//------------------------------// // XII: Swamped // Story: ...And It's Freaking Cold Up Here // by TailsIsNotAlone //------------------------------// As if there weren't enough damn things to interrupt a man's sleep in this world...something keeps bumping into me during the night. Apples? A salt lick? Horseshoes? No idea. I even dreamed that something warm was on top of me, smothering me until I belted it with a hoof and it said "ow." At least I hope that part was a dream. Morning brings more headaches, and not just in the literal sense. Word from Ponyville, courtesy of Luna, is that the temperature there dropped another twenty degrees and snow is already falling. It’s a frigid winter morning in what should be mid-autumn. So far it's nothing I didn't see in Minnesota, but ponies will be in real trouble if things get worse and the Weather Team says they will. Even the balmy Everfree is chilly today. The place produces its own screwy wildlife and weather patterns, but it’s still being affected by the unstable atmosphere. We’ve seen so few signs of life since the timber wolf attack, Fluttershy thinks the monsters are spooked. And then there's the trees. We were able to pick our way through them before, but now...well, I'll let Twilight say that part. “These trees have drawn so close together that we’ll never get through them,” Twilight declares after several failed attempts to forge a path with her magic. “It’s like the Forest itself is going into hibernation!” Luna’s voice is grim. “That may not be far from the truth, Twilight Sparkle. I haven't seen the like of this since the ‘old’ winters.” I bite my lip. “You mean…” “Yes. Before Snowdrop’s time.” “It’s my fault,” I mutter, wincing from my headache. “I could have left a whole day earlier, and now look. We can’t even GET to the Castle.” Dash nudges me. “Don’t sweat it, kid. You did what you could.” “Quite,” the Princess agrees firmly. “Cast off this guilt, Mr. Jay. Given the circumstances of thy arrival in Equestria…there is little more anypony could have done.” Her regal aura is compromised only slightly by a massive yawn. Twilight told me she stood watch all night, when she wasn’t scarfing down jelly doughnuts. “Um…except, the real Snowdrop could have done something, right?” Pinkie speaks up from behind me. Bingo! “Perhaps my old friend had no choice. I have attempted to find her again in the dream realm without success. Still, do not lose heart; there is always another way. If we cannot reach the ruins by land, we shall reach them by water instead!” Dash is less than thrilled to hear this. “You mean we’re gonna go all the way around through Froggy Bottom Bog?!” “And then up the cliffs?” A.J. adds. “’Tis unfortunate, but necessary, young ponies. Even Celestia and I do not command the Everfree. I must take my rest now, but worry not; I will wake when my sister lowers the sun.” She collapses in the back of our cart with a loud creak. Nopony’s thrilled about the alternate route, but we quickly prepare to head out. I don’t complain. Hell, I would stop by Tartarus if they sold smokes there. I ate three more apples at breakfast and I’m tempted to have another, but I settle for lying down in the cart and trying to think about things that aren't cigarettes. “Oh no. Oh dear!” Rarity gasps as I’m moving my sleeping bag as far from the snoring princess as I can. “What’s wrong? I'm trying to relax here.” I growl. “Jay, I don’t believe it! This is the worst…possible…THING!” She sounds horrified. I stand up quickly. “What?! You forget your makeup or something?” “I completely forgot to give you your present before we left! I know it’s somewhere in this cart…" I stand there awkwardly as she starts rummaging through every bag in here. That’s the emergency? If she wants to give me something, I’d settle for peace and quiet. I step aside to give her more room and hear a squeak underneath me. Probably just the cart shifting under our weight. “Ah-ha! Here it is!” she announces grandly. “Um…here is what?” Rarity coughs with embarrassment. “Oh. I beg your pardon, dear. It’s a winter cloak! Just like the one Snowdrop used to wear. I followed Princess Luna’s specifications to the letter, including the…ugh…color.” “…Luna?” “Oh, yes. It was her idea, you know. Do you like it?” She lays the cloak across my back and fastens the collar with thick strings. Simple as it is, it feels comfortable and well-made. “It’ll do,” I swallow. “Thanks.” Rarity pecks me on the cheek and hurries to join Twilight in front of the cart. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Soon we're on our way again, but in a different direction this time. I feel gravity pulling at us a little more, so we must be heading down a long slope. The trees are a lot thinner where we're going; yesterday we took a dozen twists and turns to get around them, and today we're going mostly straight. I sit down, feeling much warmer in my new cloak, and turn in the direction of a slumbering Luna. I still can't figure out what this pony's deal is. One day she's pulling pranks and making my life hell, the next day she's playing nice. Is it the whole "alien intruder" thing that's bothering her, or some kind of unfinished business with the real Snowdrop? Sure, I'm the closest thing to Snowdrop that she has right now, but maybe she doesn't mind this Jay guy being around either. I shrug my shoulders under the cloak and lay down among the supply bags. I drift in and out of consciousness for a while; one minute I hear Twilight's instructions to the other ponies, the next I hear Jarvez calling signals out on the field. Weird comparison. Jarv's a lousy student of everything but the game. He can't remember a thing he reads from his textbooks, but he knows the offensive playbook by heart. Damn, I wish I was back there coaching again. When I've rested long enough, I sit up and throw back my head in a deep yawn. Unfortunately, yawning requires breathing. Breathing requires sniffing the air. And as I find out, sniffing the air requires a gas mask or a really strong stomach. It's god-freaking-awful. I guess Applejack hears me choking, because she calls back to me from the front of the cart. "You holdin' up all right there, Jay?" "I'm holding back my breakfast," I gulp. "What the hell is that?" "Ain't no swamp gas like Froggy Bottom swamp gas. Hoooo-ee! That'll wake a pony up in the mornin'." "Smells like the bottom of something, that's for sure. Hey Twilight, any chance you can make my nose disappear?" The magician is coughing a fair bit herself. "There might be something I can do, but I have to save my energy. At least until we get deeper in." The air out here feels thick and wet, like a sauna with no heat, and that really doesn't help. I've lost my appetite, but I figure I should still drink some water. I grope around in a bag until I find a canteen. Pulling the cork out with my teeth, I raise it to my muzzle. A very small vibration comes up through the cart and into my hooves. A few drops of water spill out of the canteen. I frown as I take my drink. What was that all about? The other ponies don't seem to notice it; they're still talking among themselves. Rarity sounds as grossed out as she can be without losing her composure. "Fluttershy, was it truly this bad the last time we visited?" Fluttershy sniffs the air curiously. It's like the smell doesn't even get to her. I guess it wouldn't after living with all those animals. "You mean, when you all came to check on me and we ran into that hydra? Now that you mention it..." "Time out," I interrupt. "Did somepony say hydra?" "I'm sure the smell is stronger now," Rarity continues, too deep in thought to answer me. "What could that mean?" "Probably nothing good," growls Rainbow Dash. Another sudden vibration, and this one is stronger. The canteen jumps in my hooves. "Guys, this is very interesting, but do you want to fill me in on that hydra thing?" "Cheer up, everypony! No icky-sicky smell is gonna stop us from getting Jaydrop to the castle!" Pinkie Pie declares. "You got that right," A.J. agrees. A third impact reverberates all around us. I nearly drop the canteen and scramble to put the cork back in. Can't anyone else feel that? "DASH! Monster! Nine heads! Explain!" "Huh? Oh, the hydra? It's got only four heads, but yeah, that thing comes trampling through here every once in a while. It almost got us the first time we ran into it. Especially you, right Twi?" "Yes," Twilight pauses, as if trying to remember the details. "If I recall correctly, it chased us all the way to the edge of a cliff. Fortunately, Pinkie Pie encouraged me to take a leap of faith, and we got away safe and sound! And to think I spent all that time doubting her Pinkie Sense." "That's okay, Twilight! I d-d-d-doooooon't b-b-b-b-blaaaaaaame y-y-y-y-yoooooou..." "Whoa, Pinks, what's wrong with you?" Rainbow Dash sounds a little concerned. "I dunno! All of a sudden I'm getting the shudders-s-s-s-s-s-s again..." Even Twilight is beginning to sound scared. "That means something big is about to happen, right?!" "Oh, yeah! A d-d-d-d-dooooooozy!" I cringe as a very long, low growl rumbles across the edge of the bog. "Um, guys...just out of curiosity, did this hydra happen to sound like a hundred junkyard dogs? And stink even worse?" "It sure d-d-d-d-did," Pinkie shudders again. "Why?" Tree branches splinter and break all around us as the ground trembles violently. "Oh, I dunno. Just wondering," I dive toward the side of the cart and start shaking Luna as hard as I can. "Um, Princess...I think we're gonna need your help here." She giggles and mumbles in her sleep. "What a tall, dark, mysterious male alicorn thou art...what? Thou desires to court Us? But We hardly know thee..." The ponies gasp and scream as more branches snap and the tremors come right up to the cart. "I don't believe it! What's that thing doing this far from the swamp?" Twilight cries out. "Maybe the mud got too cold for it to live in," Fluttershy squeaks in terror. I bend down and scream in Luna's ear. "Hey, PRINCESS LOONY! Wakey-wakey!" "GRRRRRRRRRRRR." I look up helplessly. I can feel the hydra looming over us now--way bigger than even the giant timber wolf, and way more dangerous. Its growls come from four directions at once; fitting, since it's got four heads. I am left with two options. Number one, stay in the apple cart and get killed; number two, try to escape by flying blind into the air and then get killed. Luna finally wakes up and makes the decision for me. "Jay! Do not move!" "Okay. Nice knowing ya." A strong bolt of magic whizzes right by me and the hydra roars in pain. A moment later the cart veers to the right and takes off at breakneck speed. I hear Twilight and her friends galloping along behind us, and the heavy footsteps of the hydra in hot pursuit. "Princess, it's too fast! We can't outrun it forever!" Twilight calls after us. "True. Twilight! The moment we enter the swamp, teleport yourself and your friends out of harm's way! I shall attend to this matter!" Luna orders them. "Jay, please stay back. I shall attempt to lure the monster into the swamp and strike it down." I blink in surprise. For once, she didn't use the royal 'We'. The cart splashes into muddy water. It gets thicker and messier as we go on. Next stop: Froggy Bottom Bog, Twilight's voice rings out behind me. "Okay, everypony! Here goes!" With a skin-crawling POP, Twi and her friends are suddenly nowhere to be heard. I guess they just teleported, because the hydra stops and growls in bewilderment. Then, as if reacting to the only target it can still see, it roars. Those heavy footsteps are heading straight for us now. "I go to engage the enemy. Stay down and you shall be quite safe," Luna assures me, and even as she flies off I feel her magic surrounding the cart--taking me a safe distance away, I hope. I'm shaking with fear and excitement as I stumble towards the back. That's when I trip over one of the bags and fall hard on the wooden boards. "Ow," I groan. "Owww!" something agrees. I freeze. "Who the hell is that? Luna? This is no time for one of your pranks!" The pony groans. I hear shuffling noises as she pulls herself to her hooves. "Hel-LO! Wake up, fake Snowdrop. It's me." Silver Spoon?! "You!" My eyes must be bugging out right now. "How the holy hell did you get here?" "It was, like, totally easy. I sneaked into the cart before you left Ponyville and hid in one of these dirty sacks. Eww." So she's the thing that was sleeping on me last night! "Jesus! You've been stowing away this whole time? What did you do that for, you crazy Spoonbutt?!" "Like, duhhhh! Because I never got the chance to tell you what my house looks like! Now that you're all alone I can finally do it," She takes a deep breath and launches into a very long description. "So the Silver family estate was built like two hundred years ago or whatever, in Canterlot right underneath Princess Celestia's castle so everypony could see how special we were. Five years ago my parents started saying I should be able to grow up in a small town for some reason..." "AAAARRRRRRGH!" I scream in disbelief. Is this foal freaking serious?! "I know, isn't that the worst? It's like they wanted me to be a common pony or something! But Diamond Tiara was moving too, and we were already the most special fillies in Canterlot so at least we could keep being special together. Diamond's so cool. I really miss her. So anyway, mom and dad just moved our whole house to Ponyville and rebuilt it brick by brick. Our mansion is sort of a silvery-gray and has, like, this classic Trots Baronial architecture with kind of a maredieval style or whatever. And we have three hundred different antiques because we own the most successful antiques business in Equestria. We're really special that way. On the north side is the courtyard with two dozen statues that are like really creepy-looking at night. On the east end is the garden where we have a bunch of flowers and junk. The west end is boring; the library faces that way. And on the south side is the main entrance where you came in for your lame tutoring session that we'll never speak of again..." I clap my hooves over both ears, but I still can't block out her super-annoying voice--or, for that matter, the battle cries of Luna and the hydra a good distance off. ("Have at thee!" ... "GRRRRAAAR." ... "Ha! Taketh that!" ... "UURRRRGH!" ... "Yikes! Release the Princess of the Night from thy odoriferous maw!" ... "BLAAAAARRRGH!" ... "Nooooo! Cease thy dizzying movements at once, you fiend!") That last complaint interests me the most, because Luna's magical hold on the cart is finally broken and I feel us beginning to move in a wide circle. "HEY!" I cut off Silver's seemingly endless boasting. "Make yourself useful for once and tell me what's going on with Luna and the hydra!" "Huh?" the spoiled filly sounds disinterested. "Oh, he's just spinning her around by her tail and making the whole swamp a big disgusting whirlpool." "...And, let me guess: the cart is going deeper into that whirlpool, taking us both to a muddy grave?" "I guess. Why?" "AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" we scream in unison as the spinning gets faster and faster, the circles more and more narrow. Luna is calling to me in a frantic voice but I can't make out the words. I grab Silver and try to fly us out, but the mud is already crashing down around us, soaking my wings and pulling us both straight down. I can't hear, I can't breathe, and I sure as hell can't swim. I hold my breath, but I know I can't last long as we are drawn inevitably to the bottom, swallowed into the sludgy depths of Froggy Bottom Bog. This sucks on so many levels.