The greatest day of Scootaloo's life becomes perfect till it ends broken and torn, only to find that her nightmare doesn't end there.
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uuuuuuugh.........
Okay now i will state the obvious problem.
CELESTIA would have removed rainbow dash from his grasp IMMEDIATELY. Like there wouldn't be any amount of time for him to even look at dash sideways She would immediately come for her.
CAUSE SHE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN A BILLION OF HIM.
Seriously, oligarch fucker she knowsi s actually a murderer, versus one of the keys to one of the most powerful forces in the world. Even without her personal emotional attachments, the answer is obvious. Hell this little plot of his should be crystal.......fuck crystal clear, she may as well have been in the same room as him planning it, it is so god damn obvious.
Why don't you actually think more about the reality of this world and the characters in it? This is not longer a fetish comic, it is something disturbed.
8054905 welcome back, and this story has always been a disturbing one, that's what my intention was and always has been
I still feel like I'm missing something from the the last chapter..... Good on Scootaloo for saving Dash though...
8054996 Issue is you never take into account the WORLD of eqestria in the slightest. Keep on rpeating the celestai issue, and it is an issue. because it is just terrible writing when dealing with her for the convenience of the plot.
You have a world with dsitrubed elements, yet ignore the fact Celestia, a being over a thousand years old, would have to deal with these elements. And thus the continued relative peace of equestria would be because she knows how to DEAL with these elements. Else equestria would have died out a long ass time ago.
So the story completely fails to even think about that aspect. Just a you fail to realize how meaningless your oc is compared to the mane six in terms of their importance to equestria. His political influence is useless. He somehow keeps corrupt nations from attacking only because he corrupts equestria finances.
There are countless beings in Equestria that do not give even the tiniest fuck about money. Discord, tirek, nightmare moon, chrysalis. And those are only the beigns we KNOW about. though ironically they are not even half as evil as your character.
So in a world fullah saurons, what do you think would have more significance? An oligarch, or someone who helps wield the fucking master sword that can help fight these beings without having to decimate entire swaths of land in the process?
The answer is obvious dude. You can't bribe sauron into not attacking. And hiring mooks won't mean a god damn thing to him cause you can't kill him with asassins to poison. He'll just kill whoever is sent after you and then kill YOU slowly.
8055073 What is missing in this chapter is Celestia forcing her way into the mansion and threatening to incinerate a certain someone's genitals if they so much as LOOk at one of the mane six, and rescuing rainbow dash.
Cause when you are a world fullah saurons, you do not rely on some corrupt oligarch...... Mainly becaue either he sides with the sauron ooorrr the suaron just kills him for being an annoyance.
When that kind of power, a REAL kinda powre that does not exist in our world, is present, money and political influence reveals itself for the frail shadow it is.
Seriously, this entire story is a failure in world building.
8055229 you know, if you thought what you're saying even a tiny bit through, you might realize something that you're right on top of. I do take into account Equestria and the elements, as well as Celestia, you're just too blinded by the idea that Celestia is pure in how she rules Equestria. You've also completely forgotten Jerard's past, or you'd understand why Celestia isn't breaking down his door. Also i'm not really world building to any real degree, this is scootaloo's pov, of course you're not going to get things explained to you, people don't normally just explain everything in the open just because it's convenient for one person to know everything happening around them.
as for fullah saurons(wtf man, this is a horrid term to use) You're right, money can't just make them listen obey or anything really, but at the same time a money system wasn't created for them to use, money does them no good, it does however have a controlling effect on normal ponies or rulers of nations which wish to keep their subjects in line by rewarding them somehow. Controlling currency isn't about controlling everything, it's about maintaining peace in a wider range of areas.
8055073 how do you mean?
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She was surprisingly calm during the ball despite everything that' s happening... then she asked De for a favor and then suddenly he's killed... I feel like there's something I'm missing...
8056324 that's what scootaloo also feels like, she just dismissed it because dash told her to trust her, Scootaloo also has been in situation after situation,her mind is finally falling apart, she's been riding that edge for a long time and you're going to see its effects but i'll let you in on something i doubt most will notice, if you go back to dash and him talking during the ball chapter and then think about it as well as what Sethi told her in the cracked feathers, you'll probably start to get an idea of what dash asked, there is more to dash's story than she let on. I haven't had anyone notice a lot of things throughout the story, but most if not all will be explained in the next few chapters
8056306 Here is the thing dude. Celestia in the show is NOT a pure ruler. She is falwed in her own way. The thing is also that in the show there are not evils to the level yo udisplay in THIS world.
Thus in a world where such pure evil exists, she would have to learn to contend, and likelky exterminate, such evil. Thus her character would be different in several ways as she would have to balance her morality with having the fortitude to ensure such evil does not corrupt or destroy the world.
OR at the very least she would want to make sure he stays humble and not cater to his stupidity. And yet she lets him to whatever the fuck he wants. She does not even watch him and intervene when there is conflcit between him and more important be3ings.
"I am Sorry twilight, i know you saved my sister, reformed discord, stopped chrysalis, stopped tirek, empowered the tree of harmony, have gone around healing pcokets of potential future disharmony and chaos, and likely will help defeat many enemies to come, but this guy stopped a nation from going to war with us, despite the fact it would be crushed rather, in an alliance that will only really last five, maybe ten years and will cease to be once he dies his mortal death and thus forcing us to crush them shortly in the future. So i can't reward your efforts for having longterm benefits for our nation by removing the filly he obviously brainwashed........."
the elipsies is the part where she realizes how stupid this entire situation is. Your oc has his USES but he is not IMPORTANT. There is a difference. Non of what he has done has any longterm importance that extend beyond his lifespan. Twilight and co have changed equestria for the better in a dozen ways and continue to do so. And more, haven't asked SHIT for it.
It reminds me heavily of another story hoenstly. Some guy has 'importance' that somehow makes all twilight and co's companions' opinions and worries somehow invalid and for some reason an individual that has done far less for the longterm health of equestria. To the point where suspicious activity is not even investigated because he says 'no' .
Guess he was a descendant of starswhirl. Though more so was obviously a total asshat inspite of his ancestory.
So bascially that is invalid reasoning to not even investigate suspicious things. A missing pony is important to celestia, no matter who it is. It is what makes her a 'pure' ruler in the real sense. The safety of her people is her primary concern, no matter how big or small they are.
8057387
she does this, you're explaining why she is allowing him to be, and he is not destroying the world, completely different things here
she did intervene, and she is watching him
i'm just putting that there because 90% of those things haven't happened in this world, so yeah,
Equestria really doesn't have military, nor is Celestia all that powerful, she would be afraid of other nations and seek a way to control them, while the mane six could beat a single creature with the elements, they couldn't win against an army, at least not in the show
The story has stated why he is important, even past his life span, in the chapter the ball, it explains even more as to why he is important, while Twilight and them are extremely important, there are plenty of things that are just as important. He's also done pretty much just as much, this is the first time he's ever asked for something in return from Equestria, and that's only because it became public.
at what point did their opinions or worries become invalid? If their opinions or worries became invalid they wouldn't be a part of the story at all
His activity isn't suspicious because everyone knows about it, it would be monstrous, not suspicious, and the mane six have intruded on him a few times
no, just no, he's not related to starswhirl in any way
you mean like how she constantly is sending twilight and her friends off to certain death constantly? Or like how when nightmare moon returned she completely abandoned everypony in Ponyville? Or like how she's so blinded half the time to see danger that she's on the verge of being dethroned constantly? No, she cares about holding power above everypony else far more than she cares for a single subject, she's selfish and a nightmare as a ruler.
8058553 i do love the 'in vainly trying to pick apart the argument' technique. Because it ultimately fails to actually understand the other's argument, and ultimately shows the holes it own has.
tje last part is me vaguely talking about another story with a very similar scenario going on. Being vague for the sake of not naming names and stories. Course you breaking it all down to try and divide up my argument to make it seem fragemented, made you not realize i had brought up another story.
Also, you do not present the two sides as equally important in any sense of the word. Because Celestia has not had discussions with your oc. For if they are equally important, then they would be treated EQUALLY.
And, she did not DIRECTLY INTERVENE when it came to rainbow dash. IF they were all equally important, she would ensure that they do not harm each other.
Also i don't get your 'those haven't happened' argument when i brought up their accomplishments. That made no sense.
In this vein of breaking down arguments, but not in a take bits nad pieces like you did, no, you did not show his importance beyond his mortal lifespan. Because ALLL of these bastards are EVIL PEOPLE. He empowers evil people, because he is an evil person. And thus ensures destruction.
The parallel is with the real world. Rome. Rome had a shitload of people like your oc, to one degree or the other. They overexpanded, let their evil fester without adapting. And rome slowly died one piece at a time. This is what ALWAYS happens. Corruption is not 'just politics' it is when the systems break down and start falling apart.
And again you expose your artificiality with the narrative. Celestia being 'not that strong' is a narrative convenience to force your character to be 'important' to equestria. Celestia stood on her own for a thousand years. In this case she stood a thousand years on her own. In this case she stood a thousand years on her own in a world with some MAJOR assholes. I immensely doubt she could find a corrupt asshole every few decades to replace the old one, for a THOUSAND YEARS.
Again and again, you show how little he actually matters without your warping the plot and the entire world around him in increasingly nonsensical ways.
Also your last statement shows a narrow minded bias agaisnt Celestia. Honestly that is partly the show's fault for not letting us see her shine. In the sense she is the Old Guard. She has defended equestria by herself for a thousand years. Twilight and her friends are the New Guard, whom she wants to become far more powerful than she ever was.
And even when she is beaten, you notice that the thing is always rare, and even temporary?
chrysalis power boost, the plunder vines after stealing the life force of the tree of harmony, tirke absorbin the energy many ponies along with being teamed up with discord, the changeling throne, an artifact clearly far older than chrysalis and again chrysalis failing to overpower celestia with her own power.
So you are telling me that you are basing celestia not being strong on your flawed headcanon that is based on a narrative issue of the show, rather than the character herself?
8059330 I probably should have said this to you a while ago, but i do enjoy our messages a lot. The reason i break apart your arrangement is because it's long and complex, i do that so i make sure i'm able to answer all of what you're stating, not to make what you're saying as pointless or ignore something you might see as important and to answer it as i understand what you're trying to convey. I'm also not taking sides because there isn't a side to what we're talking about. Celestia is written in a certain way as to allow for the situation to take place as i wanted, to shape the world in the way i want it, In real cannon this would never take place, it doesn't flow with the show even if it was R rated. How Celestia acts is how i believe she would act if certain ideas had flowed into Equestria
this will be the only real thing from your message that i'll quote that you have completely wrong. Most of your misconceptions come from the fact you're only getting the story from Scootaloo's POV, you're not seeing the things happening without Scootaloo knowing. As the writer i know what's happening and have it played out in my head, character interactions that aren't shown or known to Scootaloo in any way. Also there's a difference between what's important for Equestria, and what's important for Celestia, did you ever think she just didn't care about Scootaloo, or saw this as a way to do something nice for pony which is devoted to her and her nation. It probably never became apparent to you that Celestia never asked Jerard to stop, to let Scootaloo go, she didn't demand it, or even suggest it. You're missing a lot of pieces of Celestia, most of her is not about what she is doing, but what she isn't doing.
But, i'll state this so you understand clearly, Celestia isn't weak in this story, nor is she evil, in fact she's more powerful than in the show several times over and then some. Unlike in the show Celestia isn't blind, stupid or deaf to the coming dangers of the world.Like how she nearly caused a war with the yaks without even realizing it, in this world, that would never happen.
8058553
This is the one thing I take issue with in your fic.
Within the universe your fic proposes, it would seem extremely wise for every nation to develop a military to oppose possible threats. So why would Celestia not have one?
As LordOfMyth mentioned, your universe is quite different from the one in the show in several ways, and in response to those differences, one would expect Equestria to have a proper military to help defend itself from the nations that it is just barely holding up an alliance with.
8059703 i think i i forgot to add to that, Equestria doesn't have a military really in the show, in this story, they're a military powerhouse
8059714
Hmmm okay... But it does lead one to ask... Is Jerard really necessary?
If the bonds tying your alliance together are corrupt, do you really want
such an alliance to begin with? Jerard being the corrupt bonds in this case.
....I suppose you have to accept anything to avoid war, even if you are a "military powerhouse".
8059714
A funny thought... What is it about Jerard that these other nations like so much anyway? Do they look at him and think: "Oh... If only there were more ponies in Equestria like him!"
And I mean when they really stop to consider all of him. Filly torturer who gets off on screams of agony and all.
8059671 She is neither of those three in the show dude. It is a different world compared to what you have. The evil of that world is not the same as the evil of our world, nor this equestria. IT is somehow far more restrained. Something bout their world has it that there are things that keep such levels of darkness from arising. IT is in many ways a better off world than ours because they have somehow subdued what has brought us to ruin time and time again.
Again, it is a misconception on your part.
And clearly she is utterly blind here, more so than in the show. By just letting someone like your oc to exist, and allowing such vile enemies to exist, she is endangering her world. They are all time bombs in the long term.
and again, she did not directly interfere, which she should have, between two conflicting forces of her kingdom. She should be direclty interfering. Though in this case that would be humbling your oc because he is totally out of control in comparison. He is causing a lot of bullshit, and now has directly threatened one of the mane six. And again i repeat, all they want is scootaloo to be out of his grasp.
8059731 He is trying to apply 'real world' aspects. But the issue there is that there are far too many unrealistic aspects to this world.
Celestia would have made alliances and treaties time and time again, and watched as the ones with the exceptionally corrupt e eventfully betray them. The truest reality of the world is corruption is not 'just something in politics'. The reality is that corruption is a sickness to any governing system. It decays it. Some quickly, some slowly. By the end of the day, it is the corruption that kills a nation. o thus a corrupt nations betrays a more successful nation because they are dying and trying to survive, having failed themselves.
Celestia's lifespan would have given her a unique perspective that she has actually seen these alliances, and nations, fall apart multiple times. And money.... money is fake power that exists only because people believe it has power. So how could fake power have any sway in a world where power is tangible and real?
So we have a world where we have rulers who can live so long they can learn how to deal with corruption and avoid the mistakes of the past, and where you could literally magically manifest a pile of coins as you wished if you have enough magical prowess.
8059731 Jerard isn't necessary as in world ending if he dies, but because over his life he's formed bonds with nations across the world it would be inconvenient for Equestria to lose him since he's pushed himself into such a position that his positives heavily out weight the negatives even if he gets off on torturing fillies, just because we see such a marriage as evil or their relationship doesn't mean by in large the world would, Equestria's culture allows for fillies and colts to leave home after getting their cutie mark, i don't see it that far of a stretch for them to get married young as well. So while it might be seen as horrid in our culture, Equestria may find young marriages perfectly fine, hell if you relate Shinning Armor and Cadance into human years, they're like seventeen or eighteen when they got married.
TLDR: the bonds he made might not be corrupt in this world.
8059775 You mean like how Somba enslaving the entire Crystal empire and then forcing them into a war doesn't count? There is nothing in MLP that stops evil from arising, in fact evil is abound and nightmarish in the show if it wasn't rating 7Y. So no their world is worse off, considerably so. Also Equestria has gone to ruin time and time again.
Not all evil is a time bomb, our history has plenty of monsters that became heroes even after killing millions.
Jerard isn't evil.
Celestia did interfere personally it just isn't shown to Scootaloo, and he's not out of control, he's not done anything that needs to be humbled for, marrying another pony doesn't mean he's going into the streets and raping every filly he sees, murdering and burning towns to the ground, he's not doing anything outside of his own home, everything that has happened has been behind closed doors. (even killing that one guard in the first chapter didn't leave a body to be found.)
As for threatening the mane six, they also threatened him as well, broke into his house, assaulted Jerard, trespassed on his property, and Dash even killed a pony, so who exactly is being unrestrained and needs to be humbled here? and while they do want Scootaloo out of his grasp, that's not up to any of them, that's entirely Scootaloo's choice, and nopony can take that away from her. You're the one being unreasonable, Jerard has been completely composed throughout this entire thing compared to the mane six.
8060989 Again a line of excuses that really do not matter. Who cares if they invaded his proeprty? He abducted a filly they knew. Celestia should be directly interfering with what is clearly an internal conflict to ensure it does not further escalate, not allow them to threaten each other more and more and more.
Instead she does not and is gonna somehow just let them hurt each other.
Also you are talking bout a scenario dealing with increasingly unstable timelines that may have started with Celesti and Sombra at war, with equetria managing to hold their enemy in a stalemate, which is sensible.
Then you have a timeline where somehow everypony has the same cutie marks, and chrysalis is ruling equestria inspite of the fact she would have to deal with far more powerful foes to keep her position to this point and time.
Hell ALL of these timelines have the issue of the plunderseeds and the fact the villains would clash against each other. IF celestia is at war, then chrysalis and nightmare moon would be.
Your oc is obviously evil........ HE is fucking evil. Period. And yes ALL systems like that are timebombs 100%. Never has a nation lived when it did not take into account its corruption.
And he is evil. Your writing dictates this entirely, even as you try to make excuses why he is not.
also you fail to explain why celestia has not directly intervened, even in the capacity to prevent escalation. And that would include talking to BOTH of them.
Also what the fuck are you even talking bout with scootaloo? Brainwashing is the corruption of one's capacity to make choice, inhibiting their ability to make choices that contradict or refuse the one who brainwashed them. You keep on saying 'her choice' over and over again when he choice was lkost fifty miles back. It is a non explanation.
8062518 english is really my only language, my grammar however is horrid, it gets better as it goes and i get an editor around chapter 12, i need to re-edit the first 11 chapters, you're 3 chapter away at 9
8062202 well evil and good are a point of view, is a soldier that murders people evil? or just doing his job for the good of his nation? I don't see him as evil.
Yet again, Celestia did intervene personally, she even went and asked Scootaloo to leave, all Scootaloo needed to do was ask to be taken away, she refused, it's all her fault for not leaving Jerard.
8063300 Fighting to protect your life is an evil, but one forced upon you by another, one way or another.
Torture, murder, and abuse both mental and physical are evils without justification. Hell torture is an evil without even the justification of information, because it is useless in that sense. There is no reason to do any of these things outside of control, and outright idiocy and cruelty.
Shallow excuses man. All of it is shallow excuses used instead of story.
Also obvious brainwashing is obvious. Especially to a over one thousand year old monarch.
sighs. just hopeless
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