VI: By the Princesses' Rule, Get Outta My Way
“Okay, little birdies…let’s try it one more time from the top. You’ve gotten so much better since we started. I know you can do it!”
My eyes open slowly, seeing nothing. I groan slightly and stretch…whoa. I’m lying on something much too soft to be the floor. Did Twilight put me back in her bed? How late have I slept?
“Here we go. Three, two, one: la la la la laaaa…”
Several high voices whistle after her in unison.
I turn to the left, and warm sunlight hitting my face tells me it’s late enough. That and the noises outside mean there must be a window. It’s Twilight’s room, all right.
“That’s wonderful! Oh, I’m so proud of you. I think you’re all finally ready to give your farewell performance before you fly south!” the pony outside the window says proudly. Whoever it is she’s got a nice voice, soft and light as a feather. She sighs. “I’m sorry. I should be more excited, but…it’s just so hard to see you go. The Running of the Leaves is always the hardest time of year.”
“I know how you feel, dear,” says an elegant-sounding pony with a vague accent that I can’t place. Sounds like something I’ve heard in the movies. “But just think how wonderful it will be when they return! I’m sure they’ll sing another song especially for you.”
“Winter isn’t the most excitin’ time of the year around the Acres, either,” a third female pony chimes in. This one has a southern accent. Her voice is full of warmth and strength. “But we gotta have it anyway. ‘Sides, Rainbow Dash might just need that much time to recover when I outrace her this year.”
The elegant one sounds amused. “Oh Applejack, must we go through this in every Running of the Leaves? Every year you two are nipping at each other like Canterlot and Manehattan, and neither of you quite manages to defeat the other…much less finish first.”
“I’m sorry, Applejack, but I think she’s got a point.” The delicate one chimes in meekly.
“Is that so? Well, I reckon I’ll just have to try even harder this time! I’ll get her right by the tail, just you wait and see.” Determination. Guts. Now that’s a pony I’d like to meet.
Their names sound kind of familiar. Sitting up and listening by the window, I hear the sound of hooves on the ground as the strong one gallops away. The other two ponies giggle among themselves.
“Seasonal ceremonies, adventures, even simple discussions. Must those two turn everything into a competition?”
“I think they enjoy it, Rarity. And if Snowdrop is really going to be there, it will be the most special Running of the Leaves ever!”
“Oh, Fluttershy, don’t tell me you believe those rumors! I think Pinkie Pie just saw somepony who looked like Snowdrop and got overexcited. Ponies do not simply come back to life, and besides…”
I sit up in bed and listen to their voices fade into the distance. The Running of the Leaves! Snowdrop said it was almost time, but I didn’t think she meant this soon. That gives me a few months at best to reach the castle she mentioned and make those snowflakes. Don’t know how I’m supposed to make them with just my hooves and my sense of touch, but maybe Luna will have a few ideas. What about Twilight? Can she really pitch in or was it just the temporary insanity talking? I’d better ask her right away. This is going to take a team effort.
I’m halfway out of bed when someone knocks lightly on the door. “Come in.”
“Hey, Jay. Good to see you’re awake.”
“Rainbow!” I roll over onto my hooves and stand up. “Hey, you’re not gonna believe what happened last night.”
“In a minute, kid,” Rainbow says over a strange muffled sound, like someone else is trying to talk but their mouth is covered up. “There’s somepony who needs to tell you something. Go ahead, Pinkie.”
Pinkie?!
I cringe and hold the pillow in front of me for protection. Here it comes. More trumpets, confetti in the eyes, and baked goods at maximum velocity. At least it’ll wake me up.
Just when I think I know what to expect in this world, it has to prove me wrong. There’s no flying cake batter, no band section, and when she does start singing it’s in a sort of loud whisper.
“Sorry sorry sorry, I thought that you could see
Sorry sorry sorry, about the loud party
Sorry sorry sorry, Pinkie sure feels bad
Sorry sorry sorry, I hope you’re not too mad!”
She blows a noisemaker. Softly.
Seconds pass before I peek out from behind the pillow. “Is that it?”
“That’s my apology song! Can we be friends now? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with cherries on top? Pretty please with cherries and whipped cream and sprinkles and nutmeg? Mmmm, that sounds good!”
She scared me half to death yesterday, but so did a lot of other things. Compared to waking up as a pony and nearly plummeting to my death, I guess she wasn't so bad.
“Fine, Pinkie. But no more of that damn welcome wagon."
A loud continuous squeak fills the room, building in volume and intensity. At first I wonder if someone left a teapot on; then I realize it's her. I duck behind the pillow again.
“WOO-HOO!” Pinkie explodes with joy. “I just love making friends! I got so excited when I thought you were Snowdrop coming back from the dead that I had to tell everypony in Ponyville! I guess I overdid it. But then Twilight told us it was all a mistake and I felt really sorry and now that we’re friends I get to throw you a Sorry-I-Thought-You-Were-A-Famous-Zombie Party! OH YEAH!”
I blink. "You're not like other ponies, are you?"
"I dunno," she sounds like she's never thought about it before. "But I sure like to make them smile!"
“A party is a cool idea, Pinks, but let’s wait until Jay is ready,” Rainbow says firmly. "He still has to eat breakfast. And do more of Twilight's funky tests. And take a flying lesson with yours truly."
I shiver. "Flying lesson?"
"Hey, you've got wings, buddy--like it or not. You gotta learn to use 'em sometime."
"But I can't even see where I'm going!"
"Hey, neither could the real Snowdrop and she was a great flyer! Twi said she was one of the best cloud movers in Old Equestria."
I hold up my hooves. "Well, I'm not. And I can't make snowflakes, either! I don't know how she thinks I'm going to do all this crazy stuff. The next time she needs an errand boy she can just pick one from her own damn universe."
"Um...Jay? Who are you talking about?"
"Yeah. Have you gone loco in the coco?" Pinkie giggles.
I sigh. Of course they wouldn't have a clue what I'm talking about. "It's a long story. Would you believe me if I said that Princess Luna visited me in my dreams last night?"
"Ooooo! I know!" Pinkie exclaims. "Then she told you you were her long-lost foal and the seventh Element of Harmony and she needed you to save Equestria from evil giant...um, zucchini!"
"Why zucchini?" Rainbow asks.
"Why not zucchini?"
"Well, how can zucchini be evil?"
"Have you ever met anypony who liked it?"
"Hmm...good point."
"It's not zucchini!" I snap. "Luna and Snowdrop told me I needed to go to some old castle and make more of her weird snowflakes or Equestria will be buried in snow forever."
Rainbow sounds unconvinced. "Yep. That's some dream, all right."
"I like the giant zucchini idea better," Pinkie adds. "Plus 'zucchini' is such a funny word. Like guava! Couldn't you just say 'guava' over and over again? Guava guava guava guava guava guava guava--"
I pull the pillow over my face and groan.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Well…it’s certainly an interesting theory,” Twilight says patiently.
I feel one of my eyelids beginning to twitch. “That's it? You believed me when you were spying on Spike and me last night!"
"Well, actually, I don't remember much about that," she says with a touch of guilt. "I was really tired, and I think I said some things I didn't mean. I'm sorry if I--"
"Never mind that. Look, Luna and Snowdrop stood right there in front of me and told me it was true! What, do you think they were screwing with me? Just invading my dreams for kicks or something?! I wouldn’t put it past Luna, but the ghost of Snowdrop did not come back nine centuries later and abduct my soul just for laughs! Hell, I don’t think that pony ever laughed in her life.”
“Jay, of course I’m not saying that,” she sounds as if she’s talking to a child. She doesn’t want to hurt my feelings, so she insults my intelligence instead. Beth did that to me too when we argued and I hated it. “I’m just saying that despite all the rumors about Princess Luna entering other ponies' dreams, it’s actually very rare. There have been many ponies who thought it happened to them, especially since she came back from the moon. But they turned out to be just regular dreams about Princess Luna.”
“This is different. I know it. I was standing right there in my real body, my human body, and she saw me! Now if you’re not going to help me I’ll just hitch a ride with Rainbow, go straight to Canterlot, and drag Luna out of bed myself!”
I turn my back (flank, I guess) on her and head for the door. Fortunately I’m not so pissed off that I forget where it is. That would be even more embarrassing than having to argue with someone in Snowdrop’s voice.
“Wait. You can’t!” At least she’s taking me seriously now. “You can’t even get into the castle without the princesses’ permission. Especially now, after the Changelings...well, I guess you wouldn’t know about that. But Changelings are--”
“Don’t bother. Luna told me what they were last night. 'Nasty little creatures they are. They canst steal the shape-est of anything they see-est.' That sound about right to you?"
For the first time Twilight sounds unsure. "Yes..."
"I’d never heard of them before. I didn’t even know what Princess Loony and Snowdrop looked like until then.” I whirl around, wishing I could see the look on her face. “So you tell me, Twilight Sparkle. How can I dream up stuff I didn’t even know? Because it wasn’t just a dream.”
I hear her shuffling her hooves, thinking.
“All right, Jay. If you really are sure, I’ll write to Princess Celestia. Spike?”
The baby dragon walks in from the kitchen, acting like he wasn’t eavesdropping. “What’s up, Twilight?”
“I need you to take a letter.”
Shuffling noises as he grabs a paper and quill. “Okay, go ahea…ahea…uh…uhhhhh…” He lets out an enormous belch that rattles the library windows.
I sit on my haunches and applaud slowly. “Dayum, Spike. Good one.”
“It’s more than that, it’s a letter,” he opens it up. “From Princess Celestia! Huh. What do you know?”
“You send letters by burping? How does that work?”
“Magic, dude.”
“Let me see it!” Slight buzz on my skin as Twilight opens the scroll with her own magic. “ ‘Dear Twilight, my most loyal and diligent student’…” She pauses and giggles indulgently.
“Get on with it!” I growl.
“ ‘I am writing again to inform you that your guest’s presence here in Equestria is no accident. My sister Luna tells me she has not only seen his true form, but learned of…an ancient prophecy by the late Starswirl the Bearded foretelling a disastrous winter in Equestria,’ ” Twilight continues in disbelief.
That sure is a fancy way to put it. If they only knew my ‘true form’ was a burned-out guy in his thirties coaching high school football.
“ ‘Please gather Jay and your friends and meet with us tonight at Canterlot Castle, and all will be explained. Your mentor, Princess Celestia’.” Twilight reads sheepishly. "Jay...I guess I owe you another apology. You were right, and you really are who you said you were."
Thank you Luna, I say silently.
Twilight squeals excitedly, rushes forward and puts her hooves on my shoulders. "Quickly! Tell me about your world again! I want to know everything! What kind of magic do you use? How many kinds of humans are there? The books--tell me about the books!"
Never mind, Luna.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I should have known: Twilight's other friends are the same three ponies I heard talking outside this morning. I wonder if there are any coincidences in Equestria.
"Oh my goodness," the shy one says in awe after the introductions. "It's true. You really do look just like Snowdrop."
"See? See? Isn't it amazing?!" Pinkie whoops.
I clear my throat uncomfortably. Blind or not, I don't like the feeling of being stared at. "Yeah, that's what all the ponies tell me."
"I'm afraid they're right, darling. Not even my makeup kit could do a job like that," says another pony. What was her name again...Scarcity? Nope, that doesn't sound right. Rarity--that's it.
"Well, let's put a lid on it. The filly says she's Jay, and that's that," the fifth friend says kindly. Now this one, I remember: Applejack. I thought about telling her that her name was a mixed drink in my world, but thought better of it.
Somepony--I'm guessing it's her--ruffles my mane with their hoof. I breathe a sigh of relief as they just miss the cigarette pack in there.
"Thanks," I mumble. "Look, you all seem really nice and everything, but are you sure you're ready for this? I mean, being friends with Twilight and Rainbow is cool, but we're talking about saving Equestria here. I don't think it's gonna be easy."
I wait through an awkward silence, and then...they all burst out laughing.
"What the hell is so funny?" I stare around blankly. One of the ponies gasps; I think it's Fluttershy. Strange that she's the only one who even notices the cussing.
"We're not laughing at you, Jay," Rainbow says. "It's just, about the whole 'saving Equestria' thing? We're starting to get the hang of it."
As Twilight launches into a crazy spiel about how she and her friends wield six magic weapons called the Elements of Harmony, I start to wonder if this was all part of Snowdrop's plan. No coincidences, indeed.
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Nice so far. I hopped that the magical destiny would take longer so we could get more of this amazing slice of life though.
Glad to hear my story inspired you to... whoa what? Sorry, I just got this massive feeling of dejavu...
I thoroughly enjoyed this, thumbs up.
I'm glad Pinkie decided to apologize to Jay/Snowdrop after scaring him. Also, I like the little random funny moment by Pinkie.
Also, I loved this part:
After the ponies do not believe what Jay said to them, Celestia's letter to Twilight reminds them that a serious matter is at hoof. Yay for Luna!
Hurray for updates! I cannot wait for the next one! Keep up the awesome work
On a side note I am eager to see Jay run out of Cigs, the idea just amuses me to no end 
5809029 I know what you mean. But even when the adventure really gets going, the journey will be at least as important as the destination.
Wait, Does anyone who smokes suffers from withdrawal when they no longer smoke? I wonder what happens to those persons?...
Good chapter. Also, thank you for not posting your new chapter as an April fools joke. I've already had two authors do that and I'm ready to start dishing out asskickings.
Too bad we're not going to be seeing any of it.
Odd. It was the cigarette count that got me to finally give the fic the like it deserves.
Six magic weapons called the elements of
That's hilarious!!!
I see why Jay would say that, but that's just so funny!!!
5809485 The Mane 6: we put the "harm" in harmony!
5809265 There is more than one way to see.
5809513 *Gasps* YOU STILL NEED APPLEJACK!!!
5809529 Fixed. ^^
5809555 Yay! ^_^ The elements of HARMony!!! Or royal piss-offery. ^_^
So they are just going to meet discord ?
Good chapter! Solidly looking forward to the next chapter.
I don't know of a mixed drink called Applejack. Are you thinking of the spirit, a blend of whiskey and apple brandy?
And the countdown has begun.
5809085
From a person who knows several persons who stopped smoking: It's very different from individual to individual.
Imagine a person who used to drink a strong cup of coffee every morning, at 3pm and in the evning, every day.
Now imagine that person waking up one morning, and there's just no coffee available at all in any way.
I have a feeling Jay will be that kind of character.
Let's hope they save Equestria before that happens.
5809745 So, he/she gets jittery?...
Sorry, I'm no smoker no coffee-drinker, so I have no experience in either...
5809766
I think Jay is one of those 
If you and I have the same definition of jittery, then the guy will be any thing but that. Maybe a little jumpy, and quite possibly very "morning grumpy," 18/7.
you know that coffee makes people more awake.
Usually it makes people more relaxed to smoke.
A sudden stop, and some become quite the opposite.
5809783 Aah... Ok... Thanks.
5809085 It differs very much from person to person, I don't smoke i use something called "snus."
Instead of inhaling it you put it in your mouth, if I don't get any in a day or something i don't get grumpy or sick. I just get hungry. After roughly 5 years of putting something in your mouth everyday, it becomes a habit. Hard to quit.
*Munches*
That counter has bad written all over it. I'm scared for when it hits zero.
5809715 Might've meant this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Applejack_%28beverage%29
5810109 That's why I asked.
5809085 It really is different for everyone, largely based on why you smoke. Developing a habit because of wanting to try it and finding you like it, not all that bad much like any habit. Stress smokers get angsty. I smoke to control darker impulses so when I decide to quit I get easily agitated, bloodlusty and have a tendency to act weirder than usual.
'Nasty little creatures they are. They canst steal the shape-est of anything they see-est.' That sound about right to you?"
Why did I read that in a Golem voice?
5811464 I think you mean Gollum. It does sound kind of like him.
THE DEUS EX MACHINA CANNON IS PRIMED AND READY!
5811609 My preciousesssssssss.......haters wants to takes it, my reads.....no, we must kills him!
I really love this story! Jay reminds me of my smoking, drinking, US Army, Tanker of an older brother. ^_^
Keep up the amazing work XD
Of course it might not succeed! Things are gonna get rough for our daring heroes once Jay runs out of cigarettes.
:D
Poor Jay he knows not what he's in for.
I read Flutters is Shy's one-shot. It was adorable and I definitely recommend it to those who enjoy this story.
Found a teeny mistake if you don't mind me pointing it out
A nice soft what? I'm assuming you want voice here.
5814404
Just add in any noun of your choice, and it will apply just fine.
The word you're looking for is "rump". (there are more 'correct' technical terms, but Jay wouldn't know them)
The flank is actually a part of the side of a horse - using it to refer to the buttocks is a common mistake caused by learning Equestrian from schoolfillies
cigarette count
shit's gettin real
5809766 my parents were heavy smokers and frequently tried to quit. my father would become incredibly irritable and hungry, lashing out at the smallest annoyances. where as my mother described it as a subconscious dull throbbing sensation in her stomach and head " hard to describe it really" she would often say
my uncle had it bad having constant headaches and hunger pains when he tried to quit.
and they we're going slowly, Jay's not going down a hill, hes jumping off of a cliff
Been occupied with many thoughts about Season 5, and Starlight Glimmer in particular, who refuses to get out of my head.
But stay close, Chapter 7 is almost done!
Um... I like zucchini... It's like drier cucumbers... Don't like pickles, though. Pickles are evil. Bad, bad, Pickles...
5834411
OMG! Good chapter. Well, not much happened, but it kept a better pace than most other stories I read.
I was kinda hoping we could here about Jay's flying lessons. Oh well.
Anyways, I love how you don't accidentally describe the surroundings.
Most stories that include blind characters tend to make that mistake.
5838107
My pickles pwn your zucchini, you evil-doer.
Jay is still young, female and blind, buck you Snowdrop!
5833181 You have to take into account that Jay is in a body that is not addicted to nicotine. The body of a 10 year old filly at that. He just keeps smoking out of habit to deal with the stress of the unfamiliar situation.
NANOMACHINES!
Jay, tell her nothing.
5838107
Hmmm, zucchini sliced, spiced, and fried in olive oil… <drools>
5809715
Applejack isn’t a blend of anything, it’s just American apple brandy.