The greatest day of Scootaloo's life becomes perfect till it ends broken and torn, only to find that her nightmare doesn't end there.
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yes!!!!!!!!!
I wonder how is going Scootaloo to do the task.
.......Sooo how is it that Rarity is going to be much stronger when she learns that her little sister has been molested? Cause it just seems inevitable. Hide a bunny, maybe though that makes that whole thing just stupid overall, but there is no hiding what will happen to Rarity.
This is what I am talking about it. Once that little bit o news hits their ears, the mane six will kill Jerard. Or at least that is what will end up happening one way or another. It will not be a plan, the mane six a young and are guided by their sense of right or wrong. Which will probably drive one of them to just kill Jerard, even by accident. Cosnidering we have an alicorn, an earth pony with particular strength, a Pegasus able to move so fast she create a pulse of energy, light, and sound, a fairly skilled unicorn who would be going momma ursa on Jerard, and a Pegasus that has the heart and rage of a lion deep in her heart and a hypnotic stare that can cause dragons to back away, he is not gonna survive. The only one who would not kill him is Pinkie Pie, and that is probably because she would find some contrived if likely successful method to steal Scootaloo and Sweetie away rather than attack
It will kinda be hard not to notice the mane six marching down on Jerard's residence with violent intent in their eyes, even as blind and naïve as you made the REgal Sisters.
I maybe talking about future events but I am simply stating logical scenarios for this incident. It is not like Rarity is going to give up and not continuously check up on Sweetie, demanding to see her every day. Denying her will only drive her to suspicion.
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god i need to stop laughing from your comment my cheeks hurt, did't we already go over all this?
one thing, training, and how exactly is rarity going to find this out, please, tell me i am apparently no longer the writer you are hahaha
you cannot predict future events, you just make me laugh.
how is it going to hit their ears? you still haven't answered this
right and of every single pony in Canterlot or the surrounding area Celestia is going to somehow pin point them just breaking into Jerard's house at some random point of the day, just because why again? Oh right, she's just all knowing and all seeing pony god, bullshit, no, not going to happen
they were there less than a few god damn hours ago, the trip to and from ponyville takes a while by train by which rarity would have to travel, then track down her father if he's even in ponyville at that time and not off somewhere with his wife like he always seems to be leaving Sweetie at Rarity's house. Remember Silver told her to talk to her father which means she has to go do this and that's of course after she finishes training for the day with the rest of them. You assume far to fucking much, lean back and watch the show and then point out shit when things clearly don't go down.
like for instant how many things went down that really shouldn't have or didn't follow the flow of the story? things that are actually helpful, not your opinion on things you don't know
4636742 The show is the show, and it is a good show even if somethings are imperfect, like mare do well episode where the basically humiliate Rainbow Dash for no reason. That does not give you an excuse to ignore any mistakes you might make.
You do realize that, logically as the leader of a large organization as Celestia is, she would have Spies right? Clearly Jerard has spiesif he was able to block that attempt on him, so how come Celestia would not have spies to tell her points of interest, such as two important factors of her nation starting to feud.
For god's sake, THINK man! This is not about her being all seeing. This is about her focusing on an issue that is going on between two important factions. She would logically keep many, many eyes on this situation to make sure that they do not end up fighting. How is it so unlikely that she is going to hear about the element bearers clashing with Jerard? Hell she would already be eyeing him over marrying a filly to begin with, her attention drawn, and see the mane six having a conflict with him.
And no I do not mean eye of sauron type looking, I mean having guards and spies looking in for her and telling her of what transpires. She is part of the diarchy, how would she not have the resources to do that?
Also, Rarity would be coming back anyway. You think she is just gonna stay in Ponyville after talking with her father? No, she is going to return to talk with Sweetie belle for one reason or another, whether to force her to come home or just talk to her about her decision is in question.
This is what I am talking about. You breaking down the argument like that is only weakening your counters and making your look rather like a fool. Why did I say she would find out? I tell the reason by the end of the comment. So your attempt to frame it fails completely because I answer why, making you mocking it a rather foolish attempt.
Rarity is going to come back, and come back very soon I would wager. Perhaps it would take two days, but she would be back in two days. IF she is denied, she will get suspicious. IF she sees Sweetie Belle, she is gonna know something is very wrong.
I am so glad that people can favorite stories, but why can't I favorite you as an author???
Wow. This story wont end soon apparently.
But I have a question. Since they came out of this one country Jeheard isnt this heartless towards scoots anymore. Before this he used to make her feel if she did something wrong.
Then when silver betrayed him A LOT he just gave him burn marks.
If scootaloo would ve done something like this around the time she got with him into his mansion. Oh dear her poor backside :S
Yet Jeheard is really easy right now? Does he get tired of scoots? Does he finally says good bye to his relevants?
I'm at an impasse with myself.
I'm happy that there is new chapters, but I don't want to see what Jerard does to Scoots. I STILL want to stab him with a blunt grapefruit. (and no, there is no sharp grapefruit. I'm being an idiot.)
Wow, strangesavior dose not give up!
Can anyone really be that daft?
He might be faking.
Maybe he just likes to see the reactions of others to his dumb shit.
If not, he really needs a clue.
Oh, Yess! another chapter. Keep them coming.
I'm going out on a limb and guessing that Scoots' new pet is AB.
Also, I'm pissed at Jerard again. God, I hate bipolar, now where did I put that contact poison? Dammit, contact poison is useless if you don't know where you put it. Blint! help me find that damn poison!
-which one?-
the one that should cause Jerard's insides to slowly liquify!
-oh. That should be on the top shelf, furthest to the left.-
Gotcha. Thanks. *grabs poison and applies it to Jerard's doorknob*
Right, that should do. And if Scoots comes in contact, all it should do is give her a stomachache. Gotta love Wetboy knowledge of poisons.
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there's a difference to beating a dead cat and teaching Scoots a lesson,
she just hasn't done something that would make him mad yet, plus after all the good deeds she did including pushing away the mane six he wants her to feel rewarded for obeying him, not punish her for it.
silver isn't jerard's obsession, and he already took away everything Silver owns, that right there would be pretty means i suppose
just because Jerard doesn't want to beat Scoots senseless every day doesn't mean he's tired of her, far from it.
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what? do you even know what your saying?
in no way canon
me breaking down your argument in order to try to best answer you is not weakening either of us, you're just seeing it weird
Two days is a long as hell time, Scoots has only been in Canterlot for three, so, um yeah take that as you will. most of this story has been only over two weeks so you're yet again undermining rarity and her intelligence, there is more in the works than you can see
i want to see ,more is it weird that i am really enjoying this story and i really want Jerard to succeed.
4639622 How is saying she is not going to give up on Sweetie questioning her intelligence? Unless they leave the country Rarity is going to confront them again.
Here is the issue. Whether or not celestia uses spies is in question, though it would make sense if she learned of an impending threat; how else would she learn of it if she did nto have someone looking for threats? In the show at least.
The world you created is not the show. It has politics more like the medieval world, or more accurately defined politics. That means that Celestia would need to create some manner in order to detect threats within and without and gain information on enemies and even allies alike. Aka, spies and informants.
If we are going by canon, she would have taken Scootaloo away from Jerard already and Jerard would probably nto be needed.
This is not the case because of more definied politics.
Wtihout informants and those to be her eyes she would be miles behind even the lowest of nobles.
4639872
Maybe!
4636903
I find it funny that you're arguing over an AU fic. Just because it's not how you want it doesn't mean you get to tell the writer what to write. If it was me writing, I would purposefully put in something that would piss you off.
Seriously, leave it be, and you won't have to deal with a pointless argument. I personally like Cooljwj's fic how it is.
4641818 The problem here is he is not creating his alternate world, only making things different to suite his story. That is not an alternate world at all.
IF he was then he would take into account things such as how Celestia would handle politics and how would she keep an eye on her enemies and even allies. As this si supposed to be a world with more defined politics and a greater capacity for atrocity to be seen, Celestia, who had to have encountered this darker stuff multiple times over her thousand years of ruling, has to be adapted to its workings. If not it makes no sense how she can be so naïve yet still survive.
Seriously, what is the likelihood ofcompletely missing, avoiding, or not being affected by that darker side of politics for a thousand years? We can barely avoid it for a century.
4642038 "Alternate Universe: Stories wherein the ponies are in an Alternate Universe as defined as not based in the Canon universe of the series: Alternative worlds, parallel universes and such. (Not Crossovers, unless it's a crossover with an already-alternate universe)
An Alternate Universe story has deviated from the basic setting of MLP: FIM in some way or another: much more heavily steam-punk; Nightmare Moon/Discord/Sombra/Chrysalis won scenarios and so forth."
This is strait from the fimfictions faq under "What do each of the categories mean?" next time look up what tags mean before you start bashing a writer over them. just because someone didnt recreate the entire world doesnt mean its not an AU story.
Also you don't know how the story is going to play out so quit questioning every little detail and just read. you're like that one guy in movie theater everyone hates because he keeps asking why they split up in a horror movie... just shut up and enjoy the show man.
4641818
This from someone that dose not like Jerard.
At least you get it, and like the story. In much the same way I do.
I feel sorry for Scoots, and see Jerard as a monster, trying to make one out of Scoots.
As it would seem.
But I very much like the story, and it's getting better all the time.
Sorry to say you are wasting your time trying to convince strangesavior he is wrong.
Also cooljwj has already threaten to make the two Princesses living on high strangesavior talks so much about into complete morons just to piss him off.
Yet, strangesavior dose not give up, as you have seen.
It's a lost cause. He is like a web troll, he feeds off everyone's attempts to reason with him. If you wish to try, good luck, but it only seems to keep him going.
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I know it's a lost cause . I just wanted to say i found it funny. I do like the fic, but don't want to give a thumbs up, or thumbs down. It's superbly written, and does not deerve a thumbs down, but is a little too dark for my tastes usually, therefore, no thumbs up either.
4642712
I understand, I myself have added my two cents to his pointless banter.
It was interesting at first wile getting to see cooljwj's thought on his story in response to strangesavior comments. But now, Well, you can see what it is now.
It is sad and funny at the same time, much like this story.
And you can vote as you wish, or not vote. No prob with that.
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I just got that one seen in my head where everyone around this one person in a theater annoying them during the show, all tuns and stabs her with knife, wile the real killer there enjoys the show.
4642620 ....Fair reasoning. Still if it has to be alternate, it needs to be developed. The way this world is alternate is that the politics are more defined and darker, and it has greaterp otential for really disturbed things to occur. Thus the world needs to be changed as well to some certain degree.
Put simply I find this alternate world poorly fleshed out. This is a world where the politics are murky and dark yet he seems to be saying that Celestia does not have spies or informants despite that because it is not in the canon of the show... When in the canon of the show Celestia would not be tolerating Jearrd marrying a young filly to begin with.
See what I mean? And unlike most of the fools who posted above me, who are not even worth posting to anymore, it is not because of the darkness in the world, or disliking Jerard. Hell Jerard is meant to be hated, he is the villain and a monster. The problem is that it is not developed and most of the time seems to only have changes the benefit the villain over something that makes the world different.
I utterly love fallout equestria, and many, many grim fates befall the mane six in that story. However that is because it does not simply say, there was a fall, they have details to it and whys and whyfores, and no one's character is butchered. The Regal Ssiters were also competent and strong, and likely since this is a more complicated world their methods were thus more ocmlicated.
The writer has not properly thought on what makes the universe alternate and in what ways the characters themselves would be different, largely the regal sisters who would be the most involved. Celestia has ruled for a millennium in this world. What sense does it make that she is not going to be more politically savvey after experiencing it for a thousand years?
I'm morbidly curious at to why you (the author) wrote something like this. The thought process involved etc. As a generalization, it makes me wander about you as a person too haha
4650171
just a random person with a fucked up mind and screwed up moral compass when it comes to writing, in RL i'm probably one of the nicest people you'd ever meet, actually i have two sfw links for you if you want to get a good judge of me
what people see me as in real life
and simply how i funtion
and that's how i roll
you've been updating a lot... Not that i'm complaining just wondering how long it's going to last.
4650332
This I would believe. It would take imagination, not a dark soul to come up with such a story.
And it is that, just a story.
I myself would not judge you as a person, just because you may like dark stories, or telling them.
Though, Yes, such a story as this, would bring up such a question.
I think I will check out those links of yours myself.
You might be just as surprised as to the type of person I am, wile enjoying this story as much as I am.
Despite what I may be like, I did grow up seeing such movies as Exorcist, Chiller, Incredible Melting Man, Jaws, Poltergeist, and other such horrors, wile as young as 5. This as far as I know, did not change me in a bad way, just made me open to more, as far as stories goes.
As for your talents as a story writer, Cheers.
4652147
not too long, editor is getting busy again
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yep i'm proud as far as i've gotten this story
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We will see!
For a moment I imagine Jerard being punished by Granny Smith as her tell Jerard is a bad boy and the title [Granny Smith Save Fillies when the Princess could not] I mean... Even Jerard could not punish a old pony, right?
4663968
grannysmith isn't even in this story
4665404
no, it's different because Jerard didn't just get scoots pregnant to get her to marry him, and Jerard's father did that to get at Jerard's mother's money, not because he loved her
4666499
It was mainly a "What if..." It was not even a suggestion, just a little fragment of a bad joke.
A little question, Sweetie Belle is going to be already for what it seems Scootaloo pet... Is Apple Bloom going to follow the same destiny?
4666637
you'll have to wait and see
4667806
It's the suspense that get's me.
to narrow down the point a bit, i simply think the story's world needs to be developed more, and ultimately celestia needs to be more aware. the world is serviceable for the story but why stay with serviceable when you can have better? unfortunately that would also require a more on the ball celestia. celestia is as much a part of equestria as canterlot, ponyville and the mountains themselves. regardles of what is thought, she has ruled a millenium and kept it all together.
perhaps you already have a plan for that, or perhaps you don't. as i said, a serviceable world yet not a fully developed one yet.
Jerard reminds me of bad horse so much. he wouldn't happen to be the head of a league of super villains, would he?
Second time reading this story, these are some of my favorite aspects of it.
ponys know about scootaloo's situation, getting to see how they each react is hilarious, if jerad had just locked her in a dungeon somewhere never to see the light of day this story wouldn't compare to what it is now.
The culture & laws of the world, your version of eqestria and the lands surrounding it is a very interesting one: tax exempt land, public executions as entertainment where the profit go's to the victims, the politics of being a prince, ponys growing sharp teeth after killing/eating meat. its all very neat stuff.
Excellent character progression across almost the whole cast.
ummm everything else about hte story too?
really this story to me for what it is, its perfection keep up the amazing work, I hope this story lasts for a very, very long time.
thankyou.
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editing goes down hill from there till chapter 12 so you know, but i'm glad you enjoy it
I'm going to attempt to finish this. Last time I tried was months ago and it got sorta, intense, even for me. I don't know how you write it.
No, seriously. If I don't finish this it will haunt me and psychologically scar me if I don't find out how it ends. Well done sir!
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because you got past the bad edited chapters
4323290 the answer is stockholm syndrome. which makes it all the more unpleasant.
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Are you changing something in the previous episodes?