7:00 pm
Drip.
"Okay. So, like, after the princesses beat Discord or whatever, Equestria got so big that the barter system didn't really cut it anymore. So this stallion Goldenmane, he like, invented bits and told everypony to use them instead, and they totally did..."
Drip.
"...And some ponies started to get rich, and that's why today there are totally cool and fabulous ponies like me and Diamond Tiara. But the economy was super lame at the beginning because the winters were so bad that they, like, shut down Equestria for half the year. So that's when this Snowdrop--you know, who you totally look like? That's when she came along..."
Drip.
"And wow, we're like on Chapter 5 already. Let's...HEY!"
I snap out of my half-asleep stupor. "Huh? I'm listening! Who are we talking about? Goldensnow?"
"Ewwww! Look at that!" Silver Spoon yells. "Ew ew ew! I can not believe you totally drooled on my desk! That's an antique!"
Only the millionth time I've heard that phrase tonight. "Geez. Is there one thing in your house that's not an antique?"
"I don't know, can you spend one night studying without falling asleep like ten times?! No wonder you're flunking."
"I'm not flunking! I told you, I wasn't even in school before this. And it's not my fault your stuck-up friend took forever to leave. We started an hour late because of her."
Just my luck that the best student in Cheerilee's class had to be this kid. She's rich, spoiled, whiny...and Diamond Tiara, who she clings to like plastic wrap, is worse. Listening to their babbling was about as fun as a root canal, but it did tell me something about them. A, their families are the two richest in Ponyville; B, they both think they're really something; C, most of Diamond's relatives live in "Manehattan" (again, how different is this world really?) while Silver came from old money in Canterlot; and D, their main hobby and field of study is making fun of the "blank flanks".
"If you could just, like, pay attention, we would be on cutie marks and Equestrian culture already." Silver snaps.
"If you'd stop throwing 'like' and 'whatever' into every sentence, maybe I wouldn't fall asleep! God, are you boring."
"I could always send you to the second best student in class," Silver says evilly. "She lisps."
I know when I'm beat.
"...Just try to teach me something without saying 'like', 'totally', and 'whatever'."
She scoffs. "Whatever."
8:16 pm
"Uuuuurgh! I can't believe we are still here!" Silver growls. "This is so simple! Cutie marks show what we're good at and stuff. They're connected to our destinies! What about that do you not understand?!"
"Oh, I don't know, try everything!" I shout back. "I can't see! What do I care if I've got a snowflake on my ass? And how can you have a name related to your talent before your parents even knew what your talent was? And do I have to call them cutie marks?"
"Yes. And I should know. Diamond and me are totally cutie mark experts 'cause we're, like, special. She's good at making money, I'm good at preserving valuable things...I mean, let's face it, it's all downhill from there..."
I yawn. She's getting boring again. Is this night ever going to end?
"Ewww! Face off the chair! It's an antique."
9:48 pm
"Saddle Arabia. Gee, that sounds...familiar," I yawn. "Look, how many more countries are there?"
"Stop that. You're making me..." Yawn. "...Yawn. And there's like 40."
"Oh, the hell with this. I can't even see the map..." I roll over and close my eyes.
"Ew," Silver protests sleepily. "Stop falling asleep on my map. It's an antique."
"You're falling asleep on it too. Spoonbutt."
11:09 pm
"Ugh. Here. Mmmphll..."
"Mmmmrgh. Mwut?"
"Cuffergh."
"What?"
"Coffee! To keep us awake, and...fufflemmmph."
I take one sip and nearly choke. "Whoa! Damn. This stuff could wake up Celestia."
She coughs, too. "Yeah. It's Mom's blend for when she's up late restoring things."
"We probably shouldn't drink too much of it." My hoof is already shaking. I try to steady the cup for another sip.
"Ewww! Don't spill that stuff on the rug! It's an antique!"
1:05 am
"Okay, Silver...I think you've had more than enough coffee, all right?" I laugh nervously and hold the pot away from her. "We really should get back to the, um, tutoring."
Silver cackles madly. "Blasphemy! Bitter sweetness, sweet bitterness, nectar of the goddesses! Give me more. MORE, I tell you! I have powers!!"
Clanging and rattling noises...did she just climb up on that antique canopy bed she was bragging about?
"Do not defy me! I look down upon you like a...a thing looks down upon a lower thing! And I can flyyyyyy!"
"Don't!"
"Wheeeee!"
Maybe it's the caffeine, maybe it's me and Snowdrop intertwining even more. But I launch myself into the air, catch her before she hits the floor, and hover.
Holy shit.
"Y-you saved me," she blubbers at me. "I love you."
"Ew," I say.
W:TF am
"HELP! HELP!" I shriek.
"B-but I'm scared!" Silver Spoon cries over the blood-curdling squeals of the tentacled abomination that just grew out of her bedroom floor and is slowly but surely pulling me into its hellish maw. "What if it gets me too?"
"It's drooling on your antique rug!"
"DIE!" Silver rages.
"EEEEUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGHHHHH..." the disgusting monster's gurgles of agony will forever echo in my ears, but I wriggle out of its weakening grasp and huddle trembling in the corner.
We sit petrified for a time, hearing nothing more than each other's labored breaths. The creature seems to be gone completely, and when I reach out with one trembling hoof, the floor is solid once again. It was never there.
"What did you do?" I say finally.
"I stabbed it with my dad's antique sword," she says dully. "No blood, even. That's strange."
"Maybe you shouldn't have used your mother's antique dark magic book to teach me hoofreading."
"Whatever! It's totally the only touch-read book in my room. What was I supposed to do, go all the way downstairs and find another one?! Like, as if."
Another pause.
"Let us never speak of the tutoring again," I say.
"Agreed."
"Let us pass the night by listening to music on your antique record player."
"Okay. You like death metal?"
?:?? ??
"You know, fake Snowdrop," Silver sighs blissfully. "Every year of my life, I grow more and more convinced that the wisest and the best should affix our attention on the good and the beautiful. If you’ll just take the time to look at it.”
"You're some pony, Spoonbutt," I lean back benignly in the chair. "But that made absolutely no sense."