John Allen Hammer (Don't call him Jack, please...) had a cruddy life.
And then he was brought to Equestria.
That doesn't mean that it is any less cruddy, though...
Now it's just pastel shades of cruddy.
Cruddy with ponies-ponies-ponies everywhere.
This is going to be just fan-freakin'-tastic.

As the elements were unleashed, the Nightmare knew it was over. But it would not let it's fun end. No, it would not be left behind. It would find another world to bring to ruin. As for the poor sap that was left in It's place? He was going to get blasted, what did it matter what he ended up getting from It?

Cover Image by NetherWalker

Realized there was no link, so I'm adding two, one here and one in the chapter. After the events of Don't Underestimate the Power of a Bored Mare , the juicy bits that I cant put in a T fic: Defining Love

Edit: I swear, half of you are uncultured heathens. The thing in the image with the Nightmare's hair is a substitute doll

Dear Princess Twilight,

Today we have encountered a whole new tribe of previously undocumented dogs. They are as dangerous as the wild plains dogs but are not as overtly aggressive. I know we had intended to study their plains dwelling relatives but this is too amazing an opportunity to let pass! If you could please send a secondary expedition, preferably escorted by guards that would be able to stay with us if needed, that would be wonderful. Please find enclosed in this packet my detailed notes and illustrations of the members of the pack that we observed today.

As always, your advice on how to befriend these dogs is greatly appreciated.

Your faithful subject,
Temple Scrivener

Doomie, like most of his brothers, hasn't eaten in a while.
So, when a random pink pony asks for him to "do her"
and intercourse love is the tastiest kind of love out there,
and the pony herself looks pretty pretty:
How could he refuse?

Author's diary: DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR diary. There is not enough Doomie pie fanfics out there....That is all.

If humans had a special mark that appeared on any part of their body proclaiming their special talent, Horace's would have been on his tongue. If there was anything he was good at, it was talking himself in and out of situations but with his current (and possibly permanent) stay in Equestria, he's been fighting a battle with the local language barrier.

Turning mute is looking really nice right about now.

AN/ I wrote this to get myself out a writer's block. I just thought you should know that.

Roma Vita! The battle of Teutonburg Forest was a disaster for the Legions, from which they took nearly seven years to recover. Many Legionaries went missing and were never seen again, so what if a small group found a way into Equestria?

Epona is a Gallo-Roman goddess of horses and riders and such..(to dispel obvious LoZ connection)

Unfamiliar surroundings, unfamiliar everything, really. Adaptation is key, ingenuity will keep you alive.

Natives that can't decide whether to like you or not? Okay. Survival in a new environment? Alright. Adapting to a new form? No problem. Blending into a new culture? ...maybe not so much.

Cover art courtesy of DiscordTheTrollest on DA.

Formally endorsed by john-117 and PeeBubble.
Character tags will be updated as story progresses.

So I got in a car crash and the hospital put me under for surgery. The next thing I know, I wake up as a small pony with wings. And I can't see. And it's freaking cold up here.

At least I've still got my smokes.

(Got the idea from the funny picture. Rated T for language and tobacco use.)

Ten years ago, the Griffon Empire opened a portal to a strange new world and tried to annex it. In the peace settlement that followed they lost control of the province containing the portal. Since then, the Griffonian Democratic Republic had been completely isolated, surrounded on all sides by a hostile empire. Now, for the first time, a visitor had been allowed.

Hi. If you're reading this it's most likely that you were also just out and about in the woods taking a stroll when you were suddenly taken off the beaten path. If that is the case and you're not just some monster that's wondering what this parchment is and if it can eat it, then please read on.

If you have continued reading and not eaten this then you've passed the test! Congratulations! Now I probably won't remember where I put this in the damn forest of Hell. I'll just begin by telling you two things.

One: You are not on Earth anymore. I found this out when I stumbled upon a dragon's cave. Yeah.... Not one of my best moments. Also two: I do know where we are. In the fuckin' magical land of Equestria. It was awesome when I just watched this at home, but now...I realize it's not some walk in the park happy, adventure time to have. It's a dangerous place where you don't know where Civilization is.

Anyway that's my two pieces of advice for you. I hope you can survive until I can actually see you. Good luck and godspeed.

This is a story about a guy names Mark Hampton that takes place at the beginning of the fifth season. He was just an ordinary brony. He liked the show, the people, and the stories. His life changed the one day he decided to go camping in the wilderness. Now he's stuck in the Everfree Forest surviving with skills and luck. May Celestia help his forsaken soul.

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