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Admiral Biscuit


The King of Slice of Life

T
Source

A modern-day explorer gets his chance to visit Equestria, and writes down notes about the interesting ponies he meets and the stories that they tell.

Chapters (13)
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Comments ( 598 )

Wow that is an interesting sign that this is how the criminal element is in Equestria. When caught they do as they are told and don't try and fight it.

8588397
Ponies do seem to be generally quite law-abiding.

Fascinating. This will be fun to see where this exploration goes.

Support Your Local Bank Robber justice.

Sorry, but the jail is being painted. Can you come back later?

A cutie mark that explicitly presents a criminal act seems a bit counterintuitive for avoiding suspicion. Has Golden considered investment banking? :raritywink:

In any case, this looks like it's going to be quite the fun stranger-in-a-strange-land story. I look forward to seeing where you go with it.

Dan
Dan #6 · Dec 4th, 2017 · · · Joe ·

You following the new DuckTales?
As a kid I used to read my dad's old collection of Carl Barks comics from the '50s, and the little references they're adding in are brilliant.

Some actual archeologists and explorers have said they were inspired by the art in those old comics.
i.pinimg.com/736x/26/38/83/263883b9f96a01395665d27b2bd61a0c--uncle-scrooge-duck-art.jpg

Is this going to be as epic as silver glows journal ?

A moral dilemma. Does Joe suggest that she run away? With the way cutie marks work, it honestly may never have occurred to her.

Of course the robbery may have been nothing more than carrying a sack, wearing a mask, and telling the employee they are being robbed. Did she wait in the queue for her turn? Make small-talk with the other customers?

8588490

You following the new DuckTales?

No, afraid not. Never really got into the franchise, to be honest. Loved the comics, though.

As a kid I used to read my dad's old collection of Carl Barks comics from the '50s, and the little references they're adding in are brilliant.

Oh, yeah. Barks was a genius. Don Rosa does a really good job, too. If you haven't read The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck, you ought to.

Some actual archeologists and explorers have said they were inspired by the art in those old comics.

I could see that, actually. IIRC, Barks was pretty good at putting in actual facts and historical information wherever he could, and Rosa does the same.

8588412

Fascinating. This will be fun to see where this exploration goes.

Most likely off the rails pretty quickly, at least for our poor wanna-be anthropologist (ponyologist?). This story is an exploration of some of the weirder ideas and headcanons I've had, so. . . .

8588437

Support Your Local Bank Robber justice.

Bank robbers have needs, too.

Sorry, but the jail is being painted. Can you come back later?

I could totally see that being a thing in Equestria.

There's probably be a song, too.

8588458

A cutie mark that explicitly presents a criminal act seems a bit counterintuitive for avoiding suspicion.

Hey, a mare can't help what cutie mark she gets.

Has Golden considered investment banking? :raritywink:

TBH, sometimes that strikes me as less legit than just robbing the joint.

In any case, this looks like it's going to be quite the fun stranger-in-a-strange-land story. I look forward to seeing where you go with it.

It's gonna be something, I can promise that.

8588493

Is this going to be as epic as silver glows journal ?

Not even slightly. :rainbowlaugh:

8588507

A moral dilemma. Does Joe suggest that she run away? With the way cutie marks work, it honestly may never have occurred to her.

Well, it's probably more of a moral dilemma for Joe.

I could see being arrested on occasion being one of those things that happens when a pony has a bank-robbing cutie mark. Hopefully, they'll let her go with a slap on the fetlock.

Of course the robbery may have been nothing more than carrying a sack, wearing a mask, and telling the employee they are being robbed.

Well, yeah, she wouldn't have gone in there shooting up the place or breaking kneecaps or whatever. That's not polite at all.

Did she wait in the queue for her turn? Make small-talk with the other customers?

Of course she did. Probably told anypony in line that asked that she was about to rob it, too.

"What brings you out to the bank today?"
"Oh, I'm going to rob it."
"That sounds nice, dear. Good luck."

Manehatten Paddy Wagon is pulled by Troubleshoes cousin Clyde?

When Clyde throws the long arm of the law at someone, they generally dont realise they been hit, until they wake up in a nice white bed some days later?

Then theres Mr turnip, All Johnson, and One Big River? :trollestia:

I quit my job and sold my house and I even though every one of my friends said I was nuts, I didn't care. I'm sure that half the explorers back in the olden days had heard the same thing from their friends.

This is confusingly phrased, or at least could be a lot smoother.

"I quit my job and sold my house. Even though every one of my friends said I was nuts, I didn't care."

This makes a lot more sense and is a bit smoother, word flow wise.

And I wondered how many times Columbus had thought that, as he drifted off to sleep in his bed on the Santa Maria .

He was mostly wondering-hoping-he'd make a profit to ensure the queen and king of Spain didn't ruin him when he came back, and hoping he wouldn't die. Or have his crew mutiny.

Overall, besides being a risk taker and one for adventure in a new land, you haven't done much to establish this character as interesting. I get the feeling the experience will be the real selling point, but so far this view point character is rather bland.

Reading about Columbus, at the least, has him being contracted by the King of Spain and pursuing a goal based on false info, plus him being a minor lord who's had his request for an expedition to Asia rejected because most people knew the world was a bigger place than him all help make Columbus more interesting. This guy has none of that.

Then again, it's just the first chapter, but the first chapter is a time to make impressions, and so far Joe's dull.

This is going to be beautifully hilarious :rainbowlaugh:

I quit my job and sold my house (...)

I am not sure about that paragraphe, something about it felt akward to me, but I am not confident enough with english to really tell if something is wrong or if it is just me.

Anyway, as a whole, I loved that introduction. I could easily imagine myself doing something similar. Although I might hesitate to go as overboard as he did.

It's a kinda nice setup for both the tone and the universe.

Not the tone I was expecting, but hey! Sound funny. :pinkiehappy:

Ponies - Bank Robbing Made Adorable.

8588757

This is confusingly phrased, or at least could be a lot smoother.
"I quit my job and sold my house. Even though every one of my friends said I was nuts, I didn't care."

Yeah, that's a typo. I missed that one in editing. :twilightblush: It should have read "I quit my job and sold my house and even though every one of my friends said I was nuts, I didn't care."

He was mostly wondering-hoping-he'd make a profit to ensure the queen and king of Spain didn't ruin him when he came back, and hoping he wouldn't die. Or have his crew mutiny.

That sounds about right. Honestly, the first two explorers who came to mind (Captain Cook and Robert Scott) didn't survive their trips.

Overall, besides being a risk taker and one for adventure in a new land, you haven't done much to establish this character as interesting. I get the feeling the experience will be the real selling point, but so far this view point character is rather bland. ... Then again, it's just the first chapter, but the first chapter is a time to make impressions, and so far Joe's dull.

Honestly, he's not a very interesting character, and he's not meant to be. He just reacts to the things that ponies do, which is mostly silly bits of headcanon that didn't fit anywhere else in my body of work. Which I realize might not be the thing for everybody.

8588791

I am not sure about that paragraphe, something about it felt akward to me, but I am not confident enough with english to really tell if something is wrong or if it is just me.

That was me. I managed to mangle it and not catch it editing.

Anyway, as a whole, I loved that introduction. I could easily imagine myself doing something similar. Although I might hesitate to go as overboard as he did.

Some people would, and they're the ones that history tends to view either as geniuses or idiots, depending on how well their idea pans out.

It's a kinda nice setup for both the tone and the universe.

:heart:

8588702

Manehatten Paddy Wagon is pulled by Troubleshoes cousin Clyde?

Clyde is a very sensible pony, so he'd be a good choice.

When Clyde throws the long arm of the law at someone, they generally dont realise they been hit, until they wake up in a nice white bed some days later?

In Equestria, wouldn't it be the long leg of the law? :derpytongue2:

8588787

This is going to be beautifully hilarious :rainbowlaugh:

Just you wait. I've already got the next chapter queued up.

8588803

Not the tone I was expecting, but hey! Sound funny.

Joe is in for some interesting times, let me tell you.

8588832

Ponies - Bank Robbing Everything Made Adorable.

Fixed that for you. :heart:

8588834
Well that's disappointing. I think any character can be interesting, given some effort. And sure, Equestria's supposed to be shining weirdness here, but to not expand on his character somewhat seems lazy and a wasted opportunity to me. I'm all for Equestrian weirdness, but if I can have a quirky and/or interesting character to go along with? Then the journey is even better.

8588847

Fixed that for you. :heart:

:rainbowkiss:

8588857

Well that's disappointing. I think any character can be interesting, given some effort. And sure, Equestria's supposed to be shining weirdness here, but to not expand on his character somewhat seems lazy and a wasted opportunity to me. I'm all for Equestrian weirdness, but if I can have a quirky and/or interesting character to go along with? Then the journey is even better.

I probably will wind up expanding on him somewhat--after all, he is the narrator, and the bulk of the story is going to be told through his eyes. But Joe's not really meant to be the star of the show.

I think in some ways, you could compare it to what Studs Terkel did. While Studs was a character in his own right, his interviews with the common man weren't about him; he was just the guy who asked the questions.

Here's a link to some of his interviews.

It begins again!!

Comment posted by Dan deleted Dec 4th, 2017

About that picture, writing with a quill pen... I've tried to do that, and it isn't easy.
Ancient arts and skills, lost to history and all like that.

As for having a bank robbery cutie mark... Y'know that you don't have to take those marks literally, don'cha Golden Prize?

Dan

8588995
My sister is a PhD in Old and Middle English and could talk your ear off about the fading traditions of illuminated manuscripts.

I've tried to get her to read The Watchmen on several occasions.

You know, comparing himself to Columbus probably isn't the best idea unless he plans on doing some real kinky shit to the ponies.

I really want to give Golden a hug, just to cheer her up.

I wonder what the sentencing is like, does she just get a few days public service?

This is a concept I have been pondering a lot: Cutie marks as an inherent right of ponykind.

Ponies would try to accommodate for any criminal, self-destructive or obsolete cutie marks, while minimizing the havoc they might cause to society... even if that is not always possible. Still 'My cutie mark made me do it' would be a valid plea in any pony trial, as long as it can be justified.

First offense would probably be the day she got her cutie mark, and probably wouldn't have been caught later if the proof of her guilt wasn't stamped in her flank. It would be clear that her cutie mark influenced the crime, so the case would go to a special accommodation board, in order to find how that problematic mark would fit in pony society.

First, they would try to find an alternative, peaceful interpretation of her mark. If that wasn't possible, they would try to find how can the cutie mark be satisfied, while minimizing any possible harm to anypony. I would guess that, in Golden Prize's case, they would allow her to try to rob banks as long as she doesn't harm anypony, doesn't cause any havoc (Like a chase would cause), and if she returns the loot afterwards even if she were successful. As long as she abides to these rules, she would only get a slap in the hoof for robbing a bank, and maybe even a small stipend for testing bank security. I guess that her sadness in the chapter would be caused more by the fact that she failed to rob the bank, rather than the fact that she is being arrested.

I imagine the special reformation board as an asylum of sorts, where ponies with cutie marks that have been led astray, or that doesn't fit pony society, can learn how to fit in. Some cases would have standardized solutions, like thieving cutie marks, but others would have to be more of trial and error, and hoping for the best. And then there are the cases where they can't actually make them fit at all. Truly disruptive cutie marks, and the saddest cases of them all. If the pony's talent would be accepted in another society, they would be banished there. And if none would... I still ponder about that. Perhaps hibernation, in order to wait until their talent would be acceptable again. Who knows.

8588437
I can see that happening to Jailbird :rainbowlaugh:

(...or being proclaimed by Jailbird. He kind of runs that jail :facehoof:)

At least the guest room I stayed in on their side was nicer.

Hah, no surprise there.
Welp. Short chapter sucking me in. This is gonna be a ride.

Please don't make it quite as long as Silver Glow's journal, though. Still gotta get through that :twilightoops:

on my second day in the city, I'd ignored one and I'd only made one step into the street before I felt teeth in the back of my shirt and I had to endure an explanation of traffic signals from a young stallion. I would have blown him off, but he was so earnest.

Glorious :rainbowlaugh:

After the signal was in my favor

Hah.

I couldn't make much sense of her cutie mark. It looked like some kind of sack with a mask laid across it, at least that was the best I could figure.

Wait. What? :unsuresweetie:

“I tried to rob the bank.”

Goddammit, Biscuit :facehoof:

“and when the teller told him that I'd robbed the bank, he told me to go sit on the corner and wait for a paddy wagon.”

This girl needs some assistance from Flim and Flam, in the art of sleazy getaways, stat! :pinkiegasp:

For some reason I am recalling the plot to “The Invention of Lying” and wondering if Joe is about to start a nearly unstoppable crime wave by the simple mistake of asking her why she doesn’t just walk away...

Santa Claus isn't real.

Fite me irl.

8589388

Still 'My cutie mark made me do it' would be a valid plea in any pony trial, as long as it can be justified.

Um, no. In "Marks and Recreation" show stated that cutie mark can't force you to do anything nor it block you from doing things that not connected to your cutie mark.

8589622
Yes, a pony can do things not connected to its cutie mark, but a pony forbidden from using their cutie mark at all would be in a miserable state.

8589388
I like this explanation. She's got a legitimate place in society.

Still, that would mean she isn't doing her job very well if she just walked inside with bag and mask.

That cop will come back out, wrap a foreleg around her and ask, "Hey, what's wrong? Your heist are usually so much better constructed than that."

"I'm just not feeling up to it today." :(

"Awww, why's that?"

And they have a little heart to heart, cop and robber.

8589751
I doubt it. Keep in mind that some ponies don't even know what their curie mark mean! And not like they suffer that much. Or take DT and Coloratura who more or less work against her cutie marks for years and never have any significant problems. I'm sure that this "ponies who don't use thier cutie mark suffer" are fanon.

8589760
First, I certainly concede that this is all fanon. Still, the two examples you used don't actually contradict my fanon, as both of them were unhappy because they didn't actually follow their cutie marks. If you can point me to an example where a character doesn't use their cutie mark at all, and lives a happy and meaningful life, that would be the perfect counter.

8589792

If you can point me to an example where a character doesn't use their cutie mark at all, and lives a happy and meaningful life, that would be the perfect counter.

Problem is that A) pool of characters about which we at least know something are small and b) some cute marks vague as hell. If I say that Silver Spoon don't use her cutie mark and live happily - can you really debunk that claim considering that don't even knows what her cutie mark mean?

8589388
Actually, they have a cure for that now, even if it is kinda horrific... Starlight Glimmer's cutie-mark jarring spell. Then again chemotherapy ain't exactly fun either and we still use that, and if Starlight, Twilight and Sunburst can modify the spell so that it just leaves them blank-flanked (without the soul-crushing and magic-stealing effects of Tirek's spell), rather than reduced to the lowest common denominator, it might be an option.

I think there was a rapist several years back who requested castration rather than a long prison sentence. Don't think the request was granted, but returning a mark is a one time thing with no side effects that I know of, as opposed to testosterone patches which can't return fertility, are an ongoing thing, and may have other drawbacks I don't know about.

Come to that if Dash got older and less tough and got grounded for 6 months with shattered wings I could see her being offered that option by her doctor, just for completeness. Then Dash tells her Twilight has a contingency plan, namely Scootaloo teaching her hoof-propelled scootering.

Come to that that version might be an established, if obscure, medical spell, that Starlight created a variation of, either via research or the same uncontrolled type of event as dragged Rarity to the geode in her cutie-mark story.

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