Flower Fight
Flower Fight
Admiral Biscuit
I was sitting in the park, ponywatching.
It was a good afternoon for it. As was usual, the skies were clear, and there was just enough of a wind that a couple foals were flying kites. A few ponies were picnicking, and several entrepreneurial souls had set up little stands in the park.
As I watched, another one of them came along. She was a bright yellow mare, with neatly-braided brown hair—something that I didn't see a lot of earth ponies bother with.
She had a little wagon behind her, hooked to a simple harness. When she found a nice, sunny spot, she backed the wagon into place, reached back, and unhooked the poles with her mouth.
She had to nose it into position a little bit, and then she moved off the path long enough to slip off her harness. After that, she folded down a hinged cover on the wagon, and I had to admit, it was clever how it had been built. Inside were neat arrangements of flowers, and the backside of the cover served to both hide the wheel and display her price board.
I thought about going over and getting a flower, but I wasn't sure what I'd do with one if I had it, so I gave her a friendly nod instead and then went back to ponywatching.
It was maybe ten minutes later that another enterprising mare made her way up the path. She didn't have a wagon, but she did have saddlebags bursting with flowers, and an odd contraption slung across her back.
Her mane was frizzy and there was mud on her hooves, but other than that she could have been the twin of the mare manning the flower stand.
I had just enough time to snicker at the thought of them competing, but I didn't think that the disheveled mare would actually set herself up directly opposite the other one.
It was only a moment before the yelling started, unsurprisingly from the neatly-groomed mare. “Darn it, Goldenrod, I was here first.”
“So?” Goldenrod looked around. “It's a public park. Anypony can be here.”
“That's not the point! Somepony might want a flower and they might buy one of yours.”
“They should—my flowers are better.”
“Your flowers are weeds.”
“Are not. They're feral.”
“Feral means weed, you idiot.”
“It means wild, Lilium. Which you'd know if you could read.”
Lilium stamped her hoof. “Whatever. Nopony's going to pay for a wildflower. Anypony can pick them. I pick your dumb flowers out of my beds all the time.”
“'Cause your flowers aren't smart enough to get out of their beds and go live in the wild.”
“Neither are you! You stay in bed until noon, and then go around the woods until you've found a couple of mouthfuls of sorry weeds to stick in your saddlebags.”
“Nothing wrong with staying in bed late. At least my flowers can grow by themselves. They don't wilt if they miss a watering, and they don't have to live in glass houses to keep themselves warm.”
“My flowers are delicate and beautiful.” Lilium stuck up her nose.
“You can't even eat them. They taste like perfume. Nopony likes the taste of perfume.”
“How would you know? You should try it; maybe it would make you sweeter.”
“My flowers are full of nutrition that makes a pony healthy. Yours just give ponies stomachaches.”
“Do not.” Lilium bit the head off one of her flowers to illustrate her point, chewing it noisily before she spoke again. “There. My tummy feels fine.”
“Hmph.” Goldenrod didn't seem to have a witty retort, and instead went back to setting up her sign and arranging her flowers on her portable stand. By the way her tail was flicking back and forth, I could guess that she was still angry, but I figured that their little spat was over.
I was somewhat curious about what flowers ponies liked and which ones they didn't. Now was probably not the time to ask, though; I could see myself all too easily getting drawn into their argument if I spoke, so I contented myself with just watching them to see what they'd do next.
I wasn't disappointed. A stallion came up to Lilium's booth and after briefly bartering, left with a bouquet of lilies in his mouth despite Goldenrod's entreaties to try her flowers instead.
The moment he had started down the path, Lilium stuck her tongue out at Goldenrod, who responded by flinging a bundle of her flowers into Lilium's neat arrangement.
“Worthless weeds!” Lilium grabbed them out and I thought she was going to pitch them on the ground and maybe stomp on them, but she didn't. Instead, she stormed across the pathway and smacked Goldenrod in the face with the flowers.
“Dumb mule!” Goldenrod responded by kicking a clod of dirt onto Lilium's coat. “Go on, keep that dirt on you so ponies think you actually work for a living.”
“Just 'cause I know how to bathe doesn't make me lazy.” She scraped a couple of clumps of dirt off her chest. “Something you've never learned. Why don't you at least scrape your hooves on some of those weeds? They're bristly enough. Just like you.”
“Maybe I will. At least my flowers can stay up without help.” Goldenrod jammed the somewhat depleted bundle of flowers into the ground. “Betcha can't do that with your flaccid-stemmed lilies.”
“Why would I want to? Mine are for nice things and nice ponies. Your flowers are fit for . . . “
Goldenrod narrowed her eyes. “Say it. I dare you.”
“The midden heap! That's where they belong. That's the only thing they'd pretty up.”
“Hmph. You can make teas and tinctures from my flowers.”
“You can make tea from my flowers, too.”
“Who'd want to? It would just look pretty. Lily tea doesn't taste good.”
“Does, too.”
“Just like your flowers.”
“My flowers taste fine. I haven't seen you eat one of yours.”
“I won't give you the satisfaction.”
“Coward.”
“These are for paying customers.”
“Which you've had none of.”
Goldenrod nipped the top off the bunch that was stuck in the ground. “Are you happy now?”
“No. First, you're spitting on me. Second, chew with your mouth shut.”
“Whatever you say, Mom.” Even from my distance, I could see the spray of leaves and petals as she spit the last word.
“Ew.” Lilium wiped off her cheeks then bore down on Goldenrod. “You're just mad 'cause I got here first, and my flowers are better. Mom wouldn't've had you if she'd've known you'd act like this in public.”
“She had me 'cause she screwed up with you and wanted to try again. Always playing with your pretty flowers and never wanting to help plow the fields.”
“As if. Where were you when there was work to be done? Cavorting around in the fallow fields looking for some smelly stinkweed.”
“Stinkweed is better company than you ever were.” Goldenrod jabbed a hoof into Lilium's barrel.
“You still hit like a yearling.” Lilium slammed her hoof into Goldenrod and sent the younger mare down to her rump. “See, my flowers make—urk!”
Goldenrod had seized the initiative, and tackled her older sibling.
I didn't really want to get involved, and I was also somewhat curious how a pony fight would go. By the same token, now was probably the best time to calm things down before one of them got a knife out of a flowerpot or something.
I wasn't just going to wade into the middle of their brawl, though. I had no desire to become an unwilling participant.
Lilium had a watering can on the back of her cart; I'd seen that when she arrived. And when I picked it up, I found out it was full, so I just unceremoniously dumped it on the two mares.
It had the effect I'd hoped, briefly. They stopped brawling and both of them looked at me.
“Hey, that's my watering can!”
“She started it!”
“You started it.”
This was not going how I'd expected. “Listen here, you two. If you don't stop right now, I'm going to grab you both by the scruff of the neck and throw you in the pond.” That was a total lie; Earth ponies were heavier than they looked and I doubted that I could lift either one of them. I also wasn't sure if ponies had a scruff to grab.
“I'd like—“
“Shut up for once in your life, Lilium.” From the way she was looking at me, I thought that Goldenrod at least thought I actually could throw them in the pond. “The mangy minotaur's right. We shouldn't be fighting. Not out here in public where anypony could see.”
“You shouldn't've started it.” Lilium blew a lock of hair out of her eye. “Shoulda stuck to the merchant's quarter instead of following me here.”
“Uptown ponies got more bits.”
“Uptown ponies don't buy weeds from dirty mares.”
Goldenrod started snickering. “You oughtta look at yourself, then. Nopony's gonna buy from you now. Not unless you come back to midtown with all us mudponies.”
Indeed, as a result of their scuffle, the two were practically twins. All the hair that had come loose from Lilium's braid had frizzled out like Goldenrod's mane, and they both had grass stains and mud in their coats.
“I'm going to the pond to get cleaned up.” Lilium looked over at her sister. “Watch my cart, will ya?”
“Fine.”
“And don't eat any of my flowers.”
“As if I would!”
Goldenrod waited until Lilium had disappeared around the corner of the path—presumably towards the pond—before nipping the top off one of the lilies.
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This just came to me at work for some reason, and I wrote down some of the better insults I thought of over the course of the day. Lilium is of course the scientific name for the lily genus, and goldenrod is . . . goldenrod.
As always, thanks for the story! Their family gatherings must be... interesting.
There is no grudge like the ones held between siblings.
The lovely war of the siblings. I wonder just what the public thinks of these two. Also do we think that the flower trio occasionally act like this?
Jaysus, that's horrible.
No chapter notes?
8693145
The Flower Trio criticize these two for being too dramatic.
Then they get PTSD flashbacks when somepony holds their bouquet wrong.
Pfffff!
Allright, saw it coming, but it did not fail to bring a big bright smile. Thank you for that.
Of course they're sisters.
8693083
You're welcome!
I have to imagine that they're spirited. I'm sure that Lilium and Goldenrod learned their argumentative ways from their parents, after all.
8693097
I've heard that. Luckily, my brother and I get along pretty well. Might help that we live on opposite sides of the country.
8693145
Well, I've got to figure that if they normally go to the same market to sell, everypony there is used to it and just ignores them.
I dunno. They seem a little too cowardly to me to actually be that confrontational amongst themselves.
8693154
I didn't think that there was really enough material here to justify them.
8693458
IIRC, didn't some (or all) of the flower trio faint in Episode 100 when there was a bent leaf or something on a flower?
8693497
You're welcome!
8694097
Naturally. Two strangers wouldn't fight like that.
8696590
Well, they could've just been old rivals. Did not know each others at first, but learn to over time and competition.
Ah, siblings, the people you love to hate, hate to love, and every other combination of that phrase. Wonderful moment and well-captured. I feel like I was there.
8696619
That's certainly a possibility, but it feels more like the continuation of a long argument between siblings.
In fact, as I was working through the story in my head, as I was turning over insults I realized that they must be sisters.
8700128
"I've got the scars--and flowers--to prove it."
8700715
Ahhh Siblings.. the only ones you can punch, scratch and bite in a "sparring" match... we kinda used to safely beat the crap out of each other...still do.. Sis has a hell of a right hook.
A several?
8700128
Love to love?
8742330
You've got to watch out for siblings that are better fighters than you.
8742767
Fixed, thank you!
Awe they love each other so much!
Maybe Goldenrod should market her flowers as harvested wild food- there's a market for that in RL.
11148778
Probably is in Equestria, too . . . let’s face it, in Manehattan it might be hard to get feral flowers, too.
This chapter is hilarious.
11284566
Thank you!
This was one where I suddenly got inspired at work--mostly with the insults--and wrote them down as they came to me, and then built everything around that. Two great characters with chaotic sister energy between them.