Field Notes from a Tourist in Equestria
Admiral Biscuit
When I was a kid, I'd always liked to read stories of adventure. Stories about explorers visiting new and strange lands.
It was a great disappointment to learn that there weren't any new lands to be discovered. Mankind had visited every corner of the globe, and the days of boarding a sailing ship and sailing off to some unknown destination were for the past.
Other books were fantasy, pure and simple.
I suppose that's a lesson every child has to learn, just like how Santa Claus isn't real. But that never stopped me from resenting Mrs. Hawkins.
And as it ultimately turned out, Mrs. Hawkins was wrong.
• • •
I quit my job and sold my house and even though every one of my friends said I was nuts, I didn't care. I'm sure that half the explorers back in the olden days had heard the same thing from their friends.
And I have to admit that I had plenty of second thoughts. Plenty of days when I thought that ponies were just a mass hallucination. After the initial hoopla, there didn't seem to be any major changes, and I couldn't help but wonder if that's how people felt back in the old days. Were Italians celebrating in the streets when Columbus returned from the New World, or was it just another little bit of news that didn't affect them much? I don't know. I think that when you're living in history, it's hard to wrap your head around what will ultimately come.
• • •
It wasn't until I got through the portal that things started to change.
On the one side, it was not too much different than any other government building. There were little offices and men and women in uniforms asking me questions, inspecting my luggage, inspecting my documents, and filling out forms.
I got to spend the night in a guest room that wasn't much nicer than a prison cell.
When I passed through, it was more of the same. The men and women had been replaced by mares and stallions, and of course the architecture and infrastructure in the building was different, but the experience was the same, and after an initial burst of enthusiasm it quickly wore down into tedious boredom.
At least the guest room I stayed in on their side was nicer.
I remember that night, I looked up at the ceiling for a long time and I thought about all the life security I'd just given up and thought that maybe I'd made a really bad choice.
And I wondered how many times Columbus had thought that, as he drifted off to sleep in his bed on the Santa Maria.
• • •
The next morning, I got one more round of inspections and questions, and then I finally was allowed to cross the gates into Equestria proper, and as I stepped outside and saw pegasi soaring through the air and a small steam train waiting at the platform, I knew it had all been worth it. I felt like a kid again.
I was the last person to board—there was nothing on the platform I didn't want to inspect, no motion that I wanted to miss.
I had my eyes glued to the windows for the entire journey. It was probably rude; I could have struck up a conversation with any of the other ponies who were sharing my car, but I needed the time for the atmosphere to sink in.
When we finally got to Manehattan, I made my way to the street, and got whisked off to my hotel by a stallion pulling a small cart, what I think was probably called a hackney.
My room was up on the fifth floor, and it was the kind of room that would have been described in a brochure as "rustic" or perhaps "charming," since it had little else going for it in terms of amenities. Still, the bed was big enough to fit me, and the windows opened onto the street.
The bellhop showed me the bathrooms, which were down the hall, and informed me of when meals would be served, if I chose to eat at the hotel, and then he was off with a little skip in his step as a result of the bit coin I'd given him as a tip.
I had no intention of spending too much time in my room, so after I'd freshened up a bit, I decided to go out exploring.
You following the new DuckTales?
As a kid I used to read my dad's old collection of Carl Barks comics from the '50s, and the little references they're adding in are brilliant.
Some actual archeologists and explorers have said they were inspired by the art in those old comics.
i.pinimg.com/736x/26/38/83/263883b9f96a01395665d27b2bd61a0c--uncle-scrooge-duck-art.jpg
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No, afraid not. Never really got into the franchise, to be honest. Loved the comics, though.
Oh, yeah. Barks was a genius. Don Rosa does a really good job, too. If you haven't read The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck, you ought to.
I could see that, actually. IIRC, Barks was pretty good at putting in actual facts and historical information wherever he could, and Rosa does the same.
This is confusingly phrased, or at least could be a lot smoother.
"I quit my job and sold my house. Even though every one of my friends said I was nuts, I didn't care."
This makes a lot more sense and is a bit smoother, word flow wise.
He was mostly wondering-hoping-he'd make a profit to ensure the queen and king of Spain didn't ruin him when he came back, and hoping he wouldn't die. Or have his crew mutiny.
Overall, besides being a risk taker and one for adventure in a new land, you haven't done much to establish this character as interesting. I get the feeling the experience will be the real selling point, but so far this view point character is rather bland.
Reading about Columbus, at the least, has him being contracted by the King of Spain and pursuing a goal based on false info, plus him being a minor lord who's had his request for an expedition to Asia rejected because most people knew the world was a bigger place than him all help make Columbus more interesting. This guy has none of that.
Then again, it's just the first chapter, but the first chapter is a time to make impressions, and so far Joe's dull.
I am not sure about that paragraphe, something about it felt akward to me, but I am not confident enough with english to really tell if something is wrong or if it is just me.
Anyway, as a whole, I loved that introduction. I could easily imagine myself doing something similar. Although I might hesitate to go as overboard as he did.
It's a kinda nice setup for both the tone and the universe.
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Yeah, that's a typo. I missed that one in editing. It should have read "I quit my job and sold my house and even though every one of my friends said I was nuts, I didn't care."
That sounds about right. Honestly, the first two explorers who came to mind (Captain Cook and Robert Scott) didn't survive their trips.
Honestly, he's not a very interesting character, and he's not meant to be. He just reacts to the things that ponies do, which is mostly silly bits of headcanon that didn't fit anywhere else in my body of work. Which I realize might not be the thing for everybody.
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That was me. I managed to mangle it and not catch it editing.
Some people would, and they're the ones that history tends to view either as geniuses or idiots, depending on how well their idea pans out.
You know, comparing himself to Columbus probably isn't the best idea unless he plans on doing some real kinky shit to the ponies.
Hah, no surprise there.
Welp. Short chapter sucking me in. This is gonna be a ride.
Please don't make it quite as long as Silver Glow's journal, though. Still gotta get through that
Fite me irl.
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If a human ever tries to go genocidal colonialist on them, the ponies would be like "I don't think so, motherber", and then Tia would be like "do you like bananas? "
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It was the best explorer I could think of.
The first two who came to mind died on their expeditions, and that seemed like it might set the wrong tone (Cook and Scott).
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I bet even pony prisons are plush.
Fear not! At this point in my life, I haven't got another Silver Glow's Journal in me.
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I have always liked the headcanon that Celestia could really ruin your day if she wanted to. There are at least two fics that have her calling down the power of the sun; in one of them, she melts her own golden boots to the ground from channeling so much heat (even with a shield, she can't keep it all out).
And honestly, if Princess Luna can get into a human's dreams, anything Celestia could do would seem merciful by comparison.
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Reminds me of this one: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/299981/why-no-one-messes-with-celestia
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That's the exact one I was thinking of.
8590632 Unfortunately, going by canon, especially the MLP Movie, she'd loose against Cortez and his 600, never mind a modern military force. A bunch of low grade brutes with spears conquered Canterlot with minimal effort. Ah, but obsidian orb whammy you say. Ah, but anti-tank rifle or RPG I say. If she could get hit by one, she could be hit by the other.
Damn it, I really want to write a fic where modern day Equestria is the Americas, and Spanish explorers find it. It would be such fun to have the ponies with the tech advantage. But see above.
What is this moronic fool of a main character talking about!
Everyone knows Santa is real! In fact, I even have his personal phone number!
Here you go all of you dirty non-belivers:
(951) 262-3062
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That had better not be a phone sex hotline.
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I still think it can be as open as one wants to make it. In canon, we often see ponies suffer impacts that would easily kill a human, but they just shrug it off. Maybe purely physical attacks don't work on ponies, only attacks with a magical element to them.
Do it.
It's a city business: 'Haxi Cabs Incorporated'.
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A fun fact is that 'hack (as slang for a taxi cab)' comes from 'Hackney', which was the town near London where the horses came from.
Wait wait WAIT!!! Santa Claus...isn't...REAL?!
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I hate to break it to you like this, but yeah. He isn’t.
Yeah, I'd be right there with Joe.
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I feel like most of us would, honestly.
This hits different in this decade. Well, the steadily, but not perpetually increasing amount of it we have so far.
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Yeah, I don't disagree. Certainly when I started writing this story, I had no idea what was to come.