A Fistful of Silver Cyanide
Mr. Cake was trying to get his baby daughter to kiss the silver dagger when someone opened the door to Sugarcube Corner.
Pumpkin Cake giggled.
Mr. Cake hid the knife behind his back, choking. He was just a human, after all, and humans weren't made for this. ”Oh, no,” he moaned. “No, no, no...”
And from the kitchen—which sat behind the counter—came his wife’s voice. “What’s wrong, dear?” Mrs. Cake said. “Please say it's not another monster?”
“Worse!” Mr. Cake whispered back. “It’s Pinkie Pie!”
Pinkie Pie waved at Mr. Cake, huge grin on her face. “Hi, Mr. Cake! Hello, Pumpkin!”
Pumpkin Cake waved back at Pinkie.
Mr. Cake gripped the silver dagger hidden behind his back so hard it hurt.
Mrs. Cake gasped. Pinkie Pie here already? But it was only three thirty! She still had to take the ice cream out of the freezer, and the apples for Sunset Shimmer’s apple salad weren’t ready yet—there was so much to do.
Plus, there was a demon horse writhing on the kitchen floor, trying to kill them all.
“Oh, dear.” Mrs. Cake looked at the demon horse. “Do you mind…? Aw, why am I even asking you.”
The demon horse was called a Demonicker. It had lizard-like scales, so sharp they cut the air and made a whistling sound. It was bound and gagged with silver thread.
“Well.” Mrs. Cake went to the fridge and took some apples out. “I might as well start.”
The Demonicker moved its lips, but no sound came out. Mrs. Cake had seen Cheerilee shove a fistful of silver cyanide into the Demonicker’s mouth to burn its tongue; that’s why they’d all survived. Demonickers killed by speaking your name.
Cheerilee was in the hospital now. Her fingers would survive the stunt, but only barely.
“You really are dreadful,” Mrs. Cake said. “I don’t understand why you monsters haunt these poor girls so much. They’re so young! What have they done to you?”
The Demonicker said nothing. Mrs. Cake could see the silver threads burning into its skin.
Principal Celestia and Night Light had tied up the Demonicker, but they’d only managed because they’d had a lot of help. From Vice Principal Luna, and Mayor Mare, and Big Macintosh, and of course Cheerilee, who had risked her life and also her fingers.
And Cranky Doodle, and Mrs. Harshwhinny, Cookie Crumbles, Windy Whistles, Shining Armor, Aloe and Lotus, from the spa.
Everyone who knew the girls got together every Wednesday and tried to help. They’d research the monsters and find ways to fight without magic, in secret, so the girls wouldn’t know.
Because the adults often got hurt by doing this, and nobody wanted Pinkie and company to feel responsible. They made saving the world look so easy, even though they were so young.
But of course, that was the whole point.
Of course, Mr. Cake thought, the one day he had to kill the monster—only blessed knives could kill Demonickers, and baby kisses counted, since they were free of all sin—was the day Pinkie Pie chose to arrive early.
Pinkie was playing with Pumpkin Cake, but she talked to Mr. Cake. “You know,” she said. “It’s so weird monsters never attack on Wednesdays!”
Mr. Cake was still hiding the dagger behind his back. “Oh?” he managed to say.
“Yeah! Monsters don’t attack every day, but they can attack any day, right? Except Wednesdays. I wonder why?”
Pause.
“Mr. Cake?”
“Hm? What? Oh!” Mr. Cake shook his head. “I don’t know! I’d never noticed. Is that why you always come here on Wednesdays?”
“Yeah! It’s our day off.”
“Well. That’s… good?” Mr. Cake bit his lip. “Hm. Pinkie Pie?” He hesitated. “Are you okay?”
Pinki blinked. And then she looked at Mr. Cake. “Huh?”
“I mean—in, in general?” He offered her a little smile. “You’re always so busy, you and your friends. Saving the world, and highschool on top of that—and your part-time job here! I just worry it might be too much.”
“Oh, no!” Pinkie’s eyes went wide as plates. “Mr. Cake! Are you saying I shouldn’t work here anymore? Please, don’t—!”
“What? No! No, no, no!” Mr. Cake shook his head. “Oh, dear me, not at all. We love having you in here. And the twins adore you. Isn’t that right, Pumpkin?”
Pumpkin Cake made a noise.
Pinkie giggled, and tapped Pumpkin’s nose. “That’s a yes,” she said.
“That’s a yes,” Mr. Cake repeated. Then he looked at Pinkie. “I was just asking because… Well. We do worry about you.”
“Aww.” Pinkie smiled at him, in that way she had that was sweeter than sugar. “Thank you, Mr. Cake, but I’m fine! Saving the world is fun!”
“Hmm.”
“I mean. It does get stressful sometimes, but I love my friends!” Pinkie shot Mr. Cake some fingerguns. “So it’s aaaaall fiiiiine.”
Mr. Cake frowned. “I guess. Isn’t it a little bit intimidating, though? Saving the world?”
“Ah.” Here Pinkie stopped smiling. “Well, sometimes Fluttershy gets a little scared. We’re there for her, but when we get two or three threats a day in a row, it, uh.” She rubbed her arm. “Sometimes it gets pretty bad.”
Silence.
Then Pinkie bounced back to life. “But!” she said. “We always win in the end! So it’s all fine. Plus, Wednesday are always monster-free, so we can relax then. It’s a pretty sweet deal, all in all.”
Mr. Cake nodded. “So that helps?”
“What?”
“Wednesdays being a day without monsters.”
“Oh, yeah.” Pinkie Pie nodded, and grinned. “A lot.”
And Mr. Cake grinned back. “I’m so very glad to hear that, Pinkie Pie. You deserve it.” He picked Pumpkin Cake up in his arms. “Now if you excuse me, it’s nap time, and Pumpkin owes me a goodnight kiss. I’ll be right back.”
“Okie-dokie!”
And Mr. Cake left, gripping the dagger and eyeing the demon, and he did what he had to do.
And that day, Pinkie and her friends had a wonderful day. Wednesdays were great that way.
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This story was, ironically, written on a Thursday. I would love to say it's because I'm genuinely that hilarious, but tbh it's cause I am very bad at reading the calendar.
Does that even count as a murder when you really get down to it? I wouldn't prosecute that case.
I feel this'd count more like pest extermination. They should get a payment from the municipality for all the work they're putting in.
11252853
I admire your dedication to your artistic vision such that you didn't just replace "Wednesday" with "Thursday" in the story.
In any case, every good superhero/magical girl team needs a good support staff. Wonderful to see these girls are fortunate enough to have one.
(And I'm shocked to see Twilight Velvet isn't mentioned. I'm sure that woman loves slaying monsters.)
Thank you for a lovely balance of bloodcurdling and heartwarming. Best of luck in the judging.
Heartwarming. I assumed the Cakes were planning some sort of cult business, indoctrinating Pumpkin in some strange ritual using the knife, but this is much better. They are good as good guys. It's good to see the secondary characters trying to take up the burdens of the mane seven as best as they can. I also appreciated the pun of demonicker. Moniker, nicker. Very nice.
What's this? A new entry from our esteemed Señor Aragon? Just a few moments...(readreadread)
Whoa. Oblivious Pinkie is Blissful Pinkie. (...didn't want to call her Ignorant Pinkie. That has a pejorative context.)
Yknow going in I wasn't sure if the "feelgood story" line was a joke or not, but this was legitimately heartwarming. Good luck in the contest!
Where can I find more art like the cover pic?
Adorable -ignores the trashing of a demon bleeding out on the floor-
You know how peeps recognize a Super Trampoline story from the title? I read the last sentence of the description and immediately knew this was your doing.
11252960
not quite the same, but read his comics he posts as blog posts! They make me supremely jealous of and attracted by him!
I mean, a Wednesday is nice to break up the week. So thank you adults for killing monsters on an inconvenient day!
Genuinely nice, heartwarming even -- especially when they're opened. This is very sweet of them all to give them a break regardless of what it requires.
Would a demon horse crossing over into Equestria through the portal become a normal demon?
Totally went in a different direction than I thought it was based on the first sentences. A very nice one.
Oh this is gonna be good.
Wait, what?
Oh. That's, unfortunate. Wait, Silver cyanide is a thing?
Huh. That's, oddly wholesome.
I like this. I REALLY like this. You excel at screwball comedy, but, I think the most interesting part of your works is when you let the characters have, well, human, moments like this. To show they're not complete sociopaths.
11253303
Yup. Cyanide is pretty common, and it can exist in a bunch of different salts. Same with silver.
Huh.
Yes, this is, delightfully, a feel-good story that centers around an impending murder.
But I think the truly astonishing thing here is that Aragón was able to successfully restrict himself to telling a complete story using only 1,000 words.
The main characters shouldn't be forced to do everything themselves.
Huh.
Excellent story. Apparently it takes a village to help superheroes.
This story was everything it said on the tin, in perfect balance. Beautiful job!
It's sweet that the entire community comes together to help out the girls so they can have at least on stress free day! That's the Magic of Friendship for you..wacking monsters to help out your friends!
Aw, this really was heartwarming. The adults banding together to give their heroes just one day off per week, in silent thanks for all they do.
Greetings. Your reading has been completed and can be found below. I hope you enjoy.
11253094
How did I know that I would find you in the comments?
Howdy, hi~!
Absolutely adored this. It's so sweet that they do this for the girls and it hits that perfect blend of comedy and tenderness that was an amazing read. Thank you so much for this one~!
hehe, can guess what the silver dagger is for! blessed with the kiss of a baby, perfect
augh i remembered how good you were at whimsical worldbuilding in Resting Witch Face, and this is yet another great example! great pun on "moniker" too, that took me a second
augh, love this filling-in-the-blank of what the adults in their lives are up to when the literally teenaged girls are risking life and limb for them
love this worldbuilding!
perfect dark comedic timing, and heartwarming, too! it's a fun blend of elements that don't normally go together
and that is what it's all for in the end! it's just so wonderful to see the effort do the good they hoped, augh
really loved this piece! it's great to see a story that takes seriously the idea of these characters living in a Society, or in this case, a community. that the girls' lives are somehow not at all impacted socially by their very open magical adventures make so much more sense if this is something deliberately cultivated for their sake by those around them, instead of the world around them somehow not being aware of what they're doing despite everything, which is how the canon material seems to treat it.
wonderful stuff, thank you so much for writing it!
11296828
I'm like a shittier version of circa 2013 Regidar.
11253617
True. They're only teenagers after all.
This is the only time where I will accept murder. Good.
Hello! Have a review. As I said there, this setup would be a mess in many hands. Good job you're not many hands! A story full of the brutalities of that world that is also truly heart-warming, well, that's great stuff. Faved! Congratulations on the Gold Medal, too!
Very nice, this is a pretty cool concept. I've recorded myself reading it and should have an audiobook version done soon.
Aragon was gracious enough to give me his blessing to use the creature from this story in my D&D game. HERE are the stats I came up with. I will probably re-edit and provide a different version of this that kills instantly instead of taking several rounds to do it once it learns a name.
The encounter proved very rough due to my over-estimating how strong I should make the creature, but at least it got the players thinking a bit.
I just FINALLY finished the third session (PLUS a skipped session) that the encounter took, so I am posting this here before I forget. Please forgive any errors the late hour has caused.
This is... very oddly wholesome and sweet. I like this. Fimfiction needs more stories like this.
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!