia was properly characterized as the terrible and manipulative person she is supposedly meant to be, this would be more excusable.

Celestia is worthless in the show and in this story.

This concept is indeed interesting, however, the author failed miserably when carrying it out in writing

I thought it came off very well for what i was trying to do.

Not to mention there are multiple ways to resolve the problem that don’t involve killing Jerard, the characters are just seemingly incapable of acknowledging and considering them.

Correct.

As most of Celestia’s issues appear to stem from providing Jerard with plot armour, this brings me to my next point.
Jerard is a Gary Stu. He is too overpowered, both magically and politically, he’s seemingly invincible, he gets away with every crime he commits, and he’s even powerful enough to supposedly escape his own death.

I wrote it in the idea of it from scootaloo's perspective. Jerard was OP because that's how scootaloo saw him, not because he actually was. In the end scootaloo couldn't even accept Jerard's death and saw his body to be made of candy, not the bits of flesh it may have been.

Jerard would be just as effective as a regular royal without overpowered magic

This was a distorted viewpoint from scootaloo including the final battle. Jerard was a normal royal with normal magic, but to her it was too much for her to overcome.

It could also explore interesting sociological ideas of how willing society is to let dubious actions of powerful and respectable authority figures go unpunished.

Equestria wouldn't accept his actions, even in the story it didn't.

Unfortunately, the author seems more interested in justifying the story’s copious amounts of gore and erotica rather than creating an interesting and engaging story.

What do you have against copious amounts of gore and erotica? I enjoyed those parts the most.

Scootaloo was brutalizing yet another pony, or how she was yet again being mercilessly tortured. All of which did nothing for the story.

that was all for fun my man.

her dreaming of raping Jerard gave me an aneurysm

hahahah, fun.

. If you’re going to be writing a 300K word story, either have some originality and variety or trim the fat

the last few plot lines were intended to be fluff to be honest with you, i just really wanted it to go over that 300k mark.

By far my biggest gripe with this story, however, is that it is intended to be seen as romantic rather than horrific

This is a love story......

A child rape victim being groomed and corrupted over the course of months is not a love story, and Scootaloo and Jerard’s relationship is far from romantic. It’s abusive and disgusting and it’s insulting for it to be seen as anything else.

I like to think of this as true love, so, i disagree.

if not for how disappointing and anticlimactic the ending was

That's just how the story was pretty much always going to end. Sorry you didn't like it.

. I laughed out loud multiple times at the sheer ridiculousness of everything that was happening.

time to add a comedy tag!

When I die, I would like to humbly request that the author lower me into my grave so that they may let me down one last time.

hahahah i love that.

Thank you for reading.

of course

I hope i got everything here. let me know if i missed anything

10193912

Holy shit that was one of the most in depth critiques I've ever read and my largest critique of what you wrote is that you need to research paragraphs. I wouldn't say you are incorrect in the substance of what you've said, however I would like to offer a different perspective. With your intention being to read the worst most disgusting fics imaginable, I believe you had a perspective where you were never going to enjoy Scootaloo's Master. I think that's me stating the obvious but still it must be said. I will offer an opposing perspective as someone who enjoyed the fic incredibly and read it multiple times (albeit years before it finished although I have finished it, reading the last chapters only once).

Throughout my reading experience I did not notice any of the complaints you had if I'm being honest, though likely because I was reading through horny eyes. Just like the author, this kind of fic and especially the way it was portrayed, as a love story in all of Stockholm syndrome's delicious delight, is the best part of this story. It's what makes my insides dance and my knees squeeze together! I believe you said,

A child rape victim being groomed and corrupted over the course of months is not a love story, and Scootaloo and Jerard’s relationship is far from romantic. It’s abusive and disgusting and it’s insulting for it to be seen as anything else.

And sure, no-one but an evil, sick person would support characterising abuse as love if it was a real event. It's a work of fiction however and the deviance of doing such a thing justifies itself through the seek of deviance, because deviance, defiling and corrupting innocence are fucking hot. You make moral statements in your post which I can refute in many ways, such as through appealing to individual relativist arguments or by reminding you that is is a work of fiction for entertainment and that it being a perversion of love is the whole point.

Spelling mistakes were something I did notice regretfully but they only broke immersion once in a while. I was so thoroughly immersed in Scootaloo's experience and perspective that although I didn't know these events from Scootaloo's perspective were my kink when I started reading it, they were and after 4 years, still definitely a huge kink of mine. To me, the sheer utter helplessness the character of Jerard instills with a useless Celestia was paramount to the experience and I loved it. The character development of Scootaloo I also loved as it portrayed an innocence corrupted and perverted into the monster that created it. The later plot-lines were a bit meh but I enjoyed them nonetheless in the fashion that a Star Wars fan watches the new movies even though they aren't as great. I won't say how the story should have ended because I'm not a writer and my creative writing skills are piss poor, essays and discursive texts were my forte.

A few extra little things to note:

I would assume this was not a story that contained anything that you found erotically appealing however you have every right to read whatever you want and comment on it. But this story was not written for you. It was written for readers like me, who enjoy the subject matter and have a kink for this kind of story whether that be from the perspective of the master or the slave. Mine being from the slave's perspectives which is likely why the story clicked so well with me.

Something important to note was when you said,

excuses to write pointless gore and erotica

I would argue that "pointless" preceding "gore" or "erotica" is an oxymoron when you're reading a fic like this. The point is self evidently to enjoy the gore feeling of emptiness in your gut or to grab your dick and yank it up and down a couple to a million times depending on your forearm workout regiment and stamina.

To conclude, we read this fic from inherently juxtaposed perspectives and I very much enjoyed reading yours and I hope you also enjoy reading mine. Precisely why some of the reasons you hate it are why I love it and it's very rare that the one who dislikes a fic like this actually makes it to the end and presents their views from their perspective to create the dichotomy of opposed perspectives seen here. I enjoyed exploring it. Notice how paragraphs improve readability.

One last thing misterjackass, if you could check out the Tarnished Silver series by HamGravy at:
(https://www.fimfiction.net/user/42022/HamGravy)
That would be epic because I seem to enjoy reading someone heavily criticise things I've read and not noticed any issues with cos I had coomer_horny_brain.exe running. It's like turning the shower to cold in the morning

10200011
Despite many people who probably agree with misterjackass and some of the valid points he made, albeit with a sledgehammer and not a scalpel, there are many people who loved Scootaloo's Master and share your kinks. Thanks for writing it, i for one loved it (and the likes to dislikes ratio doesn't hurt although I'm betting a bunch of those didn't get around to reading the final chapters).

10228007
Thank you for your criticism on my paragraphing, though I found it a bit ironic considering your own paragraphing and sentence structure left much to be desired. Regardless, I did actually use paragraphs in my initial comment. Only issue was that I originally wrote it in Google Docs and just copy-pasted it here, so I'm assuming the formatting didn't carry over properly.

Anyways, I don't necessarily think my lack of enjoyment for the story was purely because I didn't find it erotically pleasing, nor because I went into it expecting it to be disgusting and awful. I've gone into countless stories with those same expectations and have found myself actually enjoying them. The problem isn't that the story is disgusting, the problem is that it's poorly written. I wouldn't even mind it being poorly written torture porn if it wasn't 300k words and didn't try to tell an actual story. A majority of the gore and porn was pointless because it did nothing to advance the characters or story. I understand the author had fun writing it, but I did not have fun reading it. Not because I don't enjoy those elements in a story, because I can enjoy it when done well, but because every instance of it was repetitive and did nothing but further the word count.

Maybe I would've enjoyed the story more if I found it kinky, but I prefer consuming my literature with the head attached to my neck. I think the story could've been really interesting, and in theory I do like the concepts the author had, but in execution I don't think they were done well. It's not really a matter of me not enjoying child-rape-torture-porn (though I'm not exactly the biggest fan of it), but rather me thinking the story just wasn't well written. Now I suppose that's subjective as well, since clearly you enjoyed the story, but I personally did not. Thanks for taking the time to read my comment and respond, and thanks for the story suggestion. Since I'm obviously prone to torturing myself, I may take you up on reading it. Cheers.

10200011
Thanks for taking the time to reply. I would've responded sooner myself, but got busy and completely forgot. I commented on your defensiveness towards criticism because, while reading, I noticed you acting aggressively towards certain criticism in the comments. Granted it was by one very persistent critic, which I imagine must've gotten annoying, but it was aggressive nonetheless.

While this story may have been written exclusively for erotica's sake, as well as fun, it's still a story. A long one, at that. I wouldn't have been so frustrated with the story if it was just a fun little novella. I do agree that I didn't take the factor of the story being kink-driven into account. If it's just weird, messed up porn, whatever. There's nothing I can really say to refute that. Porn is porn. It is, however, porn trying to tell a story.

The story doesn't tell a wider story because it's focus around how Jerard became scootaloo's master, nothing more

What I mean by "telling a wider story" isn't that it explores the world outside Jerard and Scootaloo's relationship. I mean that it tells an overarching plot line, or at the least attempts to. This isn't a one shot, this is a story three times the length of a Harry Potter novel, and it tries to tell a lot within that.

They aren't supposed to be characterized correctly, the story was intended to be a, as told by future murderous scootaloo. I just never got around to writing this, so i know it won't come across well.

In regards to the story being told by future Scootaloo, I feel this should've been made clear earlier on in the story in one way or another. As it stands, it's not shown at all as far as I can see, and thus doesn't explain the characters actions properly.

Not quite, my intentions for celestia was that scootaloo and most ponies see Celestia as a goddess, but she's actually worthless

As for this, I do remember you saying in the comments of an earlier chapter that you saw Celestia as a bored goddess, which is why I brought it up in my initial comment. Either way, Celestia isn't as useless as you think she is, even in canon. While she's shown to not quite be all-powerful, and she is capable of being defeated, she's also not the kind to stand down and let things happen. She is shown to consistently fight for her people, and does everything within her power to take down anything threatening them. When she is unable to take down said threat herself, she enlists in the help of the elements.

Which is why it makes no sense that, not only would she not stand up to Jerard herself, but she also hid the elements from the mane six. This especially makes no sense since you say that Jerard is just an ordinary unicorn with ordinary magical strength. Hell, even if Celestia isn't all-powerful, she's still shown to have magic far stronger than the average unicorn. She could squash Jerard like a bug. The only thing really stopping her is the risk of war, which I find ridiculous. His ties to every single country is overkill, and just a way to give him plot armour. He's no Archduke Franz Ferdinand, and I'm sure there were other ways to deal with him. Giving him so much power took away from the story for me, and just felt unrealistic.

The fact that you see this as romantic and true love makes me a little frightened for your relationships. I pray you're not cutting open your partner's stomach and touching their organs or making them eat their dad haha.

Anyways, I appreciate you had fun writing this story, but I didn't have fun reading it aside from a few parts. Some of this is due to tastes, since I found the gore boring and repetitive and would have appreciated at least a little variety, but a lot of this is due to the writing in general. I think some of the concepts you showed were really interesting (I did like the concept of the Stockholm syndrome, and that twist at the end with Sethi being the mastermind behind everything was pretty interesting), and I could have potentially enjoyed this story if I felt it was written better. Like I said in my other comment, perhaps this is subjective, but I feel the story could have been improved if you honed your craft a bit more. Obvious spelling and grammatical issues aside, your sentence structure could be improved, and I think more diverse use of literary devices could have spiced things up more.

Regardless, I did have fun writing my review, and I do appreciate you taking the time to respond. I think the story had potential, but unfortunately it was not for me. Maybe I would've enjoyed it more with horny goggles on, but I digress. I don't intend this review as a personal attack on your writing or storytelling. I did find your ideas interesting, and I think with more practice you could execute them better. Unless you just want to write pony torture porn for the shits and giggles, in which case you do you. Clearly there are people who enjoyed your story, even if I did not. Cheers.

10228463
Something I really agree with you on that I'm not sure I really brought up properly in my comment was the lost potential. I think it's fitting to say that the book reads like a second or third draft (I'm not familiar with how many drafts goes into a fully published story but I assume tonnes) at many points and if rewritten with the author's intentions now concrete in his mind, a polished well written story could emerge beyond the kink fuel. But eh, it's been 6 years so thesilentpony shouldn't feel pressured to do anything like that unless they wanted to.

Also, sorry about the paragraph jabs haha.

10228528

As for this, I do remember you saying in the comments of an earlier chapter that you saw Celestia as a bored goddess

I don't remember this, I'd like her to be a bored goddess, but she would become discord at that point. I made her far more competent in this story than in canon. I've always seen Celestia as a useless character in canon

I feel this should've been made clear earlier

It was never made clear, it was a story that i never wrote

This isn't a one shot,

funny enough it was basically intended to be a one off, you can see where it changed completely to something else several chapters in

Hell, even if Celestia isn't all-powerful, she's still shown to have magic far stronger than the average unicorn. She could squash Jerard like a bug.

She could've in the story, but the point was that she had put him in a point of power that she realize would be inconvenient to remove him by other means. the real sub text of the story was that all of this was celestia's doing

The fact that you see this as romantic and true love makes me a little frightened for your relationships. I pray you're not cutting open your partner's stomach and touching their organs or making them eat their dad haha.

I have been told i'm a little messed up in the head, people don't quite understand me either, which is fine. My past lovers are a very particular sort

I don't intend this review as a personal attack on your writing or storytelling. I did find your ideas interesting, and I think with more practice you could execute them better. Unless you just want to write pony torture porn for the shits and giggles, in which case you do you. Clearly there are people who enjoyed your story, even if I did not.

I am sorry if i come off as defensive or rude or attacking, it's not that i intend to attack, it's more of a disinterest in what people say as what i post wasn't for an audience outside of myself, it's basically a byproduct that others can enjoy and i did in my free time. I like people responding to my questions, but all i am doing when i respond is trying to explain where my mind was when i wrote what i wrote and why it made sense at the time.

One thing i'll say is when i write i don't have a story line written, it's from head to paper. If i wanted to structure this story properly i'd have

Do you plan in a future make another long story like this one? Or do you think that one masterpiece is enough?

10353063
Its not really on the level of a masterpiece, but no i don't plan on making any other story near this long

It's done!? It had been a while since I last checked on this story, and where in the past I would check for updates daily it had recently slowed to only checking every few months. But do you know how great of a story this is that even with it's infrequent updates that it's had me hooked for 7 YEARS! thesilentpony, thank you, thank you, thank you, it has been a wild ride and you legitimately are one of if not my favorite writers your story's are so inthralling. If/when you release something else whether it be mlp related or not please let us know with a blog post or something, if you've ever considered going proffesional, I would love to be one of the first to buy any book you release.

9872042
Yes please publish them! Mlp or otherwise, I want to experience whatever other crazy story's you can dream up.

10432000
I will let you know if i do

I started reading this back when it was posted in 2013. I must say it’s been a wild ride. This story first caught my attention because it’s dark and gruesome on a whole other level and sometimes that stuff is a lot of fun for me to read. Thank you for sticking with the story to it’s very end and finishing it. I know I’m late in coming back and reading the whole thing and I’m not sure if you’ll ever see this comment. But I truly appreciate this story and I’ll keep my eyes out if you ever decide to write another story. I used to get really excited every time this story updated. Thank you.

10706707
thank you sweet heart, i love this story and i did enjoy writing it, Thank you for the support for so many years

10711394
I want to let you know that I loved this story back when I first found it, and when I saw it hadn't been finished yet, oh! how I hated it for having me so hooked that I would be willing to wait a year to get a new chapter!!

What I'm trying to get to by rambling is: Thank you for completing this great fic, and thanks for writing this to begin with!

10728636

You have exalant storys keep up the good work and I give all your story with a 10 out of 59

You are clinically insane. Have to start off this with those words. But let's get back to the fun part of this enjoy the story even though I had to skip some parts because the door and sex was way too long. Yeah yeah I know breaking bones are fun and everything and hearing the screens of the Innocences is enjoyable but reading like a 30 minute cluster plug of it becomes repetitive. Plus you claim princess Celestia is useless I highly disagree see this gets other ponies to do her work for her her talents going to be managing the Sun it's to be purely manipulation. Cuz even at the end of this he just got scootaloo to do all the hard work, you're not the only story to mischaracterize. And don't let me get started on the ending I saw it coming from a mile away. The only part that kind of confused me was when rainbow dash was kicked off the airship I'm assuming he survived because scootaloo threatened her. But in my mind that makes no sense the last person you would want to tell that you're abusive evil lover was still alive it's one of the people who killed him. This would have made sense if scootaloo flat out killed rainbow dash but that's not what. But enough of that the story was okay for what it was a little too long but entertaining enough.

10815540
tyvm

That story turned out to be so much more than I expected, I can't even. It was definitely one hell of a ride, the twists and turns and just... sekfnas;ofas my heart. ;-; Now I'm just left here wondering what Scoots may have done next, or how it could have continued. I was sad that she got separated from Jerard, which I almost feel bad about feeling but... It is what it is XP It was the biggest mindfuck of my life, in a good way and a bad way. So nice job!

11297117
headpats

11496003
wow, this was almost a decade ago
This was like a whole life ago it feels.

So, I enjoyed this ending.

I read every last chapter, I didn't like the subject content.

But, a few things popped to me as a fellow story writer.

Almost all chapters except the last 8 had so many spelling mistakes, but it was not hard to read.

Even though it may have taken you years to write,

After reading till the end, my mind sees too many dumb possibilities for a sequel although my minds only gotten through 50 types of sequel ideas.

Although it's a fine ending, no matter what world, or where. Time moves forward.

I am not sure about everyone else, but I read this whole story. Took me a few days. First few chapters made me a bit upset, but over all. It was well written, a bit screwed up. I liked the ending in a way that If I could I'd write my own sequel if allowed.
I know this story is over a decade old as of 2023, but to say going back and reading a bunch of older story's while creating completely new ones is a blast.

When Rainbow showed up near the end, I had a feeling Scootaloo would kick her or something. after all Scootaloo did become a Princess (dignitary).

If you ever did want to create a sequel or have someone else go for an attempt, I'd probably enjoy seeing what I could do.

The ending is so open faced that just about any type of adventure while Remaining hoof/feet first in your created universe.

It was hard to read multiple early chapters for the many mispellings but I made it through.

Execution was the hardest one because of Belai.

Overall I give this story a 7.3/10.

Beautiful