- Member Since 13th Mar, 2014
- offline last seen Aug 10th, 2017
BlakeTheDrake
I'm a writer of severely hardcore smut of every stripe, mostly found hanging around SoFurry - I'm just here because my latest series is about ponies. ;-)
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ouch. already that amount of dislikes for your first story that's 50k words long.
feelsbadbro
chapter are too long should of realest 10000 words then got feed back
I liked it, but you seriously need to break up the text into digestable paragraphs, and you need to break up the huge chapter into individual ones. I suggest one for each part of the ritual.
4080071
Considering how long it's been up, guess how many of those dislikes have actually read the 50k word story before downvoting?
4080091 You're lucky it's broken up into chapters at all - originally, it was just gonna be a single stand-alone story. Then, 'bout 80 pages in, I suddenly went "Wait... maybe I should put in a chapter-break somewhere."
As for breaking it up by ritual-part, that wouldn't work very well, since the rituals are getting progressively longer. Chapter 2 is longer than Chapter 1, even through Chapter 2 is nothing BUT the third ritual... and the next part's probably gonna wind up being even longer, despite my best efforts. Being brief is NOT one of my skills. 
4080189
Yeah. This... is too damn long.
4083698 yes sadly every single chapter over 12k words is insane... 4k is a bit short, 8k is nice 12k is the longest you can endure without going mad~~~
sorry bro, but... Split the story in 8k up to 12k chapters everything over 14k is already
Also, for the love of everything oats and apples, NEW PARAGRAPH FOR EVERY NEW SPEAKER!!! It's frustrating as hell as it is now.
4083943
@BlakeTheDrake, of cause our little rent does not mean we reject your story for its content.
Your issue is formating, and I have neither the nerves nor the time to offer Editorship.
So I recommend to get an Editor or to edit the story your self. there are certain groups who are willing to help.
well ready ya later~
4083848 I've seen chapters in other stories with over 60K words each.
... I don't like blood. The virgin hymen stuff is okay, but wars hooks are just... nope.
4083943 (And Leux too, I suppose)
What is and isn't considered proper formatting is highly localized. Using paragraphs to denote direct speech is common in some places, and not in others. Either way, it's never been my style. Quotation-marks do a perfectly adequate job of demonstrating when someone's speaking, and I'd rather use paragraphs to denote changes in the action.
Mind, I'm not saying one approach is more 'right' than the other. It's just interesting to see how a particular approach can become accepted as The Way To Do Things in a given community... once you get used to reading stories with a given formatting, all other approaches start to seem 'Wrong'.
So Fluttershy and Pinkie are gonna get to join in on the gang-rape train?
4084778
Seems like the plan
I don't think I've ever had to read this much on this site. Still, aside from everyone's "split it into more paragraphs for easier reading!" Arguments, I think this was a great story thus far. Good job.
'being brief is not one of my skills'
[youtube=http://youtube.com/v=DLTZctTG6cE]
Alas it seems linking is not one of mine.
Above should be fluttershy going 'yay'.
4084711
Every book I've ever read has new paragraphs for new speakers. It's not a matter of style, it's readability. Seeing three different speakers, one right after the other, is confusing.
Also, there's just too much happening in each chapter. I get that it's an orgy, but good god, there's only so many ways you can describe someone getting fucked in the ass.
please keep going, I love the story and i like the fact that there are a lot of words.
What? Is this a dog-verse?
Also amazing.
Fucking epic. And the story of Rainbow Dash is 20% cooler than the rest.
Could you remind what gifts the stallions gave everypony? I forgot how they're worded exactly and finding them within 50.000 words is far from easy.
4191016 I'm honestly not sure what I was thinking... some vague 'Four-legged animals have multiple nipples, right?' line of thought, I think? But now that I'm actually looking at it... horses (and ponies) don't have more than one or two foals at a time, so they wouldn't have more than 2 nipples, would they? Gah. I think I need to go ret-con a few passages...
4191200 Ah, the 'gifts' of the Stallions of the Apocalypse...
Applejack got nothin'... yet.
4191328
Poor AJ.
I continue to read with guilty fascination
I'm still guessing on where the story is going. Is the 'gifts' that were given to them, as well as their behavior of late, a personal corruption? Or reflected throughout Equestria, albeit on a more subdued scale? Hard to say whether the ponies reactions are just them panicking at society being pushed to the breaking point or whether something more subtle is affecting them? Or maybe just the mane 6, with Twilight and Rarity in particular, projecting this perception of sexual release everywhere because they have sex on the brain themselves?
And what of the 4th ritual? A prelude to something more, or will the ritual be done and Equestria spared and that's the end, after all I don't think they we found to exactly what happened to the previous princess the last time the rituals came around did we? Nor did the rules of the ritual ever get spoken beyond "Equestria will be spared, if you complete our agreement."
I look forward to finding out
Any idea of when the next chapter will be out?
4413024
Actually, I just started writing it. Had a couple of commissions I needed to get out of the way first, but yes, Chapter 4 is officially In Production as of now.
4425589
*Celebration*.
How long?
Cant wait for the next chapter....
4751488
Sorry, but probably a while still... haven't gotten any writing done in weeks. It's simply too hot to think, write, or indeed do anything except pant like a dog around here. Maybe when the weather shifts, I can get back on the horse... or pony, as the case may be.
Well that was a really grim and depressing ending.
5099246 I don't normally do 'bad endings', honestly... but this story was about an Apocalypse. There really wasn't a lot of ways it COULD end. And hey, if the world's gotta end... better with a bang than a whimper, right?
5099393 Still, I'd recommend adding the tragedy tag.
5099407
i.imgur.com/ui4keF0.png
No way to stop the corruption now. Unless an epilogue stopping it appears.
5099407 I have - if only because it amuses me to use that term in its original, greek meaning.
That is, something unpleasant, yet inevitable. These days, it mostly just means 'bad shit happens', but in greek theater, it specifically referred to an unfortunate fate that the character could not avoid, no matter how hard they tried - often due to a Prophecy of some kind. (Oedipus Rex being the most well-known example.)
Awesome last chapter of the awesome story!
Why the heck it has only 100 upvotes? It's one of the best fetish-heavy stories here. Are people scared by the number of words?
This is fucking brilliant. I laughed like crazy.
Yet... The problem of a tree falling and nobody hearing it bothers me. Dirty and perverted sex stops being dirty and perverted the moment no one sees it as such. It's... not fun this way. I hoped to see Mane Six remaining whores in the world slowly becoming normal again, to see them tortured by disharmony in their minds... Yet you've chosen to make the world harmonious. Not as bad as boring Equestria before the Apocalypse, but still, you've made me sad.
5102989 Thank you for your kind words. And yes, judging by some of the earliest comments I got, people are, indeed, frightened by my wordiness, and offput by my formatting. Ah well. I just think of it as having an eclectic and exclusive audience.
I also find it amusing that so far, I've gotten a comment criticizing the ending for being too dark, and one criticizing it for not being dark ENOUGH. Guess you can't please nopony...
I was having doubts starting this story. But the first chapter is epic in any porn aspect. Though I am very afraid of the chapters that contain pestilince and war because of the gore tag
The amount of words in a chapter don't bother me at all. I actually prefer it since this way I don't have to go to another page every 3k-5k words
5104122
Only solution is to write both.
5106722
There isn't too much blood really, if that's what you're worried about. Mostly torture of one of the Mane Six who happens to enjoy pain. Sometimes it sounds scary, but there's never serious or permanent harm or anything of that sort.
I think amateur porn readers should be worried about raunch stuff more, which is abundant in the fourth chapter, and foalcon, which the last chapter focuses on. These themes seem to attract much more downvotes than moderate gore, in general.
5106991
I approve the idea!
5108181
hm that doesn't seem that bad thankfully. Thanks for the reaction
(would have read it anyway 
)
Having read the entire story I have come to these conclusions:
- Chapters 1, 2 and 3 are in my opinion the best of them all (1 being the best)
-Even though 4 and 5 have very hot/sexy moments the dirty rimming/blowjobs kinda gross me out
-The gore tag is in my opinion not needed. Just a warning that the story contains some violent sex.
5111133 Well, part of the idea of the series is to show a gradual descend into deeper and deeper perversion, so it's to be expected that some will reach a 'gross-out point' before they get to the end. :p
As for the gore-tag, I just figured 'better safe than sorry', considering some of the stuff War gets up to. I've previously been blamed for NOT using a gore-tag for some fairly similar stuff, so hey.
5106991 Actually... I think I might. Shouldn't take long. Keep an eye out, and I'll have a better (AND worse) ending up within the next day or two.
This shits dark but for some reason I cant stop reading it
5111475
If you are going to write a better ending, then might I give some suggestions for it?
A good ending for this sort of setting for me would be that Equestria is still corrupted but not to the extent of this ending. Rather, it would be like a combination of sort between harmony and sex. Basically, Equestria is still a land of harmony but is also very, very open minded in terms of sex, lust, and depravity. Equestria is still Equestria only a bit more perverted. like everyone having friends with benefits, open marriages, and sex happening all the time being something of an open secret is now considered the social norm. Everything is consented of course, like I said, it is still Equestria in a way.
This is mainly for the Mane six's Benefit. considering their condition at the end of their sacrifice, I don't think those "needs" would be met when everything goes back to the way it was and force them to be sneak those "needs" in that would have them discovered sooner or later.
Instead, I want them to be treated like actual heroes for the sacrifice they have done. All that pain and humiliation, plus the condition that left them as they are to save Equestria from the Apocalypse and not a single thanks from anyone? screw that noise!
Of course, if the ponies ever found out what they have done, old Equestria would probably have mix feeling about this AT BEST. they save equestria sure, but now their whores due to their condition. How are they suppose to feel about that?
The new Equestria on the other hand, would probably celebrate them as actual heroes considering how open minded everyone is, they also don't have to go sneaking about to fulfill their "needs" and worry about social repercussions considering how it is the norm now.
I don't know how the details and the way they save Equestria will be shown to the public. Maybe Celestia decided to investigate and find out what twilight and her friends have done or maybe someone discovered their activities and force them to confess and be pleasantly surprised on how positive the public views them, hailing them as heroes for the pain and humiliation they endured for the sake of Equestria and would be happy to help them in their time of need, if you know what I mean.
This is only my take on how a good ending of a sort can be found in this sort of setting. Equestria is saved, Mane six get the recognition they deserved, and the Equestrian Civilization as a land of harmony lives on with a more perverted and, or as the locals would rather say, more open-minded disposition.
Please note that I am not telling you how to write the ending. This is just me giving some suggestions on how the good ending might happen. If you already have one in mind, then feel free to scrap this idea.
On a side note, Fluttershy won't be living as the animal's fucktoy 24/7 in the good ending. maybe like a typical day job length. with the weekends as the day off. I find her existence of sex 24/7 on this ending to be a bit sad. the rest of the mane six at least get to dictate when and where they get to have sex and have time for themselves. Fluttershy doesn't have any other than eating, taking a toilet breaks, and getting supplies. If this wasn't by choice, then her situation would have been down right depressing.
I have nothing on the bad ending though. mostly because I would rather not think on how bad things could get worse. the current ending now at least allows the mane six to have their needs fulfilled without any social repercussions since everything in their civilization is drowning in sex, lust and a disturbing amount of depravity. hell, even the royalty is on the action so even if Twilight comes clean, no one would bat an eyelash. basically, not too good, but not too bad either in my opinion. a neutral ending if nothing else.
5117400 I'm afraid I've already finished writing both endings, and I'm just waiting for my editor to return them before I post 'em. Your perspective is interesting, though... and also pretty far from the way I wound up writing the 'happy end', I'm afraid.
I mostly find the last bit of your comment interesting... about how the canonical ending is basically 'neutral'. 'cuz that's the way I thought of it, too - sure, civilization's collapsing, but nopony KNOWS, or cares, and everypony is having a lot of fun with it. Specific point: Chances are that going forwards, Fluttershy won't be spending QUITE as much time dealing with the animals, since Twilight's made it clear that she and Rainbow Dash would be happy to help. That should, at least, make her schedule a lot more manageable. It's also hard to say exactly how long it'll be before the corruption deepens to the point of making ponies forget about their day-jobs, so there might be quite a bit of time left for everypony to enjoy the ongoing, Equestria-wide orgy.
All of which, of course, leaves plenty of space for things to get WORSE.
5118397
Its alright
it was just a suggestion after all. besides, if what you say is true then maybe everything really did went back to the way it was. either way, it would be way better than the current ending.
as for the bad ending, I probably won't be reading that any time soon, sorry
But I just keep getting so worried about the Mane six on this bad ending. I know it sounds selfish of me but I judge how good the ending is based on the condition the Mane six are currently living their lives. I just find their sacrifice of enduring all that pain and humiliation, plus the condition that left them as it is, to have a hell a lot more weight than just heroically dying to save Equestria, like a "fate worse than death" kind of thing. to have that sacrifice some how change their lives for the worse seems too cruel for me.
In the current ending, while Society as they know it is drowning in sex, lust and Depravity, they at least don't have to face the social repercussions that their 'needs' demand them to fulfill so they can live like "normal" considering Sex and Depravity will soon become the social norm in the current civilization and go down with a smile on their face.
Honestly, a bad ending for me is where it ends up having everything go back to normal but have the Mane six's live going to shit due to the public looking down on them due to their "needs" and disregard the sacrifice they made to save Equestria. Shit, just thinking about it is making me pissed.
5118968 ...yyyyeah, maybe don't check out the Bad End.
Well, that's the point of a 'multiple choice ending', isn't it? You can pick the one you like, and ignore those you don't. It's all just fiction, so any of the endings is as valid as the rest.
I don't see anything happy about this end. All incredible gifts are lost forever. No hungry butts!
No bestiality 24/7! 
No incest! 
No foal whores! 
Now that's happy end! Equestria is saved from the corruption. Element bearers sacrifice themselves, just as was planned initially. And everyone's happy! Well, the foals' parents may be a little upset their kids became whores, but the foals will bring so much joy into this world that it's worth some minor drawbacks.
On a more serious note, I really like this end the most. No matter the circumstances, death of civilization is the saddest thing I can imagine (well, besides wiping out all living things, but it's not too far behind). Sacrificing a few dozen ponies is worth saving the civilization, no doubts. And completely losing mind to some activity, stopping being a person with thoughts and feelings is death.