One does not simply blaspheme the princess's tits.

Consequences may include, but are not limited to, snuggling, court-martial, and third-degree burns. And not necessarily in that order.

Entry for the Comedy (Is Serious Business) contest.

The selected prompt was "We learned something hot."

Shining claims that Royalty can't defend themselves. Prince Blueblood takes great offense to this and challenges him to a duel. He has made a -grave- mistake.

A Jinglemas 2017 entry for TheAmazingMe

Twilight Sparkle has hidden the hottest pepper she could find in Princess Celestia's cake.

This is a bad idea.

(A collab with Tom117z)

A modern-day explorer gets his chance to visit Equestria, and writes down notes about the interesting ponies he meets and the stories that they tell.

The Princesses have invited you to Canterlot to spend some time with them before the big holiday of Hearth's Warming Eve. You have enjoyed your time, but it really is time to be getting back to Ponyville. Then again, what sort of hosts would Celestia and Luna be if they let you, the only human in Equestria, just LEAVE in this cold weather!?

The first story of my December Christmas Carol writing project: this fanfiction is based off of the carol 'Baby, it's Cold Outside!'

Cover art by Probablydnon.

EDIT: Featured 12/4/17!
EDIT: Now with an AUDIO READING by Spore Harvest!
EDIT: Now with a Russian Translation (Русский Перевод) by Magyetash!

There are 100 billion stars in the Milky Way, and humanity is determined to explore every one. We send probes, probes with the blueprints to reproduce human explorers upon arrival. Uninhabited worlds the galaxy over can be colonized and populated, until after many years they too can join the vast throng of interstellar civilization. But if a probe is very, very lucky, it will land on a populated world instead. Equestria is one such world.

Even so, it's far from perfect for colonization, not with an environment lethal to human life. But each probe is resourceful and armed with the greatest machine intelligence mankind has devised. If placing a human mind into a newly manufactured human body won't work, it will just have to get a little more creative.

This book has a Hardcover! If you want to pick it up, you can grab it here: https://starscribe.net/

This story was written at the behest of Canary In The Coal Mine, who is sponsoring it on my Patreon. As usual, cover by Zutcha. Editing by Two Bit and Sparktail.

Fantastic prereading help from: Chyre, Danger Noodle, Doctor Disco, and Doggyshakespeare (who also did the Esperanto translation). Thank you all for helping to make this story more readable and more consistent for everyone.

Discord has trapped Twilight in a vast, seemingly unending library. This library has a copy of every spell checked book that could possibly exist. Twilight's only way out of the library would be to find the book that explains how to escape. But when every single idea, story, possibility, and random book exists, how can she find the one book that can teach her how to leave this unfathomably large library?

This fanfic is a crossover based on the ideas presented in the short story, "The Library of Babel," by Jorge Luis Borges, and influenced by "A Short Stay in Hell" by Steven L. Peck.

The sequel to this story is also sequel to A Place for Pinkie.

Listen to the audio play on Youtube.
Read the complete Esperanto translation by Amphicoelias via .pdf, .odt or .epub!

Now what do you do?

When you've been gone for more than a thousand years, you have a lot to catch up on. You may even owe a ton of apologies. Heroes old and new must deal with the consequences of their choices, each in their own ways.

And before they settle down in the new realm, the Pillars will become acquainted with the Spirit of Chaos himself.

From the stone age to the modern world, Celestia guides her little ponies into the future. And she needs to keep playing. Just one more turn.

Always one more turn.

Done as a speed-writing exercise in about three hours. Totally unedited. Enjoy!

This story is a sequel to Dear Princess Celestia: I Hate You

"Dear Princess Luna... I love you oh so much. I just want to be with you forever, lost in your embrace. While mere words cannot even begin to describe the depths of my feelings for you, but this letter will have to do."

Twilight is at it again with hitting the bottle and forcing Spike to put words on a letter. This time addressed to Princess Luna herself, who is quite surprised by the gesture. Even more surprising in the revelation of Twilight's feelings for her. Along with some other... quite questionable subjects.

Warning: Not so subtle sexual context.

Sequel to Dear Princess Celestia: I Hate You.

Thanks to my editor Xl9 for all the help!